Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? - Culture (7) - Nairaland
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| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by londoner: 1:26pm On Nov 21, 2009 |
All these men citing the bible and tradition dont even realise that both oppose eachother directly when it comes to marraige. The Bible states very cleary that the MAN is to LEAVE his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Tradition says the EXACT OPPOSITE, that the man should, stay put in his fathers household and it is the WOMAN who leaves her own family to come to him. The man NEVER leaves his fathers combound, he is expected rather to prepare a place in his fathers compound for his wife and children. Now you tell me how you can satisfy one without contravening the other? Both are very clear on what is expacted and both oppose eachother. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by bebrief(m): 1:47pm On Nov 21, 2009 |
Pharoh: I wonder what else she wants. Lol!  |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by agitator: 11:39am On Nov 22, 2009 |
londoner: So you will give your father's name to your children, shebi? For it not to die out. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Nobody: 11:40am On Nov 23, 2009 |
Be brief, my Grandfather had four daughters and FIVE Sons. My own father had FIVE daughters, NO boys. So you will give your father's name to your children, shebi? For it not to die out. The tread is now recycling. To solve this once & 4all, a man should let his wife bear his last name if he wants to keep the tradition/ or religion, OR allow his wife to bear her father's name indicating that she married him into her family as it is practised in India where the woman pays the "groom's price". Be African or other race, is left for u to choose! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Lacuzy: 12:45pm On Nov 23, 2009 |
The most important thing is that you have a name which i think everybody is entitled 2 for a married woman to bear her fathers name the husband must have approved it and they should have reasons for doing that. So the poster should stop bugging himself over some peoples decision over their lives. Moreover what of situations whereby the woman bears her husbands name and the children changes their names not bearing either the father nor the mothers name does it make them worst people cos whether you bear your fathers or husbands name doesnt make her a better person or a bad person. Mr poster man what do you want in a woman ? Is it the name or , The world is thinking better than that , Africa espacially Nigeria is has moved on. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Nobody: 7:43pm On Nov 23, 2009 |
for goodness sakes there"s no big deal in a woman bearing her father"s name after marriage,for me she"s just trying to say hey i"m married i have my own family now but ure still my family.period,it has absolutely notin 2 do with submission,i wonder why ego,and chauvenistic attitudes has taken over nigerian men!for me i"ll soon be married,i"ve told my fiancee dat i"ll be bearing my fathers name after marriage n he was ok bout it!!!gosh!!!!nigerian men rilly nid 2 slow down on a lot of tins,u guys take so many immaterial n trivial issues so personal!!!!!   |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by londoner: 8:09pm On Nov 23, 2009 |
Agitator, I already said the hyphenated name will also be passed on to the children. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by bebrief(m): 10:12am On Nov 24, 2009 |
Come to think of it, all these hyphenated names really makes no sense, cos they are just short-lived.  |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by bebrief(m): 4:38pm On Nov 24, 2009 |
kulyie: Don't forget the name will be for you alone. Cos your husband won't bear your father's name alongside his. You'll have to tell him you also want your kids to bear your father's name. I bet he'll agree too . And be sure what you'll be addressed as a couple Mr and Mrs kulyie- . I doubt if your family will appreciate this favor you're doing them. It just doesn't make sense!!! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by bebrief(m): 4:42pm On Nov 24, 2009 |
londoner: You must be joking! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Nobody: 3:22pm On Nov 30, 2009 |
I dont know why ladies like kulyie want to wrong the right? Can a woman say i've found my lost rib? A rib was taken out of Adam to create Eve, his wife. He called her ''woman'' meaning ''from man''. So a man finds his lost rib, the name (last name) of the woman will authomatically come from the husbands'. Therefore, she is no longer addressed as 'Miss' but 'Mrs'- stating she's now married to Mr, (last name of the husband) and not that of her fathers'. Note: A woman who bears her father's name as Mrs, is only saying she's married to her father. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by londoner: 3:56pm On Nov 30, 2009 |
Kennyaribs, what you have written is not even biblical. The bible says the man should leave his fathers house to come to the woman, not that the woman has now come to him. African men stay in their fathers house, there is no basis in the bible for it. its a culture of the people and has nothing to do with the bible at all. Just face facts, and stop trying to make God's word back you up on something we have come up with ourselves. The truth is, there is no mention in the bible of surnames either for men or women (married or otherwise). Its a culture which human beings have come up with ourselves. Have you ever heard of a surname in the bible? |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Pharoh: 7:48pm On Nov 30, 2009 |
londoner: There is no surname in the bible and bearing your husband's name has to do with the culture. So should we throw our culture away?. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by londoner: 8:01pm On Nov 30, 2009 |
