Dear all,

My friend told me to type hr story here and see what you guys think about this.

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My family run a company dealing with Construction in the oil and gas industry. I have one elder sister whom is suffering from high blood pressure, astma and high sugar level and a younger brother whom gets everything he will ever get because he is the only boy in the family.

They are a few things my parents did which makes me very angry for years and for years, I have always been keeping it in heart untill today I got really angry and tried to express why am I angry to my mother but she seems to not understand me and she took it as if I was trying to kill her. . .

My mother told me that I and my elder sister should be responsible towards taking care of her when she grows old and I said why not my brother. He is the only boy and he cannot even afford to buy his own house cause he and his wife spends money like water so in the end, they had to go and stay with you so why not he take care of you? I ask my mother that.

My mom told me that because she knows that my brother will get influence by his wife and get distracted. Is that a good enough answer?


My parents made my brother the Director of 2 companies and me and my sister get no name to the company. . .
I ask my mother Why is it my brother gets to be Director to the company and not the two of us? She said because he is constantly fighting with my father so she needd to pull him out from the company and let him run a business.

And because of that, both companies went on bancruptcy. . . 

is that a good enough answer?


And then she said that she has given me evrything from education to my own room and Im not being appreciative. Than I told her that I only get my room last year and my brother got his room since age 10. . . And also if I were to compare, his room is bigger. He has his own bathroom, his own flat screen TV his own sofa in the room and a King size bed and a personal wardrobe. . . Mr and my sister had a room 1/4 his size and we have to share toilet and also we dont have a TV or Sofa in our rooms. . .

And education, I have always graduated with flying colours and never failed once. My sister and brother have been continuously faily all of their courses and they ahd to repeat multiple times. . . And have they ever said anything NOTHING!

And than my mom sayd she does not want to talk abut that anymore. . .

And she said at least my brother gave her money once in awhile. . . I told her I paid for her food everyday! What is she trying to say And than she told me ok, starting from tommorow, Im not going to eat with you anymore! You dont have to pay for my food anymore. . .

And than she said end of discussion!

Who's fault is it? Is it my fault or my parents fault? I have never taken drugs nor have I failed and I have never stole their money or jewelleries like my siblings did, why are they not appreciative? What have I done o deserve all of this? What? if they dont love me, they should have just killed me or bury me alive. I did not ask to be born on this earth. . . I did not ask to be bornn!!!!!

the lady is a good person, dont let the fact your parents are not appreciative spoil that, they are human beings your job is to respect them !I think its time for the lady in question to leave the nest, it sounds like boys are much more important to the parents, in that case they should rely on the boy to look after them the same way when they are older, because there is no way in heaven any of you will do a good job taking care of parents who mistreated them in the past.

Hello Zebra, Im gabry's friend and Im using her id temporarily. Thank you for your encouragement and advice. I wanted to leave my family a long time ago but due to the economy breakdown which caused my father to have so many problems in his company and my siblings dont want to help out and just take their salary for free, , , I had no choice but to come in to help. I thought I was doing my job as a daughter untill just last 2 months when I check the profit and los account, I come to find out that my parents pays my brother more salary than my sister and I. I was heart broken and it felt like a sharp blade had cut through me. I went to the toilet and cried quietly there . . . It was soo hurtful to see them do that. . .

My mother gets 8000.00USD every month from the company yet she complains saying that she dont get money from her children. . . and they are paying me like 300USD every month . . . I dont know what do they expect of me. If I knew they take me for granted, I should have not given all my saving money just to hlp build back up the company during the recession period. . .

I have tld my bf about this and he told me to be patient as he is trying to work hard and he knows that in 1 - 2 years time, he will get me out of here. I pray and hope he would. . .

Dont sell yourself short, it sounds really hard but its the truth, you need independance you parents dont appreciate you, they never will until you leave! you need to start looking for a job, get away and establish yourself by yourself, so your parents cannot continue to control you with thier behavoir. Dont rely on your boyfriend try and develop an attitude that is independant of anybodies approval. Thats the reason why you are suffering now. You have spent soo much time trying to keep your parents happy you have forgotten yourself in the process! You have done what you can as a daughter now do all you should for yourself!

