Hello house,

My mom, who I don't live with, always used to complain about my younger brother. He was said to be following gay men, stealing money in the house, running away for months without coming home. He also does not really help my mom, our 16 year old last born is the one who helps my mom in the house and at her shop where she sells pastries and other things in Owerri.

My brother is 18 years old and not really keen about learning, although he is a good footballer and good with his hands.

Last year, my mom said I should take him under my wings with the hope that a change of environment (Owerri - Lagos) will calm him down and also make him serious about life.

He's been living with me since January and I am fed up because instead of getting better, he got worse. He is irresponsible, a gambler, dishonest, lazy and not performing well at school or taking his football academy training serious.

In late January, my sister had an issue with her husband that made her and three kids come to live with me in my flat until things settled between them. I went from feeding myself alone to feeding five extra mouths so finances have been really tight.

Last two weeks, I gave my brother N10k to go to the market and buy foodstuffs. The N10k was the last money in my account, payday was still some days away. My brother gambled the N10k and came home empty handed. My sister and I were so sad. She didn't have money, I didn't have money and the bastard went to gamble with our one week feeding money. A friend gave me a loan.

The above is one of the many irresponsible acts he usually displays.

Yesterday again, my internet ran out, the gas needed to be filled and I had to buy petrol for the gen and some foodstuffs. I am freelancer and I need internet and electricity at all times, so I gave my brother my ATM card around 10am, to go withdraw cash and run the errands. He withdrew the money I asked him to withdraw plus another N15k making N50k.

After two hours he didn't come back so I knew that maybe he had done it once again. When he didn't come back by five pm, I just started looking for any of my friends to lend me money to at least subscribe for internet and buy food for my little nieces whose cereals and milk had finished.

When my brother did come back around 10pm, he cooked up an elaborate story of how pick-pockets picked the money from his pocket. I told him to keep his story to himself. I just became so so sad. I felt like hitting him but I couldn't bring myself to lay hands on him. I hate violence and he is a giant! He is 6ft 5inches tall and muscular while I am short and skinny. I didn't want him to sucker-punch me. Safety first.


I am so mad inside but not showing it. I am looking for a way to discipline [read shock] him at first and then help him. If he continues this way, I don't think he will make much out of his life. I want to help him now before I get married and start having kids because my attention and resources will be divided.

Mature suggestions please.

simple stuff


PUT POISON IN HIS FOOD....OTHERWISE EVANS CASE

IS REPEATING ITSELF

YOUNGrapha:


simple stuff


PUT POISON IN HIS FOOD....OTHERWISE EVANS CASE

IS REPEATING ITSELF

Don't be silly.

KOPT55:


Don't be silly.

LIKE YOUR BROTHER ??


anyway I thought you should have heed to my advice in

good faith

The worst big brother nightmare

To have a kid brother who is taller and heavier than you

AnodaIT:
The worst big brother nightmare

To have a kid brother who is taller and heavier than you

THAT'S WHY I ADVISED HIM TO POISON THE USELESS FUTURE EVANS!!

As big as he is, he can't go and do manual job... Big for nothing...


Rubbish .

This is really sad...at this point letting him chart the course of his own destiny is all that is left.

Let he who cannot pound inside the mortar; pound it on the ground.

Having him arrested for fraudulent diversion will be a good start and inasmuch as blood is thicker than water, it'll never be useful when it's host is dead.

First of all... stop giving him your ATM card, stop sending him on errands that involves money.

Let me thibk of the next step

LifeIsGuhd:
First of all... stop giving him your ATM card, stop sending him on errands that involves money.

Let me think of the next step

Misuse of money is only a symptom of the underlying issues. Take for instance when the N10k incident happened, we had little food in the house and the little ones had been crying of hunger because I they don't really eat adult food. He knew this and still misused the money. By so doing, he showed no regard for our welfare,plus gross irresponsibility and dishonesty.

He is irresponsible and I just want to see if I can help him become a better and more useful person. Thanks though.

