There is a code for every type of relationship a woman enters into with a man. And with a married man, the ethics are well defined. You can’t be too careful in a relationship like that as there is always the tendency that the woman will end up holding the short end of the stick.
Remember that early 80s lyrics: ‘Love is a dangerous game’. A woman dating a married man has to have her head screwed on tight, eyes wide open and playing it all by the ear. Her heart too has got to be well secured. That’s where the man will target, her most vulnerable part.
Well, if it’s just a-flash-in-the pan stuff, a temporary arrangement, she may not need to work so hard. But you see, such relationships almost always tend to get out of hand.
However, the business gets real serious when a sane, serious, single girl decides to marry a married man. Now before I go on, let me sound a warning. All that you are going to read here contain explicit analysis and language which hypocrites (of both sexes) may find unnerving. This is no time for pussy footing.
Search yourself, look around you and clear your conscience, before you sneer, gulp or faint.
Let’s start. A woman who marries a married man could be crazy, desperate, a fool or all of the above. Oh, don’t bother with the ‘love’ aspect. Love is no longer blind and when a woman meets a married man and does not run for her dear life but waits long enough to fall in love, she must have some screws lost upstairs.
So, a woman decides to inappropriately become a second wife, sometimes of a man who is bound to another woman by the laws of the land, rings, vows and all. She has no business acting the dove or fooling herself that everything will be all right. No way, things will goddamn go awry one way or the other.
The ‘original madam’ is nobody’s fool and don’t be taken in by her plastic smile. She knows you are carrying sand-sand, and she has her garri to protect. She’d work on her man. If she must share him, it certainly won’t be in equal halves.
Oftentimes, the first wife will raise dust, openly or discreetly. Her territory is being encroached on and she is not taking it lying down; fire, brimstone and more fire are threatened. Juju, hired assassins and thugs will be employed. These things happen, let nobody pretend because I’m writing this in English Language I have to think like an Oyinbo.
I know, for instance, a second wife who missed her period the first month of her marriage five years ago, and she is yet to give birth. Her tummy is not protruding. She is not menstruating, yet all tests and scan say she’s pregnant , you fill in the gaps. There are those who become second wives only to find that the men are brutes. There are those who fall sick so often of undiagnosed ailments.
Terrible things happen to second wives. Let’s leave the horrors they too wreak on the first wives for another day.
Any second wife who does not play by the rules will end up playing the fool, or dead. No kidding.
Now, let’s see what happens assuming things are forced into place and life goes on anyway, in spite of the abject horror of the polygamous arrangement. The man, of course, is older (sometimes much too old) than the second wife. He may live to a ripe, old age (by which time the last bride is still itching for it) or drop dead suddenly. In case it’s the latter scenario, does she wait for the will, believing her love and care for the man would guarantee her a large stake in the left estate?
Only foolish wives, first or last, wait for wills. Don’t scream. I told you earlier this is NOT for those with nervous disposition. A second wife should grab all she can before the old man kicks the bucket.
She must feather her nest as if her life depends on it. If she chooses to eat with all 10 fingers (as the Yorubas would say), she would cry her eyes out. It is such second wives who are usually inconsolable when the inevitable happens.
An only wife may have qualms about secretly building a house but a second wife has too much at stake to bother about qualms.
Don’t let the man buy any land in his name. In fact, you will do well to buy it in your maiden name. Invest as much of his money as you can lay your hands on. Of course, I’m assuming he is rich or why else did you marry him? Don’t mention love, please. Even the craziest girl shouldn’t become the second wife of an impoverished salary earner. If you must eat a toad you must eat the one laden with eggs. Don’t spend all your overseas vacation lazing around. Get busy. Make your own connections. Get a smart stockbroker to watch your investment.
Don’t be carried away with his effusive speeches on how he loves his children and how they would be well provided for when he dies. Pooh, let him show you now. Let each of your children have an account which you can hold in trust for them. Let him buy shares for them and start a business that will be wholly theirs.
Oh, did I mention that you shouldn’t live under the same roof with the first wife? You don’t need that associated hassles. Live in a bought or rented apartment. If it’s bought, it should be solely in your name. No Mr. & Mrs.
All these may sound mercenary but rich men with extra wives watch their women. They know the airheads and the smart ones. They know those who want money, money, and respect the ones they can trust.
A second wife is responsible to herself. She has her future and her children’s to protect. All that money around her should not carry her away. She should scoop as much as she can.
That way, when her rich husband dies, there won’t be smear campaigns in the press. There won’t be accusations of the first wife reading a fake or doctored will. She won’t have to worry or call anybody names. She’d smile and announce that she loved her man. Her nests would be well feathered. Now, it’s time for vacation to sort out the next step Source : http://sunnewsonline.com/webpages/columnists/funke/2010/funke-22-may-2010.htm   |