Dear Zebra,
Gabry has been telling me this from before and for you to say it again like she did, guess she must be right.but the only way to do this is to move to another state which it requires money to do that. . . And I dont have any. Gabry had given me money before to try living the life in the city and she paid for my one month rental of the apartment while I look for a job but it didnt work. The cost of living is too high and my salary is like a peanut. And if I decide to work here in my hometown. . . Gosh! I tried looking for a job. . . Its not as easy as I think it is. . . Not unless I wanted the low pay and even that I couldnt pay for my house rent. . . Im trying. . . Im really trying to see how am I going to get enough money to move out. . .

Im not doubting its difficult, just make sure its in your head that you need to leave, try and hustle money off your parents and siblings once in a while, once youve saved enough to pay rent for a year you should be fine. Trust me yoru depression will worsen every minute you remain in that house!!

zebra543:

Im not doubting its difficult, just make sure its in your head that you need to leave, try and hustle money off your parents and siblings once in a while, once youve saved enough to pay rent for a year you should be fine. Trust me yoru depression will worsen every minute you remain in that house!!

My brother is always broke. When he buys things from town, he would charge it to the compnay's acct and my parents would pay for it. I just found out about that a few months back and my sister is always broke from shopping online. But thank God for her her husband is well off and he is working in Shell Offshore so it doesnt worry her that much.

At times I feel like doing the things my siblings have done just to get back at my parents but I feel guilty. . . I seriously do feel sooo guilty and I couldnt eat or sleep just thinking about it.

Are u saying that I should rob my parents money?

What exactly is the qualification you have?

What are your chances of getting a job if you leave your family company?

This is what I think is happening . . . You are too nice and I think they know that which is whay they are taking advantage of you. They know you care about the family too much to walk out. I think you should prove them wrong!

Demand for an increase in pay and if they refuse, leave! Let your brother run the company for them since they value him so much!

Ujujoan:

What exactly is the qualification you have?

What are your chances of getting a job if you leave your family company?

This is what I think is happening . . .  You are too nice and I think they know that which is whay they are taking advantage of you. They know you care about the family too much to walk out. I think you should prove them wrong!

Demand for an increase in pay and if they refuse, leave! Let your brother run the company for them since they value him so much!

They sponsored my education in malaysia studying a Diploma and Higher Diploma in Hotel management and than I got scholarship to Switzerland for my Bachelor Degree in Hotel Management. Theres no ways I can get a job in my hometown its because of the following:-

1) My hometown is sooo small (it takes 1 hour to drive the whole island) and everybody knows everybody. . .
2) The last time I tried applying for a job, the employer would say arent you the daughter of Mr My father's name And than they would call my parents and ask if they had money problem. . . And than all the problem will start again. . .
3) The only job I could get here are jobs like garbage collector or dish washer which will only let me earn like 150USD a month. . . That is just plain suicide.

I have demanded for a higher salary and they say they will look into it and just let it slip their mind. I would leave for sure but yes, the money is the problem now and I needed some time to colect back the money befoe I start a new life.

Than again, how can your own blood. . . your own family treat a person like this? After all I have done for them. . . How can they treat me like this?

Gabry:

They sponsored my education in malaysia studying a Diploma and Higher Diploma in Hotel management and than I got scholarship to Switzerland for my Bachelor Degree in Hotel Management. Theres no ways I can get a job in my hometown its because of the following:-

1) My hometown is sooo small (it takes 1 hour to drive the whole island) and everybody knows everybody. . .
2) The last time I tried applying for a job, the employer would say arent you the daughter of Mr My father's name And than they would call my parents and ask if they had money problem. . . And than all the problem will start again. . .
3) The only job I could get here are jobs like garbage collector or dish washer which will only let me earn like 150USD a month. . . That is just plain suicide.

I have demanded for a higher salary and they say they will look into it and just let it slip their mind. I would leave for sure but yes, the money is the problem now and I needed some time to colect back the money befoe I start a new life.

Than again, how can your own blood. . . your own family treat a person like this? After all I have done for them. . . How can they treat me like this?

My dear, it's the people we trust and rely on the most that often dissapoint us!

Maybe you should spread your horizon, look for jobs outside your hometown or even outside your state! Over here, people hardly live and work in the places they grew up!

Staying on will not only affect you now, but also in future. NEVER let anybody under-value you. It's one thing to do it coyly but your family is so blatant about it, its annoying!

You need to do ANYTHING to get away from there and waiting on your BF like someone said, is not a good idea!

Ujujoan:

My dear, it's the people we trust and rely on the most that often dissapoint us!

