@otukpo
i know what u are trying to say but am not moved with your comments.many have said it and am used to it.

Its really crazy at times what our parents tell us. They continue to treat us like kids never explaining decisions they make on our behalf. My advice for you is simple,your parents most unlikely will not give a direct reason for their decision to object. So what you can do is to get in contact with an elder figure in your family that can talk to them and find out the reasons for the restrictions that has been placed on you. He/she should be able to find the extent to which such a tradition or belief can be held. Good Luck.

Pple Cum to think of it,hw cum d, to b couple didnt kn dat they r somhw related.did d girl nt go 4her sistas weddin or d guy to his uncles?afta 2years since dey been datin 4 abt 4years?wot of surnames.

@Poster,
I feel for you. I know elders like to stick to tradition. Surprisingly, me and my uncle are married to two first cousins! I don't know who married first but we are in diaspora and they are in gidi. We didn't know until recently. In a funeral back in gidi late last year, we joked that we have only just started marrying from that family and going by the way the women are so far, perhaps many more will follow.

Well, I know it could have been different 50 years ago but people are fairly relaxed about these things these days.

You will have to gently persuade your parents. Listen to them attentively, don't dismiss them. But then politely explain that you love each other. Try in particular to persuade your mum first. Parents do understand the strength of love. It may not seem obvious because they didn't grow up
displaying affection openly in those days but they do understand.

If your parents are christians, their pastor may be helpful to you.
God luck.

Nkjay:

Pple come to think of it,hw come d, to b couple didnt kn dat they r somhw related.did d girl nt go 4her sistas weddin or d guy to his uncles?afta 2years since dey been datin 4 abt 4years?wot of surnames.

U took the word out of my mouth, why didnt the poster and his uncle find out the relationship btw the two girls they are into?

Infact, am begining to doubt this story,

Go ahead and marry the lady if you guys are truly in love.

HARDDON:

wow, thank the heavens ma family arent like that and wor tradition is dere? cant remember although, i am a PRINCE, and a royal blood flowin in am vains, which wud hv made it really worst, but i can marry frm anywhere ,

sowie poster

dnt knw wor to say or advise

STORY, who asked you to recite poem

for your case I see no major "biological" issue, with right reasoning your parents will give their consent

My brother, l dont understand what your people are saying. l could remember very well that,
if you go to a family for marriage ceremony, they will tell u, "we still have more beautiful ladies
in our family" that is ur family can still come to take.
Pls press ur uncle for the truth about the matter. For me l think something is fishing.

Pls dont marry without your parent blessings, it very important.

[b]What a dilemma. 

Irrespective of any situation, always keep the communication line with your parents open.  Talk to them, seriously about your emotions/needs.  But you did not say how close this Uncle is to you.  Is he an immediate/direct Uncle from you paternal/maternal sides of the family (that could be a hinge) or extended family Uncle? If extended, I couldn't see any reason for not tying the knot.  But I worry if its Mama or Papa brother o o.  I'd wash my hands off! It's not that both of you can't find love else where, I know you can besides, you are both still young. 

Please, for family unity, don't follow the selfish line because, it will back fire.  If family insist, get support, mobilise family members/clans Uncles with influence to talk deeply to the 'Hot heads' in the family (every family has one). 

However, should they continue to oppose your marriage plans at least, both of you now have genuine reasons to let go of the relationships/bring closure to it in order to saver family unity and avoid creating atmosphere that would linger for a very long time in the family.  Remember, a lot is at risk here. Her sister may decide not to have relationship with both of you and thus orient her own children away from your children.  Also, other family members may not want anything to do with both of you and your children (Isolation from the family, you wouldn't want).  That's a situation you wouldn't want to be in please, avoid it.  In my view, family can make one and break one, too! Why?  Because, family know exactly where to press your button, believe me!

Also, you and you girlfriend can always remain friends for life (if everything fails, I hope not!) as long as you ensure your prospective partners understand this from the onset because openness and trust are important here.     

Again, please don't elope, try and get your family blessing and go through the natural processes of marriage with everyone supporting you and you'd be glad you did.  I know both of you are going through emotional pain at it stands and satan is challenging you right now therefore, put it in prayer - morning and night. If it's the will of God it will happen with family full support.

Good luck and God bless![/b]

Honestly there is no Yoruba tradition that prevent you from going ahead with this marriage, this type of case could largely depend on family preference most families in Yorubaland will oppose it but a careful look into Yoruba culture and tradition proof that there is no strong reasons why you can't go ahead with this marriage its just more or less depend on family's preference and the way they look at it.

