crackhaus:

Bingo, you're predictable cocoa.
I honestly wanted you to type that line in bold to make a point to everyone else that would read this.

It's really nothing new that most of you women will never see anything you do as abuse until someone resets your brain with a strong slap to the teeth... this is when the whole street and extended family will hear the matter.

Now go read the OP again, this time try to identify what classifies as abuse...many women like you seem to think physical abuse is the only type of abuse in marriage.

For your mind o, you can't tell a joke when you see one now abi? Duh!

I'm supposed to just swallow everything the OP wrote hook, line, sinker like he is an invalid or dumb person that never gets a word in, during all their argument or what?

I don't remember saying his wife did nothing wrong, reason why there was the divorce suggestion, if he's sure he's no longer interested.

freecocoa:
For your mind o, you can't tell a joke when you see one now abi? Duh!

I'm supposed to just swallow everything the OP wrote hook, line, sinker like he is an invalid or dumb person that never gets a word in, during all their argument or what?

I don't remember saying his wife did nothing wrong, reason why there was the divorce suggestion, if he's sure he's no longer interested.

Na today una begin ask for the woman's version of the story anytime a male brings an issue here?

There's this one person on this section with 'xy' in her handle that always asks for the other side of the story every darn time the OP is male..check out, I kid you not.
But once the OP is a female, the story suddenly doesn't require the husband's version then she & the rest of you will start firing on all cylinders.

Like clockwork...Hehehehehe

As regards the violence, she is very violent.
I cant lay the injuries, because many people would say I am weak,
But thank God I never reacted. Maybe, I would be serving a life Jail sentence.
My properties were not also left out, damaged car windscreens and all that.

freecocoa:
Which abuse? The woman dey beat am abi wetin? It's like I missed that part o.

crackhaus:

Bingo, you're predictable cocoa.
I honestly wanted you to type that line in bold to make a point to everyone else that would read this.

It's really nothing new that most of you women will never see anything you do as abuse until someone resets your brain with a strong slap to the teeth... this is when the whole street and extended family will hear the matter.

Now go read the OP again, this time try to identify what classifies as abuse...many women like you seem to think physical abuse is the only type of abuse in marriage.

In as much as there are generally all kinds of abuse, physical abuse can never be equated with verbal abuse/psychological abuse by law.
There is a reason for that.
Walk away if you're being psychologically abused, or verbally, which the Op has done.
The moment you decide to start hitting your spouse or using machetes on them, you've finally become crazy, and should be locked away, from normal human beings.
This isn't even just between couples alone. Even if a stranger insults you, you have no right to hit him. Just walk away. Violence is not the answer

crackhaus:
Dude if I was you, my marriage to that woman would be so over in my mind—even if we don't separate/divorce physically, I'd be mentally detached from her by all accounts.

However, to keep yourself from being tagged an adulterer, you should divorce her...but make sure you continue taking care of your kids and be involved in everything concerning their upbringing.

Your wife didn't misbehave because her family is better placed in society than yours, she became that way simply because she is older than you. Don't get it twisted!
As much as people these days try to act modern by fire by force and recite the saying "age is just a number"... the truth is, that statement does not apply to Nigerians, don't let no one deceive you.

In Nigeria, age is everything but just a number.
We dey carry age for head, including the phony ones that feign exposure.


TV01 your attention is needed here...food don ready

What can I say?
I never advise divorce. This one sounds bad, but healing and reconciliation is possible.
Brother is far from blameless and his initial weakness is the genesis of all his woes. Men, get it right going in!!!
Why second guess yourself, or cede your manhood to others? Blaming parents, pastors, etc. doesn't wash even if true
A mans burden is performance - with no respite or leeway. When I get it wrong, it's my fault, when my wife gets it wrong it's my responsibility

If he takes her to Europe, there the real possibility of his wife taking her alleged madness into overdrive and completely finishing him. How will he know if she's truly repentant? But being away from her family with him having more authority may help?

A return home to first verify and establish things there may jeopardise things in Sweden? There are kids involved, they come first. Forty days and 40 nights situation. This one needs God, not His messenger .


