I am depressed. I just don't know how to tackle this issue.

A friend of mine came over with his wife on the 28th of December to my house. I have a wife and a kid.

Everything was okay till on the 1st of January when we all went out together, on getting home I decided to still hang out a while with my friend at a bar near my house while we told the two women to go on home. My wife became angry, didn't talk to me all through the night and until the next morning.

When we woke up, she refused cooking till 12 pm, I had to tell the wife of my friend to fry some eggs so we can have brunch, till evening, she didn't cook anything, I had no option than to tell the girl to cook indomie to eat if she is hungry.

I then went out with my friend only for the wife of my friend to call and tell him that my woman says they should pack and leave the house because she has had enough of them.

I was flabbergasted, this is a friend I do stay in his house when I do travel to his base weeks when on a business trip.


I am still short of words, what exactly do I do in this situation because I can't fathom the audacity she has to tell a visitor to pack and leave. If she starts acting this way, what does the future.....

Hmkk

Your wife feels uncomfortable having them around. The size of your house may also be another problem if your wife isn't free to express herself how she would have when she is with just you at home.

Talk to your wife and find out her reasons for making such an utterance and maybe she will open up to you and you could work out a way through it all till your friend and his wife complete their stay.

PuntHunt:
Your wife feels uncomfortable having them around. The size of your house may also be another problem if your wife isn't free to express herself how she would have when she is with just you at home.

Talk to your wife and find out her reasons for making such an utterance and maybe she will open up to you and you could work out a way through it all till your friend and his wife complete their stay.

A 3 bedroom flat, accommodating someone for just one week is it a big deal? basically, she is trying to make my house a no-go area for all my friends and probably my family members in the future.

I am just tired and confused

warrah:


A 3 bedroom flat, accommodating someone for just one week is it a big deal? basically, she is trying to make my house a no-go area for all my friends and probably my family members in the future.

I am just tired and confused

Find out what her problem really is. Talk to her, she is your wife.

warrah:


A 3 bedroom flat, accommodating someone for just one week is it a big deal? basically, she is trying to make my house a no-go area for all my friends and probably my family members in the future.

I am just tired and confused

Though I do not keep friends around...bit I can never marry or condone any lady or woman that feels insecure having my friends and family around!

Money go finish, nah what you make of friendship go last a lifetime bro.

Sit her down and talk some real word into her head.

Whatever be the problem, she should have informed you about it first. Plead with your friend to pardon your wife's stupidity. Later, make sure you punish your wife accordingly

I wish you did your self the favour of not getting married!

An absolutely unnecessary problem!

Case 1: You didn't inform your wife of your friend's visit or you did and she kicked against it.

I just have to ask; did you inform your wife before your friend and his wife showed up at your doorstep?

I know this may sound unreasonable, but I don't think you informed your wife of your friend's visit early enough. Or you informed her and she kicked against it but you went ahead and still accommodated your guests.

And to top it off, you gave a guest she didn't welcome the permission to enter "her" kitchen to cook! Damn!

If my hunches are true, then your wife is just being territorial. First you need to talk to her that you didn't mean to offend her by bringing guests to the house without her knowledge/consent. Then have her apologize to the couple for her behavior.

I know the chauvinists here would scream blue murder! How dare he apologise for bringing visitors into "his" house!!! Bros, they won't be there when your wife is making the house a living hell for you o.

Case 2: Me and my husband; no friends, visitors or relatives allowed.

But if this is a case of her not wanting friends and family to visit, then you have your job cut out for you by making her understand that people and relationships are greater than money.

In the meantime, your wife has already embarrassed your guests and I don't think your friend's wife would allow them stay in that house till the period they originally planned.

In addition to the strong points listed by the oga above me :

First of all you know your wife more than anyone else
How is she with other people normally,friends family etc .

If she is normally accommodating and this is the first time you are seeing her "putting off " people then there is an underlying problem , something else you must have done ,or something else you both agreed on and you went against the agreement you both had .

If I am to do a "psycho" analysis and take your words for it :

They came on the 28th , you all were happy together till 1st , when you went out .

Wahala and first sign of her behaviour(according to your story) came up at the bar when you told the two women to go home and you wanted to drink with your friend .

