singlefade25:

esotericjules:
This post is a blog post from http://www.9jagirlfriends.com

I’m certain most of my 9jagirlfriends who are single, 24 and above have experienced some amount of pressure from loved ones, colleagues, boss, church members or even the dreaded haters all asking when you will finally join the marriage train.

Some of the pressuring can be of various types, like the subtle, seemingly harmless curiosity of your old secondary school mate who hits you up on Facebook after a few year of communication and asks “Jenny, Are you married?” or the almost hostile inquisition by your mother “Shola, when are you bringing our in-law to see us, you know you are not a baby again, and your time is flying by like a hurricane wind” or is it the almost fanatical concern of your pastor who after every church service calls you into his office and holds a ten minutes hot prayer section on your head asking God for nothing other than a Husband for you, you find out that the value of this husband decreases drastically as your age increases. When you’re 22, the pastor hammers prayer for a very wealthy husband, who probably lives in the abroad, preferably America or London. At 26, the husband can still be wealthy but don’t necessarily need to live in the abroad. At 29, the husband can be just an average hardworking man. At 32, the pastor prays for just a husband with no qualities attached to his supplication. Then at the very ripe old age of 35, the pastor starts praying and fasting almost daily with a feverish undertone of panic for “just any man, any man, be it who should come and locate your daughter….oh Lord.”

You find out that as time goes by all these pressuring starts to get into your head and create some very unpleasant thoughts up there. You start wondering to yourself, I’m I normal, what did my married friends do that I’m not doing right?, there must be an ancestral curse behind my singlehood, you spend hours in front of the mirror analyzing yourself and convincing yourself that you are not beautiful or worthy enough to attract a suitor.

These thoughts like torrential rainfall on a sloppy land begin to erode your mindset and total well being, when you run across an old friends message notification on Facebook you don’t even bother opening and reading the message for fear of that dreadful question. The pressure ways down on you so much so that you begin to look older than you age, making the prospect of landing the husband harder.

You might be thinking that you’re all alone in this battle, But I can assure you that you’re not, because there are thousands of Nigerian girls out there that are also facing these same challenges and here are seven tips on how we can all manage that grinding pressure.

7 TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE THE PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED

1. BE HAPPY: Happiness is one of the keys to living a fulfilling life. Just as other keys to different thing are hard to come by so is happiness. You might be thinking, how can I be happy in this situation I’m in. But why can’t you be happy?, don’t you know that there are benefits to being single?, your doubt me, ok, here are a few. As a single chick you have the freedom to spend your time any way you please, you still have the freedom to date different guys and choose which is best for you, you don’t wake up early in the morning to feed a baby whose intent is to scream down the whole house, you are not subject to having sex every night with round the clock demanding Hot husband, you are not juggling your professional work with the work of raising children, and all the money you’re making now is only for you, you’re more healthy as a single cause some studies have shown that bad relationships or marriage can actually make you physically unhealthy. I know all these might sound selfish but we all have to be selfish to be selfless, and for a marriage to be successful each partner needs a healthy dose of selflessness.

2. PUT YOUR ENERGY TOWARDS BUILDING YOUR CAREER OR BUSINESS:
When you’re busy chasing your career or building up a business, all the external marriage pressure you will encounter will seem highly inconsequential to the ones you face from growing your career or business. If you get a nagging call from your mum or a nosy question from that old friend on social media, when you get home at night you immediately fall asleep from exhaustion instead of drowning yourself in self-pitying thoughts. But if you wake up for morning, fold your hand, sit down dey look, you will treat every question or call as if your existence depends on Marriage.

3. ANSWER EACH QUESTION WITH A HEALTHY DOSE OF HUMOR:
Nothing will shut up every nosy person who pressures you about marriage more than your humorous reply. When that curious friend goes “Cindy why you never marry?’’you reply immediately and jokingly “Hehehe, I never ready to pack shit and cook round the clock’’ watch him/her clamp up and move to the next topic, if they persist, douse the conversation with more humour until they tire. Treat the subject lightly and watch others follow suit but treat it seriously and watch every dick and harry drag you to all the prayer ministries around town.

4 HAVE A PRIVATE DISCUSSION WITH YOUR CLOSE FAMILY AND FRIENDS: When I mean close family and friends I mean those people you can’t do without and when they hound you, you feel like you have no ally’s left in the world. When these set of people starts pressuring you about marriage, the pressure has a way of sinking deep and causing more damage to your psyche than that of any fella out there. Sit down with let’s say your mum and have a detailed dialogue with her about your reasons for not being married yet, your goals and aspiration now and when you finally tie the knot, how her pressuring affects you mentally, physically or otherwise and why you need her to be supportive of your decisions. I tell you any mother wey love you and her head done go listen to your yarn.

5. STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF: Deep within you, you know yourself. Whatever that makes you happy or comfortable, as long as you’re ain't hurting nobody, DO IT. However your psyche is wired don’t rewire it to suit someone else, who knows you might not even want to ever get married because of one or two reasons, stick to that as long as at the end of the day you’re happy, don’t let anybody tell you that what you need is deliverance to rewire you, as long as no be madness, carry go.

6. GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN: Having a place you call your own is like the true definition of domestic freedom. Having an accommodation of your own away from your family house will afford you more rest of mind and privacy that’s unequalled. If your family doesn’t get to see you every day at home, they will nag you less often. It’s as simple as that.

7. REMOVE THE WORD COMPROMISE FROM YOUR DICTIONARY: “Never, Ever compromise” this should be the mantra of all my fellow single 9jagirlfriends out there. The minute you compromise is the minute you walk into a very unpleasant marriage of had I knowns. I always try to remind myself of this. Whatever you want in a Husband or out of a marriage never succumbs to the pressure of marriage, keep going doggedly for it. Who is to say that we can’t have it all? Your married friends who tell you that you’re being unrealistic? Don’t mind them, they are simply jealous of the ability you still have to choose.

Go out there be confident and happy with who you are, what you have and where you are in life right now, cause the only option you have is to SLAY.

I don yarn finish. Wetin una think? Feel free to add your tips to the list and share your opinions.