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Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) - Literature (2) - Nairaland

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Writertain Writers League (instruction And Discussion Thread) / Writertain Writers League .... Registration Thread / The 2018 Commonwealth Short Story Prize Is Open For Entries. (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by OluwabuqqyYOLO(m): 5:38pm On Nov 07, 2018
AudreyTimms:
I hereby pick Entry 16. OluwabuqqyYolo. Truth be told, I intuitively knew you were the writer of that entry from your first entry during the last competition but I didn't want the drama of last time where we'd have to fight for you and make the other contestants feel less worthy. I also didn't want the heartbreak of you picking someone else again. Where there's Royver, the genius who sees things others don't see? So I jejely jumped and passed. Imagine my shock when your entry wasn't picked. Anyway, welcome to my team.
Lol, you amaze me. I did not know any of your reasons. Thanks for this, I had honestly been feeling that my art is out of date and sorts. Really, thank you. You won't understand what this means. I hereby pledge to bring the crown home this time around. And at the same time, you've put my silly ego in check.

5 Likes

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Frankenstein: 6:28pm On Nov 07, 2018
I choose Royver.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by DrDreWise(m): 7:04pm On Nov 07, 2018
I choose Shewrites. Let's see how well this path goes.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Divepen1(m): 2:15pm On Nov 08, 2018
Please, pick one of the judges that chose you... 4. Peacesamuel94 8. MisterRuk 14. Firstgentleman1
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by MisterRuk(m): 5:40pm On Nov 08, 2018
I pick Royver
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by peacesamuel94(m): 7:00pm On Nov 08, 2018
i pick AudreyTimms. Thanks a bunch for the very humbling review


Big thanks also to Mr Royver, you guys are the best.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Firstgentleman1(m): 7:19pm On Nov 08, 2018
Hard decision but I will go with AudreyTimms. I hope to have nice and winning moments with you ma.


Thank you Royver for the review.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Divepen1(m): 11:48pm On Nov 08, 2018
Shewrites
picked

2. Juininho

5. Generica


12. Drdrewise

17. Jazminynne

Ma, you'll need to pick two more members




Audreytimms



3. SenhorSean

4. Peacesamuel94

14. Firstgentleman1

18. Missnande

20. Vivypretty

16. OluwabuqqyYolo




Royver



6. Divineroyalty

8. MisterRuk

10. Frankenstein

Sir, you need three more members for your team to be complete.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:18pm On Nov 09, 2018
Hmmmm

1,7,9,11,13, 15, 19.

And I need to pick three more contestants from these 7, right?

Let's see...
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:26pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 1

MY FIRST BEATING ENCOUNTER IN SECONDARY SCHOOL. 

  

How did i manage to get myself into this mess? I began to ponder,the thought of receiving that miserable cane of pains from my form teacher shadowed my mind, just two weeks of resumption  in Great Mind International School as a new intake i already got myself into Mr fred's trouble.


 "who comes first!,  Mr Fred's voice echoed through the whole classroom

i was shocked when i saw the fierce look in his eyes, you all know my do and dont but you decided to do the  otherwise, and for that fact i will punish the both of you mercilessly, said Mr fred.


 "jide, dont worry i know of one magic like that, it will definitely make his beating painless just watch and see, emake whispered into my ears as he picked   two little stones and placed them in his armpits and step out, for a second i forget about my offense and mavel how emaka magic worked,he received all the lashes without shaking, everybody cheered him up as he walked majestically back to his back seat, then with all boldness i quickly picked up two stones just like emeka had done, i placed them in my armpits and walked straight to Mr fred's dangling cane, with hope that the cane won't hurt i stretched forth my hands and my back low and well positioned, "wow!" Mr Fred sigh and raised the cane 360 degrees as the class went silent, then like a cane of thunder so it was released on my back taaa!!!!



"jesus!!!!!! I screamed in pain as i couldn't feel my back anymore, i dashed outside with speed and the whole class burst into laughter, that was my first beating experience in secondary school, it wasn't good encounter though but had it been that i listened and didn't join emaka in cheating during our midweek test Mr Fred would have been my favorite teacher. 



Obviously loves to tell stories but does not have a strong grasp on sentence punctuation. Careless about syntax structuring. But good in tenses. Will need some work.
Noted.

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:30pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 7

HEARTBREAK 

"You don't have to do that," Sandra barked furiously, dropping the photograph on the table and hitting it carelessly. Her eyes are teary and her hair dishevelled.

