I think we need to address the general belief that women who have friends will be bad wives and mothers. First off, everyone is wired to connect with others, it is good for our general wellbeing when we make and keep friends. Yes, one can have good or bad friends, who will definitely make an impact on the person, whether positively or negatively.

It is true that many people (men and women) have been negatively influenced by terrible friends, now this has nothing to do with gender, as earlier specified. You will have to be completely dependent on someone else’s worldview to let them tell you how you should live before the whole negative influence can even happen.

That said, how is it even valid to say then, that a woman who has friends is a bad wife/mother? When it is true that even men can be negatively influenced. So, why do we not say a man who has friends will be a bad husband? It really makes no sense to stop a woman from making friends just because you ‘believe’ that she will make bad friends who will influence her negatively.

An adult woman should be trusted enough by those around her to make good decisions when it comes to picking friends. Also, she should be also trusted to know when to draw the line with friends who may want to overstep their boundaries. In fact, why should anyone be married to a woman who does not know her own mind? If she is found wanting in this area, then, she should not be married in the first place. Heck! She would be a young teenager, not an adult!

Africans need to stop putting women in a box of weakness of body, mind and spirit. Women are not weak and are very capable of caring for themselves and of taking decisions that would drive society forward, through their families.

Both women and men have friends who could be a negative influence at some point. Allowing these ‘friends’ push them to be bad spouses, is only hinged on what the wife or husband allows, this is no reason to make wives or husbands for that matter, feel bad about having friends.

www.lingoafrica.com

Good evening

Nice article.
Some men are just so insecure that they like to keep tabs on their wives imagine one calling at a radio programme saying that a woman who keeps too many friends tend to be irresponsible one of the anchors on the programme asked him if it was the same for the reverse he could not answer.

I hate it when spouses husbands especially think it is okay to tell a full grown adult who to keep as friends like as if a woman should not keep friends because they married them.Meanwhile if these women have reservations about some of their friends they see it as insignificant issue that belongs to the bin and the women just do not make it an issue so as for peace to reign.

AmazonTopaz:
Nice article.
Some men are just so insecure that they like to keep tabs on their wives imagine one calling at a radio programme saying that a woman who keeps too many friends tend to be irresponsible one of the anchors on the programme asked him if it was the same for the reverse he could not answer.

I hate it when spouses husbands especially think it is okay to tell a full grown adult who to keep as friends like as if a woman should not keep friends because they married them.Meanwhile if these women have reservations about some of their friends they see it as insignificant issue that belongs to the bin and the women just do not make it an issue so as for peace to reign.

So true.

Run away from anyone who doesn’t want you to keep friends. First sign of impending Abuse

I've always ask all the women I've been with why do you have this person as a friend and they fail to answer or realize why they need friends

your friends are what I look at before asking you out

come on, you cannot have friends that are prostitutes,or show breast and yansh everywhere and tell me you're a different person na

and please women shouldn't fool themselves with "he's my best friend " line

been there, done that..... most though

Yes. Friendliness vs friendship: There's nothing wrong with a woman (person) who is friendly to/with many people, because it is not a form of relationship, and it doesn't require mutual ethical leanings to maintain. However, friendship is a different thing entirely; it is a kind of relationship akin to love (parental and romantic love) with the only difference being that, unlike love, it has no observable biological necessity.

A friend has many steps ahead of an associate in order of importance, just as an associate does over an acquaintance. So, don't mistake a friend for either one of the latter, also reverence him/her.

Personally, I know and understand that a woman (person) that has more than one person - one's spouse or lover - as a friend at any point in time, either doesn't know what friendship is or can't be a source of positive energy to those she considers as friends, and vice versa.

A friend is not just someone whom one is friendly with or restrictedly closely relates with, but someone whom one shares same ethical leanings and unrestricted closeness with. Aristocrats understand this well. Because it's a herculean task to find such a person that shares same ethical leanings with one, so it better be of opposite sex when one is lucky to find him/her, so as to automatically become not only friends but lovers too.

Petty people always strive to build friendship with many people - unfortunately, they usually end up having frenemies - while aristocrats always strive to have many people as associates and always end up having loyalists. It takes more than loyalty to bond as friends - altruism and faithfulness are the core attributes of friendship.

Over familiarity will always breeds contempt where ethical leanings differs. Once more, a friend(s) is someone whom one shares ethical leanings with - contrary to this, what one has is a frenemy.

lilmax:
I've always ask all the women I've been with why do you have this person as a friend and they fail to answer or realize why they need friends

your friends are what I look at before asking you out

come on, you cannot have friends that are prostitutes,or show breast and yansh everywhere and tell me you're a different person na

and please women shouldn't fool themselves with "he's my best friend " line

been there, done that..... most though

Thank you for your contribution.

