Igbokiller:
I wonder o. Yet as they claim madam super independent they still expect the man to squeeze his own pocket for them as "head of the family"



Ive observed enough of working class ladies and their marriages. Everything they claim outside na wash

nuelyoyo:
pls tell me more about the working class women. Don't they assist their husbands?

Mynd44:
Well actually, its her body and she can decide not to have any children sef.

The flip side is that it is his life, he can decide to walk out of the marriage to go have more kids.

These things shouldn't be binary. Childbirth isn't easy and a lot of women after going through one dont want or are scared to have another and they should not be blackmailed into it. But women should also not blackmail men into staying in a marriage where she has refused to have more and he refused.

A better solution is surrogacy. Her eggs, his sperm and someone else (paid or whatever the arrangement is) carries the baby to term. Everyone is happy.

Childbirth does a lot of things to women, a lot of women have to stop their careers, have to give up dreams, have to watch their body go through (sometimes irreversible) change so please do not blame them for not wanting it.

But is it selfish? Of course it is. But is it wrong? No.

Orla234:
Still single yeah?

Wait until you get married, go for round one in the labor room. I'm positive your mindset will change.

Some childbirth can be super difficult. With major tears here and there, some women are scared of going through it a second time.

JhyMedex:


Agree wit most of wat u said..

bt surrogacy cmon..we in Africa ..one of d most under developed places in d world n u tryna suggest principles used in some of d most developed nations of the world as a solution to dis situation...

How many African families can afford d financial,psychoscocial and legal responsibilities dt come with surrogacy?

Mynd44:

What "our mothers" had wasn't exactly marriage. It was another form of servitude

JhyMedex:


Getting married n not wanting to av kids( against d wish of one of d partners) is like a becoming a specialist doctor and nt want to treat patients

Decisions like dis r not to b taken lightly and neva by one partner, in a marriage involving 2 pple..

I tot marriage was a partnership n not some slave-master arrangement ...

Mynd44:

What "our mothers" had wasn't exactly marriage. It was another form of servitude

Orla234:
Still single yeah?

Wait until you get married, go for round one in the labor room. I'm positive your mindset will change.

Some childbirth can be super difficult. With major tears here and there, some women are scared of going through it a second time.

SwagPower:


u tryna say ur mum is ur dad's servant?..dt she did all she did in d haus not out of luv 4 ur dad n u he kids bt becos she was compelled to like a chattel by ur dad?..

Blonchilli:

How many families can afford surrogacy bro? Is it selfish? Yes. Is it wrong? Yes. Marriage is a partnership and both partners should be able to communicate. I'm not yet married but what I've observed is the cause for most divorce is communication. Yes it's her body but if we're using that as an excuse then it's the man's body too if he decides to go bang every girl he meets and litter the streets with his babies. As a couple when it's wise to stop having children is if my wife has a near death experience. I'll prefer to have her than a kid, how are you going to raise a baby? If that happens then you guys can seek other options like adoption or surrogacy if you have the funds

Sterope:
Our mothers did not aspire like us. Our mothers were contended with having a family without a career. Our mothers did not care about their bodies or their health. Nowadays we have something called quality of life and it is more than the ability to feed and shelter children.

Mynd44:

If you cant affors surrogacy, what is the assurance the couple can afford to care care of a new child, the mothers' health, career setback and psycological issues?

Mynd44:


Exacrly, marriage is a partnership and not a slave master arrangement so why arent people trying to rationalize with women who say they dont want more children?

If a specialist doctor decides he does not want tl treat doctors, he can be fired, replaced and not called again. In the same vain, a woman who does not want more chikdren can be divorced; just dont make a devil out of her

Mynd44:

bettercreature:
There is nothing special about childbirth.You shouldnt support selfish women of this Century

SwagPower:


U sayin ur mum is less of a woman compared u r?..Simply cos she didnt aspire to all d tins u aspiring to above?.. ...


The female race has bn subjugated for milleniums so i undastand d push bak d women of d current generation r mounting...

Am not gon say ama feminst like some guys do.. bt i'll say am a respecter of equity fairness and justice in all ramifications of human endeavours...

But d "African woman" (n am singling dem out from oda women) has done very little to justify and aid d course of true feminism..

u dnt live in Africa and try to espouse principles prevalent in d More developed world..dts like livin in d core north n flaunting d rules of sharia...repercussions will often follow dis kinda acts nd in some instances the comeuppances r grave and severe..

the white woman has paid her dues ova d centuries esp d 20th century and now desavs some accolades..

bt my African sisters jst got wind of feminism a few yrs ago n now dey seem to b d champions of d cause. ..


i av ginormous respect 4 d institution of marriage bt myself will neva engage i. It..

bt fundamentally marriage is a partnership n d moment d vows r taken d 2 pple engaged in it cease from being 2 to 1 single entity workin n supporting each oda...

dts y i can neva undastand the new wave of "its my body..its my money" in 21st century marriages..

the white woman tho has a little justification for chanting d "its my body" punch line..

bt cmon my african sisters!!! Na ur body?.

