Yunusaaishatope
MADERA001
Divepen1
Obianu
Apollux
Please read and judge from your findings. Corrections will also be highly appreciated. I would love your opinions. Thanks and God bless.

stblessing:
Episode 2 continues
I froze at this point. It felt as if cold water had been poured into my feet and that a hammer had hit my head. I looked left,squatted and asked"why are you asking such a question darling?""Because I got into a fight with my classmate because she said I didn't have a dad"I stood up angrily and asked"who is the insolent baboon that would dare say such a thing"Nelly took my hand and led me to her classmate at the waiting room obviously gossiping with other girls. Nelly pointed her to me and I called"hey you!come here noww!"I cried and she obediently walked towards me. I grabbed her ear and began pulling"how dare you talk to my daughter in such a manner? are you mad!"I continued pulling her ear as she yelled and a teacher quickly rushed in"madam?what is the matter?"She asked and pulled the young girl out of my grasp"good thing you are here!I want you to ask that insolent brat what gave her the right to assault my daughter both physically and verbally"she was just about to talk when I heard from behind me,a harsh but familiar voice"and what gives you the right to hurt my daughter?"I slowly turned back and saw one of my greatest enemies. It was Chika!

Nice story, but it seems rushed. take your time, build the story, connect with the reader. nice creativity anyways

poik:




Nice story, but it seems rushed. take your time, build the story, connect with the reader. nice creativity anyways

Thanks. I will do as you say.

poik:




Nice story, but it seems rushed. take your time, build the story, connect with the reader. nice creativity anyways

Thanks so much. I really appreciate the honest opinion and I think you are right about the rushing

Episode 5
It was on a rather hot Tuesday hamattarn afternoon. I was in my office,doing some paper work since work had began and the holidays were over. I was still transfixed in what I was doing when Naomi suddenly barged in. She was panting and breathing heavily and she looked so worried."Anna M,you need to come with me right now!"She said,still panting"why?!"I asked springing up to my feet"stop asking questions and just come with me please!"She said and I hurried outside my office with her. I was scared. What was the problem?we arrived at another office crowded with people watching TV. She pushed the others aside and led me to the front. It was a news bulletin. "Watch"she said and pointed to the TV. I wasn't there when the report started so all I could here from the newscaster was;
"That a car with a name plate 102-IKR66 was involved in an auto crash involving a trailer and another bike. According to..."
My attention was cut off from the news by Naomi's question that I dreaded to hear"isn't that Francis' car?"...

Episode 5 continues
I ignored her question and my phone rang. I slowly picked it up"h..hello?"I managed to stammer"yes,hello. Are you MRS Onwudili?"I heard a male voice that talked quickly from the other line"yes I am"I replied"we would hate to inform you that your husband Mr Francis Onwudili was involved in a ghastly motor accident today being Tuesday around 12oclock PM and was rushed to the federal medical centre Ikeja. We woul..."I didn't even allow the man to finish talking when I trembled and the iphone 6 that I had slipped and fell on the floor. It smashed into pieces. It was as if the world was becoming smaller and smaller. My feet felt like water and I fell on my knees. I could feel my head pounding and my heart beating rapidly. My eyes became hot as sweat poured down. Naomi bent down and patted me on the back"Anna Marie,I..I think we should go visit him in the hospital"I nodded my head eagerly as I got the strength to stand up again. I ran hurriedly while Naomi ran after me with shouts of "wait!wait" but I ignored her and kept on running. My husband needed me and nothing mattered to me anymore...

First of all I'll like to say I'm really honored to be mentioned. You have a great story here, your use of English is good. However, you can do with a little more imagination by playing each scene over and over again in your mind. I'll be following this story.

Episode 5 continues
Naomi and I arrived at the hospital exactly one hour after we got the news. When we inquired from the nurse on the counter,we learned that he was still being operated upon in the ICU. I was devastated when I was told that he was bleeding and crying out my name in pains. I was taken to the ICU with Naomi and from the transparent door,saw the several doctors operating on him. I wailed in inconsolable tears until I became weak and numb. I could have a nervous breakdown because I wanted to be hospitalized as well so that we could be even. It was really painful.
We waited for a long time before one of the doctors finally came out. When I saw him,I dashed like lightning and held his shoulders. He was sweating like a christmas goat but I didn't care,that was his job."Doctor,how is my husband?"I asked hurriedly."Madam calm down. Are you the wife of the patient?"I became angry with him and yelled at him"of course I am!!what else would I be?now tell me how my husband is!!!"Naomi tried to calm me down but I shrugged her off. I wasn't like that but today wasn't a day for me so I was angry at everybody. The doctor saw my state and replied"well he...

















