There Are Many Ways To Kill The Rat(s)

Walking down the ever busy Oshodi bridge this morning, I saw a young man hawking some highly adhesive rat traps commonly called rat gum. I then remembered that some rats in highly places need to be eliminated. For a moment, I stopped and called the man, when he came, I enquired to know how much the gums are sold; he said #150 each. I could afford to buy at least a dozen of it, buying them wouldn't be a problem but how they can get to Aso Rock is. That would have been an act of patriotism, I may not even care about a national award for that but I will be happy to see the rats trapped and consequently arrasted then, taken to court and be charged with felony or sabotage; even if nothing so serious is done to them at last, at least the media trials will go a long way.
To say that the president's media aids are a huge fiasco is to say the least.
I have, on several occasions had the opportunity to converse with Lauretta Onochie, the president's personal assistant on social media somewhere in Wuse market. The first time we conversed, I deduced she merely had the opportunity to work in the presidency through the usual cronyism, not that she actually has a clue on what exactly to do with such position and job description. The short period we chatted topically on the previous and present governments, she was critical about former President Jonathan and made some vile remarks about his administration while maintaining that President Buhari has come to clear Jonathan's mess. But on the contrary, the mess is getting measier by day. I was left mouth agap when Ms. Laurreta said, the previous weeks that it was disrespectful for the Resign or Resume protesters to make such demand on the president. What has happened to the tenets of democracy and popular participation? What has happened to sections 144, 145 and 146 of the 1999 constitution?
When Nnamdi Kanu called Nigeria a zoo, I personally felt affronted and consequently condemned it. But series of events unfolding afterwards seem to prove Kanu's theory right. I began to get convinced when the First Lady made an assertion about "Hyenas and Jackals". Then, on his arrival, the president was reportedly called "Lion" by some of his cronies.
But surprisingly, the "Lion" king of the animal kingdom abdicated his throne because of mere rodents. I was gobsmacked when I read the news report yesterday, that the president would be working from home because, his office was infested by rats. I was waiting to hear it was just a hoax, it is utterly ludicrous we have come this low. Shehu Garba, the president's senior special assistant on media and publicity, shamelessly made this gibberish public. Let's pretend it's true, but I beg to disagree that it's not substantial enough to scare away the president. This is the most mortifying balderdash ever spewed by the presidency. I wonder if Shehu thinks before he talks? The previous months, he uploaded some pictures of the released Chibok girls, asserting that Boko Haram took proper care of them. Shehu has gone from being a clown to being the most asinine figure in the presidency.
Vividly, I recall when Bisi Akande was the acting spokes person of APC, he alleged that Jonathan was running a kindergarten government and that, his meteoric rise in politics was owing to destiny. What sense does this make? How then can one describe this government if not a debacle. Someone should remind Shehu that silence is still golden, therefore; rather than cause us embarrassments, he should keep quiet.
Rodents infested the office of the president after spending 104 days on medical vacation in London, while he was away, the office was not maintained? Why were there no prior arrangements made in preparation for his return at leat to placate any possible damage?
It would have been more tolerable to tell us the president would be working from home, we are reasonable enough to understand he is decrepited and thus, has a very flaccid health. After all, this isn't the first time.
Whoever has an access to the presidency should tell them there are many ways to kill a rat. These are few of them: adhesive rat trap, metal trap, wire trap, the use of rat poison just to mention a few. I can even volunteer to hunt the rats myself without caring about any reward. I know my fellow compatriots will recognise me as a hero, that's enough reward.

Op no even try taking those rats gum to aso rock, you will... I trust those guys in Abuja, they will see it as an insult not as patriotism.