So its safe to say she was comfortable with their stay if they could stay for five days without her showing any sign of being uncomfortable ,women are generally not that patient ,to stay for five days with people they are not comfortable with , she would have given you or them a subtle sign or would have told you straight from like the third day, things like "when are they going "(this is danger) , take note its different from "how long will they be with us"(this one is ok,especially if she asked before they came) ****I love psychology**** . If she didnt show any sign like that or ask any question like that, its safe to say she is ok with them staying .

Moving on , from the points above i can conclude that she has no problem with them , na two of una get wahala between una sef , she is just pouring out the anger on them . Its also possible she is trying to protect you from something because the trigger point here was the bar and you telling them to go home . Now lets dive deeper .....


Lets ask some questions :

1.Is your friend a womanizer ? (if thats the case she probably feels , he might be "corrupting you" )
2.Did you both(you and your wife) agree that you would limit or stop drinking ? (it might sound crazy but trust me its possible, thats why she is angry)
3.Do you guys have any unresolved issue ?
4.Is there something she asked you to do for her that you have not done ?
5.How much did you spend on drinks , was she trying to caution or limit your spending ? (probably telling you to save ? )

All these little details might seeem irrelevant , but might have triggered her reactions .Even though it was wrong of her to have gone to that extreme lenghth .

All these could have been avoided that night you got back home from the bar .

She is your wife you should know her weak points , all women have something that triggers them to open up and talk no matter how difficult they are .
When you got home was it

"Why did you just leave the bar angrily and why are you not talking to me , and where is my food "

OR was it

"Baby , I noticed a change in your face when I asked you and kemi to go home last night , if there is anything wrong , I would be more than happy to listen to you so we can resolve it , you know you are my sunshine , when you are sad I am sad too " *while carressing and pecking her*

Oga, every woman has a "pin code", if you cant figure it out , it would be hard resolving issues

Some of them its making them laugh
Some its promising them gifts
Some its just being caring
Some its just using a soft tone of voice
Some its a combination of everything


Bottom line , you should have found a way of making her open up that night so the issue doesnt go into the morning.You should have also found a way to give yourselves some pencil and sharpener (that thing can solve quarrel for Africa , thank God ! for pencil and sharpener in marriages )


And to the point where you asked your friends wife to cook, that was totally totally wrong sir ,
Number 1 they are your guests , no matter how close you people are, you should not tell your guest to cook
Number 2 thats your wife's territory, she should be the only one to give anyone authority to use it (even though its your house)
Number 3 all men should know how to cook for situations like this





Just talk to her , dont just talk ,COMMUNICATE and most importantly LISTEN , there is something amiss somewhere

I would suggest you read this article I wrote a long time ago :





How to spice up your marriage and prevent divorce
https://www.nairaland.com/3314181/how-spice-up-marriage-also

simiolu1:
Case 1: You didn't inform your wife of your friend's visit or you did and she kicked against it.

I just have to ask; did you inform your wife before your friend and his wife showed up at your doorstep?

I know this may sound unreasonable, but I don't think you informed your wife of your friend's visit early enough. Or you informed her and she kicked against it but you went ahead and still accommodated your guests.

And to top it off, you gave a guest she didn't welcome the permission to enter "her" kitchen to cook! Damn!

If my hunches are true, then your wife is just being territorial. First you need to talk to her that you didn't mean to offend her by bringing guests to the house without her knowledge/consent. Then have her apologize to the couple for her behavior.

I know the chauvinists here would scream blue murder! How dare he apologise for bringing visitors into "his" house!!! Bros, they won't be there when your wife is making the house a living hell for you o.

Case 2: Me and my husband; no friends, visitors or relatives allowed.

But if this is a case of her not wanting friends and family to visit, then you have your job cut out for you by making her understand that people and relationships are greater than money.

In the meantime, your wife has already embarrassed your guests and I don't think your friend's wife would allow them stay in that house till the period they originally planned.

I informed her 3days before they came, she was good to them untill the day we decided to stay a while out before going in.

So many unmarried kids on this forum


See ehen. ..there is no justification for what the wife did even if the guy made a mistake by not informing her on time......two wrongs don't make a right........sometimes I wonder what will give my spouse the audacity to ask my guests to leave our house without informing me......people dey try sha.