The deciding factor should be if she is the type that influence others or the type that is influence by others. If she is the former then no problem but if she is the latter then there is problem because she will easily be deceive by her friends who will destroy your marriage.

tommyken:
The deciding factor should be if she is the type that influence others or the type that is influence by others. If she is the former then no problem but if she is the latter then there is problem because she will easily be deceive by her friends who will destroy your marriage.

This is another angle.

It depends on the kind of friends but generally trim it down one or two n three max

If it's the lazy gossiping type that are jobless and only interested in the latest movie and fashion then it's a no no.

Secondly a married woman must and should cut off all her single friends or better still keep them at arm's length (personal opinion though).

The problem with keeping many friends is that they will start influencing her with their words, action or life style

ogawisdom:
It depends on the kind of friends but generally trim it down one or two n three max

If it's the lazy gossiping type that are jobless and only interested in the latest movie and fashion then it's a no no.

Secondly a married woman must and should cut off all her single friends or better still keep them at arm's length (personal opinion though).

The problem with keeping many friends is that they will start influencing her with their words, action or life style

Thanks

Can a man have more than one friend at once?

LordKO:
Yes. Friendliness vs friendship: There's nothing wrong with a woman (person) that is friendly to/with many people, because it is not a form of relationship, and it doesn't require mutual ethical leanings to maintain. However, friendship is a different thing entirely; it is a kind of relationship akin to love (parental and romantic love) with the only difference being that, unlike love, it has no observable biological necessity.

A friend has many steps ahead of an associate in order of importance, just as an associate does over an acquaintance. So, don't mistake a friend for either one of the latter, also reverence him/her.

Personally, I know and understand that a woman (person) that has more than one person - one's spouse or lover - as a friend at any point in time, either doesn't know what friendship is, or can't be a source of positive energy to those she considers as friends, and vice versa.

A friend is not just someone whom one is friendly with or restrictedly closely relates with, but someone whom one shares same ethical leanings and unrestricted closeness with. Aristocrats understand this well. Because it's a Herculean task to find such a person that shares same ethical leanings with one, so it better be of opposite sex when one is lucky to find him/her, so as to automatically become not only friends but lovers too.

Petty people always strive to build friendship with many people - unfortunately, they usually end up having frenemies - while aristocrats always strive to have many people as associates and always end up having loyalists. It takes more than loyalty to bond as friends - altruism and faithfulness are the core attributes of friendship.

Over familiarity will always breeds contempt where ethical leanings differs. Once more, a friend(s) is someone whom one shares ethical leanings with - contrary to this, what one has is a frenemy.

cococandy:
Can a man have more than one friend at once?

Person is a human being regarded as an individual, and an individual can be of any gender. Obviously, you didn't see where I mentioned "person."

LordKO:
Yes. Friendliness vs friendship: There's nothing wrong with a woman (person) that is friendly to/with many people, because it is not a form of relationship, and it doesn't require mutual ethical leanings to maintain. However, friendship is a different thing entirely; it is a kind of relationship akin to love (parental and romantic love) with the only difference being that, unlike love, it has no observable biological necessity.

A friend has many steps ahead of an associate in order of importance, just as an associate does over an acquaintance. So, don't mistake a friend for either one of the latter, also reverence him/her.

Personally, I know and understand that a woman (person) that has more than one person - one's spouse or lover - as a friend at any point in time, either doesn't know what friendship is, or can't be a source of positive energy to those she considers as friends, and vice versa.

A friend is not just someone whom one is friendly with or restrictedly closely relates with, but someone whom one shares same ethical leanings and unrestricted closeness with. Aristocrats understand this well. Because it's a Herculean task to find such a person that shares same ethical leanings with one, so it better be of opposite sex when one is lucky to find him/her, so as to automatically become not only friends but lovers too.

Petty people always strive to build friendship with many people - unfortunately, they usually end up having frenemies - while aristocrats always strive to have many people as associates and always end up having loyalists. It takes more than loyalty to bond as friends - altruism and faithfulness are the core attributes of friendship.

Over familiarity will always breeds contempt where ethical leanings differs. Once more, a friend(s) is someone whom one shares ethical leanings with - contrary to this, what one has is a frenemy.

Hmmmmmmmmm

You just explained what I have been grappling with.

Thanks.

bukatyne:


Hmmmmmmmmm

You just explained what I have been grappling with.

Thanks.

You are welcome

So a man can’t have a friend except his wife?

I just want to hear you say it.

LordKO:


Person is a human being regarded as an individual, and an individual can be of any gender. Obviously, you didn't see where I mentioned "person."

cococandy:
So a man can’t have a friend except his wife?

I just want to hear you say it.

Lol. Yes, for his sanity in particular and harmony and growth of his family in general. You may not understand this, if you don't live life at the periphery of conventionalism, or if you do, but don't do so conscientiously.

