I do not think they aren't responsible. What I meant was that, we do not have the necessary yardstick to say maybe or not they are responsible. There is no observable evidence that we can use to say that and if you are going by the fact that one of them is married, that doesn't mean such person is responsible. After all, their mum got married and wasn't responsible.

She regretted not being able to balance the two. That's what you failed to see underneath.

The home front and an academic career are not mutually exclusive. That's what I actually have a problem with. I have a problem with the fact that she couldn't strike a balance or a near balance.

I didn't say she didn't contribute or anything like that. I said " I won't be surprised ". So, didn't make any assumptions.

Atlantia:

If we are to base our opinions on what she told the press then it's not for me to say whether she did right or wrong.

That's the point I've been trying to make right from the beginning.

angels09:

Whaat Dominique ke? Bounce her family? She nor fit.

Tollzara:
Exactly. Marriage is not a must. Everyone has the opportunity to make choices and decisions----whichever one they make, they should be ready to face the responsibilities that come with it. You should know the level of your competence, and the extent of your capabilities, so you would be in no delusions about what you can do, and make your choices accordingly. If it so happens that you judged yourself wrongly and made a decision that turned out to be a mistake, you wouldn't be justified in saying you're proud of the mistake and make no apologies for it. Admit you were wrong----no one is above mistakes----and move on.

She didn't train her children to be "independent". She obviously trained them to disregard her and put her at the bottom of their priority list. No one should be proud of that.

So, yes, if she knew she couldn't handle being a mother, she shouldn't have become one.

"KNOW THYSELF".

Yeah. I'm not judging her concerning the divorce. I was only asking questions and considering scenarios that would make it valid to call her irresponsible, which are not necessarily true, since I have no idea what happened. Don't mind me.

True. But we can only judge based on the information she provided. Except the claim is being made that we should give her neither horns nor halos, since we're oblivious to the details, which I wouldn't contest.

But it's basic human nature to make judgements based on perceptions and appearances----and we can't be 100% rational 100% of the time.

So maybe people should stop washing their linen in public, if they aren't out to make clear revelations. Afterall, she's passing a message across in some way.

donstan18:


Lol, ladies can be funny.

Just like you.

Tex42:
'she no fit', and here she is singing praises to a woman who did, as if she is the next in line to dump her family for a havard Masters.

Irony of life... She no fit. Lol!

CioAngels:
It is a very sad one. Your husband was there for you, yet, you threw him to the gutters. Has your husband remarried? This my question may not add up but is the way i feel i should ask. Please plead with him if he is still waiting for you. As for your children, you need Gods grace to get them back. It is really a fact that education is No wisdom. Good luck i wish you because i can feel your pain.

Xisnin:


Please drop this caveman believes. Many kids these days are in boarding school by age 5
till they are full-grown adult. Do you think they are calling their house mastervs mummy and daddy?

Enoquin:
You all need to learn and respect the fact that not everyone is family oriented. Stop trying to project your own beliefs and feelings on another person because while backgrounds might be similar, experiences and the lessons you learn from that will not be, which is how we have all come to be different.

naturalwaves:

Is it about dancing about the thread or about pointing out the facts? You lot have a serious problem. See the direction you took it to. Her write up is laced with regrets and it is obvious she is so full of herself. Aside that, she is cunning and a foool for saying her children have become too independent. Does the illustration paint independence or lack of respect and disappointments?? If your children do not call you nor respond to your message in good time, it means they lack respect for you and care less about you not independent. So, Miss woman crusader, read well before you spill jargons next time.

naturalwaves:

Talking about the irresponsibility part, she gave us some evidences to show she wasn't very much responsible as a mum. Except if you want to say that she cannot be totally irresponsible......maybe something like partially responsible .

Talking about her decision, she wasn't incapacitated to make the necessary one. It is not something that would have required a very heavy wherewithal. She was obviously selfish and never cared because an academic position gives you the greatest liberty of all with respect to time.

darlenese:





well said , I don't see any difference bw she and one who Is childless , her children do not see her as their mother hence they dont reply her message until after two weeks .
what A shame !

angels09:

Dominique is more homey and family oriented for that kinda BS.

Tex42:
Thank Jah! At least we have a woman who will work to build and maintain a United happy family instead of running off to get a Cambridge Certificate.

harrismcse:
I just want to give you a treat for this expository write up.

I am speaking from experience. I have a friend whose biological mother didn't take the place or wasn't allowed to place the role of a mother at his wedding.
Rather, it was the step mother that took that spot and his bold defence was the mother was never there when he needed her, this step mother was the one that helped him become who he is today, and how can the biological mother just wake of all a sudden , remembers he has a son and wanna take the shine of a mother she has never been.
Those in bordering school, always check, save for a microscopic few, others learn from the street and bring it back home when their parents are not always there not even on holiday. Wonder why kids now murder or beat up parents? Do drugs and other vices?

