So far I see some pple are not matured to giv advises, but some are very sensitive and carefully spelt out their opinion. I hav learnt alot and I think d best is be taken in. My decision is to trim down my coat and let her be independent on wht she can do and wht she cant handle.
I thnk tht lapses in her, I just have to endure and adjust where it hurts. Thanks to the Good matured pple on NL.

Didnt u notice her unsupportive nature wen u were courting.didnt u know she was jobless wen u married her.my friend,keep quiet and carry ur cross dutifully till death do u part

when u say[b] not a go getter[/b]- u mean a housewife [/b]right
why dont you talk to her to become a [b]getter

she is your wife, you should be able to talk to her tto get a job
or are you the wife?

@BENNYGEE, I dnt knw if ure married or ever been married b4, otherwise u wont ask such qtn. A lot changes after you get married that doesnt seem to exist while courting. Some spouse are good at pretending just to make you see how good they are compared to others you may have or see around you. But once they get there, in ur home they feel free to exhibit their real self. Dnt ask me to shut up, that a rude language, am not here for insult, its an issue that bothers me, my matrimonial home, so if you dnt have any good advice just stay out, Thanks!

@ OMOLULU, I have spoken with her several times, she isnt a graduate so there is no good job that will be better than all the investments i have opened for her. When we started I have a very good business, I am a graduate and I have established myself, all that time she isnt working, she comes to work with me and we dont really have to work than direct the workers and make supplies, cos i was into production. But now that business isnt thriving anymore so my income now isnt enough for the standard i have set for my family, i have adjusted that which i can, but cant change the kids schools which are very expensive so i have been working very hard to cover up but its not easy for me and my wife cant just handle it, she seems too cold for me.

Brother, you have a problem on your hand,but everything has a solution, truth is if you cant afford the standard you've set, u had better prepare for a cheaper alternative unless you want a situation where your children would be playing video games during exams, I guess its too late for your wife to go to school but have you discussed the idea of setting up a small business she can run? Maybe food or small provisions stock? believe me it's not funny having a wife at home do nothing, an idle mind you know is the devil's workshop, besides what investments have you opened for her? PS you áre the husband!

bennygee:

Didnt u notice her unsupportive nature wen u were courting.didnt u know she was jobless wen u married her.my friend,keep quiet and carry your cross dutifully till death do u part

Absoulotely right.

@ oga poster

did i hear u say;she is sexually active?
what do u really mean by this? is she the kinky kind ?

I would be very happy to meet her and find out for myself just how sexually active she is.all i need is your residential address and time schedule,that way I can sneak in when you are away busting your buutt-crack.

no no no no i am just being silly and funny.
matters like family responsability and who does what in the house should never be discussed on nairaland,especially not on the romance section.
my advices would be:
-find a marriage counsellor ( clergyman,licensed social worker,family therapist etc, ) and talk to them.
-send your wife back to school to learn a trade that will help her find a job an bring dividends at home

as ur partner (a team) sit down and talk (communicate) with her about ur worries, but lovingly n most important ENCOURAGINGLY. Then PLAN wit her on what will be best for her in making things better financially. So, COMMUNICATE-ENCOURAGE-PLAN and hopefully actions are followed up afterwards. The worse thing is if she dont cooperate; depends on what kinda relationship already have tho

were you not aware she was not a graduate before you married her.
You are the man bear your burden with dignity, change the kids school if its that bad
establish a business for her or send her to school to finish up
you need to explain the reasons for this to your wife, why she must have a job or earn something herself
if she still does not understand

@OP welcome to real world! You can't simply have it all with all the other qualities your wife had it shows this area is just her weak point. The best approach will be to decide together how she can start working asap and this may involve a lot of counselling as well. Goodluck

I personally dont think all hope is lost. you can.U still work on the situation.

1. if u know that your income is not enough for your children expensive schcool, put them in another school cos there are good schools dt r not too expensive.

2. talk 2 ur wife, find out the kind of business she likes 2 do. let her understand that once u set her up again, she will start taking up her personal expenses and petty ones. atleast that will be off ur neck.

3. u dont have 2 prove what u are not 2 ur family. Let them all know including ur kids, d state of ur finances. Cut unneccessary cost. I believe if she is aware, she will brace up.

