Rats In Aso Rock!

"I can do anything for my Country, Imagine, when I'm still alive? Oh! No no no no, I will show them pepper today, I will kill the older ones, the younger ones and even..." "Wale, how are you? I've been knocking, you didn't open...what's all these things you are putting on?" "Oh! I'm sorry guy, I was busy dressing up." "Ehn, but what's all these you are putting on?" " You mean my dress code?" "Yes, I don't understand. You know we are supposed to be on our way to Carol's birthday now, or are you going like this?" "Wale, I'm sorry, I won't be able to go with you. I really have to get somewhere asap." "Are you saying you would not make it to my fiance's birthday party?" "I'm sorry Wale, I really have to do this for my country," "OK OK, where are you going dressed in a red beret, black shirt, black trouser and a pair of Jungle boots?" "My friend, I must do something about this matter, how can rats stop our own president from entering his office on a Monday morning?" "Ehn en...so, how is that your business?" "Can you see this cutlass in my hand?" "Un hun.." "I'm going straight to Aso rock, I will kill every rat found in the President's office." "Are you alright?" "See, make I tell you one secret today, there is no type of rat wey I never kill before, I don kill black rat Rattus rattus, brown rat Rattus norvegicus, I have killed kangaroo rat, I killed cotton rat, ehm...ehm...Sigmodon hispidus and..." "Please stop!" "Have you ever seen any rat in this room before?" "And that's a proof that you are a good rat killer?" "Wale, I have to start going now, Abuja is far." "OK OK hold on, do you think those rats are ordinary ones to have kept a whole General out of office?" "Oh! You are right o, they could be very poisonous and dangerous rats, in that case, I have to call Kola to go with me, I fear poisonous rats but there's no rat Kola can not kill, even the one that causes lassa fever." "So." "I have to be on my way now, I will stop over at Kola's place and take him along. With him, Aso rock rats are in trouble." "Like you are really serious about this thing, but, are you going by air?" "Oh!" "What?" " I don't even have transport fare, let me call my dad." " Are you this crazy, your dad that is being owed six months pension? Where will he get the money from?" " That's true o." " What will I do now? And those rats must be gotten rid of as soon as possible." " I have an idea, Biafra now has a secret service recently set up, don't you have any link with them? Who knows, they might be of help to the president." " They won't turn up, didn't the same government jail their boss?" " Oh! That's true, Let me think of another option... Yes! Can you contact the governor of Ekiti to help the President? What's his name again?" " Tosin Ajibare." "Tosin Ajibare? Is he now the governor? The last time I checked, he was the youths' candidate for the 2018 Ekiti governorship election." "Sorry, it was a slip of tongue. Fayose too would have helped with the murder of those rats, but he would not be allowed to enter Aso rock." "Then who else?" "Oh! Dolapo Osinbajo, can't she help?" " What are you talking about now?" "What do we do?" "Let's appeal to Nigerians to help our president, I think we should launch Operation Kill The Rats now." " Operation Kill The Rats? I would prefer a state of emergency declared in the villa jhoor."

Ayeni Faith Damilola is a writer, public speaker and eulogist.
faithdamilolaayeni@yahoo.com

State of emergency cause of rats!! . Very soon those rats will chop Mr. president shoes.

Remimadrid:
State of emergency cause of rats!! . Very soon those rats will chop Mr. president shoes.

The earlier the better ooo! It's high time our armed forces did something.