I wasn't a bad kid at school, but my parents never knew none of my secondary teacher or how my sec school looked like on the inside, save the school gate.
not even when I kept winning awards to make them proud. They were never there to celebrate my success with me. University was worse, they didn't know how I served and what has been going on in my life. And now, we are not even close enough for me to wanna open up to them cos I don't even know how they will react, cos I don't know them. But we are cool , ain't mad at them but the truth is that close parent/child relationship is gone with the wind and we both miss it, but don't even know how to 're-establish it. I have friends who are going through same. Some found solice in step parents or forster parents. Some didn't. Such is life. So kid , even in marriage, I still miss that abandonment if I might use that word, cos some things prop up in marriage I can't discuss with them and seek their advice, nor can I refer back and ask how my parents would have handled similar situations , cos they were never there. Wonder why the alarming rate of failed marriage, cos modern day kids don't know how to handle marriage/adulthood, save from what they learn from social media, read in books( most foreign), see in the movie, etc.
And it hurts. So don't say what you don't know. Okay?

specter:


I am speaking from experience. I have a friend whose biological mother didn't take the place or wasn't allowed to place the role of a mother at his wedding.
Rather, it was the step mother that took that spot and his bold defence was the mother was never there when he needed her, this step mother was the one that helped him become who he is today, and how can the biological mother just wake of all a sudden , remembers he has a son and wanna take the shine of a mother she has never been.
Those in bordering school, always check, save for a microscopic few, others learn from the street and bring it back home when their parents are not always there not even on holiday. Wonder why kids now murder or beat up parents? Do drugs and other vices?

I wasn't a bad kid at school, but my parents never knew none of my secondary teacher or how my sec school looked like on the inside, save the school gate.
not even when I kept winning awards to make them proud. They were never there to celebrate my success with me. University was worse, they didn't know how I served and what has been going on in my life. And now, we are not even close enough for me to wanna open up to them cos I don't even know how they will react, cos I don't know them. But we are cool , ain't mad at them but the truth is that close parent/child relationship is gone with the wind and we both miss it, but don't even know how to 're-establish it. I have friends who are going through same. Some found solice in step parents or forster parents. Some didn't. Such is life. So kid , even in marriage, I still miss that abandonment if I might use that word, cos some things prop up in marriage I can't discuss with them and seek their advice, nor can I refer back and ask how my parents would have handled similar situations , cos they were never there. Wonder why the alarming rate of failed marriage, cos modern day kids don't know how to handle marriage/adulthood, save from what they learn from social media, read in books( most foreign), see in the movie, etc.
And it hurts. So don't say what you don't know. Okay?

dominique:
Before fellas start dancing on this thread, read this



Shes not sad about the marriage loss but how independent her children has become and are hardly involving her in their lives. If she was to turn back the hands of time, she will still pick her career but raise her children differently. Marriage must never be a woman's biggest achievement in life.

Atlantia:

Not every woman is cut out to be a mother..Something like partially responsible? Haha.
That's a moot point.


@bolded... That's your opinion. Obviously, she believed otherwise.
You keep talking about how an academic position gives you the greatest liberty with respect to time. I find it funny because I happen to know a stay-at-home mom who has a terrible relationship with her children. Although quite unrelated to the issue at hand, it goes to show that spending all your time with your children doesn't make you capable of raising them well.

Yes! She placed her career above all...However, she regrets not doing a few things differently.

naturalwaves:

This sums it all up that she didn't necessarily have to choose. She just decided she was going to shut off the home front due to reasons best known to her and that validates same point we have been making all these while.

Atlantia:

It was nice talking to you.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

angels09:
At the twilight of her life.... She will seek tears but will not find it.

Don Corleone in the Godfather insists that a real man has and must spend time with his family. You can't be greater than your family. She's simply a failure..... She ought to go and learn from Professor Jumoke Afolayan at geography department faculty of the social sciences a UN consultant... Professor Mrs Garba economics department, Professor ....at IMRAT... Professor Mrs Pogoson political science department, Professor Mrs Adekanye...all erudite scholars and mama psychology all at the University of Ibadan Nigeria. Few universities can be as tasking as UI.

