pledge to my Nigeria my mistress
To be faithful, loyal and honest
Fight off enemies , and defend the
Wall of my father land
Her flag I must bow to whenever
See it I , I image her represent
Her virginity I must nuture and
Protect , in it lies a pure future ,
So I thought;her soil I water
A 'solemnization'­ of love , peace ,
and truth
Her agriculture I shall feed on ,
So thou mayest grow .
The milk from her breast is like
Early morning palm wine
Her love intoxicate me so that her
Praise never leave my heart , and my
Mouth not scared to sing it
Her never fading beauty grace the
Termed the GIANT OF AFRICA

Her pledge to me was distrust , pains
Corruption,upon­ her feet weep I
everyday!
Her wealth and beauty feed upon by corrupt leaders .her cake eaten by flirty hands , they say is 'national cake '
Isn't the national cake meant for all and sundry ?
Her bread feed on by dirty bees ,and I
like the cannite woman feeding on the crunches like a starved dog
I fight , but corruption like a cancerous tumour has eaten deep
A disflowered maid living in past glory
Yet , I pledge my love , loyalty and faithfulness , with the hope that , man will fly some day like the birds .
Till that glorious day call , I will continue to weep for my country :Nigeria

With all humility i stand to criticise ur poem, can i go ahead

Yes , please do

I must commend you on your usage of figurative expressions, your similies and metaphors were meaningfull. But the poem is not well cordinated, when u pick a theme u kinda digress which is making the understanding of the poem kinda of difficult. The title does not really potray what u mean in the poem, its also kinda boring, no suspense, no comedy and most of all no rhyme and rhythm. Read through ur poem and take note of these criticism. Thanks for giving me the opportunity. Its indeed an honour to criticise your poem.

ultra buzie: I must commend you on your usage of figurative expressions, your similies and metaphors were meaningfull. But the poem is not well cordinated, when u pick a theme u kinda digress which is making the understanding of the poem kinda of difficult. The title does not really potray what u mean in the poem, its also kinda boring, no suspense, no comedy and most of all no rhyme and rhythm. Read through ur poem and take note of these criticism. Thanks for giving me the opportunity. Its indeed an honour to criticise your poem.

Thank you for saying something , I must say I love you more for droping a note . I am a critic myself , but unfortunately , it will be all wrong to criticised my own poem , as I might be blind to my mistake , and sing just my praises. Even at that , will like to correct some impression you holding;as for my title been inappropriate,bi couldn't think of another title , because I believe it suits what I really want to convey to my readers the poem is a lamentation of someone who has been betrayed by his mistress which is a metaphorical word for his country Nigeria....talking about digression, with humility , I will say I didn't , poet started with the praise of his mistress , how he has worship and nuture her virginity , how he has drank from the well of love of his mistress, and his pledge for her has been love and faithfulness, fighting off her enemies . But on the long run , the mistress in turn plegde back distrust , and betray him , when she gave chance for corrupt leaders to defiled her , and rub her off her virginity and innocence....the poet now lament that him that have work all his life to guide the pride of his mistress is now likened to the cannite woman in the bible ....at the end , he hope that one day , things will go back to the way they use to be , and he will fly again like the birds, even though is a false hope , but till that day comes , he will continue to cry for his mistress to return back to her place as the giant of Africa ...talking about the poem lacking comedy,with humility , I will say have not seen a melancholy poem that has humour ,the poet is suffering from betrayal of his mistress , thus everything around him is gloomy , as for suspense , madam , again with humility , this is a straight foward poem , the poet is hurt , this is quick to voice out his anguish and betrayal ....for the rhythm, please , I only employ a poetic license as a modern poet , not putting myself in a cage to write like the likes of Wordsworth ...please , read the poem aloud and criticise it. Again , using the whole to judge it . Thank u

ALL AM CONCERNED ABOUT IS TO KEEP THE READERS GOING...
With all shame and humility i stand corrected you have opened my eyes to the fact that u were nt digressing. Am really sorry for that, pls accept my sincere apology. But as for the rest of my criticism i have more to say on that.
Its a melancholy poem, i agree totally, but would it be better if instead of comedy u make use of sacasm, dry humour, and irony to mock the persona's pledge to an unfaithfull mistress? That would have given the readers sumtin to chew on.
As wendy cope's persona wuld say poetry is boring, even though u re making use of blank verse and free verse there should be a rhythm!!
You not wanting to cage yourself like wordsworth is your own opinion its not by force to use rhymes, but there should a rhythm even if its a prose like poem.
For example, Romeo in shakesphere play was in a melancholic mood when Rosaline betrayed his love, there was suspense, sacasm, ironx and to cap it all a rhythm! Which beautifies and made it an admirable work of art. Shakesphere didnt say becos romeo was in a melancholic mood not to include those literary terms mentioned.
I hope u've gotten my point.

ultra buzie: ALL AM CONCERNED ABOUT IS TO KEEP THE READERS GOING...
With all shame and humility i stand corrected you have opened my eyes to the fact that u were nt digressing. Am really sorry for that, pls accept my sincere apology. But as for the rest of my criticism i have more to say on that.
Its a melancholy poem, i agree totally, but would it be better if instead of comedy u make use of sacasm, dry humour, and irony to mock the persona's pledge to an unfaithfull mistress? That would have given the readers sumtin to chew on.
As wendy cope's persona wuld say poetry is boring, even though u re making use of blank verse and free verse there should be a rhythm!!
You not wanting to cage yourself like wordsworth is your own opinion its not by force to use rhymes, but there should a rhythm even if its a prose like poem.
For example, Romeo in shakesphere play was in a melancholic mood when Rosaline betrayed his love, there was suspense, sacasm, ironx and to cap it all a rhythm! Which beautifies and made it an admirable work of art. Shakesphere didnt say becos romeo was in a melancholic mood not to include those literary terms mentioned.
I hope u've gotten my point.

