OK, so everything is fine but I am a little confused about some things. I realize most is a cultural thing and I can either put up with it or not. For example, I had brought over some food to my Boyfriend house and I saw he had guest over. He didn't tell me anything about having friends over. I start to cook some plantines and his friend was like...."oooh, you're cooking! I can't wait to taste it." I began to think to myself....WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? Guys I'm not trying to be mean but I had no idea he had guest and that day was not a good day for me to be around folk I don't know. I'm highly introverted too. I tried to tell my boyfriend he needs to tell me things so I can prepare. Is it normal for Nigerian male friends to think they can just consume anyone's food without knowing who they are?

Another time I was doing my BF a favor and picked up one of his friends from the airport. Once we got to our destination, I began to start cooking MYSELF some breakfast. The guy walks up and is like THANK GOD YOU ARE COOKING I'M STARVING! I began thinking to myself....who said i had enough food for you? I was just making a quick bite. But then I told myself....he just got off the plane, be nice and cook for him. Is this a Nigerian male thing?

My next thing is people staying at my BF place. I'm cool with it. But when I was with my boyfriend alone in his bedroom, it was known that I was in there with him. The door was closed. His friend comes busting into his room. I'm like WTF!? Like...we could have been doing ANYTHING. Here, in America, when a man and a woman shut the door, you STAY AWAY! Too old to be locking doors!

LAST THING! My boyfriend kept asking me a while back of I was circumsized. I ignored him the first time he asked Caz it sounded crazy. Then he kept asking. I was like...WTF!? How can you not tell if I am or am not after CLEARLY seeing I am not cut! Then I learned about female genital mutilation. I had to teach him about it and how it is wrong.

Welcome to Nigeria.

Let me reply each paragraph as I read...

Firstly, your food is my food. In as much as we are relatives, I can dash in anytime and enter your kitchen to eat and most conducive if I see the wife cooking... That has been the status quo in Nigeria but in recent times and with the intervention of dramatic housewives, things are now evolving like informing me if you are having guests and all... You just have to let him understand that.

Thank God you are cooking simply means please I hope mine is inclusive and if not, kindly add my slot ... We like food... It's a curse and we are happy to live by it.

In Nigeria, you just kukuma lock the doors... You don't know what might go wrong at any time...

The thing about female genital mutation is that Nigerians believe any lady that skipped it wont stay faithful to one d!ck. *winks

At the end of it all, just try make him understand... Set some rules... And make him abide by them

One MAJOR MISTAKE you made was NOT doing a proper background check on NIGERIAN ETHICS, CULTURE AND VIEWS when it comes to relationships.

In Nigeria, all these duties you claim to do actually mean you are already married and if you do them while UNMARRIED then you have sold yourself cheap

Also, friends come before partners, yes in Nigeria... we trust our friends to let us know what is going on with our partners...

another thing is, most guys only date foreign girls for BENEFITS or to show off to their friends that they have international love life...

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT RELATIONSHIP IS NOT SEX OR CUDDLES OR A RING.... but Clear and transparent COMMUNICATION.

If you do not have that ever so often with your MAN..... then you have been USED and taken for a FOOOOOOL.
Save yourself and Go back to your country where LADIES HAVE VALUE.... here in Nigeria the MAN IS THE BOSS most times.... I believe in your country its 50/50... both partners contribute as equals... THAT DOES NOT WORK HERE.

Dionne005:
OK, so everything is fine but I am a little confused about some things. I realize most is a cultural thing and I can either put up with it or not. For example, I had brought over some food to my Boyfriend house and I saw he had guest over. He didn't tell me anything about having friends over. I start to cook some plantines and his friend was like...."oooh, you're cooking! I can't wait to taste it." I began to think to myself....WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? Guys I'm not trying to be mean but I had no idea he had guest and that day was not a good day for me to be around folk I don't know. I'm highly introverted too. I tried to tell my boyfriend he needs to tell me things so I can prepare. Is it normal for Nigerian male friends to think they can just consume anyone's food without knowing who they are?