TV

^{...not sure the age difference is the main factor, many have no problem with it. I think it's more her character and background.}

gregvash:
Now the word "Gold Digger" was what got me very infuriated from the beginning. I was never interested in the fact she had money or whatsoever, I was not doing badly on my own, as any reasonable woman would appreciate all I had achieved at my early age. And as regards the new girl, she is also a Nigerian, not rich, never given me a dime, so in a natural sense there is nothing I am taking from her. But her words and encouragement have brought me out of my depression and made me more focus and firm.

So you are offended by the word Gold-digger? Why? That's what you are nah . . . you and your entire family. I mean how can you marry someone who lies and disrespects you? Tell me, if your wife was from a poor family, will you tolerate all the insults and lies and still go ahead to marry her

Why a full grown man will lay back and accept disrespect from his wife, even on their wedding day is what I don't get. No doubt, the incentive here for you was her wealth. She was rich, so you told yourself you needed to be docile. Well you were WRONG. Men are meant to lead for a reason. Give a woman a leadership role in the home and she will go power crazy. And of course, he who pays the piper dictates the tune!

It sucks that things didn't turn out the way you thought, right? Your wife probably got irritated with always having to give hand-outs to you and your family, always having to be the major provider, always being the one EVERYONE depends on for financial support . . . Even the sanest woman will go crazy under such circumstances.

When I said I wanted to marry a man wealthier than me, people called me a Gold-Digger . . . Thanks God I stuck to my guns.

Water seeks it's own level . . you had no business marrying into that family in the first place. You should have gone for someone in your own social circle if you weren't greedy, Now it's all falling apart, don't come here and pretend like you weren't in it for the money.

And then you went and quit your job . . . . . . Lazy much The one thing you had, you willingly gave it up because things got a bit messy? And yet you wonder why your wife resents you big time!!!

You claim to have been doing well for yourself before you met her, what changed then? I'll tell you what . . . . You got lazy because your didn't think you needed to work so hard. You finally married into some good old money and suddenly all your problems are over. If you were doing as well as you claimed, why would your parents see the need to force you into marrying her because of the hand-outs she gave them

Now you are latching onto a poor defenseless girl, you want to burden her with the responsibility of dealing with a messy divorce, a baby mama and 2 kids.

Mr. man . . . . . leave your wife if you want to, but please let that young girl be. Build up your life alone and learn to stand on your own. Don't drag someone else into this mess you created.

Hey dude, the truth is, only you can understand what you are going through. Many will offer an advise that if it were to be them, they won't follow it.

Mistake 1: you saw the signs you still went ahead.
You sacrifice your life for your parents image n reputation.

Mistake 2: quitting your job.

The worst mistake of all, going back to that marriage. You are too young for those troubles. Since u were doing well, u would have married a humble, even if not educated respectable woman n mold her into what u want. If you die from high blood pressure, she will move on without you.


Move on now, don't worry about your kids, my cent though

TV01:


^{...not sure the age difference is the main factor, many have no problem with it. I think it's more her character and background.}

Her background and character definitely calls to question here, but I think the main issue here is the OP.

He is lazy and dependent. Why would he quit his job

I always tell people that women are not meant to be major bread-winners in the home. We are all for supporting and helping out when a man is down, but a woman looking at a lifetime of paying bills, while the man goes about doing God knows what is definitely going to get frustrated.

She may think she can handle it, after-all "money is not everything" . . . . but the reality is that she CAN'T. Most women who go into such marriages often have no idea what they are getting into

I've seen this happen a number of times, and when reality starts taking it's toll, the women are often castigated as being over-bearing because the are wealthier . . . but who wouldn't be? What woman will gladly sit back and let her husband (and his family) depend on her without losing it

That's why men need to cut their coats according to their sizes when getting married. All that glitters is NOT gold!

This is the kind of multiple problem you keep creating when you refuse to tell the truth to yourself. You are not a single man. You are a married man as such you don't get to date and plan your future with another woman when you are still in a monogamous union with another woman.

You choose and live with the consequences of your actions. So a divorce is entirely your choice as is the adultery you are committing not because your wife is so and so but because you cannot live up the consequences of your marriage.

I hope you take time to be by yourself and think this well so you make a choice that is entirely yours no sweet lady egging you on to leave your wife.

What kind of people are these? Jeez! And you let them do that? I'm sorry to say you encouraged this and now it's become too much for you to handle. You let them take your wedding gifts? That's the height of it. I'm pissed at you dude.
I don't like when people let others walk all over them.

