He and I dated almost 10years ago,  Yes, unbelievable,  We broke up, I started seeing someone else and he wanted me back but I stuck with the at-the-time guy. When that relationship didn't work, i tried getting back with the first (lets call him 'x') but he was in a relationship,  and then i started to see someone and he wanted me back,

So you all see, it was like an unpleasant game of hide and seek, we wanting each other when we were already seeing someone else.

after that (about three years ago), we hung out together and i, at this time, had started practicing celibacy and respecting my body and anyone who respects my choice. x and i saw a numbers of times but no sexual intimacy took place leaving us tense,

Now, the problem is whenever i try to date anyone, i size the guy to 'x' and now, i have ended up single and worry that i will be too heart broken when i hear that he is getting married,  i don't know if he is dating anyone but he is well into that age of settling down so i guess it could be anytime.

i know and have come to realise that we cant have any other other kind of relationship asides being just friends but that is so difficult for me even though i am trying my best.

i always really liked him and he knows, he likes me too but i dont know what was amiss in the past.  and just chose to ignore the reality,  i want to get him off my thoughts totally,  but dont want to rush into a relationship like i did in the past just to get over him.

sometimes, i forget all about him for days, even weeks then thoughts of him just manage to creep in from nowhere,  i have been praying to God to deliver me from this mess as i recognise it is a big problem.

please for anyone who has been in this situation or anything like it or anyone and everyone who can advice, please write on,  criticisms are welcome too.

these matters of the heart isnt at all for the faint-hearted oo, 


thanks.