Pharoh: Noone said you have to throw culture away, but people should stop hiding behind the bible and God in order not to cjange the status quo. Also, culture is made for people and we do and have adjusted what we carry with us as "culture" over the years. I feel I can also have my own practices within my home and family according to what the individuals involved require and deem appropriate. My guess is that many men are opposed to the idea because their ego wouldn't be able to stand it. Its more about how they feel their position is in the family and moreso how (subconsciously) he feels the woman belongs TO him rather than WITH him. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Pharoh: 8:47pm On Nov 30, 2009 |
londoner: You are right people should stop using the bible as cover for what is clearly a cultural matter. Obviously some cultures we don't deem reasonable has to go away just like we have done to the killing of twins. Cultures like we need seven human head to bury the king and stuffs like that. You even answered it the way i have always advocated that the individuals involved should discuss it before modifying such cultures. There is a catch to this culture modification which if we discussed here will lead to another dimension. I know you will surely throw the ego and possession angle to this issue at hand, good you threaded carefully by guessing.  You think only men has got ego's to protect and not women?. I tell you women has ego as well but it has not been challenged so they always accuse men. All the male ego's are now being challenged with terms like slavery and real men. It will be nice if you show other evidence apart from this surname issue that will point out the position of a man in the family?.A wife belongs to her husband IMO and not with her husband. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by bebrief(m): 6:24pm On Dec 03, 2009 |
No one is using the bible to justify culture or anything like that. In the bible, men were refereed to based on their father's name (eg Ahimaaz son of Zadok) or their origin (eg Jesus of Nazareth) or what they are known for ( eg their profession or skills). These served as surnames. So, the argument that 'there is no surname in the bible' does not hold water. Surnames were not used, especially for women, because women belonged to their husbands and so they were either addressed as 'married to' or 'betrothed to'. Talking about cultures. In the bible, for instance, women were not counted during census (like the feeding of the five thousand). Also, a woman's witness was not regarded in the courts. But all these have changed, but they are in the bible. Let's face the African reality. Unlike the west with so much interracial mixing, we value 'honorable' family ties and norms. It is dis-honorable for a woman to leave her husband's name for that of her father. Marriage goes beyond friendship or lovemaking. It is an-irrevocable bond 'for better for worse'. I guess most women who think of bearing their father's name are trying to 'play safe'. They're just inviting the devil to do the rest, and soon, they'll find a reason to break-up. It is important that we teach the younger generation what is honorable and what is not. We must be able to pick the good traits in our culture like this one (for married women to bear their husband's name) and leave out the bad ones (like killing of twins and the likes). Africa has come of age to know what good lies within her palms. We should not strip ourselves of all we are!!! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by vanitty: 6:31pm On Dec 03, 2009 |
actually i think Nigerian women are one of those that can be fussed to change their names, other nationalities don't even bother |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by chillbabe(f): 3:14am On Dec 10, 2009 |
@topic i put my husband name first and my fathers name second and am not a Nigerian so ure post doesn't make any sence |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 9:41am On Dec 10, 2009 |
vanitty:You sound like a fool. Cos most places in the world women DO change their names. Nigerian women are not forced, they get married and change their names. So stop talking trash.  chillbabe:Well your reply sounds like you didnt even READ the post in the first place. If youre not a nigerian woman and if your fathers name is second, then why on earth are you replying to the post?  |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by vanitty: 11:39am On Dec 10, 2009 |
Rosabelle: Rosabelle didn't your parents/teacher/sunday school teacher how to communicate in public? You can disagree without being insultive. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Pharoh: 5:43pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
vanitty: That's modern Nigerian ladies for you but just overlook it because of the fact that we type behind the PC. @Rosabelle I find it hard to believe that you typed those responses above because i regard you a lot and i know you just somehow always sound bitter when it comes to men vs women topics. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by chillbabe(f): 6:50pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
@rosabella i think this is an open forum 4 everybody 2 reply. For ure info am a nigerian by marrige if u had read other comments off the origenal poster u would understand my reply. Btw how old r u adults dnt communicate by insult. More so am tired off some Nigerian men bashing my sisters. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 7:31pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
chillbabe:I just find it irritating how you non nigerian women seem to like to CLAIM to stand above nigerian women. I didnt insult you, I insulted Vannity cos she's talking about how only nigerian women can be FORCED, like we're under our men. Now to you. You said already you have your husbands name first and your fathers name second? So if your fathers name were Smith and your husbands name John, I understand you to mean you answer John-Smith? ? ? ? Correct me if Im wrong, for this is what I understood by your comment? And thats why Im wondering why youre replying in the first place vanitty:I didnt go to sunday school. And secondly, Im tired of seeing such comments as yours. What on earth do you mean by "only nigerian women can be forced into changing their names". . . . ? ? ? ? Pharoh:Well she did sound a bit silly talking about "nigerian women" as if other women in the world dont change their names after marriage. Im still waiting for someone to tell me Im wrong in my conclusions of both their replies, cos I really would like to know if I have said somethign wrong! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by vanitty: 7:35pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