Leave her let her family marry her. All these stupid in-laws that don't allow their kids to have a happy marriage.

gregvash:


Thank you so much. I stopped talking to my In-laws when I first reported her calling me Gold Digger Issue to them, and they laughed at me saying they were watching me to know the real motives behind me marrying their sister and daughter. According to the mum "If the purpose you marry my daughter is because of our wealth, then you have failed".. Sorry to say, all my wedding gifts, I never saw any of it as her family seized it saying it was their tradition and I never fought over it. I am not perfect but at least I have always known the value of Empathy and so I am careful with anyone's feelings

honestly its really sad cos I can tell u are in need of help. I just wish u didn't marry then, I wish u pursued ur dreams and travelled. even when u saw d first signs, I wish u withdrew. if u make d mistake of telling ur wife u are moving on, be rest assured she will receive enforcement from her family to ensure u loose ur kids. she will turn them against u and u will not be happy. except on grounds of infidelity, I am sorry, you can't divorce yet. so maybe for the sake of your children, and for God's sake of course, u hv to end ur romance. d lady has to let u go,u belong to another. all d best.

It's true he has a lot of faults but look at the origin. That marriage no be am (and yes he still responsible for his own wrong doing). But if I were him I can't guarantee that I'll be a good spouse to a family that starts out treating me badly as the OP's in-laws did him. Cause and effect.

keepingmum:
Mr Greg clap for yaself oo.

You didn't want to marry a lady who you can't subdue yet you followed the money trail .....but it's your wife's fault. She pretended. She bribed your family, it's all her fault.

You resigned your job because U were underperofming but it's your wife's fault.

Wife gave u capital to set up a business which was ur responsibility to run. U ran the business down and out.....but it's all wife's fault.

U stopped sleeping with wifey but it's wife's fault

U were caught masturbating bmwhilst denying ur wife sex but it's wife's fault.

U then started an affair whilst in Nigeria, but it's wifey fault for u committing adultery.

U left 9ja for the abroad and within 5 months have found ya soul mate, the Ying to ur yang, the beautiful goddess that leaks ur left nyaaannsh and sleeps on the floor of ur feet: the one u can subdue and control. You now need validation and support from nairalanders to go ahead and divorce ur evil wife......abi? Continue committing adultery u hear. It's not even upto 6months u left the country and u r already cheating on ur wife. But it's OK, it's ur wife's fault.
She made u commit adultery. She made u listen to a dodgy pastor who prophesied the marriage and is now also prophesying divorce. I hope ur dodgy pastor has also prophesied marriage to ur new lady? I hope he will also officiate at ur new wedding o?

It is everybody's fault but urs. U my friend, are a lazy, gold digging, child hustler

Mr Husband of the year, where is your sense of responsibility? Have u kept ur vows?

Carry on oh, by the time ur obodo oyinbo princess finished dealing with u, ur story will be worse than Stella oduah's and her ex husband.

[s]

keepingmum:
Mr Greg clap for yaself oo.

You didn't want to marry a lady who you can't subdue yet you followed the money trail .....but it's your wife's fault. She pretended. She bribed your family, it's all her fault.

You resigned your job because U were underperofming but it's your wife's fault.

Wife gave u capital to set up a business which was ur responsibility to run. U ran the business down and out.....but it's all wife's fault.

U stopped sleeping with wifey but it's wife's fault

U were caught masturbating bmwhilst denying ur wife sex but it's wife's fault.

U then started an affair whilst in Nigeria, but it's wifey fault for u committing adultery.

U left 9ja for the abroad and within 5 months have found ya soul mate, the Ying to ur yang, the beautiful goddess that leaks ur left nyaaannsh and sleeps on the floor of ur feet: the one u can subdue and control. You now need validation and support from nairalanders to go ahead and divorce ur evil wife......abi? Continue committing adultery u hear. It's not even upto 6months u left the country and u r already cheating on ur wife. But it's OK, it's ur wife's fault.
She made u commit adultery. She made u listen to a dodgy pastor who prophesied the marriage and is now also prophesying divorce. I hope ur dodgy pastor has also prophesied marriage to ur new lady? I hope he will also officiate at ur new wedding o?

It is everybody's fault but urs. U my friend, are a lazy, gold digging, child hustler

Mr Husband of the year, where is your sense of responsibility? Have u kept ur vows?