BruncleZuma:
This is really sad...at this point letting him chart the course of his own destiny is all that is left.

Let he who cannot pound inside the mortar; pound it on the ground.

Having him arrested for fraudulent diversion will be a good start and inasmuch as blood is thicker than water, it'll never be useful when it's host is dead.

Thank you BruncleZuma, you're the third person that has suggested this and I think it makes sense. If everything fails I will arrest him on Friday morning and leave him there till Monday. My friend is a police officer.

Arresting him won't change his situation. Send him out to get a job and fend for himself. Let him gamble his own sweat away and learn to stand on his feet.

He gambled away 10k and you still gave him your ATM card and access to your account!!! Haba! Wrong move.

Let him be responsible for himself from now on. The best you should do is give him food but do not for any reason give him money. If he really needs something, get it for him rather than giving him money.

Let him get a job and understand what it is to earn money. He can then misuse the money he works for.

Scolding or shouting at a person like that holds no water. Just cut all sources of physical cash to his hands and don't talk much

your brother is possessed..bundle him to SCOAN or Mountain of fire

Enroll him in police.

KOPT55:



Thank you BruncleZuma, you're the third person that has suggested this and I think it makes sense. If everything fails I will arrest him on Friday morning and leave him there till Monday. My friend is a police officer.

You cannot help or change a person who does not want to be helped or changed.
Arresting him will be counterproductive.

Your point of action onwards has to be psychological.

Stop entrusting anything that has to do with money to him. Don't give him your ATM card, don't give him cash. Dont send him on errands that require him to handle money even if it's just 10naira buscuit you want him to get for you.
If you're going to pay for something like his fees, do it yourself. Don't give him the money, pay or transfer it to his account.

You don't have to talk, just act and stick to this routine.

It will take someone who isn't completely crazy not to notice when they're being treated like a child because they can't be trusted to be an adult. This is enough to get him thinking of his life.

Whatever you do, stop entrusting him with money. Give him other tasks that keep in the house and very busy while you continue to think of what to make of him.

Na real wa o

Make friend with a mopol or army, get your brother to answer to him and if he doesn't, he knows the consequences. Every life ambition you have for him should be communicated through the army or mopol guy. it's hard to check his habits but when he gets something doing, he would forgo some of them.

The reason for his truancy with you is because you can't deal with him due to him being powerful and that's a fact. And it's the same with your mom too. so get him what he deserves. An authority figure.

18years old??...haba!!

At least he fit still enter kirikiri, he is not a minor. Arrest him and let him be well dealt with! I mean thoroughly beaten. When he comes back, let him take full responsibility of himself. He should fend for himself, let him get a job and make his own money. Make sure sure u deal with very well using the that ur police friend.

Honestly, sometimes something's like this are not ordinary I advise u pray for him, he could under some wicked influence that wants to waste his life. While u are disciplining him I advise u pray for him, introduce him to Christ (if u are a Christian) Only God can give that kid a better and a worthy Life

I have a younger one who was not this bad but he gave me a though time. First I denied him access to my cash, restricted him time in the house by getting him to learn a hand work. He was always broke and busy. He started begging me for little things , I felt good. But ur brother case is different he's intimidatingly bigger than u. Use ur head, set him up with money and once he's trapped, use ur friend officer to intimidate and beat his head down. He may not yield initially but gradually he will. Al u need do is to find a way to bend him

Some people are simply the black sheep of the family... It is a heavy cross to bear when one has such..

What is he doing @ the moment to keep himself busy? Has he finished SSCE. He can learn a trade .. to keep himself busy..

Richy4:
Some people are simply the black sheep of the family... It is a heavy cross to bear when one has such..

What is he doing @ the moment to keep himself busy? Has he finished SSCE. He can learn a trade .. to keep himself busy..