@poster,
Tradition differ worldwide, if it is your tradition, you have just two options:
1. Obey the tradition
2. Disobey the tradition and call your parents bluff.

Each of them has a price. No matter what you hear from this forum. It is either you lose your girlfriend to have your parents or lose your parents to have your girlfriend.

Meditate on it before making a choice because you will live with the choice you make.

No matter what is wrong with your tradition, no amount of sympathy, name calling and noise making can change it. You can either choose to identify with it or opt to create your own identity. It is a free world.

Just remember, not a single soul here will carry your cross for you whem you start reaping the fruit of whatever choise you made.



Cheer!

If this ''uncle'' is not distant,how come the poster and his gf did not attend his uncle's wedding?How come his gf did not attenc her sister's wedding?
Anyways,you need your parents consent,no more,no less.Agree to disagree is not a bad option.

Here is a life experience.

Before I got married, OH BOY!, no be small thing. First they say I must not marry Ibo cos am bini, Later, they said I must Build House and buy plenty Cars first, later they say If I must Marry, I must Stay at Family House, train plenty people etc, with alot of IMF conditionality in the name of traditions. - Can you Imagine? all these Nonsense, Later I was asked to allow my then wife to be (NOW LEGALLY MY WIFE) to undergo all sort to parental coaching (Which was the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE) thing which I saw as bizarre but latter agreed on that for peace to reign. Really My wife went through "HELL" I must confess. I kept pleading with her to just tolerate for the time being knowing it was not permanent of which I am forever grateful to her. There are no cause for all these things. Later I Was told that MY WIFE NO FIT ME say them wan find another for themselves. When they "FAMILY" discovered that with or without anybody's help (financially and otehrwise)" I was ready to first disown myself, and I can even cope far better, they started preaching peace and harmony.

You see. It was during my marriage counseling, I was educated on the approach to ensure I succeed.

WHO ARE THESE OUR PARENTS TO DECIDE OUR FATE? ARE THEY GODS? Please, my brother, being a man is being the VERY MAN you want to be.

This was the advise given by our Priest "MAKE YOUR STAND KNOW TO THEM and Pray to GOD about it, Tell God your plans to marry", "PLAN YOUR marriage and LIFE" AND "PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE" from ALL of them. at the end of the day, YOU WILL NOT SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH THEM (YOUR FAMILIES).

When My Parents came to the Church Programme and Reception, they were SHOCKED at what they say and started pleading for forgiveness.

IT WORKED PERFECTLY. They are even begging to come and see me, "Am no more available - Very Busy. So such is life.

So Brother Think and check yourself well, then move on. God is always with US (EMMANUEL)

Talk of tradition as an enemy of progress.

I will say it straight to you. if you want to marry, be prepared to marry with or without anybody's presence. one thing i can assure you is this when your family sees the will power in you, they will definitely come around and if they don't, all well and good. I have seen it in most cases and in my own case as well.
They will come back begging for peace. Relax, be strong and resolute. i will rather regret my own decision and live with it than to live with a decision that was forced on me.

Hi my friend is good to settle with ur parent and all the people involve with the relations bcus what an elerly man see while sitting down, you cannot see it when you cramb irokotree. pls, my friend i advers u to go to them, reason with then, if they accept it go ahead, but if they refuse, try to unstand the consiquencis.

Dont let the old tradition kill your love.

It is an old tradition that forbids a family marrying twice from same family.

The believe is that after the 1st marriage the two families have become one family.

But a lot of people now know better and things are changing.

Patience is the key. Please dont rush and dont do it by force, plead with them.

I dont always advice anybody marrying without parental blessings.

becareful man,tradition is to be respect ever in this modern time

HARDDON:

wow, thank the heavens ma family arent like that and wor tradition is dere? cant remember although, i am a PRINCE, and a royal blood flowin in am vains, which wud hv made it really worst, but i can marry frm anywhere ,

sowie poster

dnt knw wor to say or advise

  @Harddon  It is obvious that you do not have any thing relevant to contribute to this post. WHo the heck cares if you have royal blood in your veins? Please bounce your fake royal backside outta here and let other people that have important things to say say it.
@poster  What is tradition today may be non existent tomorrow. Talk to your folks and bring other people they respect to intercede on your behalf. But be a man and do not let your parents dictate who you should marry. Listen to their advise but let that decision be yours and yours alone. Never forget that it is you who would live with your wife NOT YOUR PARENTS!!! Do not make a decision you would regret later in life and please your parents while displeasing yourself.

@ OP

Siddon there.

