I think the rate of insecurity is responsible for this in that the wife may feel unsafe bearing her husband's name rather she chooses to bear her fathers own incase the guy say i no do again

location:

I think the rate of insecurity is responsible for this in that the wife may feel unsafe bearing her husband's name rather she chooses to bear her fathers own incase the guy say i no do again

are you drunk
do u even have any idea what people have been talking about or you just finished your ogogoro n jumpeD in NL

This is a very vital topic Ithink it will be out of point for some to say people has move on pls move on to where? I dont see it as good enough for a woman bearing her fathers name after marriage her father is her father and her husband is her husband so in as far you are married your fathers name should step aside. This same "moving on" was what has corrupted the world in total today that most people lost value and prestige and throw responsibleness to the wind. I was sometime ago in this kind of argument and the lady in question I only asked her just one simple question when she said her mum told her to put her father name in her name after her wedding coming in December I only asked her what is your mother's name she told me I now said to her the second name belong to who he said his father oh so why not your mum bear her own father's name instead of her husband name she said no oo ah my father is a hard man he wont agree forevr I now told her can you see how foolish you are for lack of wisdom your said said do and you dont ask why, so I as a person I diagree with the idea a woman bearing her father's name after marriage.

One of the best things to happen to world culture in recent decades is the increase in the ability of women to choose. It strikes me as a bit wierd, then, why a woman would choose to bear the name of a man (her father), when she had no choice in that matter, over the name of a man (her husband) when she chose him above ALL others. When my wife brought it up, I absolutely nixed it. I think it speaks of a need to hang on to an identity instead of moving forward as one. If you are in, be all in. It may be symbolic but it is an important symbol. Our parents got marriage (mostly right). We seem to be trying our hardest to screw things up.

I am not surprised at anything that happens in this modern day anymore! When a man can openly marry another man. With the mad increase in the number of the animals in human form practising homosexualism and lesbianism, a married woman retaining her father's name is a 'small thing'. Imagine men doing it from the back and ladies licking each other private part and they claim that they were created like that. THEN WHY DID GOD DESTROY SODDOM & GOMORRAH?

nuzo:

The inferiority complex in most Nigerian men is overwhelming, hence the need to dominate nearest weaker person around them. In this case, their wives and sometimes children pay for their low self esteem. They barely can handle any change hence they end up killing or doing everything possible to subject their wives to the worst condition in an environment that does not support inequality ie USA. They wish they could maintain their archaic cultures by marrying as many wives as they could and turning them to sex slaves, baby machines and hard laborers.

Now, they are not only comparing their slaves Nigerian women to their American counterpart who are allowed to make their own decisions, they have decided to refer us to laws from the supposedly holy books that were written thousand of years ago to back up their chauvinist attitude.

But come on, I should know better. . . Nigerian women deserve exactly the treatment they are getting from their men. I mean, its heartbreaking to hear from some women here still talking about submission only from the wives when its supposed to be from both ways.

Now, dont get me wrong. I will be happy to have whoever will be my wife bear my surname. . . . but to force it on her simply because my ego will be hurt is nothing but being selfish, chauvinistic and archaic.

And a round of applause to nuzo.

FKseun:

I am not surprised at anything that happens in this modern day anymore! When a man can openly marry another man. With the mad increase in the number of the animals in human form practising homosexualism and lesbianism, a married woman retaining her father's name is a 'small thing'. Imagine men doing it from the back and ladies licking each other private part and they claim that they were created like that. THEN WHY DID GOD DESTROY SODDOM & GOMORRAH?

Old soldiers like you might want to read nuzo's post.

I think those women that bear there fathers name paid for their hand in marriage either directly or indirectly. Some how think their husband name alone isn't justifiable.