Dominique see profiles of married women scholars:
Bio
Dr. AIrene POGOSON who holds a B.A degree in History (1981) from the University of Ibadan, is a Senior Lecturer in the Department of Political Science, University of Ibadan from where she obtained her masters and doctoral degrees in 1984 and 1994 respectively. She has also attended the John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University and the Friedrich Ebert Foundation, New York, USA, Fall Academy for Young International Policy Analysts in 2008. She is the first female lecturer in the history of the Department of Political Science, University of Ibadan, Ibadan. Before joining the University of Ibadan in 2000, Dr. Pogoson worked with the Presidential Panel on Nigeria Since Independence History Project as Research Fellow and as Administrative Secretary between 1981 and 2000. Between 2005 and 2007 in Abuja, Dr. Pogoson was also a Policy Analyst on Governance with the Independent Policy Group, a UNDP/Soros Foundation
funded Policy Think – Tank for President Olusegun Obasanjo. Dr. Pogoson is a member of a number of learned societies and organizations including the African Association of Political Science (AAPS); Nigerian Political Science Association (NPSA), Nigerian Society of International Affairs (NSIA) and the Initiative for Women’s Studies in Nigeria (IWSN), among others. Since 2009, she has been on the Advisory Council of the Ibrahim Index of African Governance (IIAG) of the MO Ibrahim Foundation. She consults for a number of national and international agencies including Women Advocates’ Research and Documentation Center (WARDC), Initiative for Women’s Studies in Nigeria (IWSN), National Democratic Institute (NDI) , Centre for Democracy and Development CDD) , Action Aid Nigeria, USAID/Nigeria, and the Fredrich Erbert Stiftung. Dr. Pogoson research interests are in the following areas: Governance and Development; Gender and Women’s studies; International Politics and Nigeria’s foreign policy. She is well published internationally and locally and has many journal articles, chapters in books and monographs to her credit. She is widely travelled and has attended numerous international and local conferences.

IamaNigerianGuy:

trustyshoess:

LMAO it's not a matter of perspective. It is what it is. You can't change the meaning of a word to suit you smh

apatheticme:


Not true! Caucasian females are typically known to dump or not even bother to have a family at all in favor of chasing career. Most white female doctors would not even bother to have kids. At least she has kids!

Atlantia:

She expressed regret at not having a tighter bond with her children. That alone goes to show that she's indeed remorseful. One does not have to come out point blank with an apology before you realise that such a person is sorry. I believe you know that much.

Refer to my previous comment. From what I could decipher...she's not saying she wouldn't have given up her career if she could turn back the hands of time. She's only saying that she would do right by her children.
Once again - Regret.

"However, I think I trained my children to become very independent. That is one of the things that make me sad sometimes. My kids do not really need me around.

[.........]

I really brought up independent children. It has its disadvantages, but it allowed me a lot more in my career. It has its pluses and minuses."

True.
She made a mistake by not fully considering the consequences of her actions.


My point exactly...There's no point calling her names and saying she's wrong or right to have done what she did.
I know I cannot make the kind of sacrifice she made..


I agree...We're all flawed.

Exactly. She is passing a message.
For some, this would be a warning to always consider the consequences of our actions and our obligations and responsibilities before making certain decisions.

Unfortunately, we're quick to only see the bad side.

specter:


I am speaking from experience. I have a friend whose biological mother didn't take the place or wasn't allowed to place the role of a mother at his wedding.
Rather, it was the step mother that took that spot and his bold defence was the mother was never there when he needed her, this step mother was the one that helped him become who he is today, and how can the biological mother just wake of all a sudden , remembers he has a son and wanna take the shine of a mother she has never been.
Those in bordering school, always check, save for a microscopic few, others learn from the street and bring it back home when their parents are not always there not even on holiday. Wonder why kids now murder or beat up parents? Do drugs and other vices?

I wasn't a bad kid at school, but my parents never knew none of my secondary teacher or how my sec school looked like on the inside, save the school gate.
not even when I kept winning awards to make them proud. They were never there to celebrate my success with me. University was worse, they didn't know how I served and what has been going on in my life. And now, we are not even close enough for me to wanna open up to them cos I don't even know how they will react, cos I don't know them. But we are cool , ain't mad at them but the truth is that close parent/child relationship is gone with the wind and we both miss it, but don't even know how to 're-establish it. I have friends who are going through same. Some found solice in step parents or forster parents. Some didn't. Such is life. So kid , even in marriage, I still miss that abandonment if I might use that word, cos some things prop up in marriage I can't discuss with them and seek their advice, nor can I refer back and ask how my parents would have handled similar situations , cos they were never there. Wonder why the alarming rate of failed marriage, cos modern day kids don't know how to handle marriage/adulthood, save from what they learn from social media, read in books( most foreign), see in the movie, etc.
And it hurts. So don't say what you don't know. Okay?