Please What Do I Do? - Family - Nairaland
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| Please What Do I Do? by jc173(f): 9:54am On Sep 03, 2016 |
I got married in 2014 to a caring, loving and God fearing man but before then I have different suitors seeking for my hand in marriage, there's this particular man who is from my home town, the parents are rich and my mum sworn I most marry him,with time I noticed that this guy in question is too pompous, because then I was in owerri and his based in lagos so we only communicate through calls, atimes when he calls he will start asking me if I have hot legs? Hope I party? Hope I can dance in public? And many more, when I make my investigations I found out that his problems where women, I became scared because I never grow up with my dad (he got separated from my mum after my birth), so I was hoping to marry a man who will love and take care of me, who I will spend the rest of my life with after seeing what my mum past through. When I told my mom about the guys character she said there's nothing wrong with it that I can change him when I got married to him and for the fact that the guy is from my town, the parents is rich and his is the first son of the family makes him the perfect husband for me, when I told a friend about it she advice me to be careful that marriage is forever thing, that money isn't everything, I had to tell this guy that am not interested in his proposal,,,after 3 months I met my husband,at first I never liked him because his 10 years older than me, but when time goes on I find out that he's so caring, and God fearing, he doesn't have any single problem any body's wish is his command, my mum doesn't like him because his from the neighbouring town and he hasn't build his own house yet in the village. Ever since I got married to him my mum has been insulting me indirectly, comparing me With my cousins and friends who got married from my town, whose husband's has build houses in the village and drive different cars.. Now am getting tired of the insults, when ever she says all this things my heart boil and am beginning to regret my marriage (that I should have married the other guy so that my mum will be happy) please what do I do? I have a son. Please note that my husband is not a poor man, he feeds well, cloth me well paying for 3 bedroom flat and a car. But the problem is that he's not from my town, he hasn't build his own house in the village, he doesn't stay in Abuja rather Asaba here and that he's ten years older than me |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by whirlwind7(m): 9:57am On Sep 03, 2016 |
Nothing else for you to do, other than to grow up! Geez! You think like an adolescent. Your mother is clearly the reason behind your unhappiness. You need to "woman up" and cut her off, at least temporarily, until she regains her senses. Sorry to say this, but she was clearly trying to do some gold digging through you. Now, I wonder why your father had to get away from her! She doesn't care about your feelings one bit. Imagine telling you that there's nothing wrong with the other man she wanted for you being a womanizer, and that you can change this quality of his after marriage! That's a ton of bullshit right there! Your problem is, you keep seeking for her endorsement. But she got other plans. It's your life, not hers. It's your marriage, not hers. It's your happiness, not hers. Clearly, her morals isn't screwed on right. Keep her away from you, or remain perpetually miserable. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by byvan03: 10:01am On Sep 03, 2016 |
Are you a child? What will happen if you don't pick her call? Tell her that you have had enough of her insults and you prefer not to hear from her again. I don't see why I should keep in touch with someone who lacks regard for my family . To even think that you sometimes regret because of her insensitivity shows you are too immature mentally. Obviously your mum wants you to have the kind of life she had, use your head! 8 Likes |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 10:03am On Sep 03, 2016 |
Op don't mind your mum and continue doing what makes you happy, your happiness is everything. One day, everyone is going to die, when your mum dies you will be left with who you get married to till you die and your mum's happiness won't matter at that point.  it's your life not your mum's life, you're not marrying your mum but a man who you will spend the rest of your life with (For better or for worse)  1 Like |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 10:04am On Sep 03, 2016 |
byvan03: 1 Like |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 10:07am On Sep 03, 2016 |
Op your mother is annoyingly selfish, she doesn't care about your happiness but only what she wants.  Op try and think for yourself unless people will take advantage of you including your mother |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by tosyne2much(m): 10:34am On Sep 03, 2016 |
CrazyQuinn:hmmm |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by tosyne2much(m): 10:48am On Sep 03, 2016 |
Wisely said whirlwind7 and byvan03.... OP, I don't know if I should say that you're suffering from "immaturity" or "insecurity"... How could you allow someone toil with your psychology and you decided fold your arms doing nothing just because you feel she's your mom.. The fact that someone is your mother doesn't mean that she can't lead you astray. If I were you, I would patiently wait for the day she will push me to the wall and I will tell her point and black that she would mind her own business and avoid derailing your home 1 Like |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 11:06am On Sep 03, 2016 |
