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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Puncturing The Rapture (1609 Views)
After The Rapture : A Letter To Those Left Behind / The Rapture Will Happen Very Soon!!! / Difference Between The Rapture And The Second Coming (2) (3) (4)
Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 9:52am On Jan 20, 2019 |
The Rapture About 2000 years ago, a foreign spirit possessed a young Hebrew virgin, Mary. This Mary would go on to give birth to a brown baby boy she named Jesus. That was what God told her to name him, for God was the father of the son. The boy Jesus grew and lived a very boring life till he was thirty. He spent the next three years trying to convince his village people that he was God's Son. A few poor fishermen believed him. The Carpenter and his homies began a small cult named The Disciples. They followed Jesus where he went, Peter the hypeman, Judas the money guy, and John with the condoms. After three years, the village people decided they were sick and tired of Jesus' ass. So they nailed him to a cross like a painting. The Disciples held on to Jesus, despite his death. Like The Taliban, their unity went beyond mere words.. Their life was completely devoted to Jesus' cause. Jesus promised he'd come back. Though he was dying, he believed he'd be back. It'd called stubborn faith, a rigid resistance to facts and figures, a complete denial of reality. Some might call it i-craze-myself, but who am I to judge? So, Jesus promised he'd be gone for a long time. 'I'm not sure when I'll be back, you know. My Father, only he can allow me come back, it's all in his hands, not mine. But I promise it will be soon, don't you worry...' And my Lord, have people waited... Dont test the patience of Christians, they will wait for Jesus even if takes a million years... I mean the guy has to come back right? So, this coming back is what is called The Rapture. Apparently, the sky will open up all over the world. We will able to see the universe, stars, galaxies, basically all the things our telescopes have found. The whole world will watch as JESUS steps off a throne in heaven, big huge golden throne.. There will be angels flying around with trumpets, huge ass trumpets, Dj Gabriel will be on the turntables.. Then, the most beautify part of the performance... All those who have kept faith will be rewarded. They will start floating towards heaven, all of them everywhere. Up up they will go towards Jesus' smiling face. There will be seats at the right hand of Jesus, where all who have believed will sit, singing praises to Him forever.. Like an ipod on steriods... Oh, may that day come. Lord, come and take your retards. 16 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by Benjamin08: 10:28am On Jan 20, 2019 |
HappyPagan: Are u an atheist or not |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by braveboy64(m): 10:40am On Jan 20, 2019 |
nothing like RAPTURE it was made up you can check the history |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by nedzuby: 10:48am On Jan 20, 2019 |
braveboy64: And if it is true? |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by frank317: 10:58am On Jan 20, 2019 |
Lol... Hilarious. He should can and take his retards indeed |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 11:10am On Jan 20, 2019 |
Benjamin08: I'm human. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 11:10am On Jan 20, 2019 |
braveboy64:Really? |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 11:11am On Jan 20, 2019 |
nedzuby:It will be good. The earth will be rid of retards. Ill take over the churches, probably have an orgy in the Dome. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by janettee(f): 11:48am On Jan 20, 2019 |
Lol.. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by OpenYourEyes1: 12:08pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
HappyPagan: Your kinds doubted (& possibly mocked) Noah in his days until the global flood came and destroy them all. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 12:10pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
OpenYourEyes1:What global flood? Dat water no reach my village o... 2 Likes |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by OpenYourEyes1: 12:22pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
HappyPagan:Your coal and petroleum are proofs of a global flood. How else can Billions of trees be buried under ground if not through watery catastrophy. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 12:24pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
OpenYourEyes1:How? |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by OpenYourEyes1: 12:31pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
HappyPagan:Google the origin of coal and crude oil |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by sonmvayina(m): 1:09pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
OpenYourEyes1: Sorry to say.. But you are the dumbest guy on this board.. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by OpenYourEyes1: 2:05pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
sonmvayina:You are the smartest my friend 1 Like |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by Nobody: 2:10pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
You are puncturing yourself not rapture |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by sonmvayina(m): 6:05pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
OpenYourEyes1: The bible and other religious books are not history text book.. They are spiritual manual.. You are expected to read the story and learn the spiritual messages it teaches.. In the case of Noah.. It simply means it is God that also destroys.. God creates and God destroys.. It is adapted from old babylonian epic 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by MrPresident1: 6:21pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
HappyPagan: Because sentence for offence is not swiftly carried, man becomes bolder in his offence and blasphemy. It will tarry, but it will surely come. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by OpenYourEyes1: 6:26pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
sonmvayina: No, the Bible is NOT like other religious books. Global flood indeed happened.. Fossil records and dinosaurs bones all over the world show that most animals were buried in a catastrophic flood. Stop believing everything you watch on TV. It is your duty as the smartest member to research this dumb things I post. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by NPComplete: 7:17pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
OpenYourEyes1: This guy and dumb arguments. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by NPComplete: 7:32pm On Jan 20, 2019 |
MrPresident1: First of all, fvck u and that high horse u rode in on. I hope u break your coccyx while falling off of it. There is no bigger blasphemy than the foolishness u routinely indulge in every few months here. Where u claim to know the end of the world and keep shifting the dates whenever your lunacy is discovered to be what it is. Nobody exposes their deity to more ridicule than u have done over the last 2 years at least. And if sentence has not been carried out on you yet, just shut the fvck up and let people with more dignity talk. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 8:57am On Jan 21, 2019 |
MrPresident1:My point exactly. Jesus got y'all hooked on an ever-shifting timeline. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by MrPresident1: 9:13am On Jan 21, 2019 |
HappyPagan: He will come. We have seen the last sign, we saw the sign this morning. The blackman will rise again |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 9:17am On Jan 21, 2019 |
MrPresident1: Yeah, it's much easier to believe what the dead man told you, than to accept you've been fed a lie. There's no shame in admitting you were duped. You realise life offers paradise here on earth too... 1 Like |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by MrPresident1: 9:22am On Jan 21, 2019 |
HappyPagan: You are the one who has been duped of your patrimony. You are the willing, useful, and acquiescing slave. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 9:54am On Jan 21, 2019 |
MrPresident1:Please show me how. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by adoyi8: 10:24am On Jan 21, 2019 |
MrPresident1:He will come - open your mouth and receive it. You have seen the last sign - Is he rubbing it faster? The blackman will rise again - never knew that you were a fan of BBC. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by HappyPagan: 10:27am On Jan 21, 2019 |
adoyi8: Mr Presidead.. |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by MrPresident1: 11:05am On Jan 21, 2019 |
adoyi8: When he comes, he will fill your mouth with jizz, and seal it with gravel. Useful slaves |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by MrPresident1: 11:16am On Jan 21, 2019 |
HappyPagan: If you have not found out all this while, no point. It's hopeless |
Re: Puncturing The Rapture by adoyi8: 11:46am On Jan 21, 2019 |
MrPresident1:If you know what Jizz means, I don't think you will make heaven. you hypocrite. |
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