I just had a conversation with a female friend of mine... [she's married...]

Apparently there was an issue between them which they just sorted out, and she made the observation to her hubby that whenever they had a falling-out or arguement [let me not say quarrel], he refuses eat her food.. with things going to the point of her now even asking him whether or not he wants to be served food at meal times whenever there are un-sorted issues, lest the food go to waste...

Anyhow, this was the content of my response to her...

"u women never learn... a man needs peace in his home.. he needs to feel like he's king.. like the 'Champion' of all spark plugs.. like he's the Lord and Master of his own Personal domain.. he doesn't need to fight battles outside, and come home and the war continues.. he knows that sometimes he's wrong.. but even at that he doesnt need it rubbed in his face.. when one small church-rat of a Arrow now provides that level of comfort outside, u women will now scream bloody murder.. forgetting that u were the ones who started the war in the first place.. "

Well.. suffice for it to be said that she obviously didn't agree with me.. and seeks another opinion.. So I throw this to all the learned ones in the house... to our fora of "Elders"... to the "Alagbas"

What do you feel

what exactly are u asking the elders to comment on?

The home should not be a battleground. Husband and wife should be able to accept each other completely. You should be able to count on your spouse to be on your sideat all times. Wife should realise that her husband has a big, big ego (it's a curse) and once she can manage that ego she can control him like a puppy ... husband should never reject food from the wife no matter how angry he is. If wife cannot handle his gargantuan ego, a small girl from outside who can do that will easily steal him away.

Just talkin'

i dont believe in making d home a battleground especially if they have kids. i have pesonally experienced it b4 and it is no good 4 d kids especially at d young stage of life (yes, my parents r seperated or divorced)anyway it is not good dats all i can say. u guys r making me cry now cos u remind me of those days

Don't worry, ashley. Yours will be much better.

Any words of wisdom for the couple

There is insufficient information for us to offer any advice. Is there a problem you want us to solve, or do you just want us to tell you that what you told the woman (she didn't ask for it) is right?

I was just refering to general advice for newly-weds to keep happiness in the home... I'll have to obtain permission before I can release further information... [u know in these days of copy-right and privacy laws, one needs to confirm the boundaries, lest one get sued... 

General Advice:
1) Learn all you can about marriage from marriage counselors and authors who write from experience. Especially those who share your religious convictions.
2) Practice what you've learnt. Keep practicing until you're very good at it.

In most fields of life we look to experts to teach us, and we use our common sense. But for some reason in the issue of love and marriage we like to use our emotions and feelings and look to movies and novels for inspiration!

But novels and movies are not reality... 

That is my point. it's better to learn from reality. I think it's better to learn from those who have successful marriages as well as those who spend their time trying to help people fix their marriages.

Such wisdom when peolpe decide to be wise. May all your marriages be filled with bliss... and ashley never feel what happened to ur parents will ahppen to you. Its for u to learn. take care.

thank you ,all women should know men like to be treated like kings of the jungle with no contension,but some women or ladies are yet to learn how to keep men form jnr ladies who pretend to love but when they get you ,then ,the second assault starts and she forgets the psot is for men.You are right for not eating but remember food donn cost

Seun. Marriage counselors? I think only men adhere to their advice a little. Women don't seem to believe in any body's advice except their own. Anyway, the marriage councilor may be having more problems in his or her backyard that you you can ever imagine. It is only common sense and a little understanding of women that can keep a marriage going. If you are lucky to be happy for thirty minutes out of twenty four hours in a day in your marriage then thank God.

i love the sound of what seun is theorizing

cletuskpelle:
Seun. Marriage counselors? I think only men adhere to their advice a little. Women don't seem to believe in any body's advice except their own

I have a funny feeling that you are talking from experience! But the conventional wisdom is that women are usually the first to ask for help or advice where a relationship is concerned. (That) men will prefer to assert that there's no problem or that they can fix the problem without any help from 'an outsider'.

Well, I believe in my judgement but I'm also not ashamed to ask for help from people when I can see that they have more relevant experience. Certainly there must be some women who are so ... wonderful ... that they fit cletuspelle's description . Poor husbands.

I think in everything in life(marriage included) it is good to have someone you might call a Mentor of some sorts.

When it comes to marriage, especially these days,couples prefer to go it alone and that is the most pitiable part.When things go wrong,they then run to the family....what should have been in the first place.Dem dey always believe say one member of the family "hates" them.

Seun, you said something about getting advice from marriage counselors. Nobody can actually be a true marriage counselor than a man who has been able to live with a 'loving' spouse for ages without hanging himself. That is to say that all men are marriage counselors no matter how pretentious some of us might be.

@ cletuskpelle.
you are damn right .

If every home is a castle where everyone in the home is loved and cherished, either will have no desire to wander as a bird.

Marriage is one of the things in life you don't have an institution to learn from before going into it but funny enough, sometimes it's referred to as "The institution of marriage".
No matter how careful you are, you are bound to experience some difficult moments so I advice that you learn from people who are in it b4 going in. And for husbands rejecting food, pls the woman would feel it so much because of the stress it took her to prepare it. So, pls guys no matter how annoyed you are, manage to eat the food. Afterall na your money

You are taking about husband refusing food from his wife, what about the woman refusing sleep on the same bed with her husband when having mis-understanding?

Although i enjoy the message. Please kindly help me elite some heartless woman that drove their husband out for the young girls.

I wouldn't say some of them are heartless but rather they should be careful of their temperament.

Women are weaker vessel and men shouldn't just forget that but am not disputing the fact that certain women can be very, very stubborn.

my only advice is dont discuss your marriage with outsiders

Nucca, please define outsiders?what category are nairalanders?insiders abi?