Carry on oh, by the time ur obodo oyinbo princess finished dealing with u, ur story will be worse than Stella oduah's and her ex husband.

[/s]

Where do I even start replying?

Your comment is very insensitive.

One woman told a number of we young ladies something at the hospital that I intend carrying for the rest of my days.

"Women, don't fight your husbands. Don't push them to the extent that they have no way of coming back to you.

You see...
A man can fight outside and he won't feel a thing. Break bottle on his head, and he will still want to continue the fight.

But that one you as a wife gives to him, believe me, it kills them faster. It can render them useless. Don't fight your way into widowhood"

If it were a woman who posted this, we will be all over this thread ranting and raving and advising her to move on.
We will even suggest human rights lawyers to her, we will buy her market.

This man here is a victim of domestic abuse.

I actually want to tell him to carry on with the other lady, but that is not a better option.

He should give it time.

If he is convinced he can no longer continue, let him come home and face his demons once and for all. Let him come and divorce his wife....settle things, then make a decision on whether to fully accept the other lady or not.

On the other hand, I recommend that he forgives his wife totally for all her wrongs to him. It's easier when you start the forgiveness journey with God.

Above all else, please pray. Pray that you will be guided aright.

Tonight, I wish you well. I ask the heavens to guide you divinely and restore all that you have lost. My prayer for you is that you will end well. Amen.

eyinjuege:


In as much as there are generally all kinds of abuse, physical abuse can never be equated with verbal abuse/psychological abuse by law.
There is a reason for that.
Walk away if you're being psychologically abused, or verbally, which the Op has done.
The moment you decide to start hitting your spouse or using machetes on them, you've finally become crazy, and should be locked away, from normal human beings.
This isn't even just between couples alone. Even if a stranger insults you, you have no right to hit him. Just walk away. Violence is not the answer

You see what me talking about?
Now you're trying to scale physical abuse versus verbal/psychological abuse...and in essence, implying the latter is not as damaging as the former.

Using the law to support your argument is actually a focal point regarding the issue.
The reason you women can get away with verbal/psychological abuse is because no one talks about it, a man is a man and should be able to swallow that shii..

Unfortunately, not every one has a high threshold for mouthy women...not to mention that when men who do still try to ignore and walk away, you people then call him immature for not dealing with conflict there and then...

Do you think those stories we hear/read of men waking up one day to shoot their wives is just a TV show on 1000 best ways to test the quality of your firearm?

TV01:

What can I say?
I never advise divorce. This one sounds bad, but healing and reconciliation is possible.
Brother is far from blameless and his initial weakness is the genesis of all his woes. Men, get it right going in!!!
Why second guess yourself, or cede your manhood to others? Blaming parents, pastors, etc. doesn't wash even if true
A mans burden is performance - with no respite or leeway. When I get it wrong, it's my fault, when my wife gets it wrong it's my responsibility

If he takes her to Europe, there the real possibility of his wife taking her alleged madness into overdrive and completely finishing him. How will he know if she's truly repentant? But being away from her family with him having more authority may help?

A return home to first verify and establish things there may jeopardise things in Sweden? There are kids involved, they come first. Forty days and 40 nights situation. This one needs God, not His messenger .


TV

^{...not sure the age difference is the main factor, many have no problem with it. I think it's more her character and background.}

Lol, well God's messenger delivered nicely all the same..and yea, he's first act is a major cause—taking a whole lot of bull and not dealing right and swift.

To be honest, I feel it's this separation resulting from his travelling that actually reminded him what being in love feels like...hence coming to the realization that he had been in a prison all along—you know that feeling one has when he meets and starts a new relationship with a woman..lol

Along with her character and background, I'm of the opinion her age kinda aggravates the situation..first she's richer, and then older - that's the recipé for boy-toyism right there.

crackhaus:

You see what me talking about?
Now you're trying to scale physical abuse versus verbal/psychological abuse...and in essence, implying the latter is not as damaging as the former.

Using the law to support your argument is actually a focal point regarding the issue.
The reason you women can get away with verbal/psychological abuse is because no one talks about it, a man is a man and should be able to swallow that shii..

Unfortunately, not every one has a high threshold for mouthy women...not to mention that when men who do still try to ignore and walk away, you people then call him immature for not dealing with conflict there and then...