there is a difference between fussed and forced my dear. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 7:39pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
vanitty:Oh Im sorry. Kindly tell me the difference . . . cos I thought that was a typo? ? If its not, then what do you mean by "fussed" You can make a fuss, but Im not sure you can be "fussed" into changing a name, . . . whereas you can be "forced". , . .kindly explain! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 7:46pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Pharoh:And Mr Pharoh, kindly explain to me what the two ladies meant, since my reaction is that of a "modern nigerian lady". You dont have to kiss ass my friend. Dont piss me off. If I was wrong in my interpretation of their comments, then I'd apologise, but if I wasnt, then please just chill, cos I am justifiably aggressive. It makes me sick to read the stuff nigerians say sometimes, but I wont listen to the crap from non-nigerians too!!! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by vanitty: 7:56pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Am not about to deliver a English lesson here but http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fussed i never said "into" i said fussed to Next time read clearly and understand before you eagerly reply |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Pharoh: 8:37pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Rosabelle: I think maybe you did not initially understand what she was trying to say, she said she changed her name and at the same time still kept her fathers name. So what she was trying to say is that women do change their names to their husband names. She is speaking in both capacity as a foreign and Nigeria lady (By marriage) that women do take on their husband names and sometimes still keep their father names along with it ( Dropping one of thier names). You did not need to attack her because she was not looking down on Nigerian women but supporting them. For clarity sake she is married to a Nigerian man so why would she look down on Nigerian women? In summary she is saying nigerian women do take up their husband names ( solely) and sometimes add their fathers name to it like her own case and Iyabo Bello Obasanjo. Rosabelle: For the second poster i think the word was not mistyped but maybe the structure was not so right hence your mis-interpretation. I think she was trying to say there is some kind of worry if a nigerian lady will change her name or not while in other countries women just changes it without any worries or problem. Its not that they have to force them to change it but some men do have problems with Nigerian women changing their name why in other countries he suggested that the women changes it immediately without any worries or problem. Now to you, you might be wrong or not in your interpretation, that i don't know for now but what i was trying to let you know is that your message tone was just a little bit harsh and confrontational. I am not kissing any backside sister and sorry if i pissed you off but i am just trying to be civil as from now on because confrontational arguments does us no good. It will lead to insults and fighting, we are adults and friends so lets keep the arguments on a safe plane.Hope you get me now or you like my former self? Off topic Anyway how are you doing? wish you a wonderful Christmas and fulfilled new year in advance. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 8:41pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Sorry madame. You might be the one in need of that little lesson. You cant be "fussed" to change a name. You can however make a "fuss" about changing a name. Neither applies to the nigerian woman changing her name after marriage. vanitty:And I maintain, other nationalities DO BOTHER about the women changing their names. They "fuss" about it a lot. So please dont talk about stuff you dont know. I dont care where you come from, but you need to have been to all corners of nigeria before running off at the mouth about what nigerian women are "fussed" to do or what we "fuss" about or not! |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Pharoh: 8:51pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Rosabelle: Now you got what she was trying to say and you are right women all over the world fuss about changing their names from one reason to another and they are legitimate IMO 40% :  For the sake of their career For the sake of their identity For their family background To question the rational behind that culture The hassles and stress involved in such a task Many More They are very legitimate reasons but they should not be aggressive or stubborn when sorting this out with their hubby. |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by Rosabelle(f): 8:56pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
Well Mr Pharoh . . thank you for your mediation I maintain, the question was directed to NIGERIAN WOMEN. Nigerian by marriage is cool, but not if your opinions are based on your knowing only one or two nigerians, namely, the person youre married to and a few others who in no way reflect the culture of 130million people. Thats why I sounded so harsh. They didnt express themselves correctly. "Fussing" about a name change, I still dont think is only an issue in Nigeria. It is looked upon everywhere these days, as women wanting to be independent. Merry Christmas to you too |
| Re: Why do Nigerian Women Bear Their Father's Name, After Marriage? by chiogo(f): 9:12pm On Dec 10, 2009 |
@poster, and exactly how is this your problem? Some people will NEVER mind their business. If a woman who isn't your wife decides to keep her maiden name, wetin concern you? And they wonder why Nigeria is the way it is. Rubbish |
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