When someone sees you crying, and asks: ""Are you sad?"" Just reply: ""Are you okay?"""



My wife said to me the other day, I would love to travel around the world

I said look sweetheart, hopes and dreams are only satans way of distracting you from making dinner. now get back in the kitchen



If you can't beat them. Join Them"

This statement always rings true.

For instance, you never see a man in the kitchen.

Because a man can always beat a woman.



Me and my sister were having an argument this morning in the kitchen. Our mom walked in and said: "Looks like you guys woke up on the wrong side of the bed."



When one door closes another one opens...

I'm sure this house is haunted



3 drunk guys boarded a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he decided to take advantage of them. He started the engine and turned it off again.

He told them, "We've reached our destination."

The first guy paid him the cab fare, and the second guy said, "Thank you."

The third guy gave the driver a slap. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk guy knew what he did. But he asked. "What was that for?"

The third guy replied. "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!"

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