Another time I was doing my BF a favor and picked up one of his friends from the airport. Once we got to our destination, I began to start cooking MYSELF some breakfast. The guy walks up and is like THANK GOD YOU ARE COOKING I'M STARVING! I began thinking to myself....who said i had enough food for you? I was just making a quick bite. But then I told myself....he just got off the plane, be nice and cook for him. Is this a Nigerian male thing?

My next thing is people staying at my BF place. I'm cool with it. But when I was with my boyfriend alone in his bedroom, it was known that I was in there with him. The door was closed. His friend comes busting into his room. I'm like WTF!? Like...we could have been doing ANYTHING. Here, in America, when a man and a woman shut the door, you STAY AWAY! Too old to be locking doors!

LAST THING! My boyfriend kept asking me a while back of I was circumsized. I ignored him the first time he asked Caz it sounded crazy. Then he kept asking. I was like...WTF!? How can you not tell if I am or am not after CLEARLY seeing I am not cut! Then I learned about female genital mutilation. I had to teach him about it and how it is wrong.

My sincere thoughts. I don't know what part of Nigeria your bf is from but if he was asking if you were cut, in hopes that you were, then sorry to tell you, he is from the most uncivilized parts of Nigeria. If you walk the streets of Nigeria and stop 100 men, asking them about female circumcision, chances are, only less than 10% will support such nonsense.

About the food, Nigerians generally assume that if they are under your roof and you are cooking, they are included but the enlightened ones know that a drink can do. I personally don't feel compelled to offer my guest food, I can give u a drink,some snacks. if you are not satisfied, go home and make yourself some.

About the barging in thing, I can't help but ask how old these folks are. Common sense is suppose to guide a grown up.

Conclusion, the cultural differences is huge, maybe you might want to really think about the future of this relationship of urs simply because I don't know why he is sending u to the airport to pick his friend up. Typical for Nigerians that date foreign women in the bid to use them to their own selfish gains.

His friend could have boarded a taxi to the apartment. I am just thinking, a man in Nigeria will not send his wife to pick up someone from the airport except his immediate family members.

I don't want u dating a jerk thinking that's how Nigerians are cos we are better than that.

Thank you everyone for the reply. He's a great guy. Better than any I've ever dated honestly. He was not HOPING I was cut. The way he asked was as if he really haven't been with women much and was confused about the anatomy of female. (NO HE'S NOT GAY)

He is from Lagos. Also as far as me doing things for him, I do them because he's always doing things for me. Picking up someone is no problem especially when money is tight or you need to save. He had to go to work.We have each others back. He's Yoruba also. I tend to find that tribe more friendly than others. (NO OFFENSE)

As far as me doing my research, I agree with that. But at the same time I feel as if that's not all true or fair. I could tell you my experience all day about African American men and someone could tell yal about the women and they would still be very wrong because of bad stereotypes. They are more real than the truth. Pain travels faster than the truth.

Dionne005:
Thank you everyone for the reply. He's a great guy. Better than any I've ever dated honestly. He was not HOPING I was cut. The way he asked was as if he really haven't been with women much and was confused about the anatomy of female. (NO HE'S NOT GAY)

He is from Lagos. Also as far as me doing things for him, I do them because he's always doing things for me. Picking up someone is no problem especially when money is tight or you need to save. He had to go to work.We have each others back. He's Yoruba also. I tend to find that tribe more friendly than others. (NO OFFENSE)

OK great. I wish u the best

tripplephi:


THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT RELATIONSHIP IS NOT SEX OR CUDDLES OR A RING.... but Clear and transparent COMMUNICATION.

If you do not have that ever so often with your MAN..... then you have been USED and taken for a FOOOOOOL.

You are so on point, with this.

RE: Food.

Someone got off the plane, you didn't stop by anywhere to get him food nor asked your bf before agreeing to pick him up about food, THEN u started cooking, he's not wrong to assume he's getting a plate.

When you have guests, invited guests in your house, you don't Give them food when you cook ?

ifyalways:
RE: Food.

Someone got off the plane, you didn't stop by anywhere to get him food nor asked your bf before agreeing to pick him up about food, THEN u started cooking, he's not wrong to assume he's getting a plate.

When you have guests, invited guests in your house, you don't Give them food when you cook ?