LordKO:

Lol. Yes, for his sanity in particular and harmony and growth of his family in general. You may not understand this, if you don't live life at the periphery of conventionalism, or if you do, but don't do so conscientiously.

I believe a man and woman can have friends who aren’t their spouses. True friendship too.

Yours was just an opinion as is mine.

cococandy:


I believe a man and woman can have friends who aren’t their spouses. True friendship too.

Yours was just an opinion as is mine.

I didn't say they can't. There's a wise saying "no matter how sweet one's association with a neighbor is, s/he should't pull down the wall that demarcated them." The wall is the soul of such sweetness. Anyone you cannot share oneness with is short of being a friend. And discernment shouldn't be mistaken for either cynicism, jealousy or paranoia, so don't give an associate or acquaintance something meant for a friend. Also, don't mistake a frenemy for a friend.

lilmax:
I've always ask all the women I've been with why do you have this person as a friend and they fail to answer or realize why they need friends

your friends are what I look at before asking you out

come on, you cannot have friends that are prostitutes,or show breast and yansh everywhere and tell me you're a different person na

and please women shouldn't fool themselves with "he's my best friend " line

been there, done that..... most though

I agree.

I think the issue is more of spending too much time with friends and less time minding the home.

When you have many friends that you have to spend time with in person or on the phone, it's hard to keep up with everything else and allocate the needed time to other things that matter. It's still 24 hours in a day.

So you have kids and a spouse to be there for and you always have one friend to visit or party to attend. It will definitely tell on the relationship with your spouse and kids. It's not rocket science.

Having many friends can actually make a wife look bad. Time is very crucial. When you are married and with children, it's even more crucial.

lilmax:
I've always ask all the women I've been with why do you have this person as a friend and they fail to answer or realize why they need friends

your friends are what I look at before asking you out

come on, you cannot have friends that are prostitutes,or show breast and yansh everywhere and tell me you're a different person na

and please women shouldn't fool themselves with "he's my best friend " line

been there, done that..... most though

I agree with you, I can't date a guy with irresponsible friends.

It very important to look at the persons a guy is surrounded with before having anything to do with him.

ogawisdom:
It depends on the kind of friends but generally trim it down one or two n three max

If it's the lazy gossiping type that are jobless and only interested in the latest movie and fashion then it's a no no.

Secondly a married woman must and should cut off all her single friends or better still keep them at arm's length (personal opinion though).

The problem with keeping many friends is that they will start influencing her with their words, action or life style

Wow...what is wrong with the brain cells of people?

My cousin stumbled on his wife's phone and he was shocked by what he saw, his wife saw the whatsapp status of one of her friend and was like "babe see as you dey shine o, ever since I marry I no dey fit meet up o, I tire for marriage, I wan comot make I enter the street to hustle again" it was a heartbreaking experience for the young man.

he never had any idea that the girl he married once lived that kind of life, secondly he was much more devastated that the lady wants to end the marriage and go back to her old ways.

Shakable circumstances in marriage could make some women to be subjected to the influence of their friends, a lot of Nigerian man are aware of this that is why they don't want their wife to keep friends.

OmonoWrites:
I think we need to address the general belief that women who have friends will be bad wives and mothers. First off, everyone is wired to connect with others, it is good for our general wellbeing when we make and keep friends. Yes, one can have good or bad friends, who will definitely make an impact on the person, whether positively or negatively.

It is true that many people (men and women) have been negatively influenced by terrible friends, now this has nothing to do with gender, as earlier specified. You will have to be completely dependent on someone else’s worldview to let them tell you how you should live before the whole negative influence can even happen.

That said, how is it even valid to say then, that a woman who has friends is a bad wife/mother? When it is true that even men can be negatively influenced. So, why do we not say a man who has friends will be a bad husband? It really makes no sense to stop a woman from making friends just because you ‘believe’ that she will make bad friends who will influence her negatively.

An adult woman should be trusted enough by those around her to make good decisions when it comes to picking friends. Also, she should be also trusted to know when to draw the line with friends who may want to overstep their boundaries. In fact, why should anyone be married to a woman who does not know her own mind? If she is found wanting in this area, then, she should not be married in the first place. Heck! She would be a young teenager, not an adult!

Africans need to stop putting women in a box of weakness of body, mind and spirit. Women are not weak and are very capable of caring for themselves and of taking decisions that would drive society forward, through their families.

Both women and men have friends who could be a negative influence at some point. Allowing these ‘friends’ push them to be bad spouses, is only hinged on what the wife or husband allows, this is no reason to make wives or husbands for that matter, feel bad about having friends.

www.lingoafrica.com

Anyone who tells you he/she is against you keeping friends after you guys get married, that's equivalent of one Chance bus.... Pls run borrow leg from usain bolt, quit that courtship make you no go wail more than Bob Marley and the Wailers.