Being an orphan is an all-encompassing advise.
[Afikpo Chic Empowerment Series (ACES)]

I am 45 years old. I have been an orphan for 32 years. I lost my dad, Egwu Ejali, when I was 3 years old. I can barely remember anything about him. Then I lost my mother, Ugo Okpani, when I was 13 years old. My mother was an amazing woman. Barely literate but a trend-setter. Her entrepreneurial skill was solid, especially for her time; trader, contractor, ETC. This woman was building houses when women did dare do such. I am talking a woman who developed a particular area that was once a desert in Afikpo, cleared it, built it and rented to civil servants and others. She was doing things only men were doing in those days. When I suddenly lost this woman who treated her kids like gold, I saw myself alone. I knew right there that I am on my own. My backbone, petter and thinker is no more and no one can replace her role. Even as I am writing this I am crying profusely. I remember each time I get very upset, and unhappy, she would ask me what I want done for me, and I will say, buy me wax/ankara, and she would send one of our helps to the market to buy it for me and I will get so happy. What hurts me most is that I never got a chance to spoil the hell out of this woman. But that is not the crux of this treatise.

The crux of this matter is; when you find yourself an orphan, you have been advised by nature. It is your responsibility to be responsible, to conduct yourself and your life in the most positive manner possible for your own survival and good because you are on your own, truly on your own. A child without a mother is like a fish in a shallow water. Simple. You do not have the luxury of misbehaving and short-cutting your progress. If you copy the misbehavior of who have parents or mothers, you have entered the wrong bus. Stop and join the right bus. Parents are even more interested in the progress of their child than the child itself. They have parents, you do not, so retrace your step immediately.

Siblings: Siblings can never on this earth replace your parent or your mother. A mother’s love is unconditional. A sibling’s love is very conditional. And make no mistake, there is nothing you can do for your siblings that will turn any of them to love you like a mother loves her child. When it comes to looking after siblings, I have an unblemished high score. A few years after landing in America, I put USA based elder sister on a weekly salary, for being my sister. Before I bought a car for myself, I have bought one each for my siblings. Before I bought a brand new ride for myself I have already purchased a brand new SUV for a sibling 16 years ago. Before I completed my own house I made sure that my elder sister’s house which she stared before mine was completed. There was no amount ever too much to lavish on my siblings, as long as the mula is there. At one point my own elder sister was purely in charge of my money and disbursed it any which way she wanted; and this was at the height of an excess mula period. When I embarked on a multi-million dollar building project in my sweetest town of Afikpo, (Maria Island Resort) 19 years ago, my elder sister was in charge, not because she would be perfect for the job, but because she is my elder sister. And she did as she wished on the project. I have a favorite sister, I gave my all to her. I did not joke with her, I spoilt her to the core, sacrificed all sacrificables for her. Went hungry many times for her. All my sincere efforts towards my siblings cannot be written in a day. But I am glad that I have paid my sibling dues in full. I have no regrets on that at all.

Now I say all these to tell anyone out there thinking that once you cut off your arm and give your siblings that you will get a motherly love from them, it does not work that way. Do what you must do for them because you want to. Do not be too expectant. The love of siblings can never ever ever replace that of /parent/mother. In most cases your older siblings will resent your success and even want your downfall. While your younger ones want your progress but might not even send you or are just indifferent. Hear me and hear me loud, your sibling is not your mother or father. If you are an orphan, you are on your own. Look after yourself properly, think outside the box, behave yourself. Understand you do not have anyone that will think for you except you, you do not have anyone that will worry for you except you. Live a guided life as you are now both your mother and your father. When you see those with parents being advised by their parents, my dear, listen and copy the advise for your own use. Stay out of trouble, do not court trouble, no one but you alone will bear the consequences. You have no mother to carry it on her head, while you get some good sleep.

Luck: When lady luck smiles on you, a young orphan, and you find yourself in a home where another parent or another person is looking after you, training you in school and otherwise, then please by all means, behave yourself. Behave yourself, my friend!! Even if you’re 7 years old, you are not taata, you know those you are living with are not your mother and dad. Do not become a troublesome child. You do not have that luxury, you lost it when you lost your parents. Use your head and know what is what. Even if you are living with your dad or mom’s sibling, it does not give you a blank check. That person is not your biological mom or dad, they are not. You can be thrown out and will be thrown if your cup is full. They have their own cross, and that cross is their own biological children. No matter how bad or rotten their own blood child is, they must bear it, it is their own cross, but you are not. And understandably so. You should do all you can to be a good kid, concentrate on your studies, so that you will become a success story for yourself and your own generation.

Emotional intelligence: Popularly called EQ. Emotional Intelligence (Quotient) is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they’re telling you, and realize how they affect the people around you. People who function at a high rate of emotional intelligence have the ability to adjust their behaviors and are more effective at recognizing and managing their own emotions as well as the emotions of others. Ergo (therefore), EQ equals interpersonal effectiveness; the more effective you are with others, the more successful you’ll be. Every orphan must apply emotional intelligence in all they do. You do not have a choice. Please read up on emotional intelligence, it will help you in navigating life. I took a 3 month intensive course on Emotional Intelligence when I lived in Palm Beach, Florida, years ago. It is one of the best gifts I gave myself on this earth. Better than all the vanities I own.

Social Intelligence is another gem. Intelligence, or IQ, is largely what you are born with. Genetics play a large part. Social intelligence (SI), on the other hand, is mostly learned. SI develops from experience with people and learning from success and failures in social settings. It is more commonly referred to as “tact,” “common sense,” or “street smarts.” I will be taking a course on SI early next year. As an orphan, you must keep training yourself to be better. You must keep abreast of everything happening around you and in the world. Keep yourself informed. Knowledge is power and no one can come into your head and remove what you know.

Uncommon skill: Develop uncommon skills that you will be the go to person whenever such skill is needed. Make yourself very relevant. With uncommon skills, relevance becomes you. Even your enemies would ask for your services when jungle rough. As an orphan, never stop learning, never stop being curious and never stop thinking outside the box.

Life bu pawpaw: And most importantly, do not be jaded, be humble, kind & compassionate. And have it in the back of your mind always that this life is nothing but pawpaw, it is so freaking ephemeral, do not take it too seriously, do not mock others, do not look down on others. Do not verbally debase others. Do not go out of your way to make life harder for others. Trust me, life is hard enough.

Conclusion: My fellow orphans, we do not have the luxury of living anyhow, doing anyhow & living irresponsibly, as we have no one that will carry our wahala for head and solve them. Be guided in all you do. Always take responsibility for your actions. Apologize when you are wrong and make amends immediately. It is not easy being an orphan but we are and so we must make the best of our fate. And when you become a parent, please, raise your children responsibly. Raise them in a manner that they can survive on their own if needs be. Correct them when they are wrong, train them properly, for their good and your own good. If you are an orphan, and you are reading this, smile, it’s gon’ be aiiit!!! (alright).

Yours Sincerely,
Maria Ude Nwachi – Afikpo Chic.
BCEL – Best Chic Ever Liveth – Nwanyi Afikpo.
Legislator; Ebonyi state house of Assembly.