It's 4:25 AM and I cannot sleep. I'm lost in thought and wishful, Wish i I could for once experience wha it's like to be normal. Wishing I wasn't a loner, wishing I had real friends.Wishing I had real relationship like every o the normal human being, wish I didn't have to avert the gaze of people looking at me band wondering what sort of strange being is this guy, wishing I had a family I could take refuge in sad snd lonely in like normal people do......But alas, what can I do besides fantasize about being normal.

I am suffering from the following condition :

Tourette Syndrom.

Schizotypal (not schizoprenia) personality disorder.

PATM Syndrom.

In a 3rd world society like Nigeria where people with oddities and mental health issues are stigmatized and laughed at, it takes the grace of God to go through each passing day. My entire life has been a struggle, I endured being bullied in my teen years, all but rejected by my family who think I bring nothing but shame and disgrace to them. Now make no mistake, these conditions do not impact my cognitive function. I live a normal life like everybody else, I am financially secure and Independent. I have had dates ..etc. However I am at a crossroad in my life. Is there a future for me in a country with non existent mental health infrastructure and support? In a highly superstitious country. I have visited by family 4 years out of shame and embarrassment. I have skipped Important family functions such as my siblings getting married because I cannot endure the phsycological trauma that is sure to come when people gaze at me in an oddly fashion. Being a sensitive man the pain is akin to having a red hot rod pierced into my skin. I suffered a great deal growing up. At home I was physically abused as a child which completely killed any semblance of confidence I might have had. Bullied everyday and called names, seen by people as a hopeless freak of nature.

I have friends but they are largely friends of convenience.I've had girlfriends but I am not mentally stable enough to keep a relationship. Besides God there is no body I can turn to when I stay in my room crying every night, asking why I had to be born this way with these mental conditions. Is there hope for people like me (if there's anyone with my condition) in a society as superstitious as Nigeria? Will I ever be mentally stable enough to get married? Am I condemned to live the rest of my life struggling everyday? Shying away from people. Are there psychotic drugs for people like me to reduce the symptoms. Why me? What crime have I committed to warrant my suffering from the worse form of mental health issues fused into one package.

I am not depressed, not suicidal,....I only wish I could experience life without these inhibitions. I tired of crying and wallowing in self pity. I only wished I had a shoulder I could lean on or talk to....I wish my mental conditions were not so severe as to interfere with my ability to handle emotions like every other person. I feel like a lost soul. God has been my strenght and will continue to be. Without God I am nothing. Never take God for granted.

David.

intrepidJ:
It's 4:25 AM and I cannot sleep. I'm lost in thought and wishful, Wish i I could for once experience wha it's like to be normal. Wishing I wasn't a loner, wishing I had real friends.Wishing I had real relationship like every o the normal human being, wish I didn't have to avert the gaze of people looking at me band wondering what sort of strange being is this guy, wishing I had a family I could take refuge in sad snd lonely in like normal people do......But alas, what can I do besides fantasize about being normal.

I am suffering from the following condition :

Tourette Syndrom.

Schizotypal (not schizoprenia) personality disorder.

PATM Syndrom.

In a 3rd world society like Nigeria where people with oddities and mental health issues are stigmatized and laughed at, it takes the grace of God to go through each passing day. My entire life has been a struggle, I endured being bullied in my teen years, all but rejected by my family who think I bring nothing but shame and disgrace to them. Now make no mistake, these conditions do not impact my cognitive function. I live a normal life like everybody else, I am financially secure and Independent. I have had dates ..etc. However I am at a crossroad in my life. Is there a future for me in a country with non existent mental health infrastructure and support? In a highly superstitious country. I have visited by family 4 years out of shame and embarrassment. I have skipped Important family functions such as my siblings getting married because I cannot endure the phsycological trauma that is sure to come when people gaze at me in an oddly fashion. Being a sensitive man the pain is akin to having a red hot rod pierced into my skin. I suffered a great deal growing up. At home I was physically abused as a child which completely killed any semblance of confidence I might have had. Bullied everyday and called names, seen by people as a hopeless freak of nature.

I have friends but they are largely friends of convenience.I've had girlfriends but I am not mentally stable enough to keep a relationship. Besides God there is no body I can turn to when I stay in my room crying every night, asking why I had to be born this way with these mental conditions. Is there hope for people like me (if there's anyone with my condition) in a society as superstitious as Nigeria? Will I ever be mentally stable enough to get married? Am I condemned to live the rest of my life struggling everyday? Shying away from people. Are there psychotic drugs for people like me to reduce the symptoms. Why me? What crime have I committed to warrant my suffering from the worse form of mental health issues fused into one package.

I am not depressed, not suicidal,....I only wish I could experience life without these inhibitions. I tired of crying and wallowing in self pity. I only wished I had a shoulder I could lean on or talk to....I wish my mental conditions were not so severe as to interfere with my ability to handle emotions like every other person. I feel like a lost soul. God has been my strenght and will continue to be. Without God I am nothing. Never take God for granted.

David.

what exactly is ur problem. I didn't see u talking abt the symptoms, just ur frustration. I sympathize with you though

@Op, I'm sorry for all u're going through and I wish u d very best as u seek for management. But who diagnosed u in d first place? The person should be able to offer some mental health support

Hi OP, I'm so sorry that you have these conditions and I'm so sorry that you have been physically abused as a child and bullied as a result.

I'm glad that you still believe in God and still trust in Him. I'm also glad that you're not suicidal nor depressed but I imagine that it can't be easy coping in the Nigeria where people are so ignorant and superstitious.

Are you taking any medications to manage these conditions?

Please continue to keep your head up. I wish you the best and nothing less.

Isaiah 44:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."

Psalm 91:
1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Wow !! Didn't expect such outpouring of support. Thanks, I do appreciate . Lucky to find favour in God's eyes, for my life until now has been nothing short of a miracle. Once again I thank you.