TooNoisy:
Let us assume your story is true which I doubt though.

My advise is that you continue to send money for now. You need to build yourself up and watch your wife's behaviour. You need to be sure she has changed and she must apologise to your family.

But you seem like you also use women. You married a lady only because she is rich - a very bad sign. You seem like a gold digger. Now you are in love with another girl that can assist you with money and file your papers.

You are still married to your wife so you are cheating. A sin before God. And within 5 months you are already madly in love. You need to come out clean with your plans cos in Europe that new girl can mess you up big time.

Face your kids for now okay. You have serious issues to sort out with yourself. Your wife is not the major problem here. You are.

TooNoisy:
Let us assume your story is true which I doubt though.

My advise is that you continue to send money for now. You need to build yourself up and watch your wife's behaviour. You need to be sure she has changed and she must apologise to your family.

But you seem like you also use women. You married a lady only because she is rich - a very bad sign. You seem like a gold digger. Now you are in love with another girl that can assist you with money and file your papers.

You are still married to your wife so you are cheating. A sin before God. And within 5 months you are already madly in love. You need to come out clean with your plans cos in Europe that new girl can mess you up big time.

Face your kids for now okay. You have serious issues to sort out with yourself. Your wife is not the major problem here. You are.

Ginaz:
Sorry to hear about your family problem though, the poster above me sha, you doubt the story is not true yet you're giving advise.

Back to you Mr O.P, everything I could understand from your write up is that your wife is a bad woman, she's terrible, she's manner less, she's rude. I got to see that from the way you painted her to be.

She's the one with all the whole faults in the marriage, O.P ain't you yourself flawed too Didn't you do something out of character, or your wife is the devil in the marriage and you're the angel?

Between two people, one only can't be flawed, between two people, one only can't be perfect. You did some bad stuff too you're not admitting cos your mind just don't wanna accept the truth that you wanna do everything possible to leave the marriage.

You're taking the wrong way out of your marriage, by sinning and committing adultery therefore bringing more problems to yourself.

The truth is,you're no longer in love with her, all this your story is just for sympathy. You stopped loving her a long long time ago, the love is dead on arrival.

There is just one option for you O.P, divorce your wife since you no longer love her and live your life, marriage is not by force. As for the children, it won't do them good growing up to parents that doesn't love each other anymore so don't tell me that crap of ''I love my children". Do you know how it feels like seeing your mother and father fight and quarrel everyday? . Let me tell you, it destroys the heart of a child beyond emotional repair.

Both of you would be doing the children a very good job of separating and sparing them the trauma. Then you can go and marry your girlfriend you so much can't live without but remember, she will soon show you her true colours and will become a devil just as your wife has become also.

And I also have this last option for you, forget your girlfriend, end the relationship and come back home to your wife and work things out one more time.

Looking at a coconut one would think it won't break except it's hit hard with a stone. Don't ignore your problems, solve them.

barackodam:




I think you're getting it wrong ma'am.

he isn't a gold digger, he already said he'd foreseen this and caution his parents, but twas his parents and friends who pushed him into marrying her.

also, it's very much possible for him to fall in love with the white lady in that five months because he's already fallen outta love with his wife long ago. while he's married to his wife, his emotions were already single. paving way for him to love someone else.

OP, advise is that give your wife a second chance, not by going to see her now, but trying to see how long she can continue the lovey dovey. it's a two way thing.

1) she could truly have changed and want you back. she's prolly realised she's done you bad and wants to make amends.