4. it is not 2 late for ur wife to go back 2 sch if she chooses 2.

5. Since u av a certificate, u can combine both ur employment with another biz.

6. 4 now, if u set up another biz 4 ur wife, dont just leave her 2 it cos she may not be 2 good or experienced handling it. Monitor her for now, lovingly mind u.

Believe in your marriage, believe in ur wife, be dilligent in ur work and with time everything will fall back in place.

Omolulu:

Brother, you have a problem on your hand,but everything has a solution, truth is if you cant afford the standard you've set, u had better prepare for a cheaper alternative unless you want a situation where your children would be playing video games during exams, I guess its too late for your wife to go to school but have you discussed the idea of setting up a small business she can run? Maybe food or small provisions stock? believe me it's not funny having a wife at home do nothing, an idle mind you know is the devil's workshop, besides what investments have you opened for her? PS you áre the husband!

Good reply but it's never too late for anyone to go to school and make something of themselves. At poster there are a couple of different variables to consider
1 how old are your kids? can they take care of themselves while you and your wife are working
2 Have you spoken to a finicial adviser to see the un-neccessary things you can cut from your life style to save you some money
3 What were your expectations from your wife before you married her and were these things talked about
4 have you considered investing in her education? maybe adult classes or a trade school or something
5 The most important: have you talked to her about the hardship you are having with dealing with all the family's financies. when i say talk i dont mean yelling and making her feel bad or talking down to her because you pay the bills. i mean talking and coming up with options and alternatives and plans as husband and wife.

I don't think that he is complaining about his wife not being educated. He is just saying that the situation has changed but his wife is not willing to change with the situation. I have seen this a lot and usually I can say that the husbands are just as much to blame. In this case though unlike other cases I know he has actually put money into helping her run a business and he says it has all failed.

@ the poster you simply have to let your wife know that you need her. This is not a matter of please can you It is her responsibility as a wife and a mother. May be when you have her start the process of making the kids switch their schools she will wake up. The other thing you said was that she has helped before as a supervisor at a previous business. Why don't you start a business and hire a manager and since your wife is not good at day to day running then she can supervise the manager and the whole business. If it her only job then that will decrease the chance of workers fleecing you guys which of course makes you more money in the long run

The definition of a supportive wife is a wife that stands by the husband and support the family based on her
available resources and abilities. Now, if you want a wife that help financially that does not mean supportive. It
important to know the accurate definition of things before you speak because then you sound silly. There are men
who want a woman to work AND TAKE CARE OF THE FAMILY. Hmmm, if you want the wife to work then you
then you will need to pick up a mop and cook as well!

queeneve:

The definition of a supportive wife is a wife that stands by the husband and support the family based on her
available resources and abilities. Now, if you want a wife that help financially that does not mean supportive. It
important to know the accurate definition of things before you speak because then you sound silly. There are men
who want a woman to work AND TAKE CARE OF THE FAMILY. Hmmm, if you want the wife to work then you
then you will need to pick up a mop and cook as well!

supportive wife also means helping your husband when things are tough

People use common sense, not everyone have the skills to obtain a job. If you do not have the skill to obtain the job to make money or does not have any working experience, you will not get a job. No one will hire a incompetent person. I encourage women all the time go to school and obtain a degree in a skill of your choosing so that you can fall back on it if you need to. But, they dreamed of being a housewife and depend on husband to provide all the time. This is a new day and age, DO NOT RELY TOTALLY ON YOUR HUSBAND for everything. As you can see the poster tired of supporting the family entirely.

Hmmph!

u shuld have thot of this b4 u got married

not all men can cope lookin after the family alone!!

if she has no proffesional qualifications or skills she can either start a course

or do a basic job- like cleaning childcare hospital assistant or summin
so long as she has gcse's it shouldnt be bad

if ur back home she can learn to do hair, fix nails, or make garments- there are soo many things she can do to earn a little extra for the family

good luck in findin summin--

@poster

my brother, you set the STANDARDS, you can still reset it. if you die through stress trying to maintain a standard, life will continue and those kids wont die! l am glad you didnt say your wife is bent on maintaining the standard, so pls reset it. cut your clothe according to your material. lf you reset the standard, l bet you, you wont complain much, and you will have a leftover for yourself amd rainny days. Let your wife do something no matter how meagre it may seem, unless your standard is also hindering you from opening a very small buisness she can run at home! When you are thinking of today, think of tomorow!