The op clearly doesn't have absolute control over his home....even if my wife is pissed at my guests and family members. ..she will definitely discuss it with me before taking any rash decision.


Oga go and take charge of ur home....u married a competitive woman....pele

Donald3d:
In addition to the strong points listed by the oga above me :

First of all you know your wife more than anyone else
How is she with other people normally,friends family etc .

If she is normally accommodating and this is the first time you are seeing her "putting off " people then there is an underlying problem , something else you must have done ,or something else you both agreed on and you went against the agreement you both had .

If I am to do a "psycho" analysis and take your words for it :

They came on the 28th , you all were happy together till 1st , when you went out .

Wahala and first sign of her behaviour(according to your story) came up at the bar when you told the two women to go home and you wanted to drink with your friend .

So its safe to say she was comfortable with their stay if they could stay for five days without her showing any sign of being uncomfortable ,women are generally not that patient ,to stay for five days with people they are not comfortable with , she would have given you or them a subtle sign or would have told you straight from like the third day, things like "when are they going "(this is danger) , take note its different from "how long will they be with us"(this one is ok,especially if she asked before they came) ****I love psychology**** . If she didnt show any sign like that or ask any question like that, its safe to say she is ok with them staying .

Moving on , from the points above i can conclude that she has no problem with them , na two of una get wahala between una sef , she is just pouring out the anger on them . Its also possible she is trying to protect you from something because the trigger point here was the bar and you telling them to go home . Now lets dive deeper .....


Lets ask some questions :

1.Is your friend a womanizer ? (if thats the case she probably feels , he might be "corrupting you" )
2.Did you both(you and your wife) agree that you would limit or stop drinking ? (it might sound crazy but trust me its possible, thats why she is angry)
3.Do you guys have any unresolved issue ?
4.Is there something she asked you to do for her that you have not done ?
5.How much did you spend on drinks , was she trying to caution or limit your spending ? (probably telling you to save ? )

All these little details might seeem irrelevant , but might have triggered her reactions .Even though it was wrong of her to have gone to that extreme lenghth .

All these could have been avoided that night you got back home from the bar .

She is your wife you should know her weak points , all women have something that triggers them to open up and talk no matter how difficult they are .
When you got home was it

"Why did you just leave the bar angrily and why are you not talking to me , and where is my food "

OR was it

"Baby , I noticed a change in your face when I asked you and kemi to go home last night , if there is anything wrong , I would be more than happy to listen to you so we can resolve it , you know you are my sunshine , when you are sad I am sad too " *while carressing and pecking her*

Oga, every woman has a "pin code", if you cant figure it out , it would be hard resolving issues

Some of them its making them laugh
Some its promising them gifts
Some its just being caring
Some its just using a soft tone of voice
Some its a combination of everything


Bottom line , you should have found a way of making her open up that night so the issue doesnt go into the morning.You should have also found a way to give yourselves some pencil and sharpener (that thing can solve quarrel for Africa , thank God ! for pencil and sharpener in marriages )


And to the point where you asked your friends wife to cook, that was totally totally wrong sir ,
Number 1 they are your guests , no matter how close you people are, you should not tell your guest to cook
Number 2 thats your wife's territory, she should be the only one to give anyone authority to use it (even though its your house)
Number 3 all men should know how to cook for situations like this





Just talk to her , dont just talk ,COMMUNICATE and most importantly LISTEN , there is something amiss somewhere

I would suggest you read this article I wrote a long time ago :





How to spice up your marriage and prevent divorce
https://www.nairaland.com/3314181/how-spice-up-marriage-also

Woow, dude, are you a psychologist, you nailed it, every point you raised was correct.

Her anger, I spend too much...I was the one paying the bills
I allowed my friend stay in my own room while I stayed with her in her own room
We usually come back late
No sharpening of pencil because of little boy around


But I still think she should have come to me directly than heaping her frustration on the girl. All the same, thank you so much, I now see where I fuxcked up

Women this days God she should have waited for u to come and tell you what ever the issue was. That's what I call national embarrassment how can she open her mouth and tell your friend to move out that shows total disrespect for you there is no grammar to cover her attitude.

op, go and beg your wife to save the drama. just go and beg her don't even ask any questions just go and beg her

warrah:





Woow, dude, are you a psychologist, you nailed it, every point you raised was correct.