"

Episode 5 continues
"Well he what?!"I asked again impatiently. I was cranky"well he suffered a severe head injury in his skull which damaged his skull and affected his brain. But don't worry,we've been able to operate on him and calm the situation. However,he is in a coma."He finally concluded and I swallowed the lump in my throat,a bit relived."So when will he wake up?"I asked"The truth is that we really don't know. In such cases,we are incapable of determining when the patient will come around. It could take days,weeks or even years!however,I think it all depends on God"he said and I frowned,unsatisfied"so when can we see him?"I asked"now if you want. Just take your time. Excuse me"he said and walked out. Naomi and I walked into his room. I got goose pimples when I saw his sorry state. He was all red and had wounds all over him. A bandage was tied around his head and he was on life suPport. I wanted to sit down an a nearby chair close to his bed but instead I fell on my knees. The pain I felt didn't bother me as I was already in tears. I held his hot hand and started"Francis?I know you can hear me. This isn't you. This isn't what I bargained for when I married you. This isn't what I bargained for this new year. Please Francis just wake up and tell me its all going to be ok. Stand up and let's go to Nelly,our daughter. Please Francis don't do this to me. Don't leave this way. Fight this!!you are a man...you are my husband!!"I said and let my wailing and tears finish the rest. I was pained and devastated. I could feel my life falling apart...

WHIZKIDEFE
Biafrabushboy
Larrysun
Would you mind stating your opinions for me?you're the best. Love you guys and your wonderful works

Madera001:
First of all I'll like to say I'm really honored to be mentioned. You have a great story here, your use of English is good. However, you can do with a little more imagination by playing each scene over and over again in your mind. I'll be following this story.

Thanks so much for your contribution Madera001,I find it helpful.

Episode 5 continues
Naomi and I stayed with Francis at the hospital till midnight. She was very patient with me even though I ignored her most of the time. I was just so weak. It was when she begged and reminded me of Nelly that I agreed to go back home with her reluctantly. It was a long ride home and I was quiet most of the way. Naomi tried to cheer me up but I answered her with silence and sometimes frowns. I wasn't in the mood. We got home after an hours drive. The gate was opened for us and we drove in. Naomi led me down from the car like I was a crippled. I didn't mind her doting on me like that because I felt like I was. She led me to the door and was about to knock when she paused and brought down her hand. She then asked me"Anna M,will you tell her?I mean Nelly?"I didn't answer her for a while and kept looking down...

Episode 5 continues
After some seconds,probably minutes of silence,I looked at her"N..no. Telling her might only hurt and shatter her. For now,let's not tell her anything."I finally managed to blurt out"its alright"Naomi replied and knocked on the door. After some continuous knocking,Ekaette,our maid finally opened the door for us."You are welcome ma"she said,bending her knees a little. Naomi answered for me,I didn't have the strength to talk. We walked a little further when I saw Nelly sleeping peacefully on a couch"What is he doing here?"I asked. My voice was cracked"I'm sorry ma,but she insisted on waiting for you. I tried to make her to sleep in her room,believe me ma"Ekaette explained sounding as if I wanted to fire her. I just walked to where she was and tapped her gently on her back. She snorted and opened her big eyes gently. I tapped her again and she sat down on the couch."Mommy you are welcome"she greeted while rubbing her eyes"Darling,what are you doing,sleeping in the living room instead of in your room?"I choked out"I just wanted to wait for you mommy,I was worried"she paused for a while"why are your eyes swollen?"I just kept quiet and stared at her,a little amused at her keen observance. I was still staring,when she asked again"where is daddy?..."

