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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Dimple Girl (5068 Views)
Dimple Girl by Nobody: 3:51pm On Feb 15, 2018 |
"DIMPLE GIRL" - A Poem Fort with came my love my lady, Coming thru with a dark eye shady, She steps in with a slow cat walk, Vanishing past the hot sun sack, And entering into a room so dark. Her stare can kill a legion demon, Cute smile is one in a million, Soft tender skin like a new born, Bringing forth angelic light in d' room, Her presence shatters my despair 'n' doom. My dimple girl has come to stay, A lovely duck raising its sail, Half heart coming to complement another heart, Our love shall clear a million path, Growing from tough times to tall height. Your love never seizes to amaze me, In anger you left your man to be, Travelling thru every sea and clime, And hoping to spend your precious time, With men of more money and dime. But come back home my good lady, Come stay with me your sweet baby, For that which you sought in vain, Hides their strong hands with blood stains, Pretty roses before you, they've crushed in pain. Come, let us make ours a home, Where the sun rise and flowers bloom, Let us turn these huts of ours, And these harmattan stricken mud walls, Into a blissful home without faults. Let our love weather every storm, Growing stronger like a soft corn, The treasures of the world bides us, Coming to transform our dark utensils n pots, Into the castles of the royalties of yore. All Rights Reserved © Paul Chiwude 2018 Mod please help move to the front page. My first poem on nairaland. Thanks 11 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: Dimple Girl by rxmusa(m): 7:06am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Wow! What a display of literary prowess Your fluidity and flexibility with words are commendable. More ink to your golden pen 2 Likes
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Re: Dimple Girl by Tunasco4u(m): 7:06am On Feb 18, 2018 |
OK 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by awa(m): 7:07am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Nice one 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by timwudz(m): 7:08am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Seems today is a poem day Lemme start writing my own poems too I'm cuming through 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by justi4jesu(f): 7:09am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Nice 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by peacettw: 7:33am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Nice but the flow was broken at the 5th stanza. You should have stopped at the 4th. 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by 2diplomatic: 7:39am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Lovely 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by CoolextPhoenix(m): 8:29am On Feb 18, 2018 |
nice one bro,,more grace to you 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by CoolextPhoenix(m): 8:31am On Feb 18, 2018 |
peacettw: Totally agree with you on that 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Habakus: 8:42am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Ok Op, this is the sequence I presume? She came back to you and immediately 'lightened' up your world? You recalled how she left you and travelled far for evil men who were rich? Then you started emphasising on why she should live/be with you, right? Well, I think all stanzas of the poem are important to the general message you wished to convey. It's a good poem. 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by TINO26: 9:07am On Feb 18, 2018 |
awesome 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Bamibor: 9:08am On Feb 18, 2018 |
This is beautiful... 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by NairaMaster1(m): 9:10am On Feb 18, 2018 |
To me this is not a literal work because I can see jargons like 'thru' instead of "through" and 'n' instead of "and" The op was probably chatting with his babe on Valentine day. |
Re: Dimple Girl by Sarang(f): 9:13am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Goodwork |
Re: Dimple Girl by Bamibor: 9:16am On Feb 18, 2018 |
peacettw: That depends on how you look at it. I'd rather say a tweak of the tenses would make the difference Think : Now you're back home my good lady Please stay with me your sweet baby... I enjoyed reading the poem though. |
Re: Dimple Girl by Bamibor: 9:20am On Feb 18, 2018 |
NairaMaster1: In a sense you might be right but as a writer (especially as a poet) he's afforded some level of poetic license. That's not to say he shouldn't check to be sure he's not getting used to using some of the "social media jargons" in formal writing. 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by NairaMaster1(m): 9:24am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Bamibor: Ok 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 9:43am On Feb 18, 2018 |
When I saw 'dimple'.... I thought d poem was about dimple129. 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by doingood: 11:45am On Feb 18, 2018 |
Nice poem. Why Nigerians don't read. See nice literature yet people won't comment. If its masturbation or sex u see more than 10 pages. 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Africanbest(m): 5:29pm On Feb 18, 2018 |
Op, an advice Let the rhythm of your poem flow Let it spark like an after sex glow Or we might hate it like a girl who never blow Or you might get a comment section that's just slow Remember let the poem flow. 2 Likes |
Re: Dimple Girl by Elkay3: 6:24pm On Feb 18, 2018 |
Thats lovely! 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 10:11pm On Mar 05, 2018 |
rxmusa:Thanks for kind words. I'm humbled! |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 10:12pm On Mar 05, 2018 |
peacettw:I didn't see that. Thanks very much. |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 10:13pm On Mar 05, 2018 |
Africanbest:God bless bro for your kind critique. I will learn from it. |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 10:16pm On Mar 05, 2018 |
Bamibor:Thanks |
Re: Dimple Girl by Amazinpeace(f): 11:53pm On Mar 07, 2018 |
Beautiful piece... I love the rhyme scheme 1 Like |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 2:02pm On Mar 29, 2018 |
Amazinpeace:The rhyme scheme is aabbb. I just wanted do something original, more of a unique writing style. Thanks a lot for your appraisal. 2 Likes |
Re: Dimple Girl by Nobody: 9:24am On Mar 30, 2018 |
Bamibor:Thanks Bamibor! |
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