Pls guys i need ur advic/opinion..i and my gal are ready to get married,we asked for the marriag list and i was given and her dad asked me to study it and cum bck for review on the tings i that am nt comfortabl with,wen we went for the review i and my uncle,most tings i asked for them to b reduced i was told cannot b reduced the straw that broke the camel bck was wen i asked dt ther should forgo the suit that was listed because i had mad it clear to them from the onset that we were only doin traditional,but her uncl (her dad senior bro)flamed up that he doesnt see any tin to reduc in d list inshort that he wasnt consulted b4 the list was given to me that it was too cheap that ntin will b reduced,i got angry that i asked dt av neva seen a traditional marriag wey the brid dad will collect suit for t.m...iv told her to talk to her dad,her elder broda kul me d next day that i shouldnt b angry that he will travel to d villag to talk to his dad,my question is does dt her uncle any right over her wen her dad is stil alive? [b]Pls guys i need ur advic/opinion..i and my gal are ready to get married,we asked for the marriag list and i was given and her dad asked me to study it and cum bck for review on the tings i that am nt comfortabl with,wen we went for the review i and my uncle,most tings i asked for them to b reduced i was told cannot b reduced the straw that broke the camel bck was wen i asked dt ther should forgo the suit that was listed because i had mad it clear to them from the onset that we were only doin traditional,but her uncl (her dad senior bro)flamed up that he doesnt see any tin to reduc in d list inshort that he wasnt consulted b4 the list was given to me that it was too cheap that ntin will b reduced,i got angry that i asked dt av neva seen a traditional marriag wey the brid dad will collect suit for t.m...iv told her to talk to her dad,her elder broda kul me d next day that i shouldnt b angry that he will travel to d villag to talk to his dad,my question is does dt her uncle any right over her wen her dad is stil alive? [/b]Pls guys i need ur advic/opinion..i and my gal are ready to get married,we asked for the marriag list and i was given and her dad asked me to study it and cum bck for review on the tings i that am nt comfortabl with,wen we went for the review i and my uncle,most tings i asked for them to b reduced i was told cannot b reduced the straw that broke the camel bck was wen i asked dt ther should forgo the suit that was listed because i had mad it clear to them from the onset that we were only doin traditional,but her uncl (her dad senior bro)flamed up that he doesnt see any tin to reduc in d list inshort that he wasnt consulted b4 the list was given to me that it was too cheap that ntin will b reduced,i got angry that i asked dt av neva seen a traditional marriag wey the brid dad will collect suit for t.m...iv told her to talk to her dad,her elder broda kul me d next day that i shouldnt b angry that he will travel to d villag to talk to his dad,my question is does dt her uncle any right over her wen her dad is stil alive?

so it is the Suit they asked you to buy that broke the camel's back? @op, as long as it only broke the camel's back and not your back, there is no need to panic. As long as you love your GF, buy whatever they ask you to buy and move on. I don't know why some families see marriage as a poverty alleviation program.

If you are NOT ready to buy the suit then STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!
all these foolish people who think that having a girl is a way to enrich themselves, via bride price, are deluded. They don't care about their daughter/niece, don't care about the type of marriage, they only see it as a way to get gifts. NONSENSE!

You have an idea of the type of in-law they will be, and this is an important factor here. Also, what does your babe is saying in all this? Why ask to review the list if they won't reduce anything?!?!

Suit for traditional marriage, yeah right!

@ OP Please modify your post you copied and pasted it twice.

Please always use paragraphs to make your post easy to read.

Finally, don't let the suit stop you, ignore the uncle as it is not everyone in the family that is happy for your woman.
If you love her, suit is just a small obstacle, just work on how you would finance the list....that should be your focus since they have given you the list.

Wisebird22:
Pls guys i need ur advic/opinion..i and my gal are ready to get mar i ?

Are they igbo family? If so, then it depends on you. I don't know why igbos have this idea that their in-law must supply everything they never could afford in their lives because he happens to be marrying their daughters. What's this idea of turning a groom to source of livelihood as if marriage ceremony is poverty alleviation ceremony?

As far as i know you only pay or buy what you can afford.
dont kill yourself on this matter ooh.

Let your fiance's brother talk to their dad so that you guys can reach an understanding.
And as for the uncle he may have a say only if her dad is not saying anything...Left for me i would advised that
you ignore him.

Well, every family has a way of handling matters o. My uncle , before his death, was 20yrs older than my father. He was more or less his father. So if he wanted to spew woobish...the woobish becomes law. So, do not even try to confront the said uncle since his brother isn't standing up to him. Let your babe's brother talk to his father and sort their family wahala. Only a hungry family capitalizes on their daughter's wedding!

If I may ask, why did u insist on only traditional wedding? Do u hav a hidden agenda? Court wedding is cheaper. Give them whatever they ask. As soon as u are married, stand ur ground and don't let her family manipulate u.

Don't marry into a family that puts material things above their child's happiness. Don't marry a family that see their child as a way to milk you, it will never end. There are many fishes in the ocean. Move on and find a girl from a respectable and reasonable family. No reasonable family will force a young couple to spend more than they can afford when they are just about to start their lives together. See all the signs you are getting but you are adamant. Many fine girls around whose parents won't ruin you by their demand ls. Tell her you cannot afford it and will rather move on than spend what you can't afford and see that list scatter. Rubbish.