Do you think those stories we hear/read of men waking up one day to shoot their wives is just an experiment on best ways to test the quality of a firearm?

It's not a man vs woman thing, and that's where you seem to get it all wrong.

We are human beings, and shouldn't behave like savages. People always disagree because we all can't reason the same way, that's acceptable. But violence should never be used in conflict resolution.
Are you in support of the woman that used a matchet on her husband because of the possible psychological trauma he put her through by attempting to marry another wife? Are you in support of those women who pour hot boiling water on their husbands for whatever perceived hurt he put them through, or because he's always been verbally abusive? Yes some men are very much abusive FYI.
How about those women who send hired assassins to eliminate their husbands for whatever offence?
You need to understand no sex has a monopoly on violence, and women that decide to be violent can actually be worse and more dangerous than even the men.
If we all lose reasoning and decide to go that path, then what would the world be like?

No one has a right to lay their hands on anyone else.

Now let me tell you a bit about mouthy women, they can be dangerous! Yes, and most times their husbands let them be because he knows she can crush a pestle on his head while he's asleep . You may overpower them one on one, but if they decide to deal with their partners it will be unexpected, and can be equally deadly.
It's usually the non mouthy ones that get physically abused by their partners, they're usually timid and walk on eggshells around their partners, but that's still never enough.
Though it's not in all cases.

The law is put in place tor preserve sanity in our society, ensure equality and even equity. It's there to protect everybody, and not just only women or children or men or handicapped or vulnerable groups but everybody!!!

I found this funny:-

eyinjuege:


It's not a man vs woman thing, and that's where you seem to get it all wrong.

We are human beings, and shouldn't behave like savages. People always disagree because we all can't reason the same way, that's acceptable. But violence should never be used in conflict resolution.
Are you in support of the woman that used a matchet on her husband because of the possible psychological trauma he put her through by attempting to marry another wife? Are you in support of those women who pour hot boiling water on their husbands for whatever perceived hurt he put them through, or because he's always been verbally abusive? Yes some men are very much abusive FYI.
How about those women who send hired assassins to eliminate their husbands for whatever offence?
You need to understand no sex has a monopoly on violence, and women that decide to be violent can actually be worse and more dangerous than even the men.
If we all lose reasoning and decide to go that path, then what would the world be like?

No one has a right to lay their hands on anyone else.

Now let me tell you a bit about mouthy women, they can be dangerous! Yes, and most times their husbands let them be because he knows she can crush a pestle on his head while he's asleep . You may overpower them one on one, but if they decide to deal with their partners it will be unexpected, and can be equally deadly.
It's usually the non mouthy ones that get physically abused by their partners, they're usually timid and walk on eggshells around their partners, but that's still never enough.
Though it's not in all cases.

The law is put in place tor preserve sanity in our society, ensure equality and even equity. It's there to protect everybody, and not just only women or children or men or handicapped or vulnerable groups but everybody!!!

Lol..I am not in support of violence as a response to any thing, don't get me wrong.
And second, I never made it a woman vs man thing.

What I'm saying is, you should not downplay the effects of verbal/psychological abuse on account of the law not recognizing it.
You also don't determine how everyone is supposed to respond in situations of immense emotional polarity—not everyone is normal, not everyone has that amount of self-control necessary to avoid lashing back..and that you and I may have taught ourselves to take a breather doesn't make it the standard for everyone, get it?

Abuse is abuse, one is visible physically which is why the law caters to it...the other is internalized and I don't know if you were expecting the law to cater for people's feelings.

Yea, funny pic..

Ujoan:
Her background and character definitely calls to question here, but I think the main issue here is the OP.

Possibly, if his story is far removed from the truth. I just feel something is missing about her bio though? I don't see why a girl of 28, from a well-to-do and respected family need marry beneath her? There is something we are missing, a big "but" about her.

crackhaus:
Along with her character and background, I'm of the opinion her age kinda aggravates the situation..first she's richer, and then older - that's the recipé for boy-toyism right there.

As above, then why at just 28 would she be pressed to marry down? There's a rap song I mean a big but in there somewhere .


