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My Unfortunate Konji Experience - Literature - Nairaland

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Unfortunate Pleasure By Ayis Eliboy (2) (3) (4)

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My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 10:20am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode One

May God continue to guide someone in this sardonic and perilious times..

I was jejely sitting in my room thinking of whether its kuli or groundnut that is more nutritious to drink my garri with for dinner,when this rain started....

Body no be firewood..Body started doing me somehow and there was no light as the cold entered my Body.......i login into Nairaland to make use of the various cossy and halima the virgin boobs and cleaveages thread but as i moved to get the vaseline i would be using , i noticed the expiry date....

The vaseline has expired just two days ago and is now hard on the human hand and smell somehow.... What a bad luck..

I didnt have money to Go to any Call girl or brothel as i never even see food chop and no money to buy new vass..

I quickly borrowed credit from my sim2 on my sony ericsson and called one of the hood girls,an ss3 girl i was teaching CRS lessons for WAEC..

I whined her head and since it was not the first time, she knew the drill and stated that she will soon be on her way...

12 Likes 7 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by youngest85(m): 10:24am On Aug 15, 2016
smiles
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Mediapace: 10:29am On Aug 15, 2016
Iyanu a sele

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 10:37am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode 2

It was around 5pm this time and my plan was that, pata pata, we spend one hour and she will quickly return back home before her mother comes from the shop...

It was not the 1st,2nd,3rd or even fourth time this would be happening as the girl was a very good and obedient student both in academics and the other SALIENT AREAS..

Luckily for me, even if i dont have a dime at home, i am never wanting in terms of sex enhancing drugs as i knew anytime, any of this babes may come visiting especially lanicky , my side chick Rokiatu and the rest...

I two 3 tablet trams and Refnol..I took one bottle of alomo from the packet in the kitchen and moled the cannabis i hid inside the curry and thyme container....

My protection pack was also ready.

When it was 6pm and i didnt get any msg from her... I called her and she narrated that she missed me a lot and that she was waiting for her mom to come so she will lie that she is going for night vigil and come over to my place for marathon D- eliverance from me...

Of course, i was more contented with the Plan B... Night vigil it is... I went back and took another alomo bottle from the packet......

8 Likes 8 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Perfecttouch(m): 10:43am On Aug 15, 2016
Oga u better come finish wetin you start o cos u don come again be that. Which dept u even finish from in Unilorin?

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by goodmorning40: 10:51am On Aug 15, 2016
Oloriburuku somebody

1 Like

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 10:52am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode 3

By around 8pm, i had bought one hundred suya as refreshment with the last 100 naira with me.....After the suya, she can now take the SUYA.... smiley

All my body was already Way Up and i was restless...i tried this girl number close to 7 times,she didnt pick up... sad

Haa....you better dont let the devil use you sad

By 8 30 when i was close to invoking thunder to strike her,she finally picked the call, i tried to be as calm and diplomatic as possible... Probably she was at my gate already or close to my house....

Where are you, have been calling you since forever ?

Am sorry, am at home

home Funny you... ...are you not coming again ...?

I doubt ... Mum said i cant go out for the vigil or anywhere today....maybe tomorrow but i cant make it today..

Ehn.... sad ?

Am sorry., i dont think i can make it......

Haa,you better make it ni oo...i shouted angrily at her... '

If you dont make it today ,you cant make it in life again..

Pls..pls pls pls oo.. Why the curse .....? I said tomorrow..if the thing do you, find your sister do am with.. mtcheww....-


shocked

and that was how this small girl that i can give birth to.,insulted me and ended the call,leaving me and my destiny in a vulnerable and life threatening condition .

17 Likes 7 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 11:05am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode 4

If i didnt chook something that night, it means i would die.... ... Yes... it is almost as certain as drogba scoring in everymatch against arsenal and as certain that jackie chan can never do a yoruba film..

I wore all the 5 trousers i had and rushed out to see if i could borrow money to visit any brothel but nobody was ready to give...

The other person i could call, this yeye girl had wasted all my airtime and i couldnt borrow.
.
Everybody started looking attractive to me... If any male friend had visited me at that time, i might have landed in prison for Gay related offence..( but where do they take gay offenders to ?, i hope its not with oda gays ? If u put a gay prisoner with other gay prisoners, is that imprisonment or honey moon sad ? )

.....:,....................................................................
I started walking around aimlessly..i met two girls on the road .,i approached them and begged them to please allow me to ( NBC ) them...they all ran away thinking i was a mad man or rapist sad..

I was determined to rape someone that night..i was at the house not too far from mine when a four year old girl walked out playing....