For me its quite simple.If a woman isnt happy bearing my name and my name alone,then keep your father's name.Someone out there would be more than happy to bear my name.My mother didnt do it,why should my wife?If there is something soooo important about keeping your dad's name, enjoy and stay in his house.Maybe bear his children tooo

I don't see anything wrong in a lady keeping her father's surname after marriage. Nevertheless, i would not allow it happen in my case. My mother had to abandon her father's name when she married my father and she's not worse for it. Why should my wife hang onto her father's name? Someone says it gives a sense of security and togetherness with her family but the fact is that whether she retains the name or not, her family is her family and a change of surname does not change her membership of her father's family. Some men may accept it but eventually some begin to feel they have made a mistake especially when the ladies' father's name eclipses his own name like Obasanjo-Bello. The Obj totally eclipses the Bello so much so that few people would notice the presence of Bello. She had no choice in being born to her father but she had a choice in getting married to her husband. Since she chose him, she gets the whole package including the husband's name. Such a thing makes the man feel insecure (yes, we men do feel insecure sometimes) and feel that his wife would pick her father over him.

How about men changing to their wife's name? Now how about that?

@ poster

tell us why u mad, son? why does it bother u what women choose to do with their names? this is the 21st century, a woman has the right to bear whatever name she so pleases. deal with it or end ur pitiful life. u can't have ur way on this cos some women will continue to bear their fathers name along side their husbands name. so, like i said accept it or kpeme.

Mad_Max:

My husband took my surname. He married me, I married him, our new surname is a compound of my family and his family's surnames. We bear it proudly. Sue us poster.My father's name has been a part of my identity all my life, and it's not a small part. My husband understood that. I was going to simply hyphenate the surnames, since he's the most important person in my life by far. But he joined my father's surname to his without my asking it of him. It never even occurred to me. He just blew me away and left me speechless with how much I love him. It's a very brave thing for a man to do, and to be honest it sounded strange and I was a little worried about it at first. But only briefly, it made so much sense when he explained. It was much easier for me to effect the name change in Nigeria than he in his home country though. Reading the various responses of the men on this thread shows a stunning disparity in outlook to life, and it's not taking account of little things like this that get some women in trouble in their haste to get married. Beautifully said, Nuzo. Beautifully said.

I like that. ur husband is a brave man.
forget the pathetic poster, he can drink acid if he doesn't like it

lol yall ladies dont be surprised if the men screaming submission are the ones that sit on couch all day watching telly or playing video games while their wives work.
one can't seem but wonder why the murder of Nigerian women by their husbands has been on the rise? it's the handiwork of these pathetic, insecure men.

IgboGirl:

@ poster

tell us why u mad, son? why does it bother u what women choose to do with their names? this is the 21st century, a woman has the right to bear whatever name she so pleases. deal with it or end your pitiful life. u can't have your way on this cos some women will continue to bear their fathers name along side their husbands name. so, like i said accept it or kpeme.

Are you married?

^^ Good question

Wait oh Poster. . . . please tell me your grief. What is wrong with a woman deciding to bear her father's name into marriage? As long as her children bear only their father's (her husband's) name, where is the problem?

We live in times where women no longer marry at 20. And so a girl is known for 25 yrs of her life as Nike Sola, if she married Tunji Debo and bore Nike Debo, non of her friends or people who used to know her as Nike S[b][/b]ola  would know just from seeing her name.
However, Nike Sola-Debo would make more sense.
Women are now achievers and we recognise that we 'come from somewhere'.

You men need to stop this whole 'wanting to own a woman completely'. Thats what makes women go on this whole 'independent woman' trip.
If a woman says she loves you and agrees to marry you, please, what and where is the problem with her carrying her father's name along.
Slow down now

nuzo:

Now, they are not only comparing their slaves Nigerian women to their American counterpart who are allowed to make their own decisions, they have decided to refer us to laws from the supposedly holy books that were written thousand of years ago to back up their chauvinist attitude.

If you refer to the Holy Bible as 'the supposedly holy books that were written thousand of years ago', then you're an IDIOT!!!

bebrief:

If you refer to the Holy Bible as 'the supposedly holy books that were written thousand of years ago', then you're an IDIOT!!!

I know your type. The type that use the bible to soothe your ingrained evil ways. You better change.

stillwater:

I know your type. The type that use the bible to soothe your ingrained evil ways. You better change.

Se you know.

See his other thread. If this is not inferiority complex, I wonder what it is.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-352841.0.html#msg4944817

stillwater:

See his other thread. If this is not inferiority complex, I wonder what it is?