Nope. I didn't go shopping for extra people or guest. Usually if someone wants anything and they are grown, they simply get it themselves or they say, hey, can we stop by the fast food real quick. I'm not saying American women don't cook for folk willingly, but that mindset was more of my grandmother's generation and Lil of mom's. I'm just not thinking of no one. Part of me feel as if it's Caz I'm introverted. Another part of me is like....well we are all fending for ourselves right now. Another part of me is like....i don't know you. If it was one of my girlfriends, I would have asked.

Me asking another man besides my boyfriend and my father and brothers is stepping out of bounds. We just don't cook for random men.

nairalandbuzz:
Welcome to Nigeria.

Let me reply each paragraph as I read...

Firstly, your food is my food. In as much as we are relatives, I can dash in anytime and enter your kitchen to eat and most conducive if I see the wife cooking... That has been the status quo in Nigeria but in recent times and with the intervention of dramatic housewives, things are now evolving like informing me if you are having guests and all... You just have to let him understand that.

Thank God you are cooking simply means please I hope mine is inclusive and if not, kindly add my slot ... We like food... It's a curse and we are happy to live by it.

In Nigeria, you just kukuma lock the doors... You don't know what might go wrong at any time...

The thing about female genital mutation is that Nigerians believe any lady that skipped it wont stay faithful to one d!ck. *winks

At the end of it all, just try make him understand... Set some rules... And make him abide by them

Guy speak for urself. With all due respect ur comment about female mutilation is not a general belief. That is Ur own belief and probably that of her bf so leave all Nigerians out of that silly belief. Thank you.

yvelchstores:
My sincere thoughts. I don't know what part of Nigeria your bf is from but if he was asking if you were cut, in hopes that you were, then sorry to tell you, he is from the most uncivilized parts of Nigeria. If you walk the streets of Nigeria and stop 100 men, asking them about female circumcision, chances are, only less than 10% will support such nonsense.

About the food, Nigerians generally assume that if they are under your roof and you are cooking, they are included but the enlightened ones know that a drink can do. I personally don't feel compelled to offer my guest food, I can give u a drink,some snacks. if you are not satisfied, go home and make yourself some.

About the barging in thing, I can't help but ask how old these folks are. Common sense is suppose to guide a grown up.

Conclusion, the cultural differences is huge, maybe you might want to really think about the future of this relationship of urs simply because I don't know why he is sending u to the airport to pick his friend up. Typical for Nigerians that date foreign women in the bid to use them to their own selfish gains.

His friend could have boarded a taxi to the apartment. I am just thinking, a man in Nigeria will not send his wife to pick up someone from the airport except his immediate family members.

I don't want u dating a jerk thinking that's how Nigerians are cos we are better than that.

Now this comment I support.
I also support the part of not sending a wife to pick a friend unless family members. I just want to add this, a Nigerian man may send his gf to pick a friend only and only if that friend is a very close one.
Would also explain why the friend felt free to come ask u the rubbish he did in the kitchen.
Could mean the men are that close.

drnoel:


Now this comment I support.
I also support the part of not sending a wife to pick a friend unless family members. I just want to add this, a Nigerian man may send his gf to pick a friend only and only if that friend is a very close one.
Would also explain why the friend felt free to come askbu the rubbish he did in the kitchen.
Could mean the men are that close.

Yes, they are that close. Good guy, good friend. I felt like I needed to just be nice. If it was one of my girlfriend, I'd expect my boyfriend to be supportive. The guy has been there for him in hard times. As a woman, it's still a lil hard for me to cater to another man though but I'm being understanding.

Picking him up is no big deal... One thing is for sure, as a nigerian leaves this country to America, he sure and gradually puts away local mentality i which these reactors are trying to let you see.. Im glad you could say you man is a great guy... Some stupid folks are out here trying to tell u he's using you for gains... All of una dey craze... Nigerians sabotaging each other from the days of obasanjo ... Nobsense

Dionne005:


Nope. I didn't go shopping for extra people or guest. Usually if someone wants anything and they are grown, they simply get it themselves or they say, hey, can we stop by the fast food real quick. I'm not saying American women don't cook for folk willingly, but that mindset was more of my grandmother's generation and Lil of mom's. I'm just not thinking of no one. Part of me feel as if it's Caz I'm introverted. Another part of me is like....well we are all fending for ourselves right now. Another part of me is like....i don't know you. If it was one of my girlfriends, I would have asked.