Papers and clothes scattered across the room, and the large frame mirror that had previously hung aesthetically on a side of the room were now in pieces.

She sat on the floor with a note on her right hand side and a bottle slightly opened too. She had been like that for over an hour weeping.

Suddenly, her phone rang but she ignored. Then it rang again and again, and she reluctantly reached for the phone.

Samuel was the one calling. She yelled at the phone before switching it off.

With tears  streaming down her cheeks and no one to comfort her, she picked up the paper  and started writing:
"How could you have gone this far with Samuel? You are not even worthy to be called a mother again. Why must you have sex…"

When finished, she dropped the note on the floor, picked up the bottle and emptied the contents in her mouth. And after some while she started shaking hysterically and vomiting foam from her mouth.
She was dying slowly and no one was there to save her.
Her eyes were shutting and she was quickly loosing contact with the world.

Suddenly, a loud bang erupted from the door, and a silhouette of someone screaming her name loud was all she could see as she lost contact with the world.

Ambitious. The story is there. This writer has the yearning for a higher vocabulary structure and needs to work on it. Tenses are acceptable. But does s/he really want to write?

Noted.

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:32pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 9

Violet walked towards the building, smiling, her gigantic hips swinging from side the side. She pushed the entrance door and climbed the stairs, her heels clicking on the tiled floor. She turned left stomped to the third door. A sweet aroma hit her nose. She smiled and inhaled deeply; her stomach rumbles. 
Segun is at it again. She stretched forward her hand and turned the knob; the door was locked. She quickly opened her bag and brought out a bunch of keys. She inserted a key into the hole, turned it twice and pushed the door. She entered and locked the door behind her. 
There were two glass cups and an empty bottle of vodka on the glass table. Music was playing on the background. She called his name twice but there was ni answer. She dropped her bag on the lounge and walked to the kitchen. There was a pot on fire, she opened it; jollof rice. Why is Segun and why did he leave the pot of jollof uncared for? She asked herself as she walked to the bedroom. 
Her mouth formed a big O and her eyes widened when she saw Segun, her boyfriend of seven years hopping on a lady. She gasped loudly, drawing their attention to her. Her eyes met with Seguns. There was shock in his eyes. She stomped to the sittingroom, covering her mouth. She missed her step and fell face down on the glass table. 
"She is dead!" Segun said in horror.


Storyteller! Good descriptive power! Not too strong a command of tenses but very passable. Also kind of a careful writer which is not a compliment in this instance. Can be easily worked on. You have been chosen!

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:38pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 11

BLACK TO WHITE
Temidayo--- sitting on the settee---was astronomically perplexed, sensitively worried, and rationally infuriated. His ruddy face had become dejected.
He looked at the phone in consternation, he could not believe what he had seen; the transition of black and white.
The myriad of questions flooding his heart, were indeed, numberless. He could not answer questions with the recent trauma garnered through his chat with his friend. “When some try to revamp our culture, some want its death enthusiastically” he said aloud, unknowingly.
“This is preposterous!” he postulated, dropping the phone on the settee and stood up. “Must we live like them? Must we dress the same way? Must we eat their food? Above all, must we bear their names? He asked solemnly, raising his two hands upward like a baby crying for help to gesticulate his inquisitively pensive mood.
It was obvious that the outrageous act of Temidayo’s pen – friend, Raphael, had made him swim in the poll of overwhelming thought. For career purpose, his friend had changed his name from Makinde Raphael Tobi to “Mark Ralph Toob”. The latter that was used on Facebook , and freelance websites for gentrifying reasons.
“If you can’t beat them… I prefer to be a white in order to have breakthrough easily” were words for flimsy excuse by Raphael.
“Things about our culture have gone from bad to worse. Can the cultural remnants survive fifty years more of its perish?” he asked, rhetorically, tears tricked down his face. He collapsed on the floor.

Here have a poet trying to be a storyteller. Both arts are brothers-in-arms. Your grasp of prose and rhythm is natural. Unfortunately (or maybe not) you're ambitious. Ambition can be your selling point but then again it can quickly lead to your downfall. You have it in you but you may have to bring down your vocabulary a little. The poet doesn't care if his words are misunderstood, to him it is the beauty that is important. The storyteller however wants to hypnotize every listener and draw them into his world. Can you do that?

