ifegadinma:
here we go again flying into others life.

No child deserves a broken family. Every Child deserves to grow up with the parents together. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow

Hmm.. I agree that no child deserves a broken family. But because parents don't live together doesn't make it a broken family. As long as they play their parts and meet up with their responsibilities in all ramifications.

Forcing two people to live together actually is a danger to the wellbeing of the children. Or how can having multiple adulterous affairs/ physical/ mental torture be better than parents living separately but showing love to their children individually or in unity, when the need arises.

Speaking of truth, people have different versions and unfortunately I disagree with yours.

As a side note, cataract is the 3rd leading cause of blindness, religion and politics remain the first two.

remsonik:

No child deserves a broken family. Every Child deserves to grow up with the parents together. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow

Risingphoenix12:
Hmm.. I agree that no child deserves a broken family. But because parents don't live together doesn't make it a broken family. As long as they play their parts and meet up with their responsibilities in all ramifications.

Forcing two people to live together actually is a danger to the wellbeing of the children. Or how can having multiple adulterous affairs/ physical/ mental torture be better than parents living separately but showing love to their children individually or in unity, when the need arises.

Speaking of truth, people have different versions and unfortunately I disagree with yours.

As a side note, cataract is the 3rd leading cause of blindness, religion and politics remain the first two.

Insult me all you like. Keep justifying your action the time spent here would have been better spent at home with your family and work things out. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine. So you can insult me all you like cos I don't agree with your's .

remsonik:

Insult me all you like. Keep justifying your action the time spent here would have been better spent at home with your family and work things out. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine. So you can insult me all you like cos I don't agree with your's .

The way you are tending yours instead of lurking on naira land?

remsonik:

Insult me all you like. Keep justifying your action the time spent here would have been better spent at home with your family and work things out. You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine. So you can insult me all you like cos I don't agree with your's .

U sound troublesome else u'll understand when someone uses illustrations to buttress a point. He never tried changing d right to ur opinion. He was only trying to get u to understand his plight of which u don't want to. It could also be u are prejudiced, but d truth is that no two circumstances can be the same. I am not in support of divorce, but i have emphaty.

shaybebaby:

The way you are tending yours instead of lurking on naira land?

remsonik:

You are confused? I thought you were.

remsonik:

Keep justifying your action the time spent here would have been better spent at home with your family and work things out.

I am assuming you have a family so you speak from experience. If you haven't, then you have no business opening your gob on matters like this until you do. This isn't a platform for you to spout any theories that you haven't tested yourself.

If you do have a family, how come you get to be on here but he gets told he would be better off tending to his offline?

shaybebaby:

You are confused? I thought you were.

I am assuming you have a family so you speak from experience. If you haven't, then you have no business opening your gob on matters like this until you do. This isn't a platform for you to spout any theories that you haven't tested yourself.

If you do have a family, how come you get to be on here but he gets told he would be better off tending to his offline?

Clap for yourself

remsonik:

Clap for yourself

Why?

I lol at some of the comments while some are really insightful.The truth is that we all deserve to be happy and be honest to ourselves first before trying to live up to any ideals because that's all they are:IDEALS.
No one should be sentenced to prison especially an emotional one in the name of marriage.The worst thing that can happen to anyone is trying to live up to society's expectation to the detriment of our happiness.We only live once.Relationships are not a do or die affair.Both parties deserve happiness and if the union is not providing that of what use is the union?
I think we should all live free as that is the way the Creator truly wants us to live. It is unfortunate that Religion has blinded a lot of people mostly due to the different interpretations different Faiths proffer the scripture. No good person deserves a lifetime of grief in the name of marriage except it is Karma coming for them haha.
I am team it is not by fire by force.7 years is long enough for anyone to work out whatever issues so after the long years and it is not working why devote even a longer chunk of one's lifetime still trying to make it work.I am sure both parties have tried hard enough and are smart enough to decide what is best for them.Raising kids in an unhappy home is a zillion times worse than raising them in two different lovefilled homes IMO and if the parents stay friends what a bonus.
Nice thread anyways.

I see some sterile, homeless, hopeless, cheating imp commenting on this thread

Finally made it to The Gambia. Got a nice villa facing the ocean. Good for introspection and forward thinking. Hopefully I'll go back wiser .