tosyne2much: |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by lilmax(m): 11:06am On Sep 03, 2016 |
I don't see how something inconsequential like this should bother you |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 11:12am On Sep 03, 2016 |
When Jesus wanted to raise Jairus' daughter from the dead, he shut out every distraction, by telling the mourners to stay out. What I advise in this case is for you to do as my Master did. Shut out your mum's voice. Yes, shut it out. Have a sit down with her, and tell her how you love her so much. But then, tell her if she doesn't out an instant end to the nagging, you would have no choice than to become distant from her, as her nagging is causing you a lot of stress. Put on a very strict face while at it. Tell her the decision is more about you and your need for a normal BP, than it is about her. Add that you would continue to take care of her and honour her, but that you would out an end to any communication link that give way to the haggling. Hopefully, after the conversation, she would change. if not, do what you have to do. 2 Likes |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 12:00pm On Sep 03, 2016 |
whirlwind7: I totally agree with you... |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Nobody: 12:14pm On Sep 03, 2016 |
Just how could you? To begin with, I think you're highly insecure. No one should put up with anything that takes away his/her joy...You shouldn't, not from anyone at all, even your mother. You're married and that's it...there's no going back. So, the best you can do for yourself is to do away with anything that threatens your sanity. If you keep listening to your mother's wailings, you'll begin to feel miserable and begin to regard your husband as less of a man. You'll find yourself enduring, rather than enjoying your marriage... .wishing for things you shouldn't wish for. You were lucky to have found out right on time that the other guy is a womanizer. A man who's ready to take life and commitment seriously doesn't prioritize hot legs and whether or not you can party. Really, you should be grateful for dodging that missile. Love and appreciate your husband. He doesn't have a house built in his name now doesn't mean he won't have that tomorrow. For now what matters is that he loves you and is faithful to you... And is meeting up with his responsibilities. |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Ghost21(m): 1:07pm On Sep 03, 2016 |
Your mom actually wants you to go through agonizing marriage as she did, life is too short! Carefully cut her off, but watch the distance in other not to put her in body bag. |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by stitcheD(m): 1:22pm On Sep 03, 2016 |
There's a reason your parents are separated and I think if you are not careful you'll toe the same path. Everything is not about money. If he loves you then it's all worth it. 1 Like |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by placeofallure(f): 6:14am On Sep 04, 2016 |
My candid advice for you, just listen to and take action on everything whirlwind7 has told you, shikena! |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by Chubhie: 6:49am On Sep 04, 2016 |
In addition to what all the beautiful handsome ladies and gentlemen above me has rightly advised, I add that you keep an open mind and be not discouraged.You and your husband can still build houses in the village,relocate to Abuja and then win your mother over. As observable as your mother has been a source of negativity to you and family, don't cut her off or take permanent decisions on her. Play to your advantage using distance since you guys are not in same city.Use out of body and mind rule on her. Do this subliminally and wane her gradually. She's your mother hence,deserves to be understood by you.She was only looking out for your best interests projected through what she experienced. You've shown amazing character by negating and going against her advice through your will power which I commend you for. This one's for you----You must start building your inner self in ways that will bring out only your brightest highest personality that will be of benefit to yourself,husband,family and society. You must start learning how to be a good manager of your husband resources and learning to offer him all the morale,spiritual and otherwise motivations he needs to shine.Remember,you guys have to build your own home. Your husband is caring,loving,God fearing and at your command! Most women envy this your position! Look to this bright side and draw strength inspiration and motivation from. Call your husband sit down together plan and execute the most sizzling scintillating blueprint ever.I'm rooting for you guys to 're locate'to Abuja,build houses and win your well intentioned mother over.She has suffered and also deserves some hugs. All the very best. |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by sisisioge: 7:02am On Sep 04, 2016 |
whirlwind7: Nothing more to add! |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by thorpido(m): 7:08am On Sep 04, 2016 |
Whirlwind7 has spoken well.If not that she's your mother,I would have told you to ask her why she couldn't keep her marriage. You need to woman up and take charge of your life.Let your mom know it's your marriage and you need to li ve your life.She obviously wants to use you to enrich herself but that won't work. |
| Re: Please What Do I Do? by omoelesa(m): 7:35am On Sep 04, 2016 |
This is the kind of story that makes ibos die like chicken in foreign land.No wonder, Emeka would rather perish in Indonesia than enduring things.Methink ibos need to change their mentality about money. |
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