Don't have any balls to stand for what you want. Be following "tradition".

cantell:

First, they'll deny ever knowing you, if anything happens to her(like if she's seriously sick or dead).

Good riddance to them. I would find treatment for her or give her a befitting burial.

cantell:

If she's dead, be ready for real trouble. They'll first of all accuse you of killing their daughter.

What trouble? Dem be Nigeria Police Force and judicial system?

Nko to ba wun anybody lo le fenu wo so (Na wetin anybody wish dem fit use dem mouth say). They would be ignored with utmost contempt.

No man is an island,those yoruba pple are his family & me will advice him to still pray for God's direction

Very funny My candid advise 2 u is nt 2 do anytin silly, U need d blessin of ur family nt just ur parents in d marriage. It may look as if dey'r nt important nw bt wen d jungles matures no NLdr wil b there 2 help. U need ur family. And u sld put everytin into prayers. Notin is too hard 4 God 2 do.

Parents or no parents, shebi no be them dey marry am for you, when you seek there consent and they declined, no wahala, go ahead with the nwa baby, how u want the baby to come do kwanu when you have worked with her all this time, ensure you legalised the whole process, and ensure you never leave her along the line for another fine baby wey dey , If my advise too bad pls throw it away and take me ooo,

Abeg Abeg all those saying hen dont marry wothout parents blessing. what will Happen ? hen blessing or no blessing. Its God that will help them in their married life not their parents. their parents are already livingt heir life so they should et the guy and his woman start their life and shouldnt hinder their happiness all in the name of tradition and for their own selfish reasons.

@poster

parents blessing is good but if they are against it, are you have prayed about the girl and it is well, my guy go ahead and marry jare, when the parents see that you bough are blossoming and enjoying together and happy, they will be ashamed of themselves and come begging and asking for forgivness which ends up being the case of most selfish parents who deny their children happiness all in the name of tradition.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONCES. FOR THOSE THAT TOOK US SERIOUSLY WE APPRECIATE YOU.

WE TALKED THE MATTER OVER WITH SOME OTHER ELDERLY YORUBA PEOPLE WHO ADVISED US TO WAIT A LITTLE LONGER WHILE THEY TRY TO CONVINCE MY PARENTS. I WAS ALSO ADVISED TO LET THEM KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED TO ANOTHER PERSON IF THEY DONT ALLOW ME TO MARRY MY HEART THROB. BECAUSE OF MY AGE(39) MY MOTHER IS NOW GETTING WORRIED BUT MY FATHER'S EGO IS STILL HOLDING OUT THOUGH HE SEEMS TO SHOW SOME SYMPATHY AT TIMES BUT YET TO COME OUT STRAIGHT. MY PARENTS INLAW ARE HELPLESS NOW. THEY DO NOT SEE ANYTHING BAD IN OUR PROPOSED UNION THOUGH.

folaski:

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONCES. FOR THOSE THAT TOOK US SERIOUSLY WE APPRECIATE YOU.

WE TALKED THE MATTER OVER WITH SOME OTHER ELDERLY YORUBA PEOPLE WHO ADVISED US TO WAIT A LITTLE LONGER WHILE THEY TRY TO CONVINCE MY PARENTS. I WAS ALSO ADVISED TO LET THEM KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER GET MARRIED TO ANOTHER PERSON IF THEY DONT ALLOW ME TO MARRY MY HEART THROB. BECAUSE OF MY AGE(39) MY MOTHER IS NOW GETTING WORRIED BUT MY FATHER'S EGO IS STILL HOLDING OUT THOUGH HE SEEMS TO SHOW SOME SYMPATHY AT TIMES BUT YET TO COME OUT STRAIGHT. MY PARENTS INLAW ARE HELPLESS NOW. THEY DO NOT SEE ANYTHING BAD IN OUR PROPOSED UNION THOUGH.

Every day is another day gone shebi you know, today is the oldest you have ever been yet it is the youngest you will ever be time is speeding away at 39 you wanna see your little ones soon , abi not so. Shebi you are your father's son , did you not inherit some of his ego and "I stand by my word" _stubborness.

My advise will be marry your woman and damn the consequences, nothing dey happen, if you papa complains tell him you are his true son and inherited it from him.If you donot stand up to your Dad he will never respect you as your ow man, I am not saying be rude but stand up for yourself, parents are not the Almighty and the Almighty gave FREE WILL.

Listen, there is no Yoruba tradition that forbids you from marrying your Uncle's wife's sister. Your parents lied. Can any Yoruba person confirm if they've ever heard of such a tradition?