My cousin just got married to this Yoruba guy. Her mother-in-law told her that she must call all her husband's younger siblings and relatives (though she's older than them), brother , and sister , as long as they were born before she got married. Is this proper at all?

is the mother living with them or something?
she should call them brother and sister as in "take them as you brothers and sisters" or call the "uncle emeka, aunty dunni"?

If they are older fine, if they are younger she should take them as her younger brothers/sisters or tell them to bugger off!

your cuz is in deep deep trouble .it is yoruba culture, tho a lot of yorubas don't practice that these days. your cuz must have married into some hardcore yorubas.

thats d way it is done o my dear obinrin.

Why didn't they say that before she got married? Her husband needs to tell his mother to mind her own business.

LoverBwoy:

is the mother living with them or something?

My dear, she's not living with them oh.
She just came visiting.

oyb:

your because is in deep deep trouble .it is yoruba culture, tho a lot of yorubas don't practice that these days. your because must have married into some hardcore yorubas.

This one done pass hard core.
We're living in the 21st century, for crying out loud.
I beleive a little civilization should be shown.

Seun:

Why didn't they say that before she got married? Her husband needs to tell his mother to mind her own business.

You're right Seun

its yoruba culture. though culture has been proven not to make sense always!

It's usually when the relative is older than the wife. Never heard it for younger people as that wouldnt make any sense.

new wives are supposed to call even the husband's younger relatives "brother". my co-worker when i was back in naija was complaining one morning about this. Her sister- in-law gave her a lashing cos she didnt call a 12 year old "brotha mi". (she's yoruba too but she definitely didnt find it funny).
na wa oh!

some cultures sef

in my opinion, its ok to call your in-laws "brother", sister" mama", papa" . . whatever
but that should be a personal decision. I know some get so close to the family-in-law that they even see them as immediate families and don't mind calling them anything

but

being mandated to do so, esp. to the younger ones geez, that's too much to ask now.

please someone should do something about this culture of a thing, but who? whatever happened to self-will? everything has become so mandatory that its 

but i guess a culture is is a culture, so when getting married to someone, you should be aware of them(te cultures), be ready to do them, and try to keep them too to avoid family clash

spoilt:

new wives are supposed to call even the husband's younger relatives "brother". my co-worker when i was back in naija was complaining one morning about this. Her sister- in-law gave her a lashing because she didnt call a 12 year old "brotha mi". (she's yoruba too but she definitely didnt find it funny).
na wa oh!

Poor lady. Lemme guess she married into one of those arch-conservative Yoruba families, that still insists on old 'tradition' & some of those so-called customs. Do her husband's parents still live in the village?

Tell her that soon one of her husband's younger brothers, will marry a new wife, and she would be spared some of that wahala. Their attention would then be focused on the new wife. A lot of educated Yoruba families in the cities (not all) don't do all that "brother, sister stuff", anymore, but those who still live in the rural areas do. You can pretty much call your husband's younger ones by name, but just show them some respect. That's all.

Such annoyances should be discovered and settled before marriage so you can face more important challenges.

Tell her that soon one of her husband's younger brothers, will marry a new wife, and she would be spared some of that wahala. Their attention would then be focused on the new wife

@ laudate

thats the only solution oh. when the next iyawo comes bellus shifts!

This are my decisions when i get marry.

I will call my IN Laws whatever names i want to

Am not calling someone younger than me aunty or uncle.

If they don't like what i call them,then i will advice them to Bleep off.

Tell her that soon one of her husband's younger brothers, will marry a new wife, and she would be spared some of that wahala. Their attention would then be focused on the new wife

The best thing is for the people causing the wahala to be cautioned. No faithful wife deserves that aggravation.

@Seun
Who takes the lead in the cautioning (better still, enlightening),we, right?

which kin culture. it aint culture when its purpose is to make you do shameful and embarrasing things!

c'mon now, enuff is enuff. people should know where to draw the line. the yoruba culture sef them too oversabi. everything has to be to the extreme. you will see a grown man acting very immature and foolish yet he'll be expecting you to call him sir or uncle.
or some yeye woman youre not even related to will be forcing you to call her mommy. how many mommy person go come get na? hiss!

my own philisophy is to sha stand your ground and dont be a mumu by doing whatever they tell you to all in the name of culture. repect is given to only people that deserve it. tell your mother-inlaw in the most repectful way what you will or wont do. no be by force. trust me, you can be the nicest daughter-inlaw, but you go still get enemy among your in-laws.

exotique:

@Seun
Who takes the lead in the cautioning (better still, enlightening),we, right?

Actually, the husband is the one who is supposed to call his siblings to order by letting them know that his wife isn't used to such practices. He needs to approach the issue tactfully by making them realise that such prefixes do not add or detract from their worth as human beings. So why the fuss?

