[size=14pt]Help, my brother-in-law is at it![/size]
Submitted by SILOJE
Mar 26, 2010
Help, my brother-in-law is at it!
My brother-in-law fell in love with a young Muslim girl in the university. He is a Christian and every attempt by my mother-in-law (who is of the Deeper stock) and his siblings to make him end the relationship has proved abortive. According to the young man, this young lady has been there for and with him through thick and thin, so it would be very unfair of him to abandon her now because of religious differences.

Her family is not quite in support of the relationship and have tried to give her a suitor who meets their own standards. She has rejected all suitors because of my brother-in-law.

Now they have finished school and he is on the compulsory one-year youth service. My wife and I warned him before the service year started not to get entangled in any other relationship as he was already embroiled in one. But just this morning, as I was leaving home for work, my wife told me a young lady called last night from the state in northern Nigeria where my brother-in-law is serving. The lady said she had to look for someone to report him to as he was threatening to poison her.

What really is the problem? The female 'corper' says she is pregnant for my brother-in-law. He will have none of that so he advised her to get an abortion. She however wants to keep the pregnancy and the baby.

A call to my brother-in-law reveals that he is not sure he is the owner of the pregnancy. According to him, he met the young lady only about four months ago. She has been desperate to either marry him or at least give him a child. He avoided her until this particular evening about two months ago when the lady came to his room and he was having a drink. A call came into his phone, then he stepped out to take the call. When he was through with the call, he came in to finish his drink. That was the last he said he remembered until the following morning when he found the young lady sleeping beside him. Of course, he cannot categorically deny that he slept with her.

It would have been difficult for me to believe his side of the story but for the fact that the young lady told my wife this morning that she planned the pregnancy. Whatever that means, it could well be as my brother-in-law has said. According to her, her mother and the important people around her are already aware that she is pregnant for my brother-in-law.

As a Christian and a pastor, I would not support an abortion. Good enough, the lady has already said that is not an option. I learnt if the matter gets to the NYSC authorities their certificates will be withheld as getting pregnant during the service year is now an offence (Well, I cannot say at this moment how far this is true). Again, my mother in-law who is a widow and who has singlehandedly managed to bring up her children in ‘the way of the Lord’ is already distraught and hypertensive over the fact that most of them have departed from the ‘faith’. So she must not hear that her son has impregnated a lady or the news will kill her.

Then there is the young Muslim girl who has been waiting. And…we have a case in church at the moment where a brother wanted a sister to get pregnant before their wedding. The sister got pregnant and it became an issue in church. That was when it was discovered that the sister has been HIV positive all this while and she knew it. She said she wanted the man to know only after their wedding. So how am I sure this young lady accusing my brother-in-law is not carrying more than she claims to be carrying?

My wife is the eldest child of the family and I, by the grace of God, happen to be the eldest son-in-law. And that means I have to play the role of a father to my wife and her siblings. So the ball is in my court right now. You see why I need help? This young man cannot even take care of himself, so what do I do?

http://nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/palava-hut/49442-help-my-brother-law.html

Whilst i understand that due to (1) Your wife being the eldest in the family, (2) Your MIL being a widow, (3) You being the eldest BIL,  you are subsequently assuming the mantle of "Father" in this family - But you are being too hard on yourself.

The boy is an adult, old enough to get into woman drama, old enough to love who he wants, old enough to date/marry who he wants, and old enough to have unprotected intimacy (i do not buy that story of being drugged); Whilst it is possible to have an erection in a state of unconsciousness, it is not possible to expel in such a state.

He is actually being quite sensible, and should be commended by refusing religion to dictate whom he should marry. The so called unbeliever has shown him love, kindness, selflessness and support. On what basis, do you as a Pastor, object to this union? And please do not quote 2 Cor. 6:14; as this can be easily refuted for this argument.

This is not the end of the world, and he does not have to marry the pregnant lady. If there is an issue about the veracity of the pregnancy, and since he cannot "categorically" deny it is his, then a paternity test (DNA) would be in order once the baby is born. This would clarify the issue once and for all,

As a Christian and a pastor,and the Man of the family,  it is your job to counsel the Mother. Assure her her son has not "departed" from the faith. Assure her about Christs teachings that calls for no prejudice and love for everyone equally, irrespective of their religion. Assure her that love is more important than religious traditions. Assure her that her son is still a Christian, despite his choice. Assure her that the pregnancy accusation is not the end of the world. A DNA test will be done, and even if it's his, he will simply assume his responsibility over his child.

