ghanc23:
I was thinking on the irregularities in marriages today,
I have read a lot on success of marriage, things that can make marriage work like tolerance, communication, respect, love and so on. Also where you are not getting the attention of your spouse or getting bored in the marriage, you can try to bring up topics s/he likes and discuss so that there won't be a communication gap

A situation where one is an introvert and has little to discuss with the spouse, maybe a discussion that can last like 5 to 10mins and everyone becomes silent. This is not helping the marriage at all, what will one do in this kind of situation.

Please I need matured advice

DonOms:


Hello,

While your question makes sense, it isn't completely clear. Why? You may ask. You see, there are a number of factors involved in your question. Are both parties introverted? Is the husband the introvert while the wife is an extrovert? Or vice versa? Having the answers to this makes the difference in terms of what advice or answers are sufficiently adequate for you (neglecting other factors such as personality, upbringing, social and cultural differences).

Anyway, to generalise, here are things you need to understand:
1) Silence isn't entirely bad. An introverted couple can spend 5 hours with each other and each utter no more than 50 words and enjoy each others company feeling fulfilled. I've seen that happen, trust me. So in this case, there wouldn't be a problem with communication gap because they both 'communicate' in their own silent way.
Quiet doesn't mean boredom and it doesn't mean lack of communication either.

2) Tolerance and Acceptance. On the introvert lounge thread on Nairaland, a number of people have mentioned how they (introverts) ended up marrying extroverts and how they have learned to 'tolerate' their spouse's extroversion while the other party 'tolerates' their own introversion too. So this revolves around respect for each other. If an introvert husband respects his extrovert wife, he won't be put off by her but tolerate her and accept her at the same time. So no party is completely starved of their basic personality requirement.

3) Common Grounds. Now, as an introvert myself, I know that Introverts too can be talkative. Do you know how and when? When they are in company of loved ones and talking about something they really enjoy or are passionate about. So an introvert should find that common ground with his/her spouse and talk all the way.

You can ask more specific questions if these don't quite answer your question.

Benita27:
Well said.

Nutase:
Best solution is to marry an extrovert.

DonOms:


Hello,

While your question makes sense, it isn't completely clear. Why? You may ask. You see, there are a number of factors involved in your question. Are both parties introverted? Is the husband the introvert while the wife is an extrovert? Or vice versa? Having the answers to this makes the difference in terms of what advice or answers are sufficiently adequate for you (neglecting other factors such as personality, upbringing, social and cultural differences).

Anyway, to generalise, here are things you need to understand:
1) Silence isn't entirely bad. An introverted couple can spend 5 hours with each other and each utter no more than 50 words and enjoy each other's company feeling fulfilled. I've seen that happen, trust me. So in this case, there wouldn't be a problem with communication gap because they both 'communicate' in their own silent way.
Quiet doesn't mean boredom and it doesn't mean lack of communication either.

2) Tolerance and Acceptance. On the introvert lounge thread on Nairaland, a number of people have mentioned how they (introverts) ended up marrying extroverts and how they have learned to 'tolerate' their spouse's extroversion while the other party 'tolerates' their own introversion too. So this revolves around respect for each other. If an introvert husband respects his extrovert wife, he won't be put off by her but tolerate her and accept her at the same time. So no party is completely starved of their basic personality requirement.

3) Common Grounds. Now, as an introvert myself, I know that Introverts too can be talkative. Do you know how and when? When they are in company of loved ones and talking about something they really enjoy or are passionate about. So an introvert should find that common ground with his/her spouse and talk all the way.

You can ask more specific questions if these don't quite answer your question.

Nutase:
Best solution is to marry an extrovert.

truthsayer009:

Ah, what if extrovert guys aren't coming your way?

Nutase:
Best solution is to marry an extrovert.

ghanc23:



I mean I can't start or maintain a conservation not can

as for the marriage, husband is half extrovert and always bring up topics and as dat ones ends, d whole room becomes silent
am thinking of a way to be coming up with some topics so dat silence won't be long

selflessmaya:


false, it's best for an introvert to marry a fellow introvert. the opposites attract law is false, ppl fare better with fellows of similar personality. an introvert will understand need for space and would not feel neglected by lack of desire of partner to socialize.
OP, find an introvert who u share common interests with and you should be fine.

ghanc23:



I mean I can't start or maintain a conservation not can

as for the marriage, husband is half extrovert and always bring up topics and as dat ones ends, d whole room becomes silent
am thinking of a way to be coming up with some topics so dat silence won't be long

DonOms:


You didn't make your initial posts clear enough. You should have edited them to make yourself clearer.

Anyway, Is your husband complaining about the regular quietness? It seems to me that you the introvert are the one with the complain and not your ambivert (half introvert, half extrovert) husband.
It appears you may be trying to create a hitherto non-existent problem by seeing the silence as an issue and as a lack of communication.

Please stop thinking hard about how to bring up topics to discuss. You're not cut for plenty talks so don't force it, else you'll strain yourself and your relationship in the process. Let the talks come naturally. Almost all introverts think a lot. So instead of "talking" to yourself in your mind, just voice them out to him...simple.

Also, by now you should know the topics that interest him. So try to know more about those things by reading up on them or watching TV programmes about them. This way, you'll have plenty to tell him about. Do the same thing for things that interest you as well and talk to him about them. With time, it will be a part of you and you'll come up with more to talk about as you grow together.

PS: I repeat for emphasis: If your husband is not complaining, don't force yourself to always talk and DO NOT see quietness as a lack of communication or as a recipe for boredom in relationships. He fell in love with you as an introvert and married you that way...don't create a problem for yourself with this your perception of 'talking in marriage.'

All the best.

ghanc23:
I was thinking on the irregularities in marriages today,
I have read a lot on success of marriage, things that can make marriage work like tolerance, communication, respect, love and so on. Also where you are not getting the attention of your spouse or getting bored in the marriage, you can try to bring up topics s/he likes and discuss so that there won't be a communication gap

A situation where one is an introvert and has little to discuss with the spouse, maybe a discussion that can last like 5 to 10mins and everyone becomes silent. This is not helping the marriage at all, what will one do in this kind of situation.

Please I need matured advice