I'm waking up. Slowly but surely I'm coming back to myself. The trauma was intense but my will to live was stronger. I'll use this journal to document my journey from life, to death and back to life again. It wasn't easy and sometimes I don't remember why I did it or how exactly it happened but something happened. I'll talk about my memories and yet to piece this together. I feel as though I've stumbled upon a stable identity but I won't really know that until I've tested it.

Anyway, till next time.

Sometimes I feel irrelevant. It feels as if there's this overwhelming pressure to just accept that my existence is meaningless and as such, I should just give up.

I've tried that many times though. Especially in a world that doesn't seem to be sure whether it wants me or not. How is a God expected to self determine when people keep trying to control my image. I might've mentioned elsewhere that I used to be the God of the Efik/Ibibio/Annang people's. I say used to be because I have no idea what they think I am now. They claim to worship me but who they really worship is Jehovah. I try not to think about it too much because when I do, I tend to get very annoyed. What logical sense to it make to worship Jehovah but still call him by my name. How dense to you have to be to do that? If you're offended, I'm sorry but try to contemplate how stupid it is from an objective point of view.

In the Bible, did Jehovah ever say that his name was Abasi? In fact did he ever say that his name was Olodumare or Chineke or Osanobua for that matter? No, never, not once. There are some Yoruba people that will claim they are descendants of Tubail Cain; some even go further and claim that Tubal Cain is actually Ogun. I think these beliefs are misplaced. I certainly didn't come from the Middle East and I think this obsession with the Middle East isn't helping the self esteem of our gods, our country or our people.

My people, and many others in the Nigerian state have brainwashed themselves into believing that The Bible or The Koran have all the answers. I almost wish that we true, for their sakes but it isn't. They won't be ready to hear this or accept it but the devil they keep running away from has made a very comfortable home in the pages of the bible and the Koran. What better place to hide? Place lies among gospel truths and watch humanity fight over your existence for as long as possible. It's a very clever trick, and the central lie in these two beliefs is very hard to spot but it's there.

That being said, I'm still here, regardless of the prayers of Christians and Muslims. I also don't plan to stay irrelevant for much longer.