Madam , I have read hundreds of poems during my days in the university and out of it , too . I will appreciate if you criticise my poem with just my own words , not bringing in an external work to weigh it , uless you are doing a comparative work , then you will have to bring up your lines . My poem lacking humour is intentional. Is a satirical work which has establish it existence without the use of comedy . I'd you insit that I should have use comedy or humour as you put it , then I humbly say maybe you v not read much poetic work . There are some poet whose work are all gloomy , some use humour tto lighten their audience , while some care less because they want their readers to take pity on them abd feel their anguish . Off course I have some dtatical works which I use humour , but this , I deviate from using it . As for my work lacking rhythm, thank goodness you also say is a blank verse , a run off line poem ,then why should I cage myself to put in rhythm. Obe disadvantage the classical poets had was too concentrate too much on making rhythm, thus some loss the message they are trying to pass . A poem is beautiful once the poet use meaningful metaphor , image and a simple message the readers can easily indentify with . If you had said I have dobe a beautiful work base on other arguements , then I would have been happier , becausenit will help me tighten my seat belt . I didn't even take my time tobwrite the poem , I know it still need lot of brushing up to do .thankbyou again madam . I wish I have received more reviews

ultra buzie: ALL AM CONCERNED ABOUT IS TO KEEP THE READERS GOING...
With all shame and humility i stand corrected you have opened my eyes to the fact that u were nt digressing. Am really sorry for that, pls accept my sincere apology. But as for the rest of my criticism i have more to say on that.
Its a melancholy poem, i agree totally, but would it be better if instead of comedy u make use of sacasm, dry humour, and irony to mock the persona's pledge to an unfaithfull mistress? That would have given the readers sumtin to chew on.
As wendy cope's persona wuld say poetry is boring, even though u re making use of blank verse and free verse there should be a rhythm!!
You not wanting to cage yourself like wordsworth is your own opinion its not by force to use rhymes, but there should a rhythm even if its a prose like poem.
For example, Romeo in shakesphere play was in a melancholic mood when Rosaline betrayed his love, there was suspense, sacasm, ironx and to cap it all a rhythm! Which beautifies and made it an admirable work of art. Shakesphere didnt say becos romeo was in a melancholic mood not to include those literary terms mentioned.
I hope u've gotten my point.

Madam , I have read hundreds of poems during my days in the university and out of it , too . I will appreciate if you criticise my poem with just my own words , not bringing in an external work to weigh it , uless you are doing a comparative work , then you will have to bring up your lines . My poem lacking humour is intentional. Is a satirical work which has establish it existence without the use of comedy . If you insit that I should have use comedy or humour as you put it , then I humbly say maybe you v not read much poetic works . There are some poet whose work are all gloomy , some use humour to lighten their audience , while some care less because they want their readers to take pity on them and feel their anguish . Off course I have some satirical works which I use humour , but this , I deviate from using it . As for my work lacking rhythm, thank goodness you also say is a blank verse , a run off line poem ,then why should I cage myself to put in rhythm. One disadvantage the classical poets had was too concentrate too much on making rhythm, thus some loss the message they are trying to pass . A poem is beautiful once the poet use meaningful metaphor , image and a simple message the readers can easily indentify with . If you had said I have not done a beautiful work base on other arguements , then I would have been happier , because that will help me tighten my seat belt . I didn't even take my time to write the poem , I know it still need lot of brushing up to do .thank you again madam . I wish I had received more reviews. Least I forget , Romeo and Juliet belongs to the dramatic genre , Shakespear didn't use humour in all his lines , there are some places where you will feel gloomy and pity the characters . Ge only use humour to lighten up the readers at long interval . Also remeer this is a short piece , Romeo and Juliet has a long space of establishment

Yes ma, ur point taken, its no use arguing since you are adamant. Just remember that we all different point of view. As a training psychologist i can comprehend you, i just wish u could also comprehend me. Anyway:-) twas nice reviewing ur poem, i must say have learnt a lot. Keep the ball rolling....

ultra buzie: Yes ma, ur point taken, its no use arguing since you are adamant. Just remember that we all different point of view. As a training psychologist i can comprehend you, i just wish u could also comprehend me. Anyway:-) twas nice reviewing ur poem, i must say have learnt a lot. Keep the ball rolling....

AM not adamant, but you are not using the right criteria to judge .know lots of critics , my lecturers especially , they woukdnt use any of those to judge a poem . Thank you .