klibpaper: Saying that even God would understand in this Buhari economy, local Nigerian pastor and spiritual leader of Burn Down Hell Ministries on Sunday, announced his decision to go into sports betting during a Sunday service.

"Brethren, my dear people of God, hard times are here" said the annointed man of God, who squeezed his face, bit his tongue, looked at the floor while shaking his head, and was reported to have screamed "argh" "ahhh" five times.

"When was the last time any of you gave offering? How do you expect me to eat, to survive! How?? I am sorry, but I cannot pull down manna from heaven. I am a man of God, not a magician" explained the pastor who said he has not eaten a standard meal for months and was tired of soaking garri.

"Which is why after much fasting and prayer, I have decided to go into sports betting. I know the devil-- accuser of the brethren, has deceived some of you that sport betting is a sin but show me anywhere in the bible where God used his mouth to call the word 'sport betting' a sin. Sister Chioma, can you? How about you, brother Jude? I am waiting " preached the pastor who also talked about a "Youth Out-reach" program where young, talented church youths will be trained by betting experts for a 6 month period to enable them stand out in the betting industry and help recover the so far lost cash that rightfully belongs to the church of God from the current ailing economy.

The pastor, who also revealed to his congregation that he has started taking an online course on mordern sports betting techniques and was already topping his class, was said to have impressed them greatly and drew a defeaning round of applause when he used terminologies like-- over 1.5, full-time draw, handicap 1 --- to break down scriptures.

At press time, members could be seen forming a big circle that had the pastor in the middle, all chanting to the heavens and sprinkling holy water on what appeared to be a picture of three time ballon d'or winner, Cristiano Ronaldo-- glued to hundreds of betting tickets. The highlight, however, was said to have been when the pastor stepped forward and anointed the Real Madrid player's leg with olive oil to the delight of all his members who kept chanting and prophesying to their tickets, eyes closed-- "Ronaldo to score..... Ronaldo to score...... Ronaldo to score"

Gofwane:
This op ehn, you no well at all

Ksslib:

Lol. Na recession cause am.


erm... Lalasticlala , move this to fp. I promise to kill one snake for you tomorrow latest.

Gofwane:
buahahaha... So basically, lala's love for snakes is unquantifiable?