Little did I know then, that life is not all smooth, the valley and mountian top make the journey of life thick. The plain roads, the pot hole roads, make part of life. So one must build up his or her spirit strong instead of making it weak by condemnation. I did not know this, I treated me harshly. Oh poor self then! I was too harsh then that I almost quench the fire of me.

I had times I failed in one work, project and few other things, instead of learning from them and moving on, I spoke harshly to myself, calling myself names, condemning me with hurting statement. This at a time made my confidence in myself recessed, this made me lose hope on what I was doing, left the project and moved to other things. I later got to know, that many succesful men had moment of failures, it didn't kill their spirit, rather they learnt from it and moved on to embraced mother success.
I had times when I made mistakes. The words that 'No one is above mistake' never appealed to me. All I did then was to pour on myself words of abuse like 'I know you will make mistake, you never do anything right, keep on making mistakes and we shall see where you will end' with my mouth of depressedy self, and it was as if, I could not get anything good yet, I have other areas I had succeeded. One should be very careful, mistakes can be costly, but it is still sometimes made. When it happens forgive yourself first. Don't break your spirit.Then make a review on all that had happened and launch again. Never allow any mistakes to stop you.
One of such incident that would have sunk my life forever was a break up with my boyfriend. He said he doesn't want me any more, that he was done. This opened all lose against me as I spoke to myself like nothing 'You see your life, you have also failed as well here, can you be good at anything? What a stupid girl you are? Relationship of years, you lost to your carelessness" It was a rough time as I did not have inner strength to help myself, you know, I was always condemning, abusing myself. I didn't take time to think where I got it wrong, to think if it were all about me or him. I just cannot think until I sought healing. I needed to heal for the loss of him was what I allowed to crash me.
In a bid to get healed because I needed myself and I got to realise that, I had hurt, broken myself with my being too harsh. It had really affected me, I have burnt my confidence, covered myself worth and maimed my capacity by my thoughts. Do I appease me or appeal me? Where do I start? I began to help myself to heal, with the help of my counselor. He made me realise that, I have got a self, which must not be treated as a junk lest it is destroyed. He took me through series of classes, where I came to realise that, I have treated me the wrong way. I came to know that failure is not a neccesity of life, it is a waster of time but if one fails, one should forgive oneself, learn from the failure, learn more, and apply what one had learnt to move on. So also mistake, mistake can be costly but is is not enough to damage one's dream; that would be the highest level of mistake and reacting that way to my break up had almost paused my life. I almost made me invalid with my thought of myself, it incapacitated me but I got up. I latter found out that the breakup was not all about me but him. He got himself entangled with another and felt I should go for him to have the freedom that came with been a cheat with a bigger girl.

I became strict on what I do but not harsh as hurting myself. I tried to be focused and descipline and when shit happen, I tried to stand above it, instead of condemning me, I ask questions. 'What must have gone wrong? Where did I get it wrong?' making a critical review, I am able to get where I had gone wrong, fix the mistake and launch again with stronger and surer force. I now lived better, I am more focused and happy. I believe, better is better, so if I am at my best in anything, I still try to do better.It's been a better journey than those days of hurt and maim.

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