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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / *a Slow One* -- Critics Are Very Welcome, I'm Striving For Excellence @ What I D (661 Views)
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*a Slow One* -- Critics Are Very Welcome, I'm Striving For Excellence @ What I D by m3xy(m): 11:53am On Apr 21, 2010 |
i'm here fuming, i can see smoke (literally), but i doubt they're frm my ears! twit's @ it again!, she doesn't quite get it! i _stnd if a beef's cookn, wen i'm rung tho', but she's miles away, & on the fone! & stil thinks the pic she painted (the one in her head), is ryt! based on her interpretatns ov whr i am; & prolly wat i'm capable ov! but i wish she were ryt, then dis wuld be easier to bear! i'd try not to let this dampen my spirits, i'm wiv the guys, same ol', same ol' ! we're stil al bout that book, 'the rudiments ov the loose cigar' it brings up discussions, sumtyms arguments it has a way of doin' such! But its fun nonetheless, despite all that's hapnin arnd me, i'm fully aware ov my stomach; churnin away! wat's for brkfst, (my head's teln me) chuka just came arnd! His first spoken words, not a complete sentence, just a phrase, , 'i'm hungry' !!! ok!, that makes two ov us i'm stil countin, on seemingly hopless days lyk dis, the more the merrier! tc's down, & prolly has sum ingredients too! i rili dnt nid leeches, so won't count 'em! wat do i hav asides a gas burner, sum rice, cookin' utensils & 'the tech. knw how'??! two green notes & a red one!, i doubt i'm ready to relinquish i stil hav lil nids asides hunger to meet! ok, God rili does kip to his promises! 'nwa aba' just came in naw, & added a blue note to pack! nw i can prioritize! tinned tomatoes can come in. imagine i'm thinkin' mor lyk sardines, & they r thinkn fuel! Pro Evolution Soccer 9! i dnt do soccer, so its their fantasy they'd be livin' nah! i aint weird (i knw watchu myt be thinkn) a guy who doesn't play video games! i'm more ov adventure & racin' Need for Speed - Underground! totali addictive! i haven't read my 'janelle brown' in a whyl i miss it, but i want the feelin to last longer! bak to my cookin' i hav dishes to do first, but havnt' summoned the courage yet they all think i'm staln for sumtn else lil do they knw! oh! my aux cable stil works! Chuka's i-touch is playn a song's blastn thru my stereo speakers, i knw the song, but too tired to think up its name! my baby's comin' today! yeah imma daddy (dint i tel yu?, Lol) i knw i cant wait to see her, but she's not the only one i cant wait to see! my atm card! in a bid to frugal, i made her go home wiv it! thats y i had me countin two green notes & a red one! whilst i'm used to starin' @ Dr. Clement Isong's face! & the lyks ov 'em! yeah i knw, change is constant! naw i knw all i hav to do is wait this one out! 13/12/09. |
Re: *a Slow One* -- Critics Are Very Welcome, I'm Striving For Excellence @ What I D by Bossbitch(f): 5:22pm On Apr 21, 2010 |
;Dit mahhhdddd. . . i like it |
Re: *a Slow One* -- Critics Are Very Welcome, I'm Striving For Excellence @ What I D by m3xy(m): 8:57pm On Apr 21, 2010 |
thanks |
Re: *a Slow One* -- Critics Are Very Welcome, I'm Striving For Excellence @ What I D by Djlawz(m): 11:19pm On Apr 21, 2010 |
Its a nice piece, but u need more flavour, u got the descriptive flow but the flaw in vividnes is constant. A lil bit of continuity an less juxtapositions, u need a clear work an ur numerous juxtaposition dosnt help ur use of language. Consider the diction and ur piece is d bomb |
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