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A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage - Islam for Muslims - Nairaland

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A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 11:29am On Jun 23, 2017
Be Patient

Your wife is young. A few years ago she was listening to Justin Beiber and texting for hours with her friends. You can’t expect for her to know everything your mother knows overnight.

She might also be a little headstrong and used to getting things her way. Or not. Whatever the case, remember that she’s human and just like you, she’s prone to mistakes. She’s going to say things that will tick you off. She’s not going to understand all of your weird little moods.

As time goes by, she will learn and adjust and mature and grow. She might burn the couscous now, but she’ll get it right eventually (Inshallah!).

Listen

Women need companionship. So be her companion. You have to listen to her. Even if she’s talking about stuff that means absolutely nothing to you (that will happen a lot), listen to her anyway.

And don’t just pretend to listen, saying “yes dear” at the appropriate times, all while you’re thinking of something else.

Actually, truly, listen. Look at her. Ask questions. Give feedback.


Learn To Apologize

You’re not always right. In fact, sometimes you’re going to be absolutely wrong.

Men sometimes have a hard time admitting their faults and acknowledging when they screw up. It’s like we feel it makes us weaker.

But actually it can put you in a position of strength. For one thing, it makes you more trustworthy. And you’re also seen as more human and less arrogant when you admit to being wrong.

You must do the same thing with your wife. Whether you want to or not, you will inevitably do something wrong to her. It may just be a word or a phrase that you don’t take seriously. But to her, it can mean a lot.

When these things happen, and you become aware of it, apologize to her. That can really mean a lot more than all the material gifts in the world.

And just in case you’re not wrong, be prepared to apologize anyway. Trust me, it’ll work out better for you in the long run.

Learn To Forgive

Just like you’re going to wrong her sometimes, she will wrong you sometimes. It’s going to happen, whether you like it or not.

One of the tricks Shaytan plays is to keep whispering to us and reminding us of what someone else did in the past. He works on our emotions and makes it difficult for us to forgive and move on.

Don’t fall into that trap!

When (not if) your wife does something that upsets you or even is wrong, you have to learn to forgive. And I mean truly forgive her.

Don’t dwell on the past. Don’t constantly drudge up something she did three years ago everytime you get into an argument. Don’t remind her of all the mistakes she made.

Forgive. Forget. Move on.

Of course, I’m speaking of minor infractions. I’m not advising you to overlook major sins like adultery and heresy.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

Most of the things your wife will want from you are rather simple. She’ll want small things that really won’t trouble you.

Things like:

-Some of your time.
- 7A token of your appreciation.
-A thank you every now and then.
-A new car every other year.

Okay, that last one isn’t so simple. And you should put your foot down if your wife is making such a demand.

But the other things, I’m sure you can handle.

Don’t Take Anything For Granted

You’ll never realize how much you appreciate your wife until you lose her. Your wife can be the biggest asset you’ll ever have (after Islam) if you have a healthy marriage.

Don’t take anything she does for you for granted! If you end up raising great kids and having a wonderful career, then it would have been nearly impossible without your wife’s support.

Of course, all praises and thanks for all good you receive are for Allah. But you must also be thankful and grateful to those people who do good for you.

Narrated by Abu Hurairah: “The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: ‘Whoever is not grateful to the people, is not grateful to Allah.’” Jami Tirmidhi.

It is very unhealthy and unwise to take the attitude that your wife has to do certain things for you. Of course, as a Muslim, she must obey you as Allah has commanded her.

But you’ll be doing yourself a major disservice by using that against her and treating her like a servant or slave. If you want a peaceful, happy, and loving marriage, appreciate every little thing she does for you.

Fear Allah

This is the most important advice of all. Always remember that Allah is watching your every move. And every little thing you say and do is being recorded and you will be called to account for them.

if you are oppressive to your wife, you will have to answer for them. No matter how big and strong and powerful you think you are, Allah is bigger and stronger and more powerful.

So be cautious. Be careful. And be mindful of how you treat the slaves of Allah.


Jumaat Mubarak

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Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 11:41am On Jun 23, 2017
Jazakallahu Khyran.

No reservations at all! Enjoyed reading.

Cc:mukina2 grin
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 11:51am On Jun 23, 2017
Mofpearl:
Jazakallahu Khyran.

No reservations at all! Enjoyed reading.

Cc:mukina2 grin

Ladies kenan.
No reservations here since it has to do with us

1 Like 2 Shares

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Zeinymira(f): 12:12pm On Jun 23, 2017
grin I like this one more

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Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 12:16pm On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:
grin I like this one more

Hehhe

A lot of these problems aren’t because one person is bad and the other is good. It’s because both individuals started off with conflicting values and ideas about marriage. It’s because they ran into little problems like all couples do, and allowed their tongues and egos turn them into big problems.

If you’re just married (three years or less) or thinking about getting married, I want to help you avoid these things, Inshallah.

Of course, there’s more to a happy marriage than just these simple tips. Every relationship is different. But I believe if you start off worrying more about pleasing Allah and making your marriage work, and less about “your rights”, you’ll be much happier with your husband or wife.
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 12:23pm On Jun 23, 2017
Ahmed4002:


Hehhe

A lot of these problems aren’t because one person is bad and the other is good. It’s because both individuals started off with conflicting values and ideas about marriage. It’s because they ran into little problems like all couples do, and allowed their tongues and egos turn them into big problems.

If you’re just married (three years or less) or thinking about getting married, I want to help you avoid these things, Inshallah.

Of course, there’s more to a happy marriage than just these simple tips. Every relationship is different. But I believe if you start off worrying more about pleasing Allah and making your marriage work, and less about “your rights”, you’ll be much happier with your husband or wife.
This hit home
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 12:31pm On Jun 23, 2017
Mofpearl:

This hit home

Muslims who have been married for several years and are stuck in horrible, unhappy marriages. Not marriages with abuse or neglect.

Just unhappiness.

The husband and wife have gone years without any meaningful conversation. There’s little if any intimacy. Both individuals wish they could get out but can’t because of the kids.

Ugh. These situations are so sad.
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Zeinymira(f): 12:39pm On Jun 23, 2017
Ahmed4002:


Hehhe

A lot of these problems aren’t because one person is bad and the other is good. It’s because both individuals started off with conflicting values and ideas about marriage. It’s because they ran into little problems like all couples do, and allowed their tongues and egos turn them into big problems.

If you’re just married (three years or less) or thinking about getting married, I want to help you avoid these things, Inshallah.

Of course, there’s more to a happy marriage than just these simple tips. Every relationship is different. But I believe if you start off worrying more about pleasing Allah and making your marriage work, and less about “your rights”, you’ll be much happier with your husband or wife.

True. May Allah grant us pious spouses
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by eitsei(m): 12:43pm On Jun 23, 2017
Jazakumllah Khaeran

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Men Starting Off In Marriage by Alennsar(f): 6:52pm On Jun 24, 2017
masha Allah jazakhallahu khaeran brother

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