My wife still picks my calls and i do pick hers too, what is wrong with that.... Part 1 Why must Opposite-Sex Friendships Ruin Your Marriage For the sake of clearity, and to make this expository self explanatory, i will be dishing this writeup in parts. It is something I have learned the hard way. However, I am thankful that I learned it before marriage, not during. Being close friends with the opposite sex is a dangerous game to play. I say it’s a game, because that’s exactly what it is, just a game. You might be able to play it for a while, but more often than not it’s a game we’re all destined to lose at some point. I would argue that it is completely appropriate for your spouse to tell you that you can’t be friends with a particular someone of the opposite sex… And here is why. A relationship with the opposite sex can only go so far before it starts infringing on the covenant of your marriage. Now, let me be clear. I am not saying you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. And I am not saying that all your opposite sex relationships are bad. But what I am saying is, the unavoidable progression of relationships is something that is far to easily ignored, for how dangerous they can be. If ignored and dismissed for too long, you’ll be in a relationship too deep to stop. The good person in you won’t want to hurt them (your opposite-sex friend) or your spouse because neither one deserves to be hurt. So it becomes a mess. These situations can seem complicated, but they are actually quite simple to understand. Yes, you can have friends of the opposite sex. No, I am not saying this is the say all end all on the debate. This exposition is about why and how they CAN ruin your marriage. Think of it as more of a warning, than a “hammer and judge.” It is written from a long-distance perspective, with only ONE story to back it. Of course there are other situations that may vary. But the idea remains the same. The heart behind this exposition is to bring light to a topic rarely talked about, and open the inter-webs for healthy discussion on the matter. Here is an experience with this type of situation: While I was in the university, i had a very close friend Oscar. He had a good friend that was a girl. Simultaneously, Oscar and Chinenye were in a long-distance relationship. Over time, his friendship with this girl evolved. You could say she was one of his best friends. This started to cause a lot of issues with Chinenye and Oscar. but he couldn’t understand why, because in his mind we were just friends, maybe even in her mind too. But as we all know from experience… all dating relationships are GOING SOMEWHERE. Either closer together, or further apart. While Oscar and Chi were weathering their long-distance relationship and growing further apart, Oscar was hanging out with this girl almost every day, and they were inevitably growing closer together. Chinenye had asked him many times to stop hanging out with this girl as frequently as he was. To his regret, he didn’t listen. He was wrapped up in my “harmless” relationship with this girl. There came a time where, despite his lack of understanding at the time, if Oscar wanted a healthy relationship with Chinenye, he had to say goodbye to his friend. There was nothing wrong with her, she didn’t do anything wrong, in fact, she helped him a ton and had a huge impact on his life in University…. but at the expense of his relationship with Chinenye. Do you know Oscar later married his new girl. The story i wouldn't like to continue due .............. That is how so many friendship with opposite sex as married couples gradually tore your best relationship apart. Though as harmless and sincere it may be. i could not get an real life married couple experience for this illustration, but as a married man, i never had any opposite sex as a close friend and it gives freedom to my marriage.Do you know it has saved me from all heart attacks, off deep explanation in order to control assumptous escalations. My wife picks my call at will for me and i do for her too at vice versa. The issue of opposite sex relationship in marrisge has alot of disadvantages. Am not saying you should not be good to opposite sex, but emotions must be strongly guided less the consequencies is negatively impactful. Think about it this way, say you have a scale of 0 – 100 percent. The maximum effort you can give is 100 percent. You cannot give more than 100 percent effort, it’s not possible! Your relationships, not just marriage, are constantly fluctuating. They are in a fluid state of giving and taking energy and effort. Every time you give to someone else the percentage on that scale changes in their favor. The more you give to someone else, the less you have for your wife or potential spouse. And once you are married, your wife is the most important relationship you have besides your relationship with the Lord. Your effort and energy should go to her first, always. In the case above , from my basic mathematical view or findings. Oscar was splitting his efforts 60/40 percent between chinenye and his new friend. Marriage requires 100 percent effort. Although he was not married to Chinenye yet, when you are dating intentionally, the principle remains the same. You see the result the earlier person was finally dumped. If your eyes is single, your whole body will be full of light, is a bible saying. Although his deepest desire was to have a healthy relationship with Chinenye that was progressing towards marriage, his strongest desire was to remain friends with this girl. Sometimes our deepest desires are overridden by our strongest desires. If your deepest desire is to have a strong, healthy, covenant, marriage.Then you have to be willing to align your strongest desires with your deepest desires. Oscar was in love with Chinenye and she knew that, this girl was just his friend whom he cared about deeply. I didn’t understand why it couldn’t work! Besides, they’re not even married yet! But he was dating to marry, and if Chinenye was going to be his wife, then he needed to learn an important lesson. Actions speak louder than words. “The closer I get to marriage, the less concerned I need to be about pleasing others, and the more concerned I need to be about pleasing my wife.” One day I was wrestling with why I had to break off this friendship with my friend that was a girl… and it hit me. We tend to only see where we ourselves stand. So I put myself in wife’s shoes, and thought to myself, “What if my wife had a guy friend who was becoming her best friend, and it wasn’t me…” I hated the thought. And we weren’t even married yet! Within marriage that would be so wrong it’s insane. Not only wrong, but detrimental. Your spouse should be your best friend. Some people may say that they have always had opposite- sex friends, and marriage shouldn’t have to change that. I’ve heard people say that being able to have opposite-sex friends is a sign of a healthy relationship. Not true. In my opinion, this viewpoint is naive and selfish. Marriages have “ups” and “downs.” During an “up” season, where everything is bright and dandy, it might be easier to allow a seemingly harmless opposite-sex relationship to exist, even if it frustrates your spouse a little bit. But in the “down” season, that opposite-sex friendship could become a destructive wildfire – and one that is very hard to extinguish. During that “down” season when you start having issues, disagreements, and fights with your wife, conveniently you have a female friend who understands you, will listen, is “always there for you,” and is fun and easy to talk to. Wait a minute, that sure sounds a lot like the vows once made to a special person called your spouse… “Marriage is a unique relationship where you choose to throw your decisions under the authority of your word.” You made a promise, and now you must make decisions that honor your promise. When you find yourself torn between where you should spend your effort and energy, the answer is likely your spouse. They are your priority, and your energy and effort should first be devoted to them. Even when it’s hard, and especially when it’s easy. I pray that this will go a long way to restore your marriages and relationships. amen. By Pastor Chukwuemeka Ebenezer.A