I'm just curious, what age did you finally settle down? No harm intended here , please.

sassyangel1:


Hmmm.:. Eleyi gidi gaan! Lemme talk 2 u as my sister( I'll be real wth u o so forgive my mouth Abi fingers). U were so lucky u saw d handwriting on d wall, still, u did strong head and fell 4 his tricks. Wat made u feel he was gonna change those attitudes wen u guys get married. I could remember wen I was still single and my old man was on my neck to get married cos he tot age was not on my side, I didn't answer him. I really tested nerves in the guys I dated so dt I'll knw d one dt can tolerate and understd me. once I see coma I'll jst tell d guy I no do again (mind u, time was not on my side buh I knew dt once I put head inside marriage, I cannot run out so I took my time and played deaf ears to everybody( nuclear and extended family members) dt was on my case to settle down). Now my advice is u need to report the case to ur pastor or imam who joined u both in holy wedlock and u shd try n forgo(farshi) some issues dt r nt worth ur sleepless nite. Go out, visit places or friends( if u r blessed wth gd and sincere friends). As far as there's no violence, there's still room for reconciliation. Take gd care of urself and try to be happy cos this life is too short for you to be stressing ur life.

Read through every page of this thread and I understand very well.
I'm going through the same, torn in between seeking a divorce or stay to work things out one more time.
But all I've discovered is two people makes a marriage works, it can't be one sided and work...its collective effort.

I'm not divorced yet just separated and I don't even know what divorce will bring..all I know is it gets better with time.
What do I expect after a divorce?
what am I most likely going to face? The challenge??
I need answers

For the first time since I joined Nairaland... I have never been this glued to a thread how much more wordless. I see the op as a future reflection of myself ( am not married) but we seem to have a lot in common including choice of spouse. He just made me look beyond the now.. can I really cope.. though already am scared of marriage and I am scared for myself what I will become in marriage. this thread is really an introspection for me. thanks op. am following keenly. I have learnt a lot from this thread especially about happiness..

Wow !!! went through from the 1st page and I think this is really thought provoking especially for those of Us yet to be married but still having unrealistic ideas and expectations.

Wow... how time flies.... it's been about 6 months since I updated this thread. Mehn...
You know those movies where the guy comes back and everything has changed, with that happy smile and living happily ever after scenario? this is so NOT it.

Divorce proceedings are ongoing. Hopefully it's wrapped up soon. It's funny how events like these bring out human nature. See woman jostling for money/ property. LOL! oh well.. I guess they must mean a lot to her.

Moved out to a smaller apartment. Nice and cozy. Learning the ropes of living alone. Not so easy when you are in your late 30s. LOL.. miss my kids a lot. I try to see them with my lawyers/ or witnesses present as much as I can. Hopefully we should get split custody. Sometimes, you ask yourself "What's next?" and truth be told, I really don't know. I guess I'll find out.. for now.. i just need to make it to the next day.

Shout out to my friend L(old person) . Thanks for being there.

Life indeed is an interesting maze. Quite a few surprises around each bend. Wherever you are at the moment, stay positive and hopeful.. your best is yet to come.

Risingphoenix12:
Wow... how time flies.... it's been about 6 months since I updated this thread. Mehn...
You know those movies where the guy comes back and everything has changed, with that happy smile and living happily ever after scenario? this is so NOT it.

Divorce proceedings are ongoing. Hopefully it's wrapped up soon. It's funny how events like these bring out human nature. See woman jostling for money/ property. LOL! oh well.. I guess they must mean a lot to her.

Moved out to a smaller apartment. Nice and cozy. Learning the ropes of living alone. Not so easy when you are in your late 30s. LOL.. miss my kids a lot. I try to see them with my lawyers/ or witnesses present as much as I can. Hopefully we should get split custody. Sometimes, you ask yourself "What's next?" and truth be told, I really don't know. I guess I'll find out.. for now.. i just need to make it to the next day.

Shout out to my friend L(old person) . Thanks for being there.

Life indeed is an interesting maze. Quite a few surprises around each bend. Wherever you are at the moment, stay positive and hopeful.. your best is yet to come.

welcome back. Good to know you are doing fine too. This hurts though, I thought the break was going to bring a good news or something close.

