SOUP COOKED BY ME
Episode 1
Ah this heat no go kill person ,, na wetin self ?, choi this kano weather don tire me beta make i run go my village Ka Chineke mere anyi Ebere . After seven chai i don almost late for work , wetin man pikin go chop today self?.. Ehm akpu yes akpu and vegetable soup , that type i see wey mama Rachy dey cook last night . but how i wan take prepare am when i no sabi cook soup ? I go try sha but first of all make i reach work first .
Mrs Famous : ehm come back here , where do you thinks you are sneaking to ?
Me : sorry sir.
Mrs Famous: what’s sorry ? I just asked you a simple question, and you are telling me sorry sir . okay now what did you do?
Me: sir is not my fault .
Mrs Famous : it seems you dont understand english language anymore .
Okay why are you late ?.
Me: sir my uncle wife give birth to set of twins
Mr Famous: And you went there to bath the babies abi ?
Me : Ehm
Mr Famous : 0 pls save me those lies of yours, justThank your God there’s no much work today ,, you would have worked over time.
Thankyou sir i said smilling and walking to my table . no work today my own don beta i said to myself and loged in my whatsapp to reply all my chats , and when done i checked facebook to see if i was having any notification and reply them all. I went out to the nearest mama put where i work and ordered akpu and vegetable soup , which was later dished out on my table . i washed my hands and ponce on the food and begin eating it with passion which attracted people to look at me in an awkard manner .
Tbc…

Lemme book space first

*Soup cooked by me*
Episode 2
Customer customer this one wey you dey eat swallow today hmmm you dey plan marry ?.
Madam how much be your money (in a jim ike voice) ??. #500 she replied, i payed her and left angrily so she and other customers will contiue their gossip. Oho see food wey hungry me wey i for settle down eat with rest of mind naiem all this bad belle people come put thier winch eyes for my food , sha God pass dem. I went back to my office to relax since there is no much work to do, i haven even stayed up to (30) thirty minutes my stomach began doing me shaku shaku as i was feeling like to pour on my trousers but quickly located the rest room (comfort zone). God go punish dis woman i swear see as she begin make me dey podge with her yeye food wey she dey sell , i was busy insulting her in my mind . i was done excreting so i got up to clean myself up , when another s--t hook me with full velocity . which kind problem be this na ?, on how i dey leave here now, i go go para for this woman for the nonsense she sell give me in the name of food.
I cleaned up myself and went back to the woman to complain about her food and how it disgraced me . she apologised and the case was closed. I returned to my office pick my phone and reach out to my best buddy (Major) who pick up immediately.
*On phone*.
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Me: Abobi wxup
Major: o boi i mount o , where you dey like this?.
Me ; i position for work o .
How the day dey be.
Major; Aswear the day no favour me, me just dey rubbers lowkey and that my big head senior sis don go play her runs till evening before she return , me just dey vex here.
Me: Choi my man nothing spoil , rubbers go still enter the town . but wait o you no go work ?.
Major : which kind question you dey ask me na ?, now na holiday na we wey be teachers no dey go school.
Me : forgive me , now i remember .
Major: idoit how you no go forget wen e be say na dat your lady posh thinking full your head.
Me: choi no near there o me no dey use her joke o.
Major: ok i don hear , so wetin dey sup.
Me: oboy you know say me don leave mama’s house to follow bachelor way .
Major : ehm yes i know wetin happen ?.
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Tbc

*Soup Cooked By Me*
Episode 3
Me: omen i no lie you na soup dey hungry me o ,, and i no get babe wey fit carryout that assignment .
Major : hahahaha abobi no kill me with laugh jur. you, you wey i know too well naiem wan flex soup ?.
O now i understand , our science soup abi ?, no worries i go help organise that one.
Me: Abobi press na no be that kind soup i dey mean , i mean soup with meat, fish and gbogbo-tigbo inside am.
Major: This one serious o ,, you sure say na you wan flex am abi you get visitor wey go come ?.
Me: Abobi die those matters na, which one you come dey charge me plenty checkmatings na ?, or na because i call you abi .
Major: oya ma man cool no vex me just dey surprise na ,, you know say i no fit remember the year make you lay hands on swallows that’s why i dey wonder .
Me: as i don come change now you no dey happy .
Major: i happy for you die .
Me: lol beta stay alive so i go see person wey go help me cook am den you fit die.
Major: yeye but me self no sabi cook o .
Me: choi i beta pass you at least i sabi boil yam , egg ,water and rice.
Major: me self for sabi all those ones if i wan sabi na.
Me: That one na by the bush , me go transfer small rubbers to you wey you go take flex and also get all the ingredient for the soup .
Major: ok na i position dey wait for the tin tin for my phone.
Me: no shaking make i check my lady posh to see if she dey online .
Major : oyana watch your back.
I ended the call with my useless but useful street padi to login to whatsapp to see if lady posh is online to scope her for the soup stuff.
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Tbc…..

Nice one............. Update please.