He said he wants to play professional football, so I enrolled him in an academy. he attends the academy five days a week. He said he won't be going to school and wants to be an athlete instead which I support 100%

You need to be serious yourself.
What more does your brother need to do before you realise you can't trust him with a dime of your money?
He's done it to you once, twice..
He has shown his own character to the world, he's never hidden it from your mum, from yourself and even your sister.
So why do you keep falling into the same situation with him?
If you need to shop, do so yourself or give your sister the money

KOPT55:




In late January, my sister had an issue with her husband that made her and three kids come to live with me in my flat until things settled between them. I went from feeding myself alone to feeding five extra mouths so finances have been really tight.



When he didn't come back by five pm, I just started looking for any of my friends to lend me money to at least subscribe for internet and buy food for my little nieces whose cereals and milk had finished.

The only thing that caught my attention.....i honestly and genuinely pity you...i believe the first step is getting your sister and her kids back to your inlaw's house...as long as the issue is not repeated domestic violence....nothing that cannot be worked on......you are going through a lot of financial obligations that will definitely tell on you in future....

hmmmm I once had a friend like dis his dad simply took him to d barrack and had him disciplined so I advice d same but when you get there forget about him being your brother for his own good because u will pity him Nd when he comes back sit him down and put senses in his head

stop giving him money or access to money for crying out loud.... start from there...

He just needs to learn the hard way but with caution. Your police friend may turn things around but I prefer a military guy. They know how to talk sense into guys like him and as well bend him to understand no matter what,he needs to bow to your rules. When you gain that power,maintain the routine till you are okay with his attitude.

Gloryr:


The only thing that caught my attention.....i honestly and genuinely pity you...i believe the first step is getting your sister and her kids back to your inlaw's house...as long as the issue is not repeated domestic violence....nothing that cannot be worked on......you are going through a lot of financial obligations that will definitely tell on you in future....

It's not easy at all but I am doing it cuz its blood.

jashar:
stop giving him money or access to money for crying out loud.... start from there...

The thing is I am always constrained by lack of time. It is busy season for me right now and I don't have time to do stuff myself. Thanks all the same.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful suggestions. I don't know how to be angry for long at my siblings and all the outrage I felt have slowly started ebbing away. But these are wonderful suggestions and I will surely incorporate some of them into my actions.

KOPT55:
Thanks everyone for your wonderful suggestions. I don't know how to be angry for long at my siblings and all the outrage I felt have slowly started ebbing away. But these are wonderful suggestions and I will surely incorporate some of them into my actions.

Help your sis to start something doing even if it markrting them online since you are tech savy.

It isnt good when only one person supports a family financially and besides she has to cos of providing for her kids when you arent financislly capable.

On the side ,tell your bro to look for work and pay some of his bills.You will carry all their load and grow old by force without achieveing anything .

KOPT55:
Thanks everyone for your wonderful suggestions. I don't know how to be angry for long at my siblings and all the outrage I felt have slowly started ebbing away. But these are wonderful suggestions and I will surely incorporate some of them into my actions.

And this reason is why your sibling is on a path to ruin his life.

I have an older sister too who we can not trust with money. Starting from when we were in secondary school.

She is an adult now, and it’s the same thing. My parents kept shielding her then, and until now she doesn’t understand how to manage money.

Someone that spent our younger sister private university school fees, that my dad had to pay it again.

My dear, the earlier you cut him off, so that he understands that being irresponsible and alone in the streets is a hard life, the better for you and your mother.

Seems like you guys are using the enabler approach, and trust me, it does no one any good.

Let’s pray he doesn’t become a burden you all have to carry forever, and as for your sister, how does an adult leave herself in such a situation that it’s now her younger brother that’s feeding her and her children?

Women never learn. What does she do for a living? How can an adult woman stay empty like that knowing you have kids?

How long will you continue borrowing from friends?

How do you build your future? Or have a girlfriend? What girl will even want to come close to you with that multitude living in your house?

Na wa! Sha don’t let yourself be blackmailed by family, else you’ll never really move forward. Rendering help is better when it will bear fruit that relives you of extra burden.

Take care poster. I hope you end up ok.