2) she's lonely, no one to bark at, no one to yell at, scold, nag etc, she's missing her bossing you around part and can't wait for you to come back so she continues.

even though I want to believe it's more of number two, it could be number one also. so I'll advise, hang your feelings for Oyinbo for a while, and see how madam would react upon your return.

take care

gregvash:


thank you Ginaz.
I respect your opinion. I am not trying to justify my actions either. I will not also say I had no faults. of course I also made my mistakes by letting the trauma get the good side of me. Because since I was no longer sexually attracted to her, I tried masturbating, of which she saw me one day and immediately called her mother right there and also informed some members of her family, and we all know how human minds work. Even when I tried talking it over with her she refused listening and even informed the pastor about it. It resulted in me keeping an affair outside, which naturally made it worse, as I could get heat at home and be consoled outside. I listen to other men talk about their marriage issues and decisions they take as a man, even when theirs is far far less than what I experienced. There was a day she displayed her true self before my pastor, and the man called me privately and said "Please no matter what happens to you, never take anything from that woman or ask her for help"..It was so obvious she wanted me to be her tom boy while she rules.
The least thing I ever prayed for was to cheat on my wife when I ever get married. and it was my fears that turned out to be reality. As for my kids, I always feel a deep cut inside when they see us quarrel, I never hit her and most times I just walk out quietly without saying a word with many yell words raining behind him. I would have long ran away, but I tried to be patient just because of my kids. Then the worse happened, after she left my house before my return, she denied me access to my kids. Then my parents advised that I go get a life since I was llosing everything.

jopretty:
I can only imagine what you are going through. In as much as Christianity abhors divorce, the Bible clearly states that it's better to stay on the roof of a house that live in a house with a troublesome woman. I believe your wife doesn't really understand what marriage is all about and her vows at the alter was formed at the tip of her tongue and without meaning to her. My candid advice is you tell her you can't live with her again cos of her character and you need time to get your mind settled, then watch what her reaction will be and her nxt move. And again, pls 'fall out of love' with the other woman and work on this issue. And by the way, have you communicated with your inlaws? Since they took her in the first time (which they weren't supposed to do) I bet they know their daughter and the things she can do. Lastly, it's only a foolish woman that'll disrespect her husband because she's older than he is. Once a man marries you, whether you're 20 or more yrs older, just drop it at the doorstep before entering his house and see him as your lord, master and ruler of the home and stay humble. My one cent though.

gregvash:


Thank you so much. I stopped talking to my In-laws when I first reported her calling me Gold Digger Issue to them, and they laughed at me saying they were watching me to know the real motives behind me marrying their sister and daughter. According to the mum "If the purpose you marry my daughter is because of our wealth, then you have failed".. Sorry to say, all my wedding gifts, I never saw any of it as her family seized it saying it was their tradition and I never fought over it. I am not perfect but at least I have always known the value of Empathy and so I am careful with anyone's feelings

gregvash:
But her words and encouragement have brought me out of my depression and made me more focus and firm.

Wingback:
Pvssy ass Niggas like you annoy me.

Your family bullied you into marrying a rich spoilt brat? Who's suffering now? You or them

People need to realize Family is forced down your throat, whether good or bad.


Oh well OP, "FORGIVENESS is not to be given to KARISHIKA"-Robert Mugabe.


Your wife just wants to use, divorce that Hoe...I mean cmon isn't it obvious you have more to gain, Old men get married to lovely women all the time, can't say the same about old women.

She was practically abusing you in the marriage and you self, where's your masculinity? A lady bullying you because her family is rich.


NAUSEATING NONSENSE!

gregvash:


Thank you Barack.
I totally agree with your number 1 point. But many times I thought that way and gave in, it always resulted to number 2. Even when she had left the house, we would not talk for days despite we were in the same state and few miles away. When I would make attempt to meet with her, I will realise she enjoys it that way. Knowing who she is with many experiences I so much scare to fall victim to number 2 over and over again.

gregvash:

Thank you so much. I stopped talking to my In-laws when I first reported her calling me Gold Digger Issue to them, and they laughed at me saying they were watching me to know the real motives behind me marrying their sister and daughter. According to the mum "If the purpose you marry my daughter is because of our wealth, then you have failed".. Sorry to say, all my wedding gifts, I never saw any of it as her family seized it saying it was their tradition and I never fought over it. I am not perfect but at least I have always known the value of Empathy and so I am careful with anyone's feelings

I talked to the pastor who prophesied the marriage and he advised we got a divorce and it shocked me. Because I trusted so much in his words and recommendations to marry her but now he is asking me to do the unthinkable. I left the church to find a solution to our

keepingmum:
Mr Greg clap for yaself oo.

