refiner:


Thanks

SmartyPants:
Refiner tell us the full story. The real reason you want to leave is not just because the man won't stop, it is because you actually have feelings for him. Not judging or trying to shame you here, but a problem correctly identified is a problem half solved.

You have correctly identified distance as the solution, however it is not necessarily physical distance but rather emotional distance that will work.

Or will you go through life leaving every church or quitting every job because a married man likes you?
You are still emotionally vested in him, so for as much as you might ask him to stay away with your words, your body language is probably saying something else. Deal with your feelings for him and the problem is solved.

Chidonc:
read the passage again.

Beey:
Didn't you read the part where she said that she already told the pastor, but even after warning from Pastor, he still was persistent?

BoboYekini:
Where do you all get this strange idea that she must have feelings for the creep? This is obviously a sexual predator hovering over a shy girl and catching cheap thrills. No doubt a loud overbearing youth 'leader'. Every church has the one.
Listen Refiner, stop being a wispy wallflower. Men can smell weakness and it's easy pickings for the hyenas. #truth
And by the way, whatever happened to going to church where your family attends? Small girls be forming Van Damme. Where you suppose put your foot down, mba. Na to dey do agidi 'I will choose myself'. You had it coming.

HarunaWest:

my reply was for the initial post, itz obvious it been re edited... ahbeg free me

MrPRevailer:


Doing such might be effective but have dangerous repercussions. As you know people can do disastful things in the name of Love SORRY Lust. Like school/church shootings, suicide, beating wife out of frustration.

Maintain and increase your distance from him. And Pray to the living God who can turn his heart away from you.

If you decide to leave, the best church I can recommend to you is THE LORD'S CHOSEN @Ijesha Bustop. (The HQ). There are also branches close to you.

SmartyPants:


Didn't you read through her opening post?

Primary evidence:

1. She stated that the guy likes talking to her. This implies she was doing some talking back.
2. The man called her his best friend openly, which ordinarily a man would only do if he has enough reason to believe that he enjoys at least a close friendship with the lady in question. Interestingly, in her OP, she never denies this friendship.
3. She never makes mention of having any issues with this man's closeness to her. Actually form her write up, her only problem is the look the woman gives her.
4. She mentioned that the guy keeps a seat for her. Which she voluntarily used to occcupy ostensibly until the noticed the uncomfortable look from the wife.
5. The wife was begging her "with her eyes", which means to the wife, the young lady is complicit, which implies that she may have behaved in a way that demonstrated some form of reciprocity.

Secondary evidence:

1. Young girls are impressionable and easily attracted to leaders. Especially charismatic young leaders.
2. Further, the easiest way to make a woman fall for you and stay fallen for you, is to show her emotional affection. This guy has done that to the point where he considers her his best friend.
3. I have discovered by practical experience, that women very easily cross emotional lines without admitting it. I have had my friends girlfriends saying funny things to me, i have had my girlfriend's friends saying funny things to me, and even observed my some of my girlfriends behave in funny ways to other guys.

To reach that level of friendship, where the man's wife became uncomfortable and the man could openly do the things he was doing, it takes two to tango. Fact.

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...The Word says, Flee all appearances of EVIL! Run from him and find peace elsewhere. Remember, God isn't constrained by space or Time, so you can worship Him everywhere!

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

dingbang:
Tell his wife u don't like d way he is coming too closer to u. Problem solved

Splinz:


Okay. Now listen...

When next he comes close to you, give him a very thunderous and earth shaking slap. I mean, slap him as if your life depends on it.

And yes, if after the slap and his mumuism still never fly comot, then take this next and final step.

On a normal Sunday afternoon, at the very climax of the church service, walk up to the alter and grab the microphone and say: 'Abeg make una open una ear well well for this special announcement wey I want yarn una now now now. Shebi una see that ashawo man over there (pointing at his direction)? Abeg, make una help me beg am to leave me alone ooo. Else, the next time him come near me, na thunder from sango and amadioha combined go fire am'.

When you're done, just drop the mic there and begin go your house. Problem solved.

holocron:
There is a mutual attraction between the two of you. Deep within you, you want him too, and he can sense this. You are the one unconsciously encouraging him.

There is nothing the pastor or anyone can do to stop this mutual attraction. Only distance can work. If you are sincere, and don't want to cause a scandal, then change your church. If he then follows you there, or to the house, then you people can keep it descreet.

Though I wonder the kind of worship u people say you are doing in the churches these days. Must you go to church?

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

Please your advice will be appreciated...

holocron:
There is a mutual attraction between the two of you. Deep within you, you want him too, and he can sense this. You are the one unconsciously encouraging him.

There is nothing the pastor or anyone can do to stop this mutual attraction. Only distance can work. If you are sincere, and don't want to cause a scandal, then change your church. If he then follows you there, or to the house, then you people can keep it descreet.

Though I wonder the kind of worship u people say you are doing in the churches these days. Must you go to church?

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

holocron:
There is a mutual attraction between the two of you. Deep within you, you want him too, and he can sense this. You are the one unconsciously encouraging him.

There is nothing the pastor or anyone can do to stop this mutual attraction. Only distance can work. If you are sincere, and don't want to cause a scandal, then change your church. If he then follows you there, or to the house, then you people can keep it descreet.

Though I wonder the kind of worship u people say you are doing in the churches these days. Must you go to church?

ukandi1:
As a married man, I have seen this before. It doesn't just fade away by mere reprimands or threats. Better leave d church. Ur salvation was never tied to a particular worship centre. Pls leave d church and never look back.
Had to leave for a lady I found too appealing to me. My wife never knew whybi had to change . asked me one day and I told her it was because of distance. The very lady in question was out to get me . and believe me, I found her very tempting and appealing.

Splinz:


Okay. Now listen...

When next he comes close to you, give him a very thunderous and earth shaking slap. I mean, slap him as if your life depends on it.

And yes, if after the slap and his mumuism still never fly comot, then take this next and final step.

On a normal Sunday afternoon, at the very climax of the church service, walk up to the alter and grab the microphone and say: 'Abeg make una open una ear well well for this special announcement wey I want yarn una now now now. Shebi una see that ashawo man over there (pointing at his direction)? Abeg, make una help me beg am to leave me alone ooo. Else, the next time him come near me, na thunder from sango and amadioha combined go fire am'.

When you're done, just drop the mic there and begin go your house. Problem solved.