TV

I must say I really learnt a lot from everyone's comment. I will definitely accept the blame, because I saw the signs and decided to still move ahead. But sometimes, I asked my self cant we be better even if we are bad? I made it clear to her several times that I had a very weak spot for nagging. I even pleaded with her that it affects everything in me, ranging from sexual to work and social activities. But making her know that weakness made her felt on top of the world. I would not look at every other factor that occurred,sexting with other man, insult on my family and friends, etc. But the nagging part was an hourly dose. It was very impossible to even spend 2 minutes to communicate without a quarrel. I spoke to older women who had issues in the past and they said "A wise woman builds her home, but the foolish one plucks it down with her own hands" which means men are prone to mistakes, but the woman should stand and give him her shoulders to carry on. I dont think you guys have seen this level of nagging, I rated it A+, it happens anywhere and anytime regardless of people present. It destroyed my self esteem and made me almost useless. It took God to bring me back to my senses as I contemplated suicide several times. I had serious financial problems from my businesses, I was never lazy, but when a man has a troubled home, trust me nothing works.
And as regards taking care of the family, I did my best, she knew my earnings before we got married and agreed to manage it with me. Her family stopped giving her allowances and she made some very terrible demands on me just to keep up with her previous lifestyle forgetting the agreement we had.
I appreciate all your advises, the current girl I have can be termed as a "nobody" but trust me, I have all the peace in the world. First time I talk to a woman and she quietly listens, it was so unusual. I am not rushing things either, but I must confess, I give it to the West.

Bros , I am gonna cut the short story long o!pls let your first wOman be ,it is God to forgive but it already looks like she won't change o, cater for you kids and move on without her, she ain't worth all d stress , imagine you developed a serious illness such as paralysis that girl won't wait on you one bit.As for the other woman ask her to give you some time,I hope say no be whitey?pls take your time with her let the relationship grow and study her.keep talking to her in laws if 5they call you. Be friendly with them and respect them, just let them know you are giving their daughter a long rope,she is free to go to some one else .Get serious with job searching over there and seek God In all you do. Though I won't advice you on divorce but b4 u die abeg run for your only life .

TV01:
Possibly, if his story is far removed from the truth. I just feel something is missing about her bio though? I don't see why a girl of 28, from a well-to-do and respected family need marry beneath her? There is something we are missing, a big "but" about her.

As above, then why at just 28 would she be pressed to marry down? There's a rap song I mean a big but in there somewhere .


TV

Maybe she's got a controlling personality afterall, like I noted in an earlier comment.

crackhaus:
Maybe she's got a controlling personality afterall, like I noted in an earlier comment.

Possibly? I've seen some extreme examples of the "controlling spirit", to the "rule & reign" level . But even here, they still seek to control a man of means/status, not someone "beneath them so to speak. Again, you may be right, but I 'm still thinking there's a "but" in her bio.


TV

danny34:
Hey dude, the truth is, only you can understand what you are going through. Many will offer an advise that if it were to be them, they won't follow it.

Mistake 1: you saw the signs you still went ahead.
You sacrifice your life for your parents image n reputation.

Mistake 2: quitting your job.

The worst mistake of all, going back to that marriage. You are too young for those troubles. Since u were doing well, u would have married a humble, even if not educated respectable woman n mold her into what u want. If you die from high blood pressure, she will move on without you.


Move on now, don't worry about your kids, my cent though

@danny34 Bro i dont know you.But God will bless you this month for this advice.

@gregvash God safe you but you want to attract curse to your life.The first curse that destroy your life.
I've few questions for you.

Assuming you were still in NIG would she be showing this yeye love ? She is showing sign of love now just because she knows u're in Abroad which is normal way for women to talk to men in Abroad.

You don't know what LIFE Is..But my advice for you.Go back to her and continue from where you stop. Bring her to Sweden and watch her disgrace and even arrest or put you into trouble...Some men with low mentality.

You didnt think about enlarging your life/Investment/Your families/Parent...U want to go back to what spoiled your life at first.Later you will say it is the work of the DEVIL. Shebi ur eyes is open now? dont blaime devil tomorrow .

You went to university ..You saw how women behave when there IS MONEY and when there is NO MONEY. It affected you first hand..now ur trying to be back ...u want to go back to her just within 5mth..The thunder that will fire you is still doing Press Up.


Your so called wife has the gut to call your pastor and mom dat you masturbated , Bros do u have small stature? If na me The marriage dan END or she must chop the beating of her life dat night . I will just send my kids to my parent to take care while i rebuild my future. No be you be first and no be you go be LAST.