Please don’t share this link with your mum
before she nails you with their favourite adage
“show me your friend and i’ll……”
For those of you who grew up in Nigeria with
your mums, I’ll say you’re lucky because you,
only you, will understand this article. For those
who lost their mums at a very early age, I’ll seize
this opportunity to offer my condolence, it is
never an easy thing.
That being said, let us examine this ‘specimen’
very carefully.
WHAT ARE NIGERIAN MUMS?
Answer: Special!
The thing is, Nigerian mums are a very rare
specie of humans. Wonderful people. Special
case study.
They are not all the same but I tell you, they
have common traits, sometimes you think they
plan it because how else is it that when you were
growing up, you go to your friend’s house and
hear his mum shouting about the same exact
things your mum shouts about, in the same exact
way, and when you adjust your eye to watch the
tv as if you never heard anything, his mum turns
to you,
“Don’t you advise your friend? John is a very lazy
boy”
She turns to your friend and says,
“John! Look at your friend, how quiet he is. See
your life!”.
Next week, your friend is in your house and your
mum is screaming,
“Emeka! Look at John! Does he have two heads?
…..”
PLEASE, did they plan it?
THE NIGERIAN MUM’S MOST VALUED TOOL?
Answer: Something long and painful.
Before I continue this exposé, I’d like to point out
that there is a tool employed by these women
that makes their job easier. A companion, often
seen under beds and under the chairs in sitting
rooms of unsuspecting kids. The Whip! Yikes!
Those days, there was no house without this
‘commodity’. In the past, it could be in the form
of a small stick or the stalk of a tree in your
compound plucked during emergency times.
Later, as we grew up, they started making them
in commercial quantity! You go to the shop of
any Mallam or even ‘provision’ stores and you see
it piled in one corner, bound together by one
rubber band (Infact this made me seriously hate
one Mallam Aminu those days- a true friend to
many mothers back then)
The thing is, this whip can land on your back for
any to no reason at all;
“Have you done your assignment? I say, have you
done your assignment?” *whip whip*
“So two times eight is eighteen ehhh……” *whip
whip*
“Joy, so you are now following bad gangs” *whip
whip*
“Abu, who told you to go and pluck those
mangoes?
*hand whip*
This *whip whip* is almost always the aftermath
of any conversation that starts like this,
(Act 1; Scene 1)
MUM: You are here watching tv, have you
finished your food?
CHILD: Mummy, I don’t like eba, I want to drink
tea and bread/cake
MUM: This night? (getting really angry and rising
up)
CHILD: Mummy, I don’t like this food!
(Act 1; Scene 2)
You don’t need to be Shakespeare to know what
happens next!!
Or when your mum sees you and your elder
brother fighting and says “Wait for me!” while she
hurriedly makes her way into her
room……..hmmmmmm.
NIGERIAN MUMS AND PUBLIC PLACES
We all know that Nigerian mums cannot
differentiate between public places and indoors
when it comes to disciplining the kids.
They seldom care if the neighbours hear the loud
strokes of cane metted out on the poor child.
This explains why when you’re in church and
refuse to open your mouth to sing with the choir
or if you attend these ‘fire’ churches; you don’t
stamp your foot, close your eyes and speak out
your prayer points loudly or you find yourself
nodding off while kneeling down in a night vigil.
What do you hear next on your back? A loud rasp
that startles you back to the real world!
Some call it ‘abara’, some call it ‘reality check’
while others call it ‘hard reset’….What ever name
you choose to call it, this tumultuous blow to
your back can spoil your career on the streets or
in school because, eww! Your street girls were
also in church that day! Or Tola, that girl from
your class attends your church too and everyone
will hear about it before you enter class
tomorrow… Oh Lord!
This above stated reas....continue reading at >>>>>>> www.247humor..co.ke/2016/10/the-chronicles-of-nigerian-mums.html?m=1

Hmm you are right..... Remember the prayer part then in 2004 in mfm crusade I was just frustrated.... May her soul rest in peace... I miss her