Another thing, the lady can do is to call them the 'brother' or 'sister'  title, that they are clamouring for. It doesn't cost anything & it will buy her some peace. If she still doesn't like the idea, she needs to get her husband to talk to them, quietly & respectfully, about this issue. But on no account, should she turn it into a confrontation. Doing so, will erode the valuable goodwill she needs, in order to make her marriage & her relationship with her in-laws, succeed.

In Yorubaland, a woman doesn't just get married to her husband alone, she is also seen as being married 'into' the family. Blending into a family through marital ties, takes a little bit of give & take and a certain amount of work.

yeah it can be very hard to change the culture, but it is also important to stand by your own principles and values as well. let them know what you will and will not do. trust me, a lot of women end up being "mumus" all in the bid to make the in-laws happy. and no matter what you do, they might still not like you 100%. i've seen people try and try to fit in and be nice, but you can only do so much right? some in-laws can't stand when the wife is too intelligent or outspoken, they would rather she be submissive and quiet. i say that's bull! all in all, the husband should let the wife know what to expect, and its up to her to be mature and respectful to them, she doesn't have to dumb herself down just to fit in.
my mother is the most respectful, kind, selfless person when it come to our in-laws, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have enemies among them. it doesn't matter what you do. you can't satisfy everyone. simple.

Kai woman don suffer for this world all in the name of marriage.Tell that lousy in law that you cant call anyone younger than you bro or sister that its a taboo in your tribe rather they should call you sister afterall na marry you come marry no be to lick asses.

abi o. naija culture sef. so much unneccesary jargon under the guise of "culture"

The thing pass me o, .Why must anybody clamour for aunty or uncle, honestly, its just BS. I'm in it now too, just tht mine still dey a bit fair,atleast she's 2yrs older than i am, though my own brother who is 2yrs older than me, i no dey call am broda, or uncle or wat not.

@titilayomi. lol. so in your own case even though you call your brother by his name, you still have to call his wife aunty/sister? eiya. how akward.

@soulpatrol, lol you got me wrong.(can't imagine calling my own brother's wife aunty- except he marries someone really older than he is ) My sister in law to be ( my fiance's sister) wants the sister/aunty title, which is okay cuz she's 2 yrs older than i am. But i have a brother who's the same age as my sis inlaw to be, whom i don't call no brother sh*t. On a gd day, you don't go about calling 2/3 yrs older peeps bro/uncle or sis/aunty, just this inlaw wahala of a thg.

yeah i get you now. its gotta be kinda annoying if you have to do that. my sister-inlaw and i are round about the same age (she's a year older though), i call her by her first name. i'm still waiting for someone to come and tell me to call her aunty. they know they can't dare. i dont dash people the title "aunty/uncle" just because they demand it. they have to earn it, or i say it when if i feel like it. simple!

soulpatrol:

i don't dash people the title "aunty/uncle" just because they demand it. they have to earn it, or i say it when if i feel like it. simple!

Thats the point, noone needs to clamour for it, if you deserve it, you'll earn it. And you aren't given, it doesnt change a thing bout yourself,once you make yourself respectable, you'll surely be respected (aunty or no aunty)  respect is reciprocal.

At least titilayos case is fair on a good day in nigeria we believe that 365 days is not a joke and people expect you to give those older than you are respect be it a relative or a stranger.The only problem is when people think that they did the woman a favour by allowing their son marry her and to show apreciation she should kiss asses i had a friend whose brother got married he takes control of the house and wife when egbon no dey.He gives order and tells her what to do foe the day even his younger sis was angry that iyawo dint fetch bathing water for her on time to crown it all this girl pass them for age with like 5 yrs o.Yoruba's are the worse culprits in this kind of thing where Iyawo is expected to be a glorified house help.

kai. she has suffered o.  but then again, like i said, better not act like a mumu and kiss ass. the in-laws will so take advantage of you if you let them. just try to be respectful and let them know your boundaries. after-all in most countries, when a woman marries, she pretty much marries his whole family, but there should still be boundaries as to what she can/should tolerate. 
my mamma dey fear say when i marry, i go dey call all my in-laws by name, but thats not the case. i'll give respect where it is appropriate and to whomever i feel deserves it. it has to go both ways too. its pretty much just common sense to gauge who should be called sir/mam, but then again, yoruba too dey do oversabi they'll force you to call your brother-in law that is old enough to be your child BROTHER. shio!

@Poster, your cousin has to be diplomatic about this. Mothers-in-law can be a thorn in the flesh of their daugthers-in-law. They deliberately 'look for trouble' By being diplomatic I mean you don't have to use titles like 'brother, aunty' or such stuff. You may give those people pet names designed by you. Most of my husband's siblings are younger than me so I've given them nick-names like 'Bobbyyyyyyyyyy', Sis Teeeeeeee, Sholayyyyyyyy. You know such aliases . And if English is the language you speak with the guys the better for you as you won't be burdened with 'eyin, e wa, e gba' stuff. Usually the young guys don't really bother, it is those old mamas that create the trouble.
.

its a Yoruba thing.