It was around 9 30 this time and i wondered why she would be left alone to play in the showers of rain that time...she suddenly started looking attractive and imaginary breasts started developing on her...

Bad thoughts and ideas filled my mind... Nobody would know....i was not thinking right at that time ., my Toroto was doing the thinking...

I was about luring the girl away when i heard a familiar voice inside...it was grandma ,,,,she do send me on errands once in a while and i guess the little girl is the one staying with her....

14 Likes 6 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 11:18am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode 5

i think the grandma own will still be more pardonable than the girl when people read it on newspaper...

Am so sure i wasnt thinking right ..

...i suddenly started wishing i had a sleeping pill to drug her with...

I told the girl to continue playing while i tip toed into her grandma's room...

Whether it was the devil ni o, or the alcohol,or the drugs i took, i dont know....

I entered the room and met grandma sitting and arranging a plate of amala dudu and egusi on the table for herself and the child...

I grabbed her from behind and warned her not to shout.......perphaps because i was not a professional criminal yet and i was a bit scared myself, she recognized my voice and called my name....
.
I didnt even think to that aspect that she would know my voice...

I told her to shut up or i cut her throat....by this time, my *** was already chooking her back.....
.
My son, dont do this ...its been twenty four years....my son..

My heart wanted to stop but the flesh didnt...

Shut up...i shouted...

Is it only by pouring gin on the floor and sacrificing hens that we must serve our ancestors.... Am serving you my ancestor now.....am doing you a favour by lubricating every jammed bolt....

I already moved the trousers down and remove grand ma wrapper smelling of shea butter and dry paper...

Next i removed the rubbish thing around her waist which she was putting money inside, leaving her tattoed waistline to bare.

I was about placing the final touch when the stupid and useless PHCN brought their light and a male mature voice that was suppose to be sleeping shouted " UP NEPA"

I could hear his footsteps walking towards the room and i suddenly jumped up and escaped through the window..

Ase i don forget my one and only handband inside the room ...

I ran as far as my legs could.... By the time i got home,it was then i realised the gravity of what i had done... I suddenly became calm and All my body wey stand don fall....

I locked the door behind and prayed no one comes chasing after me... First thing tomorrow morning, i must leave this place and maybe after some time, go and apologize to grandma..

I prayed to God to have mercy on me... Infact, i no see the sleep sleep throughout sef...

8 Likes 6 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 11:39am On Aug 15, 2016
....:..............................

The issue of Rape is becoming Rampant this days....We hear of rape cases everyday..

Some blame it on the ladies indecent dressing....what then do we say in the case of the rape of a 4 year old girl or that of a woman of over 70 years ?

The part of the man has to be examined...sometimes the conditions a Man put himself brings him to sin...

If you are not sure your partner is coming,why harm yourself with sex enhancing drugs ?...

Or better still,why not abstain from sex ?

You can have konji but you dont have money to visit brothels....why carry out this evil acts to vulnerable children and helpless Old ones...

If you cant control ur urge ,why expose yourself to sexually arousing materials ? ......

You have little kids around you, yet you are getting drunk..... Your househelp is wearing revealing clothes, you too you are watching porn ?



Why not orient urself abt other ways to satisfy self than resort to rape ?.... Why not self-service yourself to death than bring trauma and pain to our future leaders and our ancestors ?

Say no to child molestation... Say no to Rape and defilement....

....


What penalty can really work to deter rapists from this evil act they perpretrate in the society ?

46 Likes 9 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 11:52am On Aug 15, 2016
Episode Finale...


I started packing a few things to escape the next morning when i heard knocks and shouts from my neighbours...

By the time i came outside,

behold !!!

Grandma in an aggresive mood , she had started raining curses on me in her native tongue,

the little girl who i guessed identified me as the last person that entered the house,

a guy who i guess is the neighbour and one who shouted up nepa ...he was holding my handband as evidense and


two officers of the nigeria police force with strong akpu faces, ak47 that can shoot anytime and then steel handcuffs.....

Are you so so so so...

Yes ... I replied vibrating and shaking like fowl inside water as all my neighbours were already outside in wrappers, towels and shortnickers... Awon alaroye and the guardian newspaper........sad

it was just 7am in the morning...

I was trying to ask for their search warrant when i was donated two slaps by the officers... The slap made me to start wondering if they were just policemen or SARZ..

I was still being handcuffed and telling my neighbour,importexpert to call my innocent mum and Dad to inform them of the matters arising when the girl i was teaching CRS barged in...

She came in with her Mum, her DAd holding a cutlass,her brother and two other Soldiers were kobokos ...

Where is that your CRs teacher?...the dad asked in alex usifo voice...