I was taught and raised not to depend on a man to take care of you. I suggest women adopt that idealogy.

@Poster,
All you need do is to change ur living standards to a cheaper one just like some members said. You can't keep ur children in an expensive school and still tell ur family you have no money.
For ur family to really understand ur situation, you need show that things has changed. Change their current school to a cheap but good school,minimise ur spending on foodstuff,clothing and other things.
I don't have a family, but i've experienced this when i had a huge setback in my business. When you minimise ur spending you'd be surprised how much you'll save.
Stop blaming ur wife. Your expertise in business can never be compared with hers.
Best of luck.
So long.

have a heart to heart talk with your wife, cut down on your expenses by first taking your kids to a less expensive school so that you won't be bankrupt. You must save for the rainy days ahead.
Get her to do something too to support the family financially, and please, do not see your wife as a burden. She is your partner

talk with her and see how u can help her change

What do you mean by "invest in her and your capital will go down the drain."?  What's that?

gfhotee:

My wife is not supportive, she is not a go getter, she doesnt have any financial support for the family, she is not industrious, invest in her and your capital will go down the drain. But she is beautiful, seems loving, emotionally caring and sexually active. But am not happy cos the burden of the family is on me, I have to work round the clock to sustain my kids expensive education and I have no cash reserve to care for myself. I look the worse in the home yet I am the bread winner of the family, I cant see my kids lacking so I seem to be the family slave. Please I need some advice what can I do?

Then get or create a job that can give you more time to be with your wife.

Because i think thats whats lacking, quality time with your wife. Its not about talking to her, if you spend quality times together then you can know what she wants to do. It just might be she needs someone to direct her in the right course.

Why not take the positives you mentioned and help her see the need to be of support to the family no matter how small it might be.

Also be patient with her too,she might see reasons with you later on in life.

I think you should sit your wife down and really talk to her. Let her know that being a housewife is out of the question for now and the only real question is what she would like to do to support you financially. It is very typical for females raised in a single income family to think that the whole financial welfare of the family depends on the husband. This is even true for females with graduate degrees.

The bottom line is that you have to give her the support/encouragement she needs to run a business, if that's what she wants to do. There is no such thing as a perfect woman/man except in the movies. It is very hard to find a partner that has all of the following qualities:

1. Highly Driven
2. Educated
3. Beautiful
4. Religious
5. Faithful
6. Family oriented
7. Kind

When you find a person that has most of the qualities in quantities that you can accept, the only thing you can do is to work with them.  Your wife is not perfect and nobody is but you can make her a better wife by helping her improve on her weaknesses.

Mr Poster,

Dont play victim jare, you married exactly what you wanted, cos you cant tell me you didn't hear all the noise you hearing now before you got married. now the pressure is on you, you shouting, start a business for her. i bet you never asked her for her goal in life cos all what was on your mind is to score goals in her. now that u have, you complaining the club isn't lucrative. sell the club if you cant manage it.

advice: help her discover her financial productive side and support her instead of yelling,

wudd:

Mr Poster,

Dont play victim jare, you married exactly what you wanted, cos you cant tell me you didn't hear all the noise you hearing now before you got married. now the pressure is on you, you shouting, start a business for her. i bet you never asked her for her goal in life cos all what was on your mind is to score goals in her. now that u have, you complaining the club isn't lucrative. sell the club if you cant manage it.

advice: help her discover her financial productive side and support her instead of yelling,

Hmmn,some people harsh ooo.He should sell the club.

The great sex during courtship blinded him to the deficiency

It isn't really her fault because most of us were not taught from childhood to be financially independent and when we grow into adulthood and should strive to have something for ourselves we still see ourselves depending on families. Again our culture is such that we are closely knitted and always looking out for one another,ours is not a society where one at 14 or 15 is out in the cold with nobody to carter for you. In such societies such people can't help but strive and help themselves. Our closeneness is good but I think parents should start teaching their kids skills early enough not just sending them to school. The chinese do that and you will see a 7 year old kid being good at many things and before such a child is 20, he/she has a company.
Sit her down and in love teach her that it's high time she became a responsible adult, that she has children and needs to work hard too for their survival.