Her anger, I spend too much...I was the one paying the bills
I allowed my friend stay in my own room while I stayed with her in her own room
We usually come back late
No sharpening of pencil because of little boy around


But I still think she should have come to me directly than heaping her frustration on the girl. All the same, thank you so much, I now see where I fuxcked up

Treat your wife well o , she loves you .
I know she went over board and shouldnt have behaved in that manner .
But maybe she don dey tell you small since you no gree hear word na him she con use gra gra on top the matter
I pray peace into your home sir .
Above all dont forget Communication is important sha

Your wife problem is jealousy and wants to control everything around her.
She got angry the day you guys went out without them because she thinks your friend is taking you away from her(most women think that way).
Let her understand what this your friend would do if the table should turn and she should stop feel insecure in her own house.

warrah:





Woow, dude, are you a psychologist, you nailed it, every point you raised was correct.

Her anger, I spend too much...I was the one paying the bills
I allowed my friend stay in my own room while I stayed with her in her own room
We usually come back late
No sharpening of pencil because of little boy around


But I still think she should have come to me directly than heaping her frustration on the girl. All the same, thank you so much, I now see where I fuxcked up

Lool why not your visitors staying in the 3rd room instead of you moving to wifeys room and your friend staying in yours.

Also something must have happened that day the guys went out.

Sort it out jare.



Donald3d made some excellent points, you just need to know how women are wired.

PuntHunt:
Your wife feels uncomfortable having them around. The size of your house may also be another problem if your wife isn't free to express herself how she would have when she is with just you at home.

Talk to your wife and find out her reasons for making such an utterance and maybe she will open up to you and you could work out a way through it all till your friend and his wife complete their stay.

the size of the house has nothing to do with this, the woman is jst been very childish and jeleous at the same time, if the house was small asking them to leave by herself was nt the right aproach..

she would have complain to the man, i visited a friend of my like that, anytime me and his goes out to watch football the wife will jst be sad and quiet all day, i did nt even wait for her to complain, the following u week i went and rented my own house..

to the op.. that ur friend wife will never be comfortable again in ur house.. jst allow them to go bt make them to understand that it's her fault..

warrah:


A 3 bedroom flat, accommodating someone for just one week is it a big deal? basically, she is trying to make my house a no-go area for all my friends and probably my family members in the future.

I am just tired and confused

did u inform her of their visit and hw long they wil be staying?


did she agree with you concerning them staying for a week?


i guess she feels their presence is distraction and taking away ur attention from her. she shuld av talked to you instead of overreacting.

try to av a discussion with her and find out d sudden reaction. spend time with her too so she dosnt feel ignored.


best of luck

Let's call a spade a spade. Your wife doesn't have any iota of respect for you. No matter the circumstances, you are the head of the family, she's under obligation to discuss whatever with you first before taking action.

You over pampered your wife and you gave her an inch, she's demanding for a mile. You're too soft.

Tell her to apologize to your friend and his wife immediately. If she refused, let there be a consequence.

warrah:
I am depressed. I just don't know how to tackle this issue.

A friend of mine came over with his wife on the 28th of December to my house. I have a wife and a kid.

Everything was okay till on the 1st of January when we all went out together, on getting home I decided to still hang out a while with my friend at a bar near my house while we told the two women to go on home. My wife became angry, didn't talk to me all through the night and until the next morning.

When we woke up, she refused cooking till 12 pm, I had to tell the wife of my friend to fry some eggs so we can have brunch, till evening, she didn't cook anything, I had no option than to tell the girl to cook indomie to eat if she is hungry.

I then went out with my friend only for the wife of my friend to call and tell him that my wife says they should pack and leave the house because she has had enough of them.

I was flabbergasted, this is a friend I do stay in his house when I do travel to his base weeks when on business trip.


I am still short of words, what exactly do I do in this situation because I can't fathom the audacity she has to tell a visitor to pack and leave. If she starts acting this way early in the marriage, what does the future.....

When a woman is taken for granted, she can do otherwise. Probably she wasn't happy because you guys ask the two of them to go home while you hang out with your visitor friend a when you got home you saw the anger in her and decides not to settle the issue before day brake that was what led to her misbehaviour. Pls both of you should talk over it and learn your lessons