.lets drop d hypocrisy of radical feminism n be realistic 4 one moment pls..

In africa today as it was obtainable in Europe men pay brideprices..some of dis ridiculously exorbitant!!..

The whiteman doesnt pay a bride price anymore..

if u trace the origin n etymology of the word "bride price" u will discover dt it was paid by d suitor to d fatherr of a lady as a kinda "purchasing price"..at dt moment after payment d lady ceases to b her father's..she now utterly belongs to d man..

bt becos we r in d era of political correctness no one wants to say he's purchasing a woman ..


4 d African woman d payment of a bride price supposedly makes her her husband's ..therefore dt talk of "is my body is null n void"...

bt like i earlier stated, i dnt believe in "I" in marriage..therefore her body is hers as well as her husband's in equal measure..same applies to d man..

if there is a decision to not make babies again..it shld b a mutual consensus..Mayb due to medical issues( like history of a ruptured uterus or some chronic medical condition )dt preclude the woman frm gettin pregnant or safely carryin a pregnancy to term n not a unilateral decision by some woman whos bride price has been paid in full..

#Shalom

teemy:

My dear, there is everything special about childbirth. My wife and I decided on minimum of three and max of four kids. After the first one I raked that we are only ending it at one after being at the hospital and seeing all she went through. She had her way and now we have two. No one is is telling her now after much of her life is changed around just two kids.

In any business transaction, projections are made and sometimes based on new deciding factors, precious arrangements can be changed towards a better outcome. Also, the more invested party is expected to make more if decisions and get more returns. You cannot weigh the impact or say of a man that does the semen delivery to be equal to that of the woman who has to carry for nine months and till the delivery date, she is always one step away from death if not properly handled. Made worse that our country Nigeria has one of the highest mortality rates on deliveries in the world. If anyone's opinion is important, I tell you it is hers.

There is also a lot a woman would lose during the quest of carrying and raising kids. Her career potential and efficiency drops, she has to live her life as well as that of her kids together and what about the other aspects should there be a separation or even death of the hubby?

Child raising is not beans and the person whose vote is heavier is the woman.

Wishing you well - Teemy

Sterope:
Where did I mention that my mum was less of a woman now? I can see the time your parents spent with you paid of, which is exactly why you replied in shorthand.

A woman can also decide she doesn't want many kids. It is better if it is mutual, it is best if they agreed before marriage. A child's well being, edubcation and quality of life are important to the mother as they are to the father. A woman decision not to have more kids is actually more fundamental than the father's. It is her body, she will spend more time with the child than the father unless the father is willing to reverse the role. If you care about a child, you won't force it on an unwilling mother. It can be damaging and the society had enough damaged kids to care for. Her decision is selfish but the man will be better off without a frustrated nag.

The bride price argument is BS. We may joke about it but we dont care. It has always been about the men the the women anyways.

Glowingingrace:
Sorry for quoting you, I understand you are not married, I just want to inform you that every child birth is a near death experience. Yes it is wrong for a woman to decide to quit giving birth without agreeing with the husband, it also wrong for a husband who knows that the wife do have complications with pregnancy or that they can not take care of more children economically to insist on having more children. I for one agreed with my hubby before getting married that we are going to have only two kids irrespective of their sex, yes we had two kids (boys). I was OK with them but he was not done and kept complaining of wanting a baby girl. Fortunately for him I took in by chance. Yes I called it by chance because I was nursing my 3months old 2nd child, I was sad and devastated, he said I can take it out if I want. I noted the word 'you' and not we in his statement. I went to a doctor and discussed my chances, he ensured me that I can do it but that its going to be very challenging. I let the pregnancy be by choice. Was it funny? No. Did I suffer? Yes. I breastfeed my baby until he was 10month old and my breast milk dried up. I had my
third baby two months after, a baby girl with an emergency CS. I nearly lost my life in the process. I paid a huge price of suffering to keep and birth her, I thank God there was no lost after all. Now tell me, will you say I am selfish if I decide on own never to give birth again if hubby wakes up one morning and want another child? The same man who out of fear refused to sign when they told him that I needed to be taken to theatre immediately for a CS, I was informed and I knew the implication of the delay, I begged the doctor to take me in if he insist on not signing. So when next you see someone saying we are selfish or lazy remember my story and appreciate the fact our circumstances are not the same. Thank you.

Mynd44:

What "our mothers" had wasn't exactly marriage. It was another form of servitude