Extract from the book "SUCCESS SYSTEMS BY BISHOP OYEDEPO "

REASON To maintain respect in the home, make sure your views are born out of reasoning. When you produce your cause, buttress it with strong reasons. What a man utters determines the level of respect he would earn. I was in a meeting some time ago and the floor was thrown open for people to make their observations on certain issues on the agenda. After hearing some views, I left the meeting, because the statements made were not born out of reason. The foolishness in the utterances made was unbearable, so I had to leave. Likewise, when you are making your observations in the home, make them based on good reasoning. Let your reasons be strong enough to command the attention of your listener; don’t just make an open ended observation. “This is my observation on this issue and my view is based on the following facts. If things continue like this, we are likely to have this…” Let your observations be based on facts, not guesses. The depth of your reasoning determines the height of respect you earn, so you must take time to find out what exactly you want. It will help you a lot. “The children should go to this school.” “On what basis?” “For the following reasons...” Then you list them. You will find the other party saying, “Okay, even though it’s costlier, these reasons have greater value than the cost. Let’s see how we can approach the payment.” Or on the other hand, the other party might say, “They can’t go to that school, but I perceive we can supplement what this other school, which costs less offers by providing the following extra inputs. This extra input will cost much less than paying the high school fees at the other school.” Then you let the voice of reason prevail. A member of our church was the Commandant of one of the Command Secondary schools, and he came to the house with some admission forms, because he wanted my children to attend the school. I agreed that it was a good idea, but reasoned that he would not always be the Commandant, and my wife agreed with me. A year later, he ceased being the Commandant. But another woman might have said, “Whether he will always be the Commandant or not, they are going there.” I needed a spiritual environment for my children, which is of greater value to me than any other thing under heaven. If I can build them up spiritually, I am sure of a bright future for them. I want them to grow under an atmosphere that guarantees a future in the faith. “So how does that affect the running of the home?” “This way, that way, this way.” And by reasoning, you move on together, rather than to start screaming at each other: “They must go to that school!” “No, they can’t go to that school!” The man that is saying they will go to the school has no reason, the woman saying, “No they can’t go”, also has no reason. So, they are both unreasonable and are heading for the pit. Reasoning is an analytical, rational and logical thinking process. It makes planning easy. Every sound decision is as a result of good planning. So, locate the facts that are relevant to your desires, and plan based on these facts and available resources. One of the reasons for crisis in the home is poor management of resources. Escape it by planning well, based on facts. You need to engage reasoning in your communication or you start losing respect. If your spouse can’t find reason in everything you say, then you can’t get respect out of him or her. Never raise an issue without substantiating it with proven facts. And at the end of the day, let the voice of reason prevail. You may have ten facts and the other person just two, but which may be stronger than yours. With meekness, let the man in charge have the final say. Once you are able to establish a forum for communication, there won’t be room for nagging. Never raise an issue without reasons, otherwise, you may begin to build walls of barrier in the home system.