It is so comforting to know that we are not alone in our failures. Others too, have needed and claimed God’s forgiveness when they failed. King David failed God through his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband. Peter failed by denying Christ. Thomas doubted Christ. Saul (Paul) also assisted in the murder of Stephen.

Yet none of these lives represented total failure. Each of these men sought for forgiveness. They didn’t give up. They kept on and left a track record of faithfulness in spite of personal foul-ups.

What is the solution for the fear of failure? How do you encourage a partner whose feelings of failure are triggered by the most significant of circumstances? We have found that one of the most powerful principles in building one another’s self-esteem is: Try to give your spouse the freedom to fail. When you give your spouse the freedom to fail, you begin to remove the pressure to perform for acceptance. You free your mate to take risks and try again. You free him/ her in order to excel. Failure then become a tutor, not a judge. In the presence of freedom, we learn from failures instead of being intimidated by them. In the absence of condemnation, confidence in hoe God can use you mounts.

If you would like to give your spouse the freedom to fail, six gifts are recommended herein that will begin to release him/ her. But, keep it at the back of the mind that you, too will possibly fail by taking back some of these gifts. Failure is a part of learning for both of you.

1. The Gift of Compassion.
Every person’s life has a context, during childhood, your mate may not have experienced a relationship in which he/ she had the freedom to fail. Perhaps his/ her “failure” taught him/ her to expect rejection, disapproval, and anger from those in authourity or peer-pressure even in the plural environment, then would have felt that such is the natural consequences of failure. Whereas, parents, coaches, teachers, peers, friends and other significant people had contributed a personal heritage of either success or failure.

The more fully you grasp the context of your mate’s journey to adulthood and express compassion for where your mate has been, the more freedom your mate will admit failures to you.

Whatever his/ her background, your spouse needs your compassionate, consistent, and tireless belief. Learn to talk about the context of his/ her life and together gain understanding of past mistakes as present ones. Don’t leave your spouse alone to deal with his/ her failures. Tell him/ her that you are unlike those who have rejected him/ her; your commitment and patience, then such would learn how to take risks and fail without fear of rejection.

2. The Gift of Continual Affirmation.
According to a writer, Henry Ward Beecher, he says: “Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.” The bible also stated in the book of 1 Peter 4:8; “Love covers a multitude of sins.” Continuous, ongoing, unbroken approval in the face of many mistakes and failures of life will build your mate’s self-esteem.

3. The Gift of Disassociation.
Most people don’t know that they fail ant not a failure. They have not learned to separate their worth as person from their performance. Many find it difficult to have their ideas, work, aspiration or accomplishment criticized. They feel that others are criticizing and rejecting who they are, not just what they have done.

A teacher once told a mother that her son was a dull student, but the mother chose to believe in her son rather than listening to the voice of this “authourity.” As a result, that son grew up in a home of loving acceptance, secure in the knowledge that he was a person of value.

In spite of all these, he continued to fail. In fact, he failed 10,000 times on one project before he, Thomas Alva Edison, perfected the world known “Electric Bulb.” Whereas, his close association with failure caused Edison to comment, “I failed my way to success.” His mother’s belief in him was the fuel for his inventive spirit.

How can you help your spouse learn to fail without feeling like a failure? Try not to discuss a problem in your marriage or family with accusing words such as: “You never….” or, “Your ideas are always…” and all sort. Those kinds of extreme statements verbally link your mate with his/ her performance, insinuating that such is a failure. Instead, use your words with discernment in order to assist him/ her see the distinction between person-hood and performance.

When you discuss issues with your spouse, begin by expressing your commitment and loyalty as a person. Then give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Remove the accusing edge by saying, “I may be wrong, but did you… (fill the car with fuel, balance the checkbook, pick up your socks, etc.).”

Always tell yourselves the truth: esteemed and valued by the Creator, gifted, and yet limited. Most importantly, help your spouse separate himself/ herself from failures. Focus on each other as a person, too, not just on performance.

To be continue…

https://oluspicyinspires./2017/08/19/how-to-build-relationship-through-failure/

This should work!!!!
Nice one OP

fathomberry:
This should work!!!!
Nice one OP

Thank you sir.
I appreciate your gesture.