Episode 5 continues
The question struck me like an arrow. It hurt. I just let go of her and ran inside my room in tears. It was a really painful experience for me. How could my only daughter not see her father again?I heard Naomi approach her and talk to her. I don't know what she told her. I went into my room and locked myself inside. I fell into another marathon of tears. I felt that's all I could do. Hug my pillow and shed tears like a baby.
For the first time in years,I knelt down beside my bed and prayed. I poured my heart out before the supreme being. They said He answered prayers right?could He answer mine and keep the man I love?that's right,you heard me. I loved Francis. The two years I had spent with him made me fall for him. He loved me for who I was and also my daughter even though she wasn't his blood. What more could I want?I didn't want him to die. I wanted us to stay until forever. That's how I felt. Losing him would be like losing a huge part of my life. Yes,that's how much I loved him.

Samexdx Rachelfst Yommy20 Marvel15

Samexdx Rachelfst Yommy20 Marvel15 How do you find this please?

Ebubeval

Reading...

Episode 5 continues
The weeks to come were filled with stress,visits and lots of prayer. When My mother in law heard that Francis was had an accident,she fainted on the spot and was rushed to the hospital. When she was revived,she began acting like someone who had already lost a loved one. I felt sorry for her. How could she loose her only child?
I wasn't finding it easy myself. I visited the hospital every single day. Thank God the management of the company granted me leave and told me to resume whenever
without my salary untouched. I went to churches,alfas even herbalists and spent a lot of money to those fraudulent human beings going about in the name of God. But because I was desperate,I visited more and more on daily basis. It got to a point where I stopped having enough sleep and rest. My diet wasn't on the good side either. I began to loose wait and I fell very ill but I didn't let that pin me down. Thank God for Naomi. She proved to be a true friend as she helped me with Nelly and with work even though she had problems of her own. She always encouraged me to fight whenever I seemed to loose hope. I was so grateful to have people like her around me...

Episode 5 continues
It was on a warm February afternoon. I was in my living room,sitting down on the couch and applying some make-up. I needed to. Those dark spots around my eyes and my reduced complexion made me look like a wretch. I needed to cover my misery.
I was still applying the make-up when Nelly and Ekaette barged in,and she was fuming mad. I was shocked and frightened. I wasn't excepting her. "Mommy!!"She yelled as she approached me,what was it this time?"Mommy!!"She yelled again"good afternoon too my dear daughter,may I know what your problem is this blessed afternoon ?"I asked sarcastically. She obviously ignored that"mommy!can you explain the reason why you never told me?"She asked,rudely"told you what?"I replied with a frown"that daddy was hospitalized!he was involved in a car accident!!"She said and I saw a tear. I dropped my kit,stood up and asked"who told you that?""It was my classmate. She said that she saw it on TV. Why didn't you tell me mommy?why did you keep it from me?"She said in tears. I bent my head and wiped my eye. I bent down and held her shoulder"Nelly baby,I'm sorry. I really didn't want you to get hurt with the bad news that's why I kept it from you. I.."I was cut off by Nelly"Forget it!can you just take me to him,please mommy"I nodded my head and cleaned her tears. I took her by the hand and we headed for my car...

Episode 5 continues
We arrived at the hospital and I led Nelly to Francis" ward. As we were going,I could feel her shaking as she moved quickly. Immediately she saw her Father,lying helplessly on the bed,she ran to him and hugged him tightly. This was followed by a downpour of tears"daddy,its me Nelly your sweet angel"sweet angel was the pet name Francis gave to her"Daddy,I hope you can hear me. I don't want you to die. I want to take care of you when I grow up. Please don't do this to me. If you go,who will play Frisbee and other games with me?who will help me do my difficult assignments?who will advise me and teach me the right way? I miss you so much daddy,don't go. I really love you"she said and continued to cry. I was also soaked in tears. I didn't want the father of my daughter to go. Although they weren't blood,Nelly and Francis were like 5and6. Francis was closer to Nelly than I was. He loved her more than a daughter and treated her like a queen. They had a special bond that connected them and if death should take him away,the bond will be broken. I didn't want that. I wanted my daughter to feel something that I could not give her. A fathers care. I tasked Francis with the job and he did just that. Francis wiped away my tears. I wished he wouldn't go. I felt so diminished that I could loose another man. Another one.

am in tears pls let divine miracle be upon him, ride on

You've got a nice story line. Work on how to describe your characters, places and so on. Ride on ma'am, I'm with you.

stblessing:

Biafrabushboy

Would you mind stating your opinions for me?you're the best. Love you guys and your wonderful works

My only opinion is that you are beautiful.

