I'm not a regular porter on this section but I think you'd like this. Its not original though. - Three guys got caught in a forest by some cannibals. The ruler decided to be lenient on them cos they pleaded. He promised to let them go if only they passed his test so he sent them to find ten fruits each and off they went. After a while, one guy came back with ten cherries. He was then asked to stick them up his a$s without showing any expression. He pushed the 1st one in but it hurt so he winced & he was eaten. The 2nd guy came back with ten strawberries & was asked to do the same thing. He stuck 9 up successfully but he laughed on the 10th attempt so he also got eaten. Both guys met in heaven & this conversation took place. 1st guy: why did you laugh? You could have made it! 2nd guy: I saw the 3rd guy coming with ten pineapples,

One woman woke up one night & found out that her husband wasn't in bed so she got up to look for him. She later found him in the kitchen in deep thoughts staring at his glass of wine so she went closer, placed her hand on his shoulder and asked him gently "whats wrong honey? Why are you awake this late?" He looked up, misty-eyed, & sniffed. "you remember 20yrs ago when we were younger & still dating?" yesss "she nodded" "your father caught us and pointed his gun @ me." "hm hm" she nodded again. "he promised to put me in jail if I didn't marry you" "yeah, I remember that" she replied. He sniffs again & sips his drink. "I'd have gotten out today."