Maybe you should spread your horizon, look for jobs outside your hometown or even outside your state! Over here, people hardly live and work in the places they grew up!

Staying on will not only affect you now, but also in future. NEVER let anybody under-value you. It's one thing to do it coyly but your family is so blatant about it, its annoying!

You need to do ANYTHING to get away from there and waiting on your BF like someone said, is not a good idea!

You are definitely right and so is Zebra. gabry told me to do whatever I can do to take some money from my parents without them finding out because it is after all mine. . .

Do what you've been doing. Work hard to become successful and rich because at the latter end you'll still be the one to take care of your parents when aged, also it's time to leave the house and be totally independent

You need to cut the umbillical cord. You are experiencing something Nigerians refer to as "see finish". I don't see it getting better because even when you parents are no longer there your brother will simply be very busy running the company into the ground. Leave home and do your own thing. Act like you do not have parents that can help.

steve49ja:

Do what you've been doing. Work hard to become successful and rich because at the latter end you'll still be the one to take care of your parents when aged, also it's time to leave the house and be totally independent

Thank you.

Outstrip:

You need to cut the umbillical cord. You are experiencing something Nigerians refer to as "see finish". I don't see it getting better because even when you parents are no longer there your brother will simply be very busy running the company into the ground. Leave home and do your own thing. Act like you do not have parents that can help.

Are u saying that I should completely cut off my family from my life?

No, I don't think that was what he meant. It's more like, U should have a mentality makeover. Think and Act like somebody that doesn't have any helper in de world (not that it's the real thing, but it wil help you). The determination and DRIVE that comes with such thinking will mobilize you into going out there against all odds, against any obstacles that come with parental popularity, and make a name for yourself. It will lend you confidence to stand your ground and let everyone know(especially your would-be employer<s>) that you are a woman of your own. You will find yourself making such progress that you might not make still relying on your parents, consciously or unconsciously.

No, I don't think that was what he meant. It's more like, U should have a mentality makeover. Think and Act like somebody that doesn't have any helper in de world (not that it's the real thing, but it wil help you). The determination and DRIVE that comes with such thinking will mobilize you into going out there against all odds, against any obstacles that come with parental popularity, and make a name for yourself. It will lend you confidence to stand your ground and let everyone know(especially your would-be employer<s>) that you are a woman of your own. You will find yourself making such progress that you might not make still relying on your parents, consciously or unconsciously.

No, I don't think that was what he meant. It's more like, U should have a mentality makeover. Think and Act like somebody that doesn't have any helper in de world (not that it's the real thing, but it wil help you). The determination and DRIVE that comes with such thinking will mobilize you into going out there against all odds, against any obstacles that come with parental popularity, and make a name for yourself. It will lend you confidence to stand your ground and let everyone know(especially your would-be employer<s>) that you are a woman of your own. You will find yourself making such progress that you might not make still relying on your parents, consciously or unconsciously.

No, I don't think that was what he meant. It's more like, U should have a mentality makeover. Think and Act like somebody that doesn't have any helper in de world (not that it's the real thing, but it wil help you). The determination and DRIVE that comes with such thinking will mobilize you into going out there against all odds, against any obstacles that come with parental popularity, and make a name for yourself. It will lend you confidence to stand your ground and let everyone know(especially your would-be employer<s>) that you are a woman of your own. You will find yourself making such progress that you might not make still relying on your parents, consciously or unconsciously.

Thanks Wislet.

My mother stop me from touching any house things which includes food and when she is out, she only buys food for my siblings and not me. Im taking a flight to Kuala Lumpur immediately. I know that within the few days (hopefully not that long) I will be homeless as I cannot afford to be paying for a room but i am determin to get a job.

Thats my next step.

All these bad treatments for you alone? Wetin you do all of them? Maybe the problem might lie in you, find out, probe, plan, scheme, seek an ally from any of your people and press for justice. Running will not solve the problem. Become more assertive and demand for your rights, throw temper tantrums, act crazy (but know you are just acting) become more dangerous, active and efficient. Whatever you do, make sure the you that went to sleep today don't wake up tomorrow. Wake a new you and dominate your world.

I read your post and initially felt pity but I know you need more than pity.

You need the will, the drive, the determination to break away from the neglect & emotional abuse of your family.

You need a take off grant; rent & feeding money of about 6 months.

Start by putting your CV together & search for jobs on line in another state. Search for your school mates & friends while you were in school may be they could help you to get a job