Me asking another man besides my boyfriend and my father and brothers is stepping out of bounds. We just don't cook for random men.

The guest did not ask you to cook for him, he saw you cooking and asked for a plate . . . Big difference! He probably would have entered the kitchen and made himself something had you not been around, and who knows, you will scream that it's rude of him to enter your kitchen without your permission.

You agreed to pick him up from the airport AFTER a long flight, simple etiquette demands that you provide him with at least a welcome meal. If you were not up to that, you would have told your bf so.

Your guest asked for a plate because he caught you cooking plus he's hungry . He did not walk up to you to command you to go make a meal for him. You making a big deal out of that single act , talking about fending for yourselves, calling him a random guy,yada yada makes you come across as mean and cantankerous to me.

Erums:
Picking him up is no big deal... One thing is for sure, as a nigerian leaves this country to America, he sure and gradually puts away local mentality i which these reactors are trying to let you see.. Im glad you could say you man is a great guy... Some stupid folks are out here trying to tell u he's using you for gains... All of una dey craze... Nigerians sabotaging each other from the days of obasanjo ... Nobsense

Bro that is very common among Nigerians. Why the person in question here will never get an honest opinion of things.

Next time you're thinking about dating a guy with a different national background, do a research before you give him a "Yes".

Hofstede Cultural Dimension can help in this regard. Researchers, diplomats and investors use it a lot, an individual can use it too to make key relationship decisions, particularly those involving two national backgrounds.

Lol . Asking about female circumcision? That tells you how backward he is. What are you doing with him?

Chai, Na bad belle Nigerians full this thread, someone already advising the op that she’s being used, as if we don’t have good Nigerians anymore. This op has answered the questions she’s seeking here her self, she’s anti social and an introvert, courtesy demands you to feed someone under your roof

Lol.
Yes, Nigerians are good at sharing stuffs especially food. In fact, it's a pleasure to serve food to strangers. Again, I get you. You were not trained that way and I must commend how you're handling the issues so far. The only issue that's odd is his friends bursting into the room when you guys are there with door closed. They should at least excuse you guys.

Nigerians don't circumsize ladies anymore maybe some still do in interior villages tbough, please ignore your man's question about that, I guess he asked that with no bad intentions.

Discuss the issues with your man and I hope he'll be mature enough to explain things to you the way you'll understand.

Nigerians are great people, welcome to the family and I wish you guys well.

Dionne005:
OK, so everything is fine but I am a little confused about some things. I realize most is a cultural thing and I can either put up with it or not. For example, I had brought over some food to my Boyfriend house and I saw he had guest over. He didn't tell me anything about having friends over. I start to cook some plantines and his friend was like...."oooh, you're cooking! I can't wait to taste it." I began to think to myself....WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? Guys I'm not trying to be mean but I had no idea he had guest and that day was not a good day for me to be around folk I don't know. I'm highly introverted too. I tried to tell my boyfriend he needs to tell me things so I can prepare. Is it normal for Nigerian male friends to think they can just consume anyone's food without knowing who they are?

Another time I was doing my BF a favor and picked up one of his friends from the airport. Once we got to our destination, I began to start cooking MYSELF some breakfast. The guy walks up and is like THANK GOD YOU ARE COOKING I'M STARVING! I began thinking to myself....who said i had enough food for you? I was just making a quick bite. But then I told myself....he just got off the plane, be nice and cook for him. Is this a Nigerian male thing?

My next thing is people staying at my BF place. I'm cool with it. But when I was with my boyfriend alone in his bedroom, it was known that I was in there with him. The door was closed. His friend comes busting into his room. I'm like WTF!? Like...we could have been doing ANYTHING. Here, in America, when a man and a woman shut the door, you STAY AWAY! Too old to be locking doors!