As a Christian and a pastor,and the Man of the family, it is your job to counsel the boy -  Enlighten him on how to behave like a man, Enlighten him responsibilities if the pregnancy turns out to be his, Enlighten him on how to make the right decision regarding the Muslim girl, Enlighten him on how to treat his wife (if he chooses to marry her); to love her unconditionally, enlighten him on not turning his faith away from God, Enlighten him on how not make the same folly Solomon did (allowing his wives to turn him away from God), Enlighten him on how to bring his wife to the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

@Romeo4Real, As a pastor, will you support a relation of yours to marry Muslim?

I have no opinion on the muslim-Christian thingy.

However, someone getting pregnant for u is no reason to get married to the person esp someone u just met.
A very good friend of mine made dat mistake and married one "ogbanje" that is making his life hell.
She trapped him with pregnancy and he had a fiance of 5 yrs.
He gave in to pressure and married this witch that was when we found out that she was nothing but a pack of lies.
She no finish school, just dey house dey fat while the guy don lose weight finish.

Back to the topic, tell her to keep the baby and u can collect the baby from her after she gives birth or give the child to ur mother.
He has to let his fiance know so they can take a united stand.
The mistake has been made but don't make a worse mistake.

Aloy+Emeka:

[size=14pt]Help, my brother-in-law is at it![/size]
Submitted by SILOJE
Mar 26, 2010
Help, my brother-in-law is at it!
My brother-in-law fell in love with a young Muslim girl in the university. He is a Christian and every attempt by my mother-in-law (who is of the Deeper stock) and his siblings to make him end the relationship has proved abortive. According to the young man, this young lady has been there for and with him through thick and thin, so it would be very unfair of him to abandon her now because of religious differences.

Her family is not quite in support of the relationship and have tried to give her a suitor who meets their own standards. She has rejected all suitors because of my brother-in-law.

Now they have finished school and he is on the compulsory one-year youth service. My wife and I warned him before the service year started not to get entangled in any other relationship as he was already embroiled in one. But just this morning, as I was leaving home for work, my wife told me a young lady called last night from the state in northern Nigeria where my brother-in-law is serving. The lady said she had to look for someone to report him to as he was threatening to poison her.

What really is the problem? The female 'corper' says she is pregnant for my brother-in-law. He will have none of that so he advised her to get an abortion. She however wants to keep the pregnancy and the baby.

A call to my brother-in-law reveals that he is not sure he is the owner of the pregnancy. According to him, he met the young lady only about four months ago. She has been desperate to either marry him or at least give him a child. He avoided her until this particular evening about two months ago when the lady came to his room and he was having a drink. A call came into his phone, then he stepped out to take the call. When he was through with the call, he came in to finish his drink. That was the last he said he remembered until the following morning when he found the young lady sleeping beside him. Of course, he cannot categorically deny that he slept with her.

It would have been difficult for me to believe his side of the story but for the fact that the young lady told my wife this morning that she planned the pregnancy. Whatever that means, it could well be as my brother-in-law has said. According to her, her mother and the important people around her are already aware that she is pregnant for my brother-in-law.

As a Christian and a pastor, I would not support an abortion. Good enough, the lady has already said that is not an option. I learnt if the matter gets to the NYSC authorities their certificates will be withheld as getting pregnant during the service year is now an offence (Well, I cannot say at this moment how far this is true). Again, my mother in-law who is a widow and who has singlehandedly managed to bring up her children in ‘the way of the Lord’ is already distraught and hypertensive over the fact that most of them have departed from the ‘faith’. So she must not hear that her son has impregnated a lady or the news will kill her.

Then there is the young Muslim girl who has been waiting. And…we have a case in church at the moment where a brother wanted a sister to get pregnant before their wedding. The sister got pregnant and it became an issue in church. That was when it was discovered that the sister has been HIV positive all this while and she knew it. She said she wanted the man to know only after their wedding. So how am I sure this young lady accusing my brother-in-law is not carrying more than she claims to be carrying?

My wife is the eldest child of the family and I, by the grace of God, happen to be the eldest son-in-law. And that means I have to play the role of a father to my wife and her siblings. So the ball is in my court right now. You see why I need help? This young man cannot even take care of himself, so what do I do?

http://nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/palava-hut/49442-help-my-brother-law.html

They can go ahead with their maraige plans if they truly loves each other.cos the whole world can turn their back on them but what matters is that they got each other to love and share.

As a pastor, will you support a relation of yours to marry Muslim?

There are more pressing issues than the religion of the girl. Is she wife material? Does she have good morals? s she a virtuous woman? Is she humble? IS she loving, selfless and caring? Does she have a mild temperament? Will she stand by him in times of trouble? Is she willing to contribute to the home? Will she submit to her husbands leadership? Is she willing to convert?

These questions are more pertinent to the success of the marriage than her being a Muslim. If i were a Pastor, i would support any relative of mine to marry a good, virtuous, humble homemaking wife - irrespective of her religion. If i were you, I'd be counselling the people in question on what makes a good marriage.

Seriously, does it call for an alarm?