Episode 1...

*UNCLE SILAS*
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Uncle Silas, Papa's brother studied Mechanical engineering. Smart brain, used to drown me with his "ology" and "isms" vocabularies. The plan was that he'd work in an oil company when he graduates.

2000;

Uncle graduated and served at Benue state. He said the girls there were timid, he said the earth there was rocky and dusty.

Uncle always worked out, you'd see it in his heavy biceps. Uncle was a pro in starching and ironing. Uncle in his corper uniform is the cutest sight ever.

2002,

Uncle had been searching for a job since after his service. That Chief that promised our family a spot in the oil company haven't given him any job, not even bouncer. Seeing Uncle with newspapers and files hurts me. His eyes no longer held the glint they once had.

2007

Uncle picked Police form. After navy, air force and army didn't work out. Uncle was accepted. You should see the way uncle looked in the black uniform - gallant, able and ready to serve. I wished to join the Police too.

Uncle starches his uniform, polishes his black combat as he tucked his trouser in it. He even wears a black glove too. He was a Policeman with swag. He doesn't take twenty naira. He is eager to serve. He still worked out.

2011

Life had dawned on Uncle. I saw him today at the Gas plant checking point. His uniform was rumpled, he was wearing ordinary shoes instead of his gallant combats, his fifth button was unhooked as his potbelly shot out, straining and rebelling.

That wasn't the worst of it. He cocked his gun when our driver threatened to speed past him without paying the Fifty naira.

So uncle was going to kill us for fifty naira. What happened to my Uncle Silas that was filled with life and cheer?...



Ends......

Episode 2....

*LOW SPERM COUNT*
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The Doctors had said he had a low sperm count and couldn’t father a child, his sperm count was a meager five hundred thousand. Daddy G.O tore away the letter when he got home, stomped on them as he blasted his wife for suggesting medical consultation to boosts his sperm cell.

“Who created sperm cells? The God that I serve will do a miracle, you will see.” His heavy chest heaved as his eyes budged straining the vein that popped on his forehead. "Science says, only one sperm cell fertilizes the child. I don't need One million, I don't need five hundred. All I need is just one, one anointed cell."

The prayers intensified and acts of faith were added. Baby wears were bought, I’d wake up in the morning to arrange and sweep the bedroom, then see a baby blanket neatly wrapped and positioned in the centre. I smiled at the thought of Husband and wife cuddling side by side the imaginary baby; I’d chuckle at the picture ij my head - Mummy Blessing breastfeeding or nursing an imaginary perturbed baby in the middle of the night. “Ori yaff daru.”

I poured the drinks for the new guests who seemed deep in the tales of the General Overseer, then made my way back to the kitchen as his voice trailed behind me, bringing guilt with them.

Confirmatory and victorious shouts ricocheted the large room, loud claps scattered through the frames jolting little Onyinyechukwu from her sleep as she wailed the disturbance. But it only excited the lot more. That cry that signified victory. After minutes of celebration, they simmered down.

His hand in the air and huge head nodding, he made to continue. “Do you know the most glorious part? When my wife was just six months pregnant, I decide to visit the hospital for another test. Just to affirm and keep a certificate that certifies the Power of God in my life. Brethren–ah, can you imagine the test said that my sperm count was still five hundred thousand?!”


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ENDS