Thanks @yettymuse. Well... like they say in Yoruba.. A sa le para wa.. (We sha wont kill ourselves)

yettymuse:
welcome back. Good to know you are doing fine too. This hurts though, I thought the break was going to bring a good news or something close.

Luxed:


I'm a woman!

How are you now?

Nice to know you are doing good @Op. Keep the Optimism Flag flying! A step at a time!

As an unmarried person in a relationship, there are a lot of things I've learnt having gone through this thread.. Hmm..

It is well.

Atimeset:
Nice to know you are doing good @Op. Keep the Optimism Flag flying! A step at a time!

Thanks

aytuns:
As an unmarried person in a relationship, there are a lot of things I've learnt having gone through this thread.. Hmm..

That's great. We learn every day.

sisisioge:
It is well.

Even in the well..

My fear of marriage just skyrocketed learning all the same

mrjojo:
My fear of marriage just skyrocketed learning all the same

LOL! Don't be scared. it really is a beautiful institution. it's just one of those moves you should try getting right the first time you try.

Risingphoenix12:
Thanks Katier00 for reaching out. Appreciate the offer.

how are you, hope you are coping fine.

Risingphoenix12:
Lol... almost like clockwork... 4.08am...
This feels so surreal. Like I'm having an out of body experience and watching my own life play like a script. At this moment, I question ideals I once held sacred and sacrosanct. Emotions have gone through a myriad of manifestations - anger to despair to uncertainty etc. For once, now I feel hope.People say I laugh a lot and I'm not taking this seriously. Even that makes me laugh. I'm just built that way. I laugh when I'm stressed, even when I'm frightened. Others say run to God... well... I have... I am...at what point do you say you've reached Him? Still pondering on that...

Maybe the whole essence is to share in a journal so I (and indeed others) can learn something in future. Something positive I hope. Life really is unpredictable and everybody, irrespective of what they look like, how they live, the frequent smiles/ laughs, has something they are dealing with. There's really nothing called a perfect life. Enjoy what you have. Experience love. Give. Receive. Be happy. Take risks. Never be afraid to start afresh. Enjoy nature. Don't be in a haste. Breathe. It is well.... Even in the well... it is well.

Some people just dont understand that for some people laughing doesnt always mean what they believe it means..I understand you more than I think you are aware..I really do

Well.. well.. well...how time flies....

Its been about 18months or so since i started this journal (i think). Final judgement at the court is scheduled to be delivered in about 2 weeks. Interestingly, my ex and I seem to have developed a decent relationship, with mutual respect. The kids come over to my apartment from time to time, spend weekends etc.. and we reinforce each other's instructions. I attend activities at my kids school, as much as i can. I'm not complaining. I sincerely believe the divorce was the best decision for both of us. Though, the side glances from people when they hear you are divorced can be unsettling. lol.

One thing this process has taught me is never be judgemental about others. Everyone has a deeper inner struggle. Live and let live. Like my mom says, "Life is a mystery"

To those who are yet to be married, be circumspect... dont manage anybody oh... i would advise marrying someone you are willing to "die" for. The future is pregnant with positive vibes, dont miss out on it

Wow! Just wow! Some of us are really strong not even health challenge can break us.

Risingphoenix12:
Well.. well.. well...how time flies....

Its been about 18months or so since i started this journal (i think). Final judgement at the court is scheduled to be delivered in about 2 weeks. Interestingly, my ex and I seem to have developed a decent relationship, with mutual respect. The kids come over to my apartment from time to time, spend weekends etc.. and we reinforce each other's instructions. I attend activities at my kids school, as much as i can. I'm not complaining. I sincerely believe the divorce was the best decision for both of us. Though, the side glances from people when they hear you are divorced can be unsettling. lol.

One thing this process has taught me is never be judgemental about others. Everyone has a deeper inner struggle. Live and let live. Like my mom says, "Life is a mystery"

To those who are yet to be married, be circumspect... dont manage anybody oh... i would advise marrying someone you are willing to "die" for. The future is pregnant with positive vibes, dont miss out on it

until you walk the walk, not everyone would understand this statement. I'm glad you and ex are coparenting in peace. I wish you both all the best