LAST THING! My boyfriend kept asking me a while back of I was circumsized. I ignored him the first time he asked Caz it sounded crazy. Then he kept asking. I was like...WTF!? How can you not tell if I am or am not after CLEARLY seeing I am not cut! Then I learned about female genital mutilation. I had to teach him about it and how it is wrong.

asking you to go and pick his friend from the airport is a clear indication that he has so much trust in you and his friend, trust me not all Nigerian guys would try that with a foreign woman, bringing his friend to live under the same roof with him and his girlfriend is an absolute exhibition of a higher magnitude of trust he has for you and his friend, and I believe you must have done something to earn this trust so many times in recent times, the same applies to his friend. I dont know Your boyfriend but judging from how he has carried himself to help his friend, thats a clear demonstration of a guy with a kind heart. Please I urge you to ignore the question he asked about you being circumcised or not, not everyman knows about stuffs like that, there is nothing wrong for his friend to have requested for a meal while you were cooking, but he was very wrong to enter your private room without knocking, he should have showed some respect.

Haha @ welcome meal.
Ify, no welcome meals. You take your own water with you kinda lifestyle. It is all good - as one grows up quickly.
His friend should have told her to get some take out on their way home and provides the money. Or cook the day before for his friend.
No free lunch in obodo. Even if hunger is killing you, you don't ask for or share another person's food unless you are friends.
@Dionne, let him know what you can't put up with. Don't ignore anything because of love or not wanting to offend him.

drnoel:


Guy speak for urself. With all due respect ur comment about female mutilation is not a general belief. That is Ur own belief and probably that of her bf so leave all Nigerians out of that silly belief. Thank you.

There you go again... how old are you?

The food thing is normal. Naija guys are entitled so much so that if anyone at all cooks around them...they feel entitled to eat it. It is not their fault, it is in their DNA .


About the guy not telling you things like having people over...very wrong. Stand your ground and insist.

About his idiatic friends busting into your room while it is shut and you ate around...well, his friends are plain idiats. That kinda leaves me worried about your boyfriend too.

Cheers.

nairalandbuzz:


There you go again... how old are you?

Definitely older than you are my son

Exactly! He should have pretended not to care and wait till she asked him instead of the comments he made . Also you don't know her. In naija fa, we were raised not to eat anyhow especially stranger's.

sisisioge:


The food thing is normal. Naija guys are entitled so much so that if anyone at all cooks around them...they feel entitled to eat it. It is not their fault, it is in their DNA .


About the guy not telling you things like having people over...very wrong. Stand your ground and insist.

About his idiatic friends busting into your room while it is shut and you ate around...well, his friends are plain idiats. That kinda leaves me worried about your boyfriend too.

Cheers.

Thank you everyone for the reply! I am seeing a lot clearly now. As a person that has not been in many relationships by choice and is under 30 it is a learning curve for me to understand men and their needs along with him being from another culture. But we are enjoying ourselves and learning one another. He shows me how to make it in his and I show him how to make it in mines. Slowly learning his language and culture history. He's a good man and young himself, but he respects me as a woman and my culture. We root for each other to always win at whatever we do and whatever God has planned for us. Patience is key.

Dionne005:
As far as me doing my research, I agree with that. But at the same time I feel as if that's not all true or fair. I could tell you my experience all day about African American men and someone could tell yal about the women and they would still be very wrong because of bad stereotypes. They are more real than the truth. Pain travels faster than the truth.

Despite this response, I still think that your original post was relying on some kind of stereotypical information to help you deal with the issue.

People are different and while stereotypes may sometimes look true, it's good to approach matters of the heart on an individual basis.

If you've got a good man there, stick with him. Good people, men and women alike are hard to come by these days irrespective of tribe or country.

drnoel:


Bro that is very common among Nigerians. Why the person in question here will never get an honest opinion of things.

Bros, the thing just tire me... How can people be so wicked even online to thier fellow man in diaspora... Whom dey don't even know... Is it oversabi or wickedness.. I hate thier Guts abegg

He might be asking the circumcision thingy because of your reaction to sex. Some people believe that women that have been circumcised react in certain ways when having sex.

If you have guest, or you meet a guest in your BF's place, you can offer food as part of integrating in his culture.