'thats him .....the girl pointed to me., crying and shaking....

I didnt even bother to ask what has happened...

I no say my own don done...


The End



written by Classcaptain...

Business -check signature...

Cc lalasticlala

36 Likes 9 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Nobody: 12:04pm On Aug 15, 2016
grin grin

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Teniolasmart(m): 12:18pm On Aug 15, 2016
this would surely make front page.....................i need likes sha

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by SweetieConstie(f): 12:23pm On Aug 15, 2016
Chai!! grin grin Nice story... Quite interesting! cheesy








I do wish some of these guys who can't control their sexual urges but rather resort to sexual molestation of innocent females could read and learn... undecided




Thumbs up, Classcaptain! Nice write-up! smiley

3 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Temihatz(m): 12:27pm On Aug 15, 2016
FUNNY AND EDUCATIVE cheesy cheesy cheesy

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by GoldenBoi111(m): 3:06pm On Aug 15, 2016
Classcaptain, Abeg come take this award grin...
Nice and educative story..
Guys should learn how to control themselves but this Konji thing at times ehn cheesy
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by RaDaZaBaNa(m): 3:14pm On Aug 15, 2016
ClassCaptain:
....:..............................

What penalty can really work to deter rapists from this evil act they perpretrate in the society ?

i think the death penalty is not a good option for Rapists...

They should be Castrated..

They should see a woman they want, and feel nothing... That way they will realize the evil of what they have done...

Rapists are devils...including the husbands raping their wives.....

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by RaDaZaBaNa(m): 3:16pm On Aug 15, 2016
Nice work once again, Classcaptain....

Cc lalasticlala

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Itzurboi(m): 3:17pm On Aug 15, 2016
Classcaptain, The Sky Is Just The Starting Point, Greater Height Bro
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Cunninlinguist: 3:41pm On Aug 15, 2016
Nice one classcaptain. Never a dull moment with you
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by samzysam: 3:47pm On Aug 15, 2016
A Rapist is a murderer,,,if he does nt kill the body once, it does it slowly...

What do rapists stand to enjoy sef from an unwilling partner ?

And those fathers who raped their daughters or men who sleeps with minors ?... I rather pray for death than engage in that disgraceful act..

Rapists shld be shot in the head.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by toonzay(m): 3:56pm On Aug 15, 2016
Nice story
but what of the ladies that rape guys ?.....and take advantage of kids....
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 4:11pm On Aug 15, 2016
goodmorning40:
Oloriburuku somebody
yes rapists are oloriburukus number one....
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 4:57pm On Aug 15, 2016
Cunninlinguist:
Nice one classcaptain. Never a dull moment with you

thanks bro
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by armadeo(m): 6:09pm On Aug 15, 2016
Make i drop here into FP tins.


Modified.

This guy is gifted.

I would pm you for an epic story I am coming up with. Shocking story. I am still cleaning the bolts and nuts.

Time doesn't give me allowancento try and be creative as writing is a task drawing from the unknown into the known.


I would need some funny aspect to the tale.

2 Likes

Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Dinocarex(m): 6:39pm On Aug 15, 2016
Nice one
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 6:44pm On Aug 15, 2016
RaDaZaBaNa:
Nice work once again, Classcaptain....
Cc lalasticlala
thanks boss
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by succyblinks(f): 7:14pm On Aug 15, 2016
ClassCaptain:


yes rapists are oloriburukus number one....

Class captain plz send me a Pm plz i beg
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by khennykhay(m): 7:33pm On Aug 15, 2016
Military Zone keep off, trespassers would be sanctioned
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 7:53pm On Aug 15, 2016
armadeo:
Make i drop here into FP tins.


Modified.

This guy is gifted.

I would pm you for an epic story I am coming up with. Shocking story. I am still cleaning the bolts and nuts.

Time doesn't give me allowancento try and be creative as writing is a task drawing from the unknown into the known.


I would need some funny aspect to the tale.

anytime boss.. It all depends on the inspiration...

Saw a disheartening rape story today and i penned this one down in 15 mins...

Anytime broda...
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by ClassCaptain(m): 7:57pm On Aug 15, 2016
SweetieConstie:
Chai!! grin grin Nice story... Quite interesting! cheesy








I do wish some of these guys who can't control their sexual urges but rather resort to sexual molestation of innocent females could read and learn... undecided




Thumbs up, Classcaptain! Nice write-up! smiley

thank you....
Re: My Unfortunate Konji Experience by Dygeasy(m): 8:52pm On Aug 15, 2016
cheesy grin cheesy LMAO


ClassCaptain, you are a fool!! !

1 Like 1 Share

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