You have been chosen.
Modified.
I had to make a choice. I'm so sorry.

3 Likes

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:39pm On Nov 09, 2018
One more and I retire to my cave.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:41pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 13

Ezra my friend is the most kind and reserve friend i've ever had.
Always puts others interest first,a selfless fellow but one thing i
know he dreads most is being in the presence of ladies; far from it!
He is handsome and at times i feel like i should have those sexy eyes
of his. Why is Ezra always scared of them girls?





James another friend of mine have tried to get Ezra laid but it just
doesnt turn out productive.





"we can talk about this amicably and no one will leave this room in a
bucket" she said still standing.




"You don't expect me to pass those documents to you for nothing do you?"
This is getting complicated...oh God! whats she doing with a dagger?





The gate wasn't locked so i strolled in.
About to knock on the door i heard voices from inside.





"Ahhhhh! You are one strong stud huh?
"Damn! That was...ohhhh my God!"





Wow sounds like Ezra won't be needing our help anyway. Get her bro!
Smash her very hard! She said his a stud...





"Am sorry Mr Ezra..."
she's sorry?
"Your death won't..."
who's death?...Ezra!...
I banged on the door it was locked from the inside and from inside i
heard the shattaring of glasses; The window!





I stepped back and rammed the door open with my shoulder.
There he lay soaked crimeson.
They weren't even...
I rushed towards the broken window, my vision blured by tears. No one in sight.



OK. Good story. Words however are scattered everywhere. This person has a lot of energy. S/he just needs to channel it properly.

Noted.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:44pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 15

I know some countries support homosexuality,but that life is disgusting to me.I remember encountering one back then,I usually hear of them but it wasn't real to me.I always thought it was all lies.
So on this sunday afternoon after church service i escorted my mum to the road cos she wanted visiting her friend but i had the intention of buying fuel since there was no light.
After buying the fuel i decided to use another road home,when I saw this guy,he was walking somehow shaking his waist.He came close and started with the usual hello,I thought he wanted asking for directions or something so I replied him.
Then he said,he saw me when I passed with my mum,that i looked so fine and that he has been waiting to talk to me.
Ahh my body was already shaking self,but i had to keep calm,so all the stories i have been hearing was true and happening in my presence.I was speechless.
He then proceeded to ask about my name,I replied with a fake one though.He now told me he likes me and wanted to be a friend.I told him no wahala,but deep down i was scared.
"Where are you staying " he said
I quickly gave him a fake address,as I was telling him I was giving him pace since we were walking.When I turned the next street and he was far behind i started running till I got home.That was how I woke up sweating,damn! I was only dreaming.



Storyteller. But a little careless. And not ambitious. Why? What were you afraid of? You have power. I would like to harness that power if you let me.

You have been chosen.

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:50pm On Nov 09, 2018
Divepen1:
Entry 19

.
The place the girl mentioned is an abandoned warehouse with a dwarf fence. It isn't far from school and there is the risk of finding dangerous things in it. A train track passes besides the building which is said to be used for storing scrap metals. In the past, when metals were quiet at night, lovers used the place. I am here to check the warehouse and to see him.

I stand, palms in my pocket, and, behind the flowers behind the bench in the front of the warehouse is a sign post that reads: city warehouse, and besides it, he exhales visibly under the light of the night.

‘Hi,’ I call.
‘You shouldn’t be here,’ He says.
I point to the little girl, ‘she says her teddy is inside.’
‘Forget it,’ he says and walks away.
I don’t want to believe him. I have heard so much about the warehouse and I might find some things to use in my story. Telling the girl to wait, I walk towards the fence. He didn’t even wait to allow me explain how I have missed him. The gate squeaks open.

‘Which side is it?’ I ask the girl.
She is quiet. I turn.
The thing is about hundred eight feet tall with giant hands, large nails, red eyes, and it’s snarling. It walks to the transfixed girl. And I shut my eyes and scream. When I open them, the thing is removing pieces of blood-stained dress from its mouth.

Storyteller! Good command of prose. Fair command of syntax. Intruige and the power to weave her/his spell until you're drawn in is there. However storyteller, when you finish writing, read your story like you are the one that didn't write it. Did you put down all the information you wanted to? Is the story as complete outside as it was in your head?

I like you. You have been chosen.

2 Likes

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 12:54pm On Nov 09, 2018
9 and 19 I choose you (Dutch12, Kusibe77)

11 and 15 though is a tie. I don't know who to pick.

Sigh.

Modified.

I choose 15. Devilmaycry.


So divepen. My choices are

9 - duch12
15 - devilmaycry
19 - Kusibe77.

I will add these to my camp.

Thanks.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Divepen1(m): 1:44pm On Nov 09, 2018
Royver:
9 and 19 I choose you (Dutch12, Kusibe77)
11 and 15 though is a tie. I don't know who to pick.
Sigh.
Modified.
I choose 15. Devilmaycry.

So divepen. My choices are
9 - duch12 15 - devilmaycry 19 - Kusibe77.
I will add these to my camp.
Thanks.
So, we await Shewrites choices
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by duch12(m): 3:31pm On Nov 09, 2018
Royver:
9 and 19 I choose you (Dutch12, Kusibe77)
11 and 15 though is a tie. I don't know who to pick.
Sigh.
Modified.
I choose 15. Devilmaycry.

So divepen. My choices are
9 - duch12 15 - devilmaycry 19 - Kusibe77.
I will add these to my camp.
Thanks.
Wow, thanks a lot for giving me a second chance. I promise not disappoint you.

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by AudreyTimms(f): 5:07pm On Nov 09, 2018
OluwabuqqyYOLO:

Lol, you amaze me. I did not know any of your reasons. Thanks for this, I had honestly been feeling that my art is out of date and sorts. Really, thank you. You won't understand what this means. I hereby pledge to bring the crown home this time around. And at the same time, you've put my silly ego in check.
You're welcome
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by AudreyTimms(f): 5:08pm On Nov 09, 2018
peacesamuel94:
i pick AudreyTimms. Thanks a bunch for the very humbling review


Big thanks also to Mr Royver, you guys are the best.
You're welcome. Welcome to my team.
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by AudreyTimms(f): 5:09pm On Nov 09, 2018
Firstgentleman1:
Hard decision but I will go with AudreyTimms. I hope to have nice and winning moments with you ma.


Thank you Royver for the review.
I hope so, too. Welcome to my team.

3 Likes

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by devilmaycry(m): 4:14pm On Nov 10, 2018
Royver:


Storyteller. But a little careless. And not ambitious. Why? What were you afraid of? You have power. I would like to harness that power if you let me.

You have been chosen.
Thanks man...I appreciate
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by SheWrites(f): 2:30pm On Nov 11, 2018
I choose 7 and 11
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by SheWrites(f): 2:49pm On Nov 11, 2018
Entry 7 and 11
7was emotional
11 nice use ofwordsr
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by SheWrites(f): 2:51pm On Nov 11, 2018
Entry 7 and 11
7was emotional
11 nice use ofwordsr
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Divepen1(m): 12:24am On Nov 12, 2018
Shewrites
picked

2. Juininho

5. Generica


12. Drdrewise

17. Jazminynne

7.
Thewriter2018

11. Atayis




Audreytimms



3. SenhorSean

4. Peacesamuel94

14. Firstgentleman1

18. Missnande

20. Vivypretty

16. OluwabuqqyYolo




Royver



6. Divineroyalty

8. MisterRuk

10. Frankenstein

9. Dutch12

19. Kusibe77

15. Devilmaycry


Please, let the first pairings begin
Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by AudreyTimms(f): 9:31am On Nov 12, 2018
Hmm. This is harder than I thought. And very tricky. cry Deep breath drawn and released.

Okay. I typed a lengthy reason for the pairings (in my head) but my boss is giving me 'the eye' for pressing my phone during office hours. So, I'll just go straight to the point and hope to God I do it right. Most of the pairings are just narration versus description.

Pairings

Peacesamuel94 versus Missnande


SenhorSean versus OluwabuqqyYOLO


Firstgentleman1 versus Vivypretty


For questions and comments, I can be reached via this number- 08030907475 (WhatsApp only) Good luck, guys. Make me proud. Ciao!

6 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 9:36am On Nov 12, 2018
Divineroyalty/MisterRuk


Duch12/Frankenstein


Devilmaycry/Kusibe77


You have been paired.

1 Like

Re: Writertain Writers League (entries And Judges Only) by Royver(m): 6:16pm On Nov 12, 2018
Pls my nairaland email has since been defunct.
You can reach me at royjerymaklin@yahoo.com

Thanks.

Cc Divineroyalty

1 Like

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