You didn't want to marry a lady who you can't subdue yet you followed the money trail .....but it's your wife's fault. She pretended. She bribed your family, it's all her fault.

You resigned your job because U were underperofming but it's your wife's fault.

Wife gave u capital to set up a business which was ur responsibility to run. U ran the business down and out.....but it's all wife's fault.

U stopped sleeping with wifey but it's wife's fault

U were caught masturbating bmwhilst denying ur wife sex but it's wife's fault.

U then started an affair whilst in Nigeria, but it's wifey fault for u committing adultery.

U left 9ja for the abroad and within 5 months have found ya soul mate, the Ying to ur yang, the beautiful goddess that leaks ur left nyaaannsh and sleeps on the floor of ur feet: the one u can subdue and control. You now need validation and support from nairalanders to go ahead and divorce ur evil wife......abi? Continue committing adultery u hear. It's not even upto 6months u left the country and u r already cheating on ur wife. But it's OK, it's ur wife's fault.
She made u commit adultery. She made u listen to a dodgy pastor who prophesied the marriage and is now also prophesying divorce. I hope ur dodgy pastor has also prophesied marriage to ur new lady? I hope he will also officiate at ur new wedding o?

It is everybody's fault but urs. U my friend, are a lazy, gold digging, child hustler.

What have u done to ear the respect of ur wife? Have u kept ur vows?

Carry on oh, by the time ur obodo oyinbo princess finished dealing with u, ur story will be worse than Stella oduah's and her ex husband.

keepingmum:
[s]Mr Greg clap for yaself oo.

You didn't want to marry a lady who you can't subdue yet you followed the money trail .....but it's your wife's fault. She pretended. She bribed your family, it's all her fault.

You resigned your job because U were underperofming but it's your wife's fault.

Wife gave u capital to set up a business which was ur responsibility to run. U ran the business down and out.....but it's all wife's fault.

U stopped sleeping with wifey but it's wife's fault

U were caught masturbating bmwhilst denying ur wife sex but it's wife's fault.

U then started an affair whilst in Nigeria, but it's wifey fault for u committing adultery.

U left 9ja for the abroad and within 5 months have found ya soul mate, the Ying to ur yang, the beautiful goddess that leaks ur left nyaaannsh and sleeps on the floor of ur feet: the one u can subdue and control. You now need validation and support from nairalanders to go ahead and divorce ur evil wife......abi? Continue committing adultery u hear. It's not even upto 6months u left the country and u r already cheating on ur wife. But it's OK, it's ur wife's fault.
She made u commit adultery. She made u listen to a dodgy pastor who prophesied the marriage and is now also prophesying divorce. I hope ur dodgy pastor has also prophesied marriage to ur new lady? I hope he will also officiate at ur new wedding o?

It is everybody's fault but urs. U my friend, are a lazy, gold digging, child hustler.

What have u done to ear the respect of ur wife? Have u kept ur vows?

Carry on oh, by the time ur obodo oyinbo princess finished dealing with u, ur story will be worse than Stella oduah's and her ex husband.[/s]

freecocoa:
OP, while I understand that your wife may be a horrible person, you should learn to take responsibility no matter how small, after all, there was no gun to your head to marry her, especially knowing all you claim to, prior to the marriage, haba!


Anyways, I'd say give your wife a second chance but your mind is made up, seeing as you are already in love with someone else, divorce her instead of just keeping her there.

crackhaus:

You do realize you're condoning abuse by that statement, right?

If this guy were to be a violent man who ended up beating his wife over those issues he laid out, I don't think most of you will commend him.

freecocoa:
Which abuse? The woman dey beat am abi wetin? It's like I missed that part o.