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7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital - Health - Nairaland

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7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by emamos: 10:59am On Nov 02, 2016
[quote]No one looks forward to a health crisis, but at some points in time, visits to the hospital are inevitable. For those in Nigeria, whether it is for a routine check-up, to get treatment or to volunteer and help sick people into the ward, certain experiences make a trip to the hospital unique. Jumia Travel, Africa’s No.1 online hotel booking portal shares 7 of the funny signs that you are in a Nigerian hospital.

The nurse shares her opinion on your weight
In any Nigerian hospital, before you see the doctor, your temperature and blood pressure, as well as weight, is recorded. Do not be surprised when the nurse makes a bold comment as “Ah, aunty, you are too big for your height, please work on it, oh, It is not attractive” or “ Haba, you are too thin, you no dey chop”. Basically, Nigerian nurses feel they have the license to share their opinions with you and usually, you cannot argue with them.

The receptionist would rather watch African Magic
Most hospitals in Nigeria now are starting to adopt the Electronic Paperwork system, and almost every receptionist or front desk staff in Nigerian hospitals, especially old hospitals, find this annoying. They prefer to just sit, hand out files and watch African Magic on television. In fact, sometimes, they would ignore patients so they do not miss a particular scene in a movie.

You wait so long for everything
From submitting your card, to seeing the doctor, taking tests and collecting your drugs from the pharmacy, you are bound to spend almost an entire day at a Nigerian hospital. The staff seem to take their sweet time in doing almost everything, and so even when there is no crowd, you still have to wait. Good thing is that most of the hospitals have canteens and tuckshops where you can go and eat when you start to get hungry.

There is that IZAL smell
It seems like almost every hospital in Nigeria, especially the public ones, made a decision that they would use IZAL, a strong and very pungent disinfectant, to clean their environs. This smell usually is nauseating, especially when the toilet is not properly cleaned and the offensive odour of faeces and urine mixes with the disinfectant.

The doctor already knows what is wrong with you
Most doctors automatically match symptoms with malaria and typhoid, and so they rush diagnosis without taking basic tests. The patients, who are most times too scared to disagree with the doctor, just agree with the diagnostics and eventually go back when the treatment does not cater to the problem. Sometimes, you cannot blame them as giving Nigerian patients’ room to express themselves fully could encourage them to over exaggerate their symptoms.

You must buy your meds from the hospital
If you are visiting a doctor in a Nigerian hospital, be assured that you will have to buy the medication prescribed from the hospital’s pharmacy. Even when the patient requests to have the medication listed so they can purchase it on their own, the hospital would refuse. This is possibly a way for them to make extra money.

Treatments are overpriced
The bill you receive, usually, is quite pricey compared to the actual cost of the medication given to you and resources used on you. Even worse, the cost of being admitted is so high that some hotel rooms are leased for less. Again, 8 out of 10 hospital bills contain errors, so you may want to check your bill carefully.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/11/7-funny-signs-nigerian-hospital/

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by emamos: 11:00am On Nov 02, 2016
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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Mologi(m): 11:26am On Nov 02, 2016
u must go home with a packet of paracetamol....

41 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by fathomberry: 11:45am On Nov 02, 2016
OP arrange your post na, haba

4 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by veekid(m): 12:04pm On Nov 02, 2016
Funny but true

1 Like

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by jeeqaa7(m): 12:05pm On Nov 02, 2016
being in a naija hospital is never funny

5 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Nobody: 12:05pm On Nov 02, 2016
grin grin grin grin
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Stanleywaxy(m): 12:05pm On Nov 02, 2016

28 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by timilehing(m): 12:06pm On Nov 02, 2016
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Beehshorp(m): 12:06pm On Nov 02, 2016
Recently, I walked into a Nigerian hospital.. I had small issues wid my health.. Dat wasn't the first time it happened and I knew d solution was just one dose on injection and some tabs.. So after the injection nd d tabs, the head nurse decided I stayed further to meet the doctor.. So I decided I needed rest so dey gave me a room and a bed which I paid for In order to sleep and wait for d doc.. Lo and behold I saw dem entering my room wid drip oo.. I was like wtf.. I don't want.. But after much convincing based on before it finish doctor would v returned.. So I used dat one to pass time.. To cut the long story short after dat drip I spent 3 days in dat hospital taking more drip.. Me wey use leg waka enter no get power to use leg waka comot again oo

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Debaddest(m): 12:07pm On Nov 02, 2016
Stanleywaxy:

See ur face and u ar saying Laugh My Ass Out, u well?

5 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by superfelix: 12:08pm On Nov 02, 2016
cheesy
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by omhor(f): 12:08pm On Nov 02, 2016
Hmmm, that children hospital building looking mmuah!

4 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by iaminspired: 12:09pm On Nov 02, 2016
Naija hosipitalu no get chill at All

1 Like

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Nobody: 12:10pm On Nov 02, 2016
Hmm

8 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by adaksbullet: 12:10pm On Nov 02, 2016
Ninja horsepitu his bad en angry


I'm remembered wen one off the norse his telled me am haves HIV wen am sayed am alway haved briantrobu shocked shocked


Mine hert his jus do somehow that day en, am stat too dashed mine tins too ppl cos am tot I we died soon angry angry angry angry



Whot his payed me his am gived ppl mine ifone8 shocked



Whot am I say sef undecided undecided undecided

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by gift01: 12:11pm On Nov 02, 2016
The Doctor's handwriting is always like a child learning to write

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Nobody: 12:11pm On Nov 02, 2016
chai.
My HMO kinda forcefully assigned me to Living Word Hospital Aba.
Yes, this is a call out o!

I went there, after searching for my file for over an hour_ they said they can't find it that I should go and come back the next day. I've never seen anything like that in my life.
I don't even want to talk about their toilet!

Tufiakwa!!!

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Nobody: 12:11pm On Nov 02, 2016
that IZAL smell is so annoying angry sad

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by Omotayor123(f): 12:12pm On Nov 02, 2016
That Izal smell is just constant. When I visit people In the hospital I am always like this smell grin grin


To add to your point, in a Nigeria hospital it's either you have Fever or Malaria grin grin
Those Doctors ehn cry

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by nbright: 12:13pm On Nov 02, 2016
Then where's the promised 'change'?
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by johnstar(m): 12:13pm On Nov 02, 2016
Lol

1 Like

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by armadeo(m): 12:13pm On Nov 02, 2016
Lol

No 1 is mostly true. Not a bad thing though depending on how the nurse puts it across. After all the nurse should be able to give advice on weight.

No 2 is only for poorly run private clinics. Even in government hospitals that's really rare.

No 3 is true for busy private clinics and motsngovt hospitals.

No4, well health is wealth. No need to come with one germ and leave with 100.

No 5 again poorly managed hospitals

No 6 only in private clinics. How do you expect them to make thier money. Government hospitals don't care if you buy from them or outside hence you see many pharmacies surrounding them.

No7: isn't everything pricey these days

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by RyanMontana: 12:14pm On Nov 02, 2016
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by dam4wummy(m): 12:14pm On Nov 02, 2016
Wait so long for everything
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by obamd: 12:20pm On Nov 02, 2016
You've obviously not been to a modern private hospital in recent times.
Hospitals these days don't smell of izal. You're treated like a proper client in a corporate office. The TV is at the reception but the receptionist's desk is not even anywhere close to the TV.


Well, for government hospitals, you're right on every single count.

5 Likes

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by stephen2016: 12:21pm On Nov 02, 2016
Recently went to the hospital, the doc told my my chest is not clear, gave me a bill of 16k, I was like what!! just write the drugs I will get them outside. Little did I know I was moving from frying pan to fire. Took the prescription to the Pharmacy and they lady there after making up herself, told me the first drug on the list has 5 pieces in a pack and a piece is 5K and I have to finish 6 pieces and she doesnt sell one piece so I have to buy 2 packs ( thats about 50k) . I was like oh no....let me just go home and die.....Dont know what is wrong with this country...

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by babasolo(m): 12:23pm On Nov 02, 2016
what is more painful is the cost of drugs at their pharmacy.....went to Bishop murray hospital, the money you use ti buy one drug can purchase all the drugs on that list out side..you will even have transport..

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by BjDreamchaser(m): 12:23pm On Nov 02, 2016
Op this just described everything about Uch Ibadan. Nothing is free there, even the nylon bag that is being used to package your drugs in their pharmacy. Some of their staff too will be frowning and speaking harshly asif they are not being paid for the job they are doing. That place is worst!

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Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by obamd: 12:25pm On Nov 02, 2016
But you know naira is in a mess right, and most of these drugs are imported.
So.. yea. You already know what's wrong with this country

stephen2016:
Recently went to the hospital, the doc told my my chest is not clear, gave me a bill of 16k, I was like what!! just write the drugs I will get them outside. Little did I know I was moving from frying pan to fire. Took the prescription to the Pharmacy and they lady there after making up herself, told me the first drug on the list has 5 pieces in a pack and a piece is 5K and I have to finish 6 pieces and she doesnt sell one piece so I have to buy 2 packs ( thats about 50k) . I was like oh no....let me just go home and die.....Dont know what is wrong with this country...
Re: 7 Funny Signs You Are In A Nigerian Hospital by babasolo(m): 12:25pm On Nov 02, 2016
stephen2016:
Recently went to the hospital, the doc told my my chest is not clear, gave me a bill of 16k, I was like what!! just write the drugs I will get them outside. Little did I know I was moving from frying pan to fire. Took the prescription to the Pharmacy and they lady there after making up herself, told me the first drug on the list has 5 pieces in a pack and a piece is 5K and I have to finish 6 pieces and she doesnt sell one piece so I have to buy 2 packs ( thats about 50k) . I was like oh no....let me just go home and die.....Dont know what is wrong with this country...

lolzzzzz jst let me die my die.

2 Likes

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