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-352841.0.html#msg4944817

Hmm

chidexy:

The ladies have earned certificates, recognitions etc before getting married. For ease of identification, they hyphenate their maiden names - no qualms about that and shouldn't concern or threaten anybody

@poster, Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, has a partner, but doesn't bear his name. Merkel is her father's name

In 1977, the former Angela Kasner married physics student Ulrich Merkel. The marriage ended in divorce in 1982.

stillwater:

I know your type. The type that use the bible to soothe your ingrained evil ways. You better change.

I wonder what the world has turned into. No guidance, no values, They even have no reverence for the Bible.

bebrief:

I wonder what the world has turned into. No guidance, no values, They even have no reverence for the Bible.

Bro, this is not the religion section. But I'l answer you.
Im tired of people using their books of faith to shut people up, especially when they misquote (I didnt say you did) from them.

If the Bible is Holy to you, fine, but I doubt anyone's values or guidance can be judged by YOUR book of faith.
After all if it were so, Nigeria would be paradise, considering how many churches we have and how many of them call the Bible 'Holy' and dont go by a SINGLE word of it.
All those thieves in Senate and in government should be saints since they too read the Bible and Quaran.

Everytime a Nigerian runs out of arguments, he tries to shut his competitor up with words from the Bible or Quaran, quoting them as Holy word. But he only remembers these 'Holy words' when he pleases, and doesnt use these words to check his own behaviour!
Please lets leave faith and books of faith out of this.

IgboGirl:

I like that. your husband is a brave man.
forget the pathetic poster, he can drink acid if he doesn't like it  

Lol

So what parameter are we going to use in resolving this issue.?  

So their old friends can still find 'em on facebook

bebrief:

I wonder what the world has turned into. No guidance, no values, They even have no reverence for the Bible.

yeah because the bible is the only book of morals. self-righteous hypocrites. You know how to quote the bible when it suits you but ignore it when comes to premarital sex and the likes.

bawomolo:

yeah because the bible is the only book of morals. self-righteous hypocrites. You know how to quote the bible when it suits you but ignore it when comes to premarital sex and the likes.

LOL,

1st we have ask you made a condition that when a woman marry, she should bear her husbands name? Even in the bible it didn't say the woman should discard her fathers name and bear the name of her husband for the sake of submission. This is a culture we borrowed from the Europe or the western world.

I did not see anything wrong in a woman bearing a her fathers name. Infact, there is need for women to stop bearing the name of their husbands. Most women re-marry when their 1st husband die. Most women re-marry when they are divorced. Should they keep on changing names anytime they have change of a husband? Why should a woman bear the name of a man who, in some cases treat her like an animal? In the sense of fairness, justice and equality, a woman should keep the name of her surname prior to her marriage.

All you guys are sexist, ignorant, uneducated pigs- a woman has the right to bear any name she wants, she is not your property.

Tsiya:

1st we have ask you made a condition that when a woman marry, she should bear her husbands name? Even in the bible it didn't say the woman should discard her fathers name and bear the name of her husband for the sake of submission. This is a culture we borrowed from the Europe or the western world.

I did not see anything wrong in a woman bearing a her fathers name. Infact, there is need for women to stop bearing the name of their husbands. Most women re-marry when their 1st husband die. Most women re-marry when they are divorced. Should they keep on changing names anytime they have change of a husband? Why should a woman bear the name of a man who, in some cases treat her like an animal? In the sense of fairness, justice and equality, a woman should keep the name of her surname prior to her marriage.

I go with what you are saying apart from including the bible, the bible is too big for this, I thought our women usually dropped the fathers name's for the husband's, this culture is a borrowed tradition of the white man,

In time past it was done the old fashioned way of wives bearing the husband's name until marriage in the white's man land entered contract, that's why it is what it is now, what's the need to bear your name when I know it is purely on contract or a court sealed marriage, but sadly enough it has been used wrongly and its widespread,

It's just like the word Zap, it original meaning is FORNICATION UNDER THE CONSENT OF THE KING, if u you had a pass like these from King Henry of England then you were allowed to have sex with ur partner, if not jail term awaits offenders, then check out the use of the word today.