Oga I see nothing wrong with what the uncle did.

Most marriage lists are written by the entire kindred and must be executed to the later by all prospective inlaw... The uncle is probably angry maybe his own daughters husband paid everything on his own list without getting a concession while ur own father in law wants to deprive the kindred of their benefits by giving u some level of concession.

Marriage is not meant for the faint hearted ...go and settle the family's list...no pity...

Marrying a girl from a low-income household can be a pain in the ar.se sometimes though.

coolcatty:
Oga I see nothing wrong with what the uncle did.

Most marriage lists are written by the entire kindred and must be executed to the later by all prospective inlaw... The uncle is probably angry maybe his own daughters husband paid everything on his own list without getting a concession while ur own father in law wants to deprive the kindred of their benefits by giving u some level of concession.

Marriage is not meant for the faint hearted ...go and settle the family's list...no pity...

Poor man mentality.
What is uncle's business with a daughter that's not his?

crackhaus:

Poor man mentality.
What is uncle's business with a daughter that's not his?

He is the elder brother and his words overrides the brides father. There is nothing the father can do about it.
Cultures differs and most peeps here won't understand this.

OP, if I may ask, what and what are in the list?
If they say you should buy suit, buy suit or is there any required quality??
As far as its marriage list, una go still quarrel and will almost fight so get ready especially when your father in law to be have no say.
It's nothing personal they want to milk you as much as they can because after this, you will probably have nothing to do with them.
So just swallow it and face them and tell them the ones you can do at the moment.

Different tribes,different families ,different cultures.

Where I come from the father decides the list in fact its only one time I have seen the extended family putting mouth in list matters but then that's what is applicable here.

In fact it was me and my mum that came up with the list which is almost general across my tribe with slight variations per family or state.

I can't imagine an uncle saying this should be there or not but that's what works in my own culture.

Since uncle 's words overrides that of the father in their culture you just need to appease them . I believe some of this so called uncles do that to frustrate the girls.

Hopefully your bro in-law conversation with the father will yield good results.

baby124:
Don't marry into a family that puts material things above their child's happiness. Don't marry a family that see their child as a way to milk you, it will never end. There are many fishes in the ocean. Move on and find a girl from a respectable and reasonable family. No reasonable family will force a young couple to spend more than they can afford when they are just about to start their lives together. See all the signs you are getting but you are adamant. Many fine girls around whose parents won't ruin you by their demand ls. Tell her you cannot afford it and will rather move on than spend what you can't afford and see that list scatter. Rubbish.

OP, you have been advised o.

crackhaus:

Poor man mentality.
What is uncle's business with a daughter that's not his?

What makes u think the said uncle did not help in training the girl??

Omoh marriage is hugely capital intensive.... Its something that should be planned....OP should buy the suit and stop whinning..... He wasn't forced to marry godamnit

Blissquare:
If I may ask, why did u insist on only traditional wedding? Do u hav a hidden agenda? Court wedding is cheaper. Give them whatever they ask. As soon as u are married, stand ur ground and don't let her family manipulate u.

so if ur doin court marriage u wont do traditional marriage wer ur from ba?

I am certain the op is marrying into an Igbo family.

I remember when my younger sis was getting married a lawyer marrying a doctor however neither of them had a job per se.

The wedding was hosted by us as the bride and the husband did just what he could.

Nobody forced anylist on him cos our daughter is not fgor sale.

As I speak he has given our family thinhs worth more than we cpuld have demanded as bride price or list.

Bottom line : archaic Culture and poverty mentality is what you up against.

Goodluck

coolcatty:



What makes u think the said uncle did not help in training the girl??

Omoh marriage is hugely capital intensive.... Its something that should be planned....OP should buy the suit and stop whinning..... He wasn't forced to marry godamnit

According to whom or what?
The Bible, Quran, or constitution?

SirVintageCock:
He is the elder brother and his words overrides the brides father. There is nothing the father can do about it.
Cultures differs and most peeps here won't understand this.

You realize you just called this innocent girl's father a biitch, yea?

crackhaus:

You realize you just called this innocent girl's father a biitch, yea?

Not necessarily... in some cultures, the head of the family (oldest living male) makes the rules and each party do what they like (make their own rules) when they get to their private homes.

Marriages are mostly seen as an extended family affair with the head of the family overseeing the entire process.

How do you expect an average 56yr old father to stand his ground for an 80yr old uncle who probably trained him in secondary school?

crackhaus:

You realize you just called this innocent girl's father a biitch, yea?

naa, I just let it out as it is.
There is hierarchy in families especially in Igbo families.
He won't do anything at all.

You wan marry? You write like a kid though.

Sometimes, some wicked family members use list to pursue intended grooms. My husband saw hell but calmly gave them everything the asked for when they told him the were not bulging. Mind you, the list was heavy.

Some uncles have more authority than the father of the bride and it's during these marriage things that you know them, besides you never can tell what your soon to be father in law may have done to others.

I'd advise you to buy the suit if you can to avoid any future wahala. It is mainly through traditional marriage things like this that one can procure a lifelong enemy for no reason.

Don't ask your wife to speak on your behalf else they will see her as against the family. Do what you can, your priority should be how to take your wife home.

abeg u don't no where den dey sow suit for Yaba nii....dat should not have cos any issue abeg ...make den sow am put tag ..lobatan