Any more opinions you would love, please reach out to me.

Nice work you've got here. Maybe you should have someone proofread it for you before posting. There are lots of errors, like he instead of she, in some instances. Yet it's a great love that requires elbow grease.

Mention me when next you update.

Keep calm I'm following.

Episode 6
I held his hand and we were skipping away happily. It was as if we were in heaven. I felt a strong feeling of joy in my heart as we were together. Soon,Nelly joined us and skipped with us to. She was beaming with smiles as she was in our middle feeling happy that mother and father were with her. She soon left us and Francis and I sat down on the ground to rest a while. It was indeed a beautiful place as we were surrounded by golden flowers,crystal trees and beautiful things which couldn't be seen on the earth. It was like the garden of eden but ten times better and happier than it. We were surrounded by angels and beautiful people who loved each other. There was nothing but joy,peace and love in the air. Francis and I sat on a hill opposite a magnificent waterfall. I sighed at its wonder. He soon placed his warm hand on mine and I looked at him. He was so pure and clothed in dazzling white. His face was glowing and his good looks only came out one hundred times more."Yes my love?"I asked when he placed his hand on mine"A...Ann...Anna"he tried to say my name but it proved to difficult for him"Ann..Anna...Anna"my name sounded louder and I soon released my hand



I opened my eyes...











McEphiks

Oya! Ride on OP. Thanks for the mention.
I park my G-Wagon jejely.
Good job.

stblessing:
WHIZKIDEFE

Would you mind stating your opinions for me?you're the best. Love you guys and your wonderful works

Someone just hyped me, trying to make my head swell, but e nor go work.

You are doing a nice job, keep it up, consistency is bae you know.

Hey stblessing,
Was surprised when you mentioned me cause I myself, am still trying to improve too, you know. So, I don't know how much help I may be able to give. Well as pointed out, there're some typos in your write-up. But that can easily be corrected. And, you could try adding a bit of suspense to the plot. Sorry, I can't be of much help now.

ebubeval:
Hey stblessing,
Was surprised when you mentioned me cause I myself, am still trying to improve too, you know. So, I don't know how much help I may be able to give. Well as pointed out, there're some typos in your write-up. But that can easily be corrected. And, you could try adding a bit of suspense to the plot. Sorry, I can't be of much help now.

Thanks so much

Episode 6 continues
I can't believe that all that was a dream. I was very happy and I wished I hadn't woken up. I could still feel a touch on my finger and I looked left. Lo and behold,there was Francis fully awake and struggling to pronounce my name. He was trying to get up. I sprang on my feet"Francis!!Francis!!!"I said and dashed outside calling the doctor. Some time later,a male doctor and I ran back into the room and he began to calm him down"Nurse Bisi!!"He yelled and the fat nurse quickly walked in holding a tray with some medicines on it. The doctor brought out an injection and pierced it in Francis' hand. Seconds later,he stopped struggling and closed his eyes in sleep. The doctor then used his setescope to check his heart beat and he gave a smile. He then faced me as I looked at him looking for assurance."Calm down madam,your husband is ok. He has come out of his comatose state. I think when he wakes up,he should be alright"he assured and I raised my hand and looked up in heaven"o thank God!!"I said and hugged the doctor"thank you doctor,thank you so much"I said in tears. He patted me on the back and left with his nurse. I sat beside Francis with tears of joy in my eyes...

Episode 2 continues
Weeks after that incident,Francis recovered a little. He was abel to open his eyes and move his hands. The only problem was that he couldn't talk very well and walking was impossible for him. We were teaching him though and he was able to grasp some things about our family although he had a little amnesia.
I was very happy at this point,I could feel my life go back to normal. I resumed work again though I closed early. Nelly also went back to school and to be honest,she was the happiest of us all. She was always talking about her dad and what she would do with him when he fully recovered. She talked everyday.
Despite all these,I was happy and relieved. I thought that the nightmare was over. Little did I know that it had just begun...