My brother in law travels very often to Nigeria. This time he is going for one year. His wife is heavily pregnant with four children already. I asked her if she needed a helping hand and she said 'ok thanks I'll let you know' that was one month ago and she is due to give birth.  I dont know how this works in Naija culture she works Full Time and is on her own. Is there anything I can do to help??
Also how would you feel if your husband went to Naija for six months plus while you were heavily pregnant? who would you bring to the labour room? and sorry is this normal is naija culture? FYI they both have European Passports.

Its just in my 'culture' pregnancy is a very sentimental time, not sure if its the same in Nigerian culture.

thanks.

I feel like making her something nice to eat or perhaps going to hers and ordering a take away and some ice creams. I feel sorry for her inthe condition she is in. But I do not know how to approach this. I mentioned this to my hubby and he told me to mind my own business.

Do you know why his going to Nigeria for a whole year? You being a very Good friend.

Leilah:

I feel like making her something nice to eat or perhaps going to hers and ordering a take away and some ice creams. I feel sorry for her inthe condition she is in. But I do not know how to approach this. [size=16pt]I mentioned this to my hubby and he told me to mind my own business.[/size]

                                      End of thread

Thanks for posting half the story.  For what reason has the man decided to go back home?
What's with the reference to culture?  Are you insinuating that Nigerian men abandon their pregnant wives when they're due to deliver?

Enough with the "Nigerian Culture" tripe please, the man just seems insensitive to me that's all.

Help her in any way you can if you wish to and stop looking to drag this beyond its shores.

Leilah:

I feel like making her something nice to eat or perhaps going to hers and ordering a take away and some ice creams.  I feel sorry for her inthe condition she is in. But I do not know how to approach this.  I mentioned this to my hubby and he told me to mind my own business.

OK

In Nigeria men did not accompany women when they went into labor. it was strictly a womans thing but things have changed allot now.
I am sure the man must have a very important reason for leaving to Nigeria and most probably both parties have agreed to this decision.
Your intentions are good but don`t overdo it or you might make things worse.
For the woman it is very difficult already to cope in this situation.
Stand by her and do what you can to help.
I would not mention the husbands absence because it would not help issues, she is in a delicate situation now and needs help and motivation. In time I am sure you will get to hear the reason he had to go.

mutter:

In Nigeria men did not accompany women when they went into labor. it was strictly a womans thing but things have changed allot now.
I am sure the man must have a very important reason for leaving to Nigeria and most probably both parties have agreed to this decision.
Your intentions are good but don`t overdo it or you might make things worse.
For the woman it is very difficult already to cope in this situation.
Stand by her and do what you can to help.
I would not mention the husbands absence because it would not help issues, she is in a delicate situation now and needs help and motivation. In time I am sure you will get to hear the reason he had to go.

Did you mean in the past or now?

In the past, I did mention that things have changed

It was no different in Europe in the past.

changed in which part?

men arent still allowed into the labor room until this very last seconds in many if not all the places in naija.

well that is because the hospital does not allow it.  In other parts of the world most Nigerians accompany their wives.
I think it is sad that hospitals do not allow it in Nigeria because it is a great help for the wife and that special moment should be shared.
My husband has always stayed with me and it really helped. He cuts the cod and always gets to take the babies soon after they are born.

Yes, of course I will do what I can to give her a helping hand. He took sometime career break off from a well paid job to go to Nigeria for business purposes. I am curious generally, as to what an impact that would have on a heavily pregnant woman. I suppose this is not me in question, but if this was to arise in the future I don't know if I would be happy with that.

Yes, I see this as a very special moment and the pain is very strong. I dont think a man would like seeing child birth anyway.

MY dear, when you marry a man that comes from another country, you have to come to terms with the fact that he will one day want to go home.
You should have thought about this before you got married.
Sorry if this is coming over hard but the sooner you come to terms with it the better.

eh no! I am not in that situation! my husbands brothers wife is Nigerian same as him!

mutter:

well that is because the hospital does not allow it.  In other parts of the world most Nigerians accompany their wives.
I think it is sad that hospitals do not allow it in Nigeria because it is a great help for the wife and that special moment should be shared.
My husband has always stayed with me and it really helped. He cuts the cod and always gets to take the babies soon after they are born.

i think they should be allowed too, at least they should have that option. i know many men would LOVE to be there, if not for anything else, to at least see their mini-self's head pass through that carnal. but many objectors cite "privacy" for the wife (yeah right) while others say, they would be a distraction in there.

When you are in the pain of labor, I don`t think you care very much about privacy
It makes a couple grow closer and the man can appreciate what a woman goes through and it makes them softer towards women and have more regard and respect.
Which midwife can stand by you, hold you and pet you and really show concern like a husband.
I also find it important because he can express the needs of the wife to the midwife and Doctor.
Besides, if anything should go wrong there is a witness.

we still have a long way to go on that but i really do hope it wouldnt be for another century. it'd definitely be nice to have them there to hold their hands or legs or give them that encouragement "you can do this" or 'one more push'etc cause it is definitely not easy in there

This Leilah no dey taya for all these her threads

Leilah why are bothering yourself from what I have read from your previous posts, this sister-in law of yours does not seem to like you. This has shown from your husband's comment that you should mind your business. Give the woman some space. She raised the four children without your help and I don't think your presence would make any difference. I rest my case.