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A Massive Cry For Help - Family - Nairaland

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A Massive Cry For Help by OldBeer: 10:32am On Nov 13, 2016
I have a serious anger problem that has cost me relationships with family and friends.
I am that person who will do everything in her power to see that you cry if I feel I have been slighted in any way.
I just do not know where to stop once I begin. I have said terrible things to people, things that in my sober moments I am so ashamed to admit.
The thing is I am as quiet as they come but once I get angry, I turn into another person entirely. This tends to take people unawares.
Has there been anybody in my shoes who ended up overcoming this?
Please help me before I chase everyone away! cry

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by JeffreyJamez(m): 10:37am On Nov 13, 2016
Work on your Self Control.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 10:37am On Nov 13, 2016
You have given people - even if not deliberately - too much power over how you feel. Your anger / vindictiveness is pain / hurt in disguise. You get back at them because it makes you feel better. Grow yourself some thick skin so that other people's words and behavior will not affect you so much. If you do not let them hurt you, you will have no reason to be revengeful.

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Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 10:41am On Nov 13, 2016
Mindfulness:
You have given people - even if not deliberately - too much power over how you feel. Your anger / vindictiveness is pain / hurt in disguise. You get back at them because it makes you feel better. Grow yourself some thick skin so that other people's words and behavior will not affect you so much. If you do not let them hurt you, you will have no reason to be revengeful.

Exactly!!!!
No one has the right to get you to the point that you loose control of your words and actions
You are giving them too much power
life is too short

People are people and people sometimes do silly things, so expect that.
Also when you give; give and do not expect anything back in return (that is another thing that causes rancour between people) if they return then its a bonus but not an expectation.
pick your friends wisely too
Quality over quantity

Also learn "calming down" methods
Have a go to hobby or action that you can do that calms you
It could be music, watching a movie or dancing.....whatever
When I am angry, I attack housework
I nearly wash the design off my plates grin

4 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 10:53am On Nov 13, 2016
tearoses:


Exactly!!!!
No one has the right to get you to the point that you loose control of your words and actions
You are giving them too much power
life is too short

People are people and people sometimes do silly things, so expect that.
Also when you give; give and do not expect anything back in return (that is another thing that causes rancour between people) if they return then its a bonus but not an expectation.
pick your friends wisely too
Quality over quantity


The moment you take responsibility for how you feel, is very liberating and it is the only thing you have control of if you learn how to.
It does not mean that you do not allow yourself to feel anger or sadness - quite the opposite - it means that you feel it and do not act on it but let it be and let it pass instead of making it bigger by either suppressing it or act it on it.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 10:58am On Nov 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


The moment you take responsibility for how you feel, is very liberating and it is the only thing you have control of if you learn how to.
It does not mean that you do not allow yourself to feel anger or sadness - quite the opposite - it means that you feel it and do not act on it but let it be and let it pass instead of making it bigger by either suppressing it or act it on it.


When you get to my age, you have seen all sorts grin
So you have to learn to deal with things without damaging yourself or things will deal with you
Bitterness and anger is a choice and You do have control over it

The problem with uncontrollable anger is that once the anger has subsided you still have to go and apologise to the people you over reacted to.
So what was the point of the anger in the first instance.

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Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 11:02am On Nov 13, 2016
tearoses:


When you get to my age, you have seen all sorts grin
So you have to learn to deal with things without damaging yourself or things will deal with you
Bitterness and anger is a choice and You do have control over it

That's one of the advanatages of growing older provided you do it the right way. wink
You gain more experience and wisdom and as a result power. smiley

The problem with uncontrollable anger is that once the anger has subsided you still have to go and apologise to the people you over reacted to.
So what was the point of the anger in the first instance.

Some people do not apologise and see nothing wrong with it ... until it happens to them.

2 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by OldBeer: 11:13am On Nov 13, 2016
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 11:21am On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?

This is one of the fruits of uncontrolled anger
You end up saying and doing stuupid things and you step on peoples toes and then you now have to keep on looking over your shoulder
now you cant sleep for fear
the elders say that "you dont have anti sickness medicine at home and you went to eat cockroach" cool

If its bothering you so much, go and apologise to her, so at least your mind can be at rest and you can move on from this episode

Also remember that things just dont suddenly escalate in a minute
When things are happening that you don't like, learn how to communicate this with the other person amicably before it gets out of hand to the point that a terrible fight ensures.

Everything has a start point. Deal with the start point.
Maybe you need to stop being so quiet but be truthful about how you really feel about things so you dont bottle things up and then explode
But that people will never offend you? . . . .not possbile.
You have a choice on how to deal with the offence.
Remember also that words are like eggs. Once dropped that's it
Be careful!

3 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 11:21am On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?

Only if ou give it power by believing that it will. wink

Your aunt said it in anger, she did not mean it. You hurt her so she wanted to hurt you back. Natural.

3 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 11:33am On Nov 13, 2016
I had a friend like that.
You do something very small and unintentional to her and she can virtually destroy your entire existence in return because of how much everything hurts her.

[size=1pt]Typical Scorpio trait[/size]

You need to understand that we are all different as human beings. People will say or do things to hurt your feelings and most of the time they don't even have bad intentions it's just due to their nature or upbringing. If anyone persistently offends you even while you keep overlooking then eliminate them from your life completely.

Don't waste time plotting revenge everytime someone hurts you that is a very negative way to live.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by EfemenaXY: 11:36am On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?

Seriously, you were bang out of order!

What's wrong with you? Does you mouth work faster than your brain? Or do you simply lack self-respect coupled with your anger issues?

We spend a lot of time on here trying to raise the badly bruised self-esteem of the unmarried single ladies facing judgemental criticisms from society made up of people like you. What you said to her was myopic and uncalled for and you deserved that response. Why're you scared now?

Go back and sincerely apologise to your aunt. Having done that, look to enrol in the army. You desperately deserve to learn self-control and discipline.

5 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Viking007(m): 11:53am On Nov 13, 2016
Spirit of anger. Go for deliverance.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by OldBeer: 12:02pm On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


Seriously, you were bang out of order!

What's wrong with you? Does you mouth work faster than your brain? Or do you simply lack self-respect coupled with your anger issues?

We spend a lot of time on here trying to raise the badly bruised self-esteem of the unmarried single ladies facing judgemental criticisms from society made up of people like you. What you said to her was myopic and uncalled for and you deserved that response. Why're you scared now?

Go back and sincerely apologise to your aunt. Having done that, look to enrol in the army. You desperately deserve to learn self-control and discipline.



I will apologize.
But please which army are you referring to?
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 12:15pm On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
I will apologize.
But please which army are you referring to?


Good... Apologize to your aunt.. It's not her fault she's single.. And curses works, if and only if u are the one hurting the other person who says the curse, either in anger or jokingly, curse works.. Whether one believes or not? It works, if u are at fault . And try not to mock anyone again.
The army, she is referring to is Nigerian army. Join them, so you can be taught on how to talk less and act wisely.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by ElsonMorali: 12:24pm On Nov 13, 2016
You need time out from relating with people. You need alone time. Time to reconnect with yourself.

Practice the art of deep breathing for 20 minutes every morning and in the evening or at night before you sleep.

Make the following your goal every morning as you wake up.

1. Practice the virtue of silence. Talk only if absolutely necessary. Otherwise keep quiet.

2. When you feel the anger coming, walk away and take a long walk, or leave the vicinity and go take a cold shower.

3. Make it a habit that before you respond to any annoying statement you count from 1-10 and backwards or A-Z and backwards. By the time you're done you'll realize that there probably isn't any need to respond.

4. Pray.

Remember to take it, a day at a time. Take baby steps. Evaluate the day at the end of the day and see how much progress you're making.

If you can practice all these without losing control for 21days (the standard number of days required to break out of a bad habit), then you would have made huge progress indeed.

Don't rest on your oars. Keep doing it even long after you think you've overcome it. Bad habits are just like virus, they'll sneak back when you are not looking.

You may also want to probably register at a gym and expend excess energy. Usually when you're too tired to talk, then you'll also be too tired to get angry.

After all said and done, maybe you should get yourself a punching bag and hang it in a vacant room. You get angry, go to the punching bag and pretend it was the person that got you angry and shout all the obscenities and even punch it for good effect. Once your temper is down, you'll feel better and you won't have hurt anybody. smiley

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by EfemenaXY: 12:26pm On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
I will apologize.
But please which army are you referring to?

The Nigerian army (if you're based in Nigeria).

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by demelza: 12:26pm On Nov 13, 2016
Amelian:



Good... Apologize to your aunt.. It's not her fault she's single.. And curses works, if and only if u are the one hurting the other person who says the curse, either in anger or jokingly, curse works.. Whether one believes or not? It works, if u are at fault . And try not to mock anyone again.
The army, she is referring to is Nigerian army. Join them, so you can be taught on how to talk less and act wisely.
If the curse will still work, what is the use of her apologizing then?
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 12:34pm On Nov 13, 2016
demelza:
If the curse will still work, what is the use of her apologizing then?


If she apologizes the curse is neutralized.... And won't work anymore
That's why it's good 2 watch ones tongue.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by OldBeer: 12:53pm On Nov 13, 2016
@ElsonMorali, thank you for the tips, it could not have come at a better time. I'm done with school and waiting for service. Will turn this period into my alone time. Thanks again.



@Efemena_Xy, I appreciate your suggestion. Will have to pass on it though. My dad has been complaining that I look like a skeleton, thanks to the rigors of school. I doubt he would allow me go join the army.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by ElsonMorali: 12:55pm On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
@ElsonMorali, thank you for the tips, it could not have come at a better time. I'm done with school and waiting for service. Will turn this period into my alone time. Thanks again.



@Efemena_Xy, I appreciate your suggestion. Will have to pass on it though. My dad has been complaining that I look like a skeleton, thanks to the rigors of school. I doubt he would allow me go join the army.

I'm glad to be of help. And I wish you all the best.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 1:09pm On Nov 13, 2016
Please do apologize even though you are not at fault, that is what makes a person to be humble.

If you believe in the curse it will work but if you don't believe in it it won't work. This life is all about your beliefs.... believing is seeing not seeing is believing smiley
OldBeer:
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?

2 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 1:13pm On Nov 13, 2016
grin na everything person go they go deliverance for?
Viking007:
Spirit of anger. Go for deliverance.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Viking007(m): 1:14pm On Nov 13, 2016
ItsQuinn:
Please do apologize even though you are not at fault, that is what makes a person to be humble.

If you believe in the curse it will work but if you don't believe in it it won't work. This life is all about your beliefs.... believing is seeing not seeing is believing smiley
Seems they've hacked Your account. I refuse to believe You just typed at bolded.

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Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Viking007(m): 1:16pm On Nov 13, 2016
ItsQuinn:
grin na everything person go they go deliverance for?
grin
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by Nobody: 1:25pm On Nov 13, 2016
In the midst of darkness there's always light smiley
Viking007:
Seems they've hacked Your account. I refuse to believe You just typed at bolded.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by baby124: 2:04pm On Nov 13, 2016
I think you should learn to pick your battles. Some people deliberately try to push you. Cut the ones off that are not family. And the relentless family ones, give them some space. Live your life and be positive in all you do.
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by chillis1: 3:40pm On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:
Thank you so much tearoses and mindfulness.
Just yesterday I got into a huge spat with my aunt and mocked her unmarried status.
She in turn cursed me dat I will never marry in this life and I have been so scared.
Everyone is telling me to apologize her even though she is wrong but I don't even know where to start from.
Will the curse work?

cheesy grin
Typical!

2 Likes

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by edwife(f): 3:47pm On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


The Nigerian army (if you're based in Nigeria).

gringringrin
kiss

chillis1:

cheesy grin
Typical!

gringrin
kiss

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by EfemenaXY: 3:50pm On Nov 13, 2016
OldBeer:

@Efemena_Xy, I appreciate your suggestion. Will have to pass on it though. My dad has been complaining that I look like a skeleton, thanks to the rigors of school. I doubt he would allow me go join the army.

Contrary to what you think, exercising helps build muscle mass, makes you physically stronger and fitter.

But you're missing the point. My suggestion was: enrol in the army so they instil self-discipline in you. Besides like you said, you're done with school and waiting to go on your NYSC. So you're an adult now. You don't need your father to hold your hands. It's time for you to act like an adult and take independent, life-changing adult decisions on your own.

1 Like

Re: A Massive Cry For Help by EfemenaXY: 3:56pm On Nov 13, 2016
chillis1:


cheesy grin
Typical!

angry angry

What happened to your Chillisauce handle?

edwife:

gringringrin
kiss
gringrin
kiss

angry angry angry

Where have you been??
Re: A Massive Cry For Help by edwife(f): 3:57pm On Nov 13, 2016
EfemenaXY